It seems like most everyone I hear from needs some help getting motivated lately.  The hardest part is getting onto & sticking with a clean diet.  I also find myself in a self-defeating cycle for the past month & the only person who’s going to get me out of it is…………………….YES, ME!!

I dug up my old Journal that I used to use when I was first dieting.  I started this Journal to keep myself pushing forward.  I wrote down reasons why I wanted to get leaner, how I was feeling & I wrote down any compliments that I got along the way.  It has no order or flow - just thoughts that I jotted down.  My rule was, before I went into the kitchen, I had to read through my journal hoping it would help me make better choices.

I thought I would share a few pages from it - maybe someone will find it helpful.  I think it really worked wonders for me.

I called it "This is Your Conscience Speaking" -

-There are so many reasons why NOT to eat junk

-Do you want your jeans to be too tight with flab hanging over the top?

                      
                             OR

-Put on your skinny jeans and feel great?

-That cookie will taste good for 1 minute & will make you want more.

-Afterwards, you’ll feel like crap & be disappointed in yourself.

-A cookie tastes yummy but veges w/ parm or rice & turkey are good too - and satisfying. Junk doesn’t satisfy you until you eat alot of it and then you feel ill!

-I feel ______________ when I eat clean

1) healthy  2) happy  3) thin  4) proud of myself  5) in control  6) smart  7) strong - mentally  like a positive influence on my kids

*** Happiness is… a Flat Belly***

-Just worked out, felt great! Proud of myself for not drinking wine last night when I really wanted to & I didnt eat any crap. And it showed! My girlfriend came up to me and said "When you were doing your set, I could see your abs thru your tank top! Awesome!!" That IS Awesome!! it’s a great feeling. My arms are noticeably more defined than last week.  When you eat clean everyday, everyday you look better!

-This week I have felt happier, outgoing around people, peppier (like a cheerleader) & smile all the time

-2 weeks ago I was feeling weak-minded because I was drinking wine every night & had cookies here & there.  I was feeling old & kinda down.  I gave myself a kick in the ass & feel completely different now!  Amazing!

***Happiness is — weighing 133 instead of 142 (like I did 2 months ago)

A black belt came up to me & said - "You’re built like a Brick Shithouse!"  (COOL!)

***Happiness is — walking up the stairs and feeling your glutes working

My buddy Nestor - "Whatever you’re doing, Keep doing it! - You look great!"

***Happiness is — leaving the door slightly open when you take a shower hoping your man will ‘accidently’ walk in and see you

These are just a few pages from my journal - try jotting your thoughts down & read over them whenever you feel weak.

Spring is here! We can do it!  

I still think he should have given me a WARNING!!!! But can’t win ‘em all right??  hahaha

Moral of the Story — Keep the guns out! Fitness people stick together  

I guess I will have to dig up pictures of myself at 12, 16 & 20 to show people that I was always the ‘broad shouldered’ kid & never had spaghetti arms.  My body has always been pretty consistent besides brief weight gains from ‘too much fun’.  If I find pictures of myself anytime after puberty hit, they will also see that my chest was much larger at 16, than it is now.  It’s so easy to say things about people without knowing the facts.  Yes, I had breast surgery, and I had several reasons for doing so.  None of those reasons being that I wanted to be bigger.  But hey, who cares?? 

So I will continue to diet & train - I ate lean protein & water all throughout the Holidays to lean out.  I’m just wondering what did the people eat who are pointing fingers at me — saying my body is the product of surgery & drugs?? Do you want more gravy on that??  LOL

Luckily I know this about myself & see when I start to fall into lazy mode - this personality trait also dominates my diet habits.  I can commit my diet 100% & It’s almost crazy how focused I get.  Of course I want to eat all the delicious crap that’s in my house, but I just keep looking at the daily changes in my physique & ‘walk away’……The less I have to think about my food, the better!!! Time to eat….protein shake or chunk of chicken or turkey or egg whites (I’m decarbing right now for 3 days) and that’s it…  yes its boring, but it works & I feel wonderful! I dont get crabby - I’m just bored - it’s winter, I stay home with my kids every night besides the occational ‘Girl’s Night’ & I can’t snack!! So I’m bored!

Tomorrow, I will start back with my sweet potatoes & broc along with my protein.  The problem is — if I have a cookie or brownie (that have taken over my house over the holidays) then I want more - and it will just keep calling me.  All or nothing.  When I fall off the wagon, I fall hard! I think so anyway - I have friends who eat half a cake on a binge!!! I never did that! I could - but I never have.  I mean if I have one cookie it turns into 2 or maybe 3.  Then I’m disappointed in myself & usually have a stomach ache too!  SO STUPID!!

So I know myself well enough to see this fault of mine — Right now I am very focused, but I have to say…. I have a voice in my head telling me that I was so good with my decarb, that I should have a cookie with my tea in the morning - it’s like the little Devil on one shoulder & the Angel on the other is saying DON’T DO IT!!! (LOL)

I figure if Im going to have something I shouldn’t, it’s better to eat it first thing in the morning

I had a shooting yesterday & I’m happy with how I am leaning out, but DAMN my arms look HUGE!!!! OMG!! I will post some of the pictures when I get them.  I have a big shooting on Friday & that’s why I am dieting so hard this week - I want it to go well

I wish all of you a Happy & Prosperous 2009!!  Set your goals - we can reach them together

-Debi 

I love my mom very much — I really do.  But she knows more than anyone else how I eat and how much I obsess about fitness.  Well every chance she gets, she buys me my fave freshly-made buttercreams & gives them to me. Birthday, Mothers Day,  you name it….. If I eat one, I have to eat the whole box - not in the same day, but give me a few days and they are gone! Then I’m mad! So of course, she gave me a big box last night - even tho I always say I don’t want them in my house.  My point is — Why does it seem like the people closest to you are always trying to sabbatage you??

I know she means well, but I’ve said it a MILLION times! She should have been a professional baker because she makes incredible choc chip cookies, pb layered brownies, the list goes on & she makes them and brings them to my house!!! By the dozens — ALL the time!! She says they are for the kids — well somehow my kids don’t have much of a sweet tooth & they sit & sit.  I am constantly surrounded by delicious sweets!

When I am bored & have a weak moment it is way too easy to dive in! Apparently I do have pretty good will-power because I rarely let myself eat them, but it certainly tests me!  I just hear it so often - ‘Just have one - it won’t hurt you’ or ‘it’s winter, you’re supposed to gain a little weight’ - I know you all can relate!  I guess our dedication is just always being tested.  It makes us stronger - right?? LOL

So I guess I’m done - It’s just something we all have to deal with.  We choose this lifestyle & can’t expect others to play by our rules.  We always get our revenge when the swim suits come out (LOL) Then we hear - OMG you look amazing! Like it is SO shocking to them!  But no one wants to hear how to eat to feel and look good. Oh well! 

It sure would be nice to be surrounded by people who ate like me - no junk in the house - WOW I can’t even imagine!! Maybe someday!    That’s why we have Bodyspace

So everyone hang in there! We can do it! Just say NO & don’t hang out by the food!!  And MOM – I love you, but please stop sending over goodies! They are so yummy but they go straight to my waist & ass!!!!!!!!! LOL

Happy Holidays Everyone!!!!

-Debi

I just finished my 2nd round of hormones and I’m not happy.  This water isn’t budging, but then again I had some wicked munchies!!  I know — I somehow still have abs, but I’m carrying most of this water in my flanks & ass.  So here’s the thing…. I was trying to look on the bright side…. Tight Curves is having a 12 week challenge starting tomorrow for their team members.  So I thought PERFECT - I’m bloated, I’ll take a terrible before picture & then diet hard.  I was going to be dieting anyway for the Ironman Contest, so this was all good timing.  Well I had my bodyfat tested for the TC Challenge and I say to the guy - I want it to be high - Hahaha since it’s for a challenge.  Well I didn’t want it to be THIS high!! 17.8%  I almost fell over!  I don’t look it, but Damn!!  It was just with the handheld test, but still….

How depressing!!  So tomorrow I will take one of those horribly lit before pictures & move forward.  I am refusing to do any more rounds of hormones because I’m in two contests right now and need to be lean - my Doctor is going to LOVE me! 

People outside of our ‘Community’ would see worrying about a little water weight as very Vain - I know - but WE understand that we work hard, we are dedicated and we make sacrifices — and we don’t appreciate anything messing with our bodies!! LOL

It is chicken, broc and sweet potatoes for me - OH It’s GO Time!!!!! 

So I am battling it the best I can with an ultra-strict diet & hopefully I can get down to where I feel lean & mean again.  Surprisingly, my abs don’t look too bad, it’s mostly behind me in my A$$!!  Since you guys here at Bodyspace voted me into the Top 5 for this Ironman/BB.com contest, I have gotten the motivation that I needed to ‘Kick it up a Notch’. So I will not only TRY to lose this water weight — I WILL!!!

Thanks so much to all of my friends here who give me so much support - you are the BEST!!!!  

I have been a little lax in my diet in the last month.  I went to Rome and had Gelato, Tiramisu & the time of my life!  I went to MD with my girlfriends for 4 days & I’ve been hitting the Junior Mints almost daily…….95% of the time, I have been eating squeaky clean though!! I had a cupcake binge a week ago, but I knew I could drop the 5 pounds that I thought I was carrying easily. 

I have been barely sleeping for weeks & haven’t been eating every 3 hours like I usually do - I am just totally off of my rigid schedule……………….

Well — I just got up from a decent sleep (5 hours) and weighed myself.  I am up 10 pounds!!!!!!!!!! I couldn’t believe it!!! I still can’t believe it!!!!  All that sugar finally caught up with my A$$.

I just keep thinking about the movie Liar, Liar when the guy walks into the bathroom & asks Jim Carey what he’s doing — and he says ‘I’m kicking MY a$$!!!’

I am so disappointed in myself!!!  Play time is OVER!!!! Game ON!!!!!

When I hear my son speak in a less than loving manner (LOL) to his little sister, I tell him that I don’t remember one single time that my brother was unkind to me - I honestly don’t.  I don’t remember us ever fighting, nothing negative at all.  My sister and I were one year apart so we usually shared a room & were always into the same things, so of course we would butt heads from time to time :)  Doug is just a very easy-going guy and we always treated eachother with respect.  Even on the way home from the airport when we were catching up on eachothers lives — most everyone I know has been passing judgement on what is happening in my life right now — not Doug.  He listened, he told me a story that related to what I’m going through and let me know that he understood.

So I can’t say enough about my brother, he is like a big teddy bear, but he has been known to take out a guy with one punch on more than one occasion! (LOL)  I miss him and my sister who both moved away to Florida very much. 

Doug finally found the woman of his dreams in his 30s and she couldn’t come to see him get his award.  She is battling cancer at the age of 36.  It’s very sad and we can only hope and pray that she beats it!  She is young and strong so we are hopeful. 

If there were a Hall of Fame for brothers - I would make sure he was in it! He deserves the very best and he’s going through the toughest time of his life right now.  I love you Doug!   I’m very proud of you!

I am happy to report that last night when I got dressed for her party, I had the opposite problem…..I had to go through a bunch of jeans to find some that didn’t fall off of me!

Almost every aspect of my life has changed in this past year - some good, some bad.  I have training and diet to thank for keeping me sane - they are the only things I really have control over.  My kids and my friends pull me through the hard days. 

So it’s been a year and I’ll never go back – EVER!!!!