It’s not worth it. I speak only from MY experience(s). Regarding the said topic, I have been on both sides of the fence. Unlike most females, I am often the aggressor. Like most females, I am not as physically strong as the average male.
Many of you already know that I tore my ACL in September. But you don’t know how I tore it, right? Although “possible, it is rare that a completely torn ACL along with meniscus, etc. occurs from a simple fall. Until today, that has been “How I tore my ACL. But today I reveal the truth. Today I was reminded just how quick arguments can escalate to levels of domestic violence beyond imagination.
Today marks 3 months since my life changing injury. It also marks my 13th month of marriage. My husband watches the changes endured by his “fitness babe because of an incident of which we lost control 3 months ago. Angry words and a series of berating verbal blows led to physical challenges. The verbal insults were not enough. I unjustly “threw the first stone. I threw the only stones. But, the wrestling:the struggle to free myself from his restraints:we agree that this activity had a direct correlation to my sustained injuries.
As I said earlier, I am an aggressor. But I recall asking for a mutual halt of the physical confrontation:and not receiving any reprieve. Because I was the initial aggressor, my pleas were ignored. Because I LOOK muscular and was fighting like “a man:my husband ignored my declarations of undue discomfort.
When I was allowed to get up from the wrestling match, I stubbornly put on my competition stilettos and verified that I could gracefully make quarter turns for presentation. Painfully I turned and smiled. The €˜big dance’ was in 2 days. After taking a shower to ease the pain in my knee, I laid down for a nap. I shortly detected a horrible pain existing in my left knee.
After icing the affected knee and resting, I attempted to go to the bathroom. Wrong. I fell down:a degree of pain never experienced prior. What the &*^#$)???!!!! Through the night and early morning I was able to get to the restroom only with my husband’s ability and willingness to carry me. He told me then that my competition in the upcoming, much anticipated show looked doubtful. He was correct. I was in denial that this was happening. Even after my doctor’s initial prognosis, I wondered would crutches be allowed:or would the officials declare that a prop:(hmmmmmmm.)
Well, I was having my knee MRI whilst the competitors were on stage for pre-judging. [the angst] It confirmed that my ACL was history. The damage report was surreal. My worst fear had materialized. I needed to undergo surgery … invasive surgery. I had reconstructive ACL surgery 5 weeks later. Today, 17 weeks later since occurrence, I manage my grief to by best ability. My goal goes beyond simply attaining the physical conditioning that I possessed prior to the incident. I desire a personal state of equanimity. I need not allow anything or anyone take me out of my zone … whatsoever it may be. I could have walked away:I needed not to strike In anger.
Just as I maintain self-control in contest preparation, I strive to have such poise in my personal relationship. A strong mutual love is shared by my husband and me. If we could, we would turn back the clock. Since we can’t, we live with the repercussions and optimistically act for our futures.
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