This is It….My Obnoxious

This blog was inspired by ’soleuvanathlete,’ a member here who posted this in the women’s forums…

soleuvanathlete writes: "LOL, Demetria!! Quit bragging about your darn roosters!!!!  Your home gym sounds rustic yet effective - kinda "Rocky-esque".  I’ll be checking back for those pics of your home gym! (I’m picturing a decrepit shed-like cottage with a wall falling down (where you can catch a glimpse of the coffee plants and beyond, the ocean, during weighted crunches-the weight being a rusty old anchor you found in your backyard), straw over a dirt floor (must be the rooster thing), a sturdy yet filthy old bench and some rocks in different sizes ranging in weight from 20# to 200#). How’d I do?

Close, very close! But you’ll never witness as much luxury as you’re about to now!  So feast your eyes as you prepare to embark upon a gym experience unlike no other–the Taj Mahal of Hawaii, housed inside a 3000 square foot greenhouse.  Pure and incomprehensible luxury! The picture below is of my home gym photographed from a clearing on my property.  Have you ever encountered anything so extravagant, notice the roll down screens?  These do an excellent job of keeping those pesky ‘Tiger Mosquitoes’ at bay!  Who needs wasteful walls or windows when you can have screens that flap in the wind?

Okay, here it is, the epicenter of my universe–the workout room (pictured below)!  A little incomplete, but my treadmill (not pictured here), is on the porch, and I work my legs elsewhere.  Notice the new birthday bench–haha, the old one with the all stuffing hanging out was recently replaced by this fine wonder.  I’m all class!  Not the heaviest of the ‘heavy’ duties, but good enough for a chick who can barely bench 100/110.  I still haven’t attached the leg extension/leg curl apparatus, but I’ll get to that later this week.  Also, notice the many ‘friends’ and ‘training partners’ milling about.  Good company to have around, but not worth a damn when I need a little assistance with spotting or getting to failure.

Another spectacular angle showcasing the ultimate in Hawaiian luxury–have you ever seen such amazing gym floors?  Nothing like getting my Puma’s really deep into the gravel and hearing it crunch beneath my feet as I hoist my lifts.  Makes me feel like a gladiator!  Notice my twin roosters on the left, are they in sync or what?  And that’s Lawrence, my alpha rooster on the right–he’s as bad ass as they possibly come!

Below is a fine example of Hawaiian decorative art–and old horse skull alongside a ‘project’ door that I’m working on.  Who needs Damien Hirst when you can have this type of affordable luxury!  Again, all class!  Hey, how many roosters can you count in this picture?  

In the pic below is the dude known as “The Vice President.”  Yep, that’s his name because he’s 2nd in charge behind Lawrence (just a heartbeat away from Commander in Chief).  Notice how he lovingly admires his wattles, comb and proud rooster chest.  What a guy, he teaches me a thing or two about vanity–sexy damned beast!  Notice also the ‘emergency’ piles of supply wood that I keep around.  Who knows what I’ll need all that wood for, but I do know that it’s good stuff to have at the ready!  What, haven’t you ever seen ‘Night of the Living Dead?’

Okay, below is a sore reminder that I need to finish-off this bench.  The leg and preacher curl attachments need to be addressed soon, but that’s the thing here in Hawaii–many of these projects just sit and sit until the ‘one day’ that never seems to come.  Much like that previous picture of my ‘door project’ that’s been looming for six months now.  

This is my boy Angel pictured below, also quite vain.  Some of my roosters are spooked by the mirror, while others seem to gaze endlessly at themselves (similar to some people I suppose).  Narcissus (one of my boys not pictured here), will endlessly fight his reflection because he thinks it’s an intruder on the farm.

Below is the view in back of the gym–coffee trees, a few palms, etc.  Yes, that’s indeed the ‘Jungle Cafe’ you see there!   This is where I might sit to enjoy an energy drink, to mix up my supps before a workout, or just to zone out and clear my head.  The ambiance here is quite exquisite, although business is poor.  Notice my emergency water supply?  You should also see my ’survivalist’ inspired supply cabinet–I’m well-prepared for when the zombies take over!

Another fine view of the Jungle Cafe–look at that skylight!  Who needs glass when you can have an industrial strength plastic tarp over your head?  One side even has a shade-screen with a few dead insects trapped inside.  How’s that for luxury?

Below are a few pics of the luxurious outdoor shower accommodations.  Yes, I have indoor plumbing as well, but who says I want to track all that filthy dirt and gravel into my house in order to take a shower!  I might be a Hawaiian coffee farmer, but I certainly don’t have to look or smell like one!  And yeah, I love the color pink, I also love Barbie, Hello Kitty & Juicy Couture–so sue me!  Girlie-girls rule anyway!

Look at this pic below, amazing huh?  You see, if I ever get hungry while showering, I can always grab a snack because the cafe is right around the corner!  The service is lousy, but who cares when the luxury is beyond human comprehension?

What’s this?  No, a meteorite didn’t crash into my property, what you see below is the Koi pond that I’m building right below my ultra-luxurious home gym.  But, not just any Koi pond, this one is roughly 20 ft. wide by 6 ft. deep–a modern marvel unknown to man, my own private cenote!  Took me months to dig that hole and to build up the rock walls that will house this unit.  No easy feat because there’s hardly any topsoil here on the Big Island, it’s all mostly rock–so what you see here was accomplished with a pick-axe, a crow bar, as well as buckets of blood, sweat and copious girl tears.  I can’t go any deeper because I’ve hit a slab of solid rock, but this baby is much deeper than any Jurassic, or even Triassic layers!  In the end it will be a magnificent pond equipped with a waterfall, and when it’s done I can gaze down upon it as I work my lats.   I have a friend that’s giving me 8 large Koi, so all I’m waiting on is for the liner to arrive.  So there you have it, a most spectacular Hawaiian styled-home gym. So how’s that for luxury!