Dizymz’s BodyBlog

Just Ventingg..i’m overwhelmed right now and stressed wtih several things and i’m making it worse by worrying about my weight butt oh well……

I cant decide if i ‘m being naive, in denial or just plain confused, i’m sure all three. But my progress pictures are NOT correct which is decieving i’m sorry, but my camera got stolen so i dont have one anymore. But those picture are from over a year ago, spring of 08 i lost 5 lbs and felt GREAT, i’m so small that littles weight goes a long way (in both directions sadly) But i went home for the summer  with no gym membership,no job, no structure, too many distractions, gained the 5lbs back by september… i knew once i got baack to school i’d be on track, which is true i work out at least 4 days a week, my workouts arent my problem, could be more varied or intense, but i do get myself to the gym.

My problem is the other 80% of work, the diet, i generally eat healthy so i think thats why i dont see any issues, i’m a oat meal eggs, fruit chicken, tuna vegetables girls, every day, but i think the additions of some cheese, drinking on the weekends and honey wheat preztels seems o be enough to keep me away from my goal. Diet IS the hardest part and i am good a majority of the time but i need to be more consistent and buckle down a little harder to DROP the 10-15 pounds i’m desperate to lose, i want to bE LEAN and i work at it, if i had to guess, maybe 60% of the time, and i’m figuring all this out as i type so i can be honest with myself and my dedication is very off the charts, one second i’m gung hoe, the other, i just live my life and dont beat myself up about a perfect meal or going out on a saturday.

I Also think i am impatient and need to take this more in increments instead of my final goal and gt frustrated. I dotn knwo what i’m capable of..it took me a couples months to lose 5lbs last time? i dont know what goal to set and i dont want to stress out more than i already am with school and work, so i suppose i’ll just work on that other 30 to 40% of the time i slack off and see changes with it. i HOPE….i havent seen changes in a long time, just maintaining my weight.

As lame as it is i want to be lean to one..look/feel better…but really look good in my clothes and be able to wear anyyything, i love my clothes and i feel i hold back wearing some things i want because of the "pudge". soo goodbye pudge? i’m just going to think about how much i hate you and how much more i love my clothes and feeling good than a weekend treat or night of drinkin and hungoverness.

I need to go to the grocery store tonight, I feel as thoughh i have NO food. I’m lacking in the veggie department i ahve so many frozen veggies that havent been cooked…..so i’m thinkin i should do that tonight. I really need something to take with me to class on tue. and thurs. because i’m on campus 8 to 5 o clock and i have no fridge or microwave?? sooo i need food that needs neither, which is difficult

While at work today i got curious and noticed a BF% handheld thing, the electronic ones….and decided to test it ouuut…..22.5 bf, not so great,  19 to 20% is the last time i can remember getting it checked. I feel like i should purchase my OWN cuz checkin that for progress would motivate me more than the scale, but i dont have either or money to buy either. BUt i know i can use the one at work now, so i’m hoping to LOWEr that number by halloween….if i want to be "Lara Croft" from tomb raider i’m going to hae to step up my diet and cardio…good thing class started so i have to walk back and forth an hour everyday regardless…..

 i’m sooooo happpyyy! i have been lookin for a job in columbus off and on for sooo long and finally i randomly stopped into a urban acive that is opening in november by my hair salon, and i got the job! its just front desk, but being in a gym all day is FINE with me. I"m sure it will keep me motivated and i’ll learn alot more……i’m hoping to work on getting m personal training certification too once i get the money to do so….

 I"m sooo happy right now, such a weight lifted off my shoulders, i’m going to have a great run tonight once i download some new music…

Moved back to school last week and feeling Wonderrrful about it!  i miss having my own fridge and grocery shopping at whole foods and maing my own food instead eating whatever my parents would have. PLus going running on the college campus is more entertaining then boring toledo. And i miss my schools gym also, honestly i never should have gone home but i wanted to bartend, and worked at a really cool bar all summer. I"m excited to be more focused and ahve more of a schedule, i love summer, but summer in toledo was pretty uneventful and UNMotiVating…. and thats no fun

SOo yesterday and today i’ve been pretty good, so i need to continue these good habits and not make so many mistakes like i ahve been lately! I"m feeling extra motivated and am sick of hearing my own excuses….so i’m going to stick to healthy food and keep getting more comfortable at my new gym till i go back to school….yay! motivation went from average to high…

Just got back from the gym! i think i need to wake up and go earlier every morning to start my day cause lately i havnt had much energy and working out gives me that extra umph. But i’m going to eat some chicken veggies and rice! patting myself on the back, and making sure i do something similair for dinner….need to pick up my good habits again

I also decided i need to check bodybuidling.com everyyy morning before a start my day as motivation and a reminder, i definately haven’t been on it too much in the past but the site and people have been helping in the past couple days.. sooo i think its a given i need to step up using the computer to get in shape? sounds contradicting  buut you know what i mean

Spring 2008 was the last time i felt really good about my body…i had lost 5 lbs which on my tiny frame makes a BIG difference….well come that summer i gained that back and haven’t managed to lose it since, i eat healthy and work out but not to the extreme and consistency i need to. I either make excuses or decide i’m okay with not being perfect and dont need to force myself to try….which isn’t true, i’m Okay with it but i’m not fully happy.

I’m not sure how to keep myself on track or stick to the consistency alone, i realized i have ups and downs with being my own babysitter and would like my own personal ass kicker. I feel i need to revamp my self and my attitude and focus………..sooooo i deleted all my old blogs and am going to put up new pictures and i need everyone to bug the **** out of me to update and everything so i dont slack! slacking is the reason i’m a little pudge girl right now!  i need the athlete in me right NOW!