Collecting myself and workin out details
Just Ventingg..i’m overwhelmed right now and stressed wtih several things and i’m making it worse by worrying about my weight butt oh well……
I cant decide if i ‘m being naive, in denial or just plain confused, i’m sure all three. But my progress pictures are NOT correct which is decieving i’m sorry, but my camera got stolen so i dont have one anymore. But those picture are from over a year ago, spring of 08 i lost 5 lbs and felt GREAT, i’m so small that littles weight goes a long way (in both directions sadly) But i went home for the summer with no gym membership,no job, no structure, too many distractions, gained the 5lbs back by september… i knew once i got baack to school i’d be on track, which is true i work out at least 4 days a week, my workouts arent my problem, could be more varied or intense, but i do get myself to the gym.
My problem is the other 80% of work, the diet, i generally eat healthy so i think thats why i dont see any issues, i’m a oat meal eggs, fruit chicken, tuna vegetables girls, every day, but i think the additions of some cheese, drinking on the weekends and honey wheat preztels seems o be enough to keep me away from my goal. Diet IS the hardest part and i am good a majority of the time but i need to be more consistent and buckle down a little harder to DROP the 10-15 pounds i’m desperate to lose, i want to bE LEAN and i work at it, if i had to guess, maybe 60% of the time, and i’m figuring all this out as i type so i can be honest with myself and my dedication is very off the charts, one second i’m gung hoe, the other, i just live my life and dont beat myself up about a perfect meal or going out on a saturday.
I Also think i am impatient and need to take this more in increments instead of my final goal and gt frustrated. I dotn knwo what i’m capable of..it took me a couples months to lose 5lbs last time? i dont know what goal to set and i dont want to stress out more than i already am with school and work, so i suppose i’ll just work on that other 30 to 40% of the time i slack off and see changes with it. i HOPE….i havent seen changes in a long time, just maintaining my weight.
As lame as it is i want to be lean to one..look/feel better…but really look good in my clothes and be able to wear anyyything, i love my clothes and i feel i hold back wearing some things i want because of the "pudge". soo goodbye pudge? i’m just going to think about how much i hate you and how much more i love my clothes and feeling good than a weekend treat or night of drinkin and hungoverness.
