Worth Re-Posting - ANOTHER torn ACL (2 years later)
“Be Neither Victim Nor Culprit” - December 12, 2006 (original post)
It’s not worth it. I speak only from MY experience(s). Regarding the said topic, I have been on both sides of the fence. Unlike most females, I am often the aggressor. Like most females, I am not as physically strong as the average male.
Many of you already know that I tore my ACL in September. But you don’t know how I tore it, right? Although “possible, it is rare that a completely torn ACL along with meniscus, etc. occurs from a simple fall. Until today, that has been “How I tore my ACL. But today I reveal the truth. Today I was reminded just how quick arguments can escalate to levels of domestic violence beyond imagination.
Today marks 3 months since my life changing injury. It also marks my 13th month of marriage. My husband watches the changes endured by his “fitness babe because of an incident of which we lost control 3 months ago. Angry words and a series of berating verbal blows led to physical challenges. The verbal insults were not enough. I unjustly “threw the first stone. I threw the only stones. But, the wrestling:the struggle to free myself from his restraints:we agree that this activity had a direct correlation to my sustained injuries.
As I said earlier, I am an aggressor. But I recall asking for a mutual halt of the physical confrontation:and not receiving any reprieve. Because I was the initial aggressor, my pleas were ignored. Because I LOOK muscular and was fighting like “a man:my husband ignored my declarations of undue discomfort.
When I was allowed to get up from the wrestling match, I stubbornly put on my competition stilettos and verified that I could gracefully make quarter turns for presentation. Painfully I turned and smiled. The €˜big dance’ was in 2 days. After taking a shower to ease the pain in my knee, I laid down for a nap. I shortly detected a horrible pain existing in my left knee.
After icing the affected knee and resting, I attempted to go to the bathroom. Wrong. I fell down:a degree of pain never experienced prior. What the &*^#$)???!!!! Through the night and early morning I was able to get to the restroom only with my husband’s ability and willingness to carry me. He told me then that my competition in the upcoming, much anticipated show looked doubtful. He was correct. I was in denial that this was happening. Even after my doctor’s initial prognosis, I wondered would crutches be allowed:or would the officials declare that a prop:(hmmmmmmm.)
Well, I was having my knee MRI whilst the competitors were on stage for pre-judging. [the angst] It confirmed that my ACL was history. The damage report was surreal. My worst fear had materialized. I needed to undergo surgery … invasive surgery. I had reconstructive ACL surgery 5 weeks later. Today, 17 weeks later since occurrence, I manage my grief to by best ability. My goal goes beyond simply attaining the physical conditioning that I possessed prior to the incident. I desire a personal state of equanimity. I need not allow anything or anyone take me out of my zone … whatsoever it may be. I could have walked away:I needed not to strike In anger.
Just as I maintain self-control in contest preparation, I strive to have such poise in my personal relationship. A strong mutual love is shared by my husband and me. If we could, we would turn back the clock. Since we can’t, we live with the repercussions and optimistically act for our futures.
October 30, 2008 at 8:28 am
Just because you are huge and strong does not mean you have to act like a punk. I kid, I kid. I had my ACL-left replaced with a graft; best thing I ever did. Was yours a graft or did you use your patellar ligament? Continue with your active lifestyle and you will recover in no time.
Relationships are tough (been married for 13 years), you just have to remember physical abuse will get you no where… well it might get you a stay in jail for a short while.
Good luck with your knee-hab.
October 30, 2008 at 8:40 am
A lot of courage on you and your husbands part here DM. I fight some of the same demons and sometimes wonder if I am winning or not. best of luck to you and yours…
October 30, 2008 at 11:23 pm
I don’t think its possible to stop Dawn Melanie.
If you were paralyzed, leaving only your left forearm in operation, I think it would be the baddest, most vascular forearm ever seen!!
You’re a class act, and you’ll find a way to win.
November 2, 2008 at 2:55 pm
See what comes from being such a muscular beast!?
"Steroids!!!" the tabloids will shout!! lol
I love the strength it took to confess your weakness! You still are a doll and a babe, and you’ll learn, heal, and come back as beautiful or more so than ever!!
xxoxo
November 4, 2008 at 6:47 pm
You are amazing. I just started reading a few of your blogs, wow! I won’t whine again about my minor aches & pains. Wishing you a speedy recovery.
November 5, 2008 at 12:44 am
Dawn, don’t beat yourself up about it..if this is happening close to a contest..you may want to look at why..carb depletion, water depletion..I know that may not be the end all be all..but tempers flair as contests approach. Hang in there.
November 6, 2008 at 2:46 am
well thats a crazy story. i wish u well with recovery. you look great!
November 6, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Dawn,
Wow, I love and admire ur honesty. U never know who ur stories will touch. I think ur an awesome competitor, I actually saw you at the Ronnie Coleman this year. I wish u a speedy recovery…..get well girl, so we can see you back on stage!
November 7, 2008 at 10:32 am
i’m more disappointed you didn’t use the Sharpshooter on your hubby; heck DM, use this next time on him… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Professional_wrestling_holds
joking aside DM, ILU so much and you are a tremendous inspiration; this is an opportunity to allow new thoughts to come in other areas to be creative with the gift you do have (i.e., authorship, trainer, advisor, writer, judge, etc)
there are no limits…only opportunities strongdarling
November 10, 2008 at 5:14 pm
Wow girl! It took a lot of courage to really tell that story! I wish you a very speedy recovery from your surgery, and a mind/body/spirit that are all at peace with one another!
November 11, 2008 at 10:54 am
It’s hard to put yourself out there. You open yourself up to criticism and unwanted comments sometimes. Your a strong and motivating person and to me it just shows you are human, just like the rest of us. (Although, you may be a descendant of Wonder Woman)
November 12, 2008 at 5:58 am
DM,
At my middle school whenever I see the kids are getting ready to fight, I jump in between them and say,violence is not the answer,love is the answer". And now around campus when they are ready to start turf wars and see me, the say, We know, we know". Confession is very caathargic and I know you and hubby will bounce back in love stronger than ever.. You have overcome so much in your lifetime that this is just a bump in your glorious and fit world..Stay strong and see you at the tiop once again..=Mitchy
November 13, 2008 at 7:47 am
Hey DM! You are such an inspiration! I’m speechless!! Keep pushing forward!
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You’re so strong, insightful, and courageous! Keep the faith, and don’t forget to laugh with your husband every day - it’s the most healing exercise I can think of. Best of luck!
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December 1, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Geeze girly, I know your pain! the only exercise I could get when I tore mine was swimming. That was after about 5 mths of being on crutches. Is there still a lot of pain??
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December 2, 2008 at 2:31 pm
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February 16, 2009 at 6:06 am
Brave of you to share that in a public forum. Try deep breathing and/or meditation to help with the anger management.
P.S. I still don’t see any POUCH!
February 21, 2009 at 6:24 pm
That took a lot of courage to share. I hope all the best for you.
May 6, 2009 at 11:55 am
Dawn,
You know you will always be my rockstar! I read your blog and responses. I was surprised that no one commented that he should of walked away and he should of stopped when you said stop. It matters not one bit that you were the aggressor! I think it is amazing that you two can work through this, but still…his hands should of never been put on you. It was just the way I was raised and my two cents. It is a very brave and courageous fight that you fight everyday and you inspire me to better myself. I have no doubt that you will bounce back from this latest physical injury. Just be sure not to lose yourself by placing the blame solely on your shoulders. I hope you will have a great day.