Be Neither Victim Nor Culprit
It’s not worth it. I speak only from MY experience(s). Regarding the said topic, I have been on both sides of the fence. Unlike most females, I am often the aggressor. Like most females, I am not as physically strong as the average male.
Many of you already know that I tore my ACL in September. But you don’t know how I tore it, right? Although “possible, it is rare that a completely torn ACL along with meniscus, etc. occurs from a simple fall. Until today, that has been “How I tore my ACL. But today I reveal the truth. Today I was reminded just how quick arguments can escalate to levels of domestic violence beyond imagination.
Today marks 3 months since my life changing injury. It also marks my 13th month of marriage. My husband watches the changes endured by his “fitness babe because of an incident of which we lost control 3 months ago. Angry words and a series of berating verbal blows led to physical challenges. The verbal insults were not enough. I unjustly “threw the first stone. I threw the only stones. But, the wrestling:the struggle to free myself from his restraints:we agree that this activity had a direct correlation to my sustained injuries.
As I said earlier, I am an aggressor. But I recall asking for a mutual halt of the physical confrontation:and not receiving any reprieve. Because I was the initial aggressor, my pleas were ignored. Because I LOOK muscular and was fighting like “a man:my husband ignored my declarations of undue discomfort.
When I was allowed to get up from the wrestling match, I stubbornly put on my competition stilettos and verified that I could gracefully make quarter turns for presentation. Painfully I turned and smiled. The €˜big dance’ was in 2 days. After taking a shower to ease the pain in my knee, I laid down for a nap. I shortly detected a horrible pain existing in my left knee.
After icing the affected knee and resting, I attempted to go to the bathroom. Wrong. I fell down:a degree of pain never experienced prior. What the &*^#$)???!!!! Through the night and early morning I was able to get to the restroom only with my husband’s ability and willingness to carry me. He told me then that my competition in the upcoming, much anticipated show looked doubtful. He was correct. I was in denial that this was happening. Even after my doctor’s initial prognosis, I wondered would crutches be allowed:or would the officials declare that a prop:(hmmmmmmm.)
Well, I was having my knee MRI whilst the competitors were on stage for pre-judging. [the angst] It confirmed that my ACL was history. The damage report was surreal. My worst fear had materialized. I needed to undergo surgery … invasive surgery. I had reconstructive ACL surgery 5 weeks later. Today, 17 weeks later since occurrence, I manage my grief to by best ability. My goal goes beyond simply attaining the physical conditioning that I possessed prior to the incident. I desire a personal state of equanimity. I need not allow anything or anyone take me out of my zone … whatsoever it may be. I could have walked away:I needed not to strike In anger.
Just as I maintain self-control in contest preparation, I strive to have such poise in my personal relationship. A strong mutual love is shared by my husband and me. If we could, we would turn back the clock. Since we can’t, we live with the repercussions and optimistically act for our futures.
December 11, 2006 at 3:53 am
I have been with my wife for 23 years. When we first got married, We got into an argument and I grabbed her. She went backwards against the sink and I heard a snap. She cried out in pain, and I let her go. I was instantly sorry I lost my temper. She wound up being ok but I never forgot it. I felt terrible. No doubt that is a lesson you both learned the hard way. And a mistake I am sure you both will learn from.
December 11, 2006 at 11:54 am
Yes it hindsight is something else, ehhh? Thanks for sharing your story with me. I really hadn’t talked this candidly about the incident. Prior to this post, I shared this info. with very few individuals. I was ashamed. Talking about it aactually seems self-therapeutic to me. Congratulations on your marriage. I hope I can tell my story about me and my husbang 22 years from now. Take Care.
December 18, 2006 at 9:34 pm
Wow I really felt like I learned from both of your stories. dtrek your writing is excellent and I applaud your courage in sharing the story. Good Luck!
December 21, 2006 at 4:00 pm
Thanks. That’s all I wanted…to share my story and to expose/address a very sensitive issue. Furthermore, I hope my efforts will help others in similar situations - past, present and/or future. Kindest Regards, Dawn Melanie
January 18, 2007 at 7:10 am
WOW Dawn. That is quite a story about your injury. All the rotten luck eh?
Well, good for you for dealing with this the way that you are and not letting beat you. The only thing close that I have to share is I remember an ex-girlfriend and myself were wrestling and I let her give me a fiqure 4 leg lock. She is a Rick Flare fan. So she was all happy to see me in pain untill I rolled over onto my stomach to switch the pressure to her legs. I just remember her and I both crying because we were laughing so hard. I guess that a real injury can happen at the strangest time eh? I will remember your story for sure
February 27, 2007 at 8:21 pm
aw, that means alot, thanks =]
April 18, 2007 at 1:59 pm
What an awesome story. You have so much courage and determination. Sitting here thinking that you can accomplish anything you put your mind to. You are really a special person who brings alot to this world. As the days go by I have come to relalise that you are a complete person with inner beauty as well as outter beauty. I wish for you and hubby to have a long and fruitful life together! I started reading your blogs and you write really well. Ever think about taking that up? I will stay in touch because you have become such an inspiration to me. CJ
April 18, 2007 at 2:24 pm
Wow D.M, Thanks for sharing that story with us. That was pretty brave in itself. Glad to see that you and your husband were able to get pass that and move on.
April 22, 2007 at 8:30 pm
stocksizmygame1 said just what I was thinking. You are such an inspiration to me:)
Your kind comments and sharing of your own experience has meant more to me than you will ever know.
Judy
January 22, 2008 at 1:35 am
that’s some crazy S@#%$ there. well, at least you’re prety much healed. that’s good
March 10, 2008 at 6:29 pm
I know it’s been a long time since you wrote this blog and many wounds have healed since. You are a powerful woman - mind and body. Thank You.
March 28, 2008 at 7:11 am
Wow! What a surreal story, yet so real! I knew you had messed your knee up, but I would have never suspected a domestic wrestling match to be the cause LOL.
It takes guts to share stuff like that online - so hats off to you
Okay, I really think that it is terrible, that your hubby actually cost you months maybe even years of setback competition wise. I know he didn’t mean to hurt you - but he did! My conscience would be black as a hole if I was him. That being said, I too prefer a feisty, strong woman like he does. My woman’s gotta have balls - in a figure of speech! LOL
I hope this experience has taught you both where the line is between playing around throwing jabs at each other and causing actual damage.
I wish you both the best
Your pal,
Nic
June 13, 2008 at 12:20 am
I know I’m late but Wow DM I love this blog! Every honest and we ALL have said or done things we wish we could take back. Thanks for sharing your story I hope you two become stronger from the experience