Dizymz’s BodyBlog

Just Ventingg..i’m overwhelmed right now and stressed wtih several things and i’m making it worse by worrying about my weight butt oh well……

I cant decide if i ‘m being naive, in denial or just plain confused, i’m sure all three. But my progress pictures are NOT correct which is decieving i’m sorry, but my camera got stolen so i dont have one anymore. But those picture are from over a year ago, spring of 08 i lost 5 lbs and felt GREAT, i’m so small that littles weight goes a long way (in both directions sadly) But i went home for the summer  with no gym membership,no job, no structure, too many distractions, gained the 5lbs back by september… i knew once i got baack to school i’d be on track, which is true i work out at least 4 days a week, my workouts arent my problem, could be more varied or intense, but i do get myself to the gym.

My problem is the other 80% of work, the diet, i generally eat healthy so i think thats why i dont see any issues, i’m a oat meal eggs, fruit chicken, tuna vegetables girls, every day, but i think the additions of some cheese, drinking on the weekends and honey wheat preztels seems o be enough to keep me away from my goal. Diet IS the hardest part and i am good a majority of the time but i need to be more consistent and buckle down a little harder to DROP the 10-15 pounds i’m desperate to lose, i want to bE LEAN and i work at it, if i had to guess, maybe 60% of the time, and i’m figuring all this out as i type so i can be honest with myself and my dedication is very off the charts, one second i’m gung hoe, the other, i just live my life and dont beat myself up about a perfect meal or going out on a saturday.

I Also think i am impatient and need to take this more in increments instead of my final goal and gt frustrated. I dotn knwo what i’m capable of..it took me a couples months to lose 5lbs last time? i dont know what goal to set and i dont want to stress out more than i already am with school and work, so i suppose i’ll just work on that other 30 to 40% of the time i slack off and see changes with it. i HOPE….i havent seen changes in a long time, just maintaining my weight.

As lame as it is i want to be lean to one..look/feel better…but really look good in my clothes and be able to wear anyyything, i love my clothes and i feel i hold back wearing some things i want because of the "pudge". soo goodbye pudge? i’m just going to think about how much i hate you and how much more i love my clothes and feeling good than a weekend treat or night of drinkin and hungoverness.

I need to go to the grocery store tonight, I feel as thoughh i have NO food. I’m lacking in the veggie department i ahve so many frozen veggies that havent been cooked…..so i’m thinkin i should do that tonight. I really need something to take with me to class on tue. and thurs. because i’m on campus 8 to 5 o clock and i have no fridge or microwave?? sooo i need food that needs neither, which is difficult

While at work today i got curious and noticed a BF% handheld thing, the electronic ones….and decided to test it ouuut…..22.5 bf, not so great,  19 to 20% is the last time i can remember getting it checked. I feel like i should purchase my OWN cuz checkin that for progress would motivate me more than the scale, but i dont have either or money to buy either. BUt i know i can use the one at work now, so i’m hoping to LOWEr that number by halloween….if i want to be "Lara Croft" from tomb raider i’m going to hae to step up my diet and cardio…good thing class started so i have to walk back and forth an hour everyday regardless…..

Moved back to school last week and feeling Wonderrrful about it!  i miss having my own fridge and grocery shopping at whole foods and maing my own food instead eating whatever my parents would have. PLus going running on the college campus is more entertaining then boring toledo. And i miss my schools gym also, honestly i never should have gone home but i wanted to bartend, and worked at a really cool bar all summer. I"m excited to be more focused and ahve more of a schedule, i love summer, but summer in toledo was pretty uneventful and UNMotiVating…. and thats no fun