So, G-Money (dog) who couldn’t find a T-bone steak if it was a foot away from him on the floor goes outside today. He makes a beeline for this little thing under a tree. Somehow he has caught a mouse outside before and I saw something move, so I thought it was a mouse. No…a baby bird. Next to the baby bird was a nest. So then I’m going inside and there is this huge loud chirping in this lilac bush by the door. I kept looking down toward the bottom of it and my eyes focused on what other….than another damn baby bird!!! Ughhhh! Get away, birds! I ain’t got nuttin for ya now, ya hear! I was about to leave for the gym. So then I went inside, got my yellow rubber gloves (hey, you don’t know where those birds have been) and went to first assist the baby bird by the nest. Mind you, these two birds are unrelated. Well, I don’t know, the one had sort of a weird crossed eye, so there could be some "keepin it in the family" going on if you know what I mean.

I wasn’t able to pick it up b/c I was afraid of hurting it. It was all helpless and face down in the grass. It could have been hungover from a long night of regurgitated concoction that mama bird made; I don’t know.  So then I went over to the other bird. I couldn’t get to it b/c it looked like it had fallen to the bottom of the bush and I didn’t see a nest or anything. It was in between all kinds of twigs and branches and whatnot. So I go inside, call the humane society. They don’t do birds. I call the Wildlife Rehabilitation Hotline. There was a huge, long message….."If you have found a nest of baby rabbits, place an ‘X’ out of dental floss or straw over the nest and check it in the morning"….."Press #2 for woodchucks and beavers"…..hahaha! woodchucks and beavers!…"If you are a stupid bird and you are feeling like hurting yourself, get yourself a baby BIC razor and remember, down the road, not across the street. Nobody will miss you b/c you suck." Ok, I’m just kidding….just kidding. I love all creatures.

 Long story short, I did absolutely nothing, called my mom on the way to the gym and, of course, she’s all like, "Well you know what you have to do. You have to cut the branches down around the bush so you can reach the bird." Oh for crying out loud…she’s worse than I am. So, I’m thinking of how I’m gonna save these birds on my way home. I get home and check the one who was face down. He was gone! Horray! His mama came back to get him! Either that or the baby daddy. Then I go check the other one. I’ll be damned if he wasn’t just chirping away all perched up on a branch way high up. Horray! He got himself out and up high so his mama (or…you-know-who) can come get him! I was so happy. I was talking to the bird. "Well, look at you! What a good little baby bird you are. Yes. You a good little baby bird!" What…..what…am I ….doing. Enough of the birds! I hate you, birds!!! It’s all G’s fault, as usual. Here’s a pic of the little baby bird after he got himself up. It’s funny how birds work. Just leave ‘em be and they’ll figure it out. Kinda like Danny Bonaduce. Hey, I haven’t mentioned him in a long time.

 Ok, now some fitness related news! Workouts and diet have been going awesome. I got to hot yoga this morning, too, which is my 2nd one for the week so far. My goal is just one time per week. Movin’ on up….movin on up…I’ve been continuing the HIIT on my hill, lifting and….well, just being super cool. Ha! Not really. I switched from working overnights for 4 1/2 years to days just this week so I’m working some kinks out there. When I say kinks I mean like really big kinks. Peace out for now! Also, I just want to reiterate that I love all creatures, even stupid inbred birds.

P.S.  Anyone got any good music recommendations? I am in need of more new tunes. What do you listen to when you lift? Cardio?

 Ok, so I’ve been setting new goals lately and am changing a lot of things. I’m like a whole new person over here. First off, I cut the mullet. No more party in the back for me; I’m all business, baby.  Ok, but really I’ve been setting new goals and am very excited about them.  I have my newly posted goal, which is to get down to 16% bodyfat (underwater) by Thanksgiving. I’d say Halloween, but I’m planning on a whole dramatic episode at Thanksgiving dinner when we are giving thanks. Yes, it involves flipping tables over and spiking turkeys.

No, really it may be Halloween, but either way I’ma act krazy just to freak people out a little. And if I get a, "Man, I wish I could eat like that and look that way" I’d be a very pleased indeed! Little do they know…I’ve been busting my a**! I’ve cleaned up the diet a lot, mixed things up and have kept a thorough journal for the past 10 days and it just keeps getting easier and easier.  I am writing down all my goals and planning out my day the day before, which helps me a lot to stay on track….dammit I love to check stuff off of lists. I’m a check-off junkie.

I’ve visited a few farms to check out their products, been going to the farmers market every Saturday right when it opens so I can get farm eggs before they run out. They ring a bell at 8am sharp…it’s a whole production that is taken very seriously. Believe me, last week I tried to do a little transaction before 0800 and every vendor said no. This lady even told me to jut take one of her flowers I wanted to buy b/c said she’d "get in trouble" if she accepted money before THE BELL. I told her I’d pay her for it next week, which was this morning, but she wasn’t there today! Now I have to walk around with this fifty cent debt hanging over my head for another week. Great.

Also, I found a new acupuncture place yesterday and they fit me in. It was different than the other place I go to. I had to change into a gown. Oooh, sounds serious. I’ve got 2 appointments for next week, too. She used way more needles than my other place. I counted 64 when she was pulling them out. Guess it shoulda been 65 b/c I found one in my calf when I was getting dressed. Yikes! I’m ok….I’m ok. That happened last time at the other place, too. Personally, I think they are terrorists trying to take one person out at a time, but I can’t prove it.

Another goal of mine is to go to hot yoga at least once per week, which I went last Sat and today (Sat to me, but really Sun since it’s after midnight).  Today was the first time I ever got my left leg and foot wrapped around my right calf in the "eagle pose"—I could always do the right over the left w/ no problem. Of course, I screwed it all up and fell over when I was patting myself on the back about it ;) 

I went out with a friend of mine tonight for dinner and "drinks" even though I planned to not drink. Mission accomplished, although I got made fun of by drunken A-holes all night. Like I care. I got 4 oz of salmon for dinner, and that’s the first time I’ve eaten out in 10 days. Yes, I’m patting myself on the back right now and typing with the other.  

Let’s see….I think that’s good enuf for now. Hope everyone is having a good weekend and behaving (you know who you are).

I guess he would fit right in, even if he looks way tougher than he’d ever actually be:

Stunt double….pfffft. Whatever yo:

 We are really cracking down on pimps this season: 

 As well as continuing our War on Ice…I got this crystal meth fiend off the streets:

Yeah, this had absolutely nothing to do with health or fitness. Sorry. Meth head off the streets…that’s healthy I guess.

 **DISCLAIMER** No dogs (queer or straight, but mostly queer) were harmed in the above photos. The author does not condone racial slurs or statements, carrying concealed weapons (including large breasts), watching A&E naked, using  crystal meth, bringing back mullets, or anything else that anyone could possibly take offense to. 

So I start driving…there were trees across the roads, branches everywhere, signs down, barricades all over the interstate knocked over. There was seriously a guy…just a regular passerby guy, who was directing traffic around a tree in the middle of the road. He was a take-charge kinda guy. There was a Harley Davidson on its side in the interstate. I don’t know where it came from…perhaps it got blown off a truck or something. Two 18 year old kids died, too, when a tree fell on their car. It was awful, but I’m surprised nobody else got hurt. Well, I’m sure they did. There was supposed to be a big fireworks show last night and people were out there all day long. Some people didn’t  leave (cuckoo…) and this lady had bruises all over her body from the hail.  Power was out, there were trees across power lines everywhere, just a big mess.
 
Oh, anyways….all my neigbors have Cox (cable/internet/phone) and still don’t have service. I, however, like to go with the underdog company (plus I’m boycotting Cox b/c they really pissed me off a few years ago). See, I was right all along.
 
So I get off work this morning and drive home. It was like driving through a forest. The roads were all green with tree leaves, there were limbs everywhere. I get home and change to go walk my big fancy prancing dog. See, he’s extremely gay, yet he tries to act tough and fight with other dogs. So we go outside and here comes this dog out of nowhere. It was some kind of spaniel dog and it was about 0.25 the size of big gay boy. He didn’t care. He had to act like he wanted to fight with it. So in the middle of acting like a spaz to get to the other dog, he slipped on some sand in the street, fell and almost went down in the gutter. I’ve always been afraid of him falling down there!
 
So, of course I have to save the dog….This dog was hyper, he looked like he’d been through storm, he smelled AWFUL, all wet….he was looking pretty rough. I got him corraled in my garage where he proceeded to jump on top of my car. I gave him water, food, some cash money…there was just no calming him down. He was a horrible mess of a dog. I called the humane society, but they wouldn’t be able to come get him for hours. He had on this terribly worn and beaten up nylon collar, but it had a phone number embroidered on it which was almost impossible to read. Eventually I reached the owner who didn’t live too far away and I met him to give him back. Just another animal saving Saturday….why is it always a Saturday? Are these critters all drunk and disoriented from a night long of boozing it up? That snapping turtle a few weeks ago was definitely all hyped up on something.
 
Weather is good now. All sunny…..the cactus is already out there soaking up some sun. Hopefully a bike ride to the gym today, but there will definitely be some puddles I’ll have to peddle through. Hope everyone has a good weekend

Anyways, so I was talking to a friend a little bit ago who happens to be a Laker fan. Like I said, I like the Lakers, but DanicaX is not, I repeat NOT, a Laker Fa-reek. Apparently he is. I simply told him that the Celtics have been playing better (in my own unbiased, onlooker, non-freekish opinion) and that they deserve it if they win tonight. I didn’t even say that I thought they would win tonight. Well, then he proceeded to tell me that I was being negative and a "fair weather fan." HAHAAA! Whatever, dude.

So. We’ll see. I won’t say anymore about it. I don’t want no hate mail, ya’ll.

Oh, yeah. There haven’t been any tornadoes here in a few days so I’ve been able to ride my bike. Today I rode to the track. It only takes about 20 minutes there and a little longer on the way back. I take my backpack with a big towel, a jump rope, 2 tennis balls or racquetballs…nothing very heavy. The towel really is nice b/c there are chiggers everywhere on the bleachers and I don’t want any chiggers up in my skin. I’ve been rolling around on the balls when I’m done, on my back. It’s all quite a spectacle. My sudden outburts (mostly to the chiggers) probably don’t help.

Yesterday I rode to the gym and got a nice circuit workout in. There was a girl there who had a full face of makeup on. I’m not kidding, like everything…foundation, powder, mascara, she had her hair done. I’m sweating my butt off. I don’t understand how people do that. How can you stand it? I already had my standard two towels I was carrying around, but I wanted to go up to her and ask if I could have hers since she didn’t need it. Can anybody figure that out? Is there something I don’t know. I mean, even if the makeup was all waterproof, sweatproof, bullet proof, whatever….why would you want it caked on your face when you workout? Anybody….? Excuse me now, I’m gonna go paint my walls and spray them with a hose.

 Today I went running outside. It was horribly sticky, hot and humid out. Not to mention, I am horrible at running so I was extra sticky and hot…and awkward. Oh, well. I had my shades and bandana on Bret Michaels style so nobody would recognize me anyways   Oh, and I happened upon a snapping turtle when I was running through a golf course. It was huge! I saw it from a distance and thought it was my imagination, but no….it was a giant turtle! It was stuck between two fences and was burning up I’m sure from the sun right on him and he was on concrete. Anyways, I went up to some golfers nearby and asked if I could borrow a cell phone. I’m sure they were scared of me! Either that or they thought I was Bret Michaels. . . on crack! "Excuse me, could I please borrow your cell phone? I need to call the humane society to go save a turtle."  I think he thought I was trying to steal his phone. He asked if I knew the number by chance. hahaaa! Do I know the number by chance?! "uh, yeah. It’s 444-7800, then push option 1." Then this guy really thought I was nutso! Whoa, this chick means business…..

The guy passed me his cell phone through the chain link fence. I thought about acting like I was gonna run for a second, you know, just to see the look on his face. There was a fence between us, what was he gonna do? Instead I told him I’d try not to get sweat on it. So I told the lady right where the turtle was and she said not to touch it b/c it was probably a snapping turtle. eeeeek. I was looking for a stick to see if it would bite it earlier to test its biting capabilities before I called. Whoa….close one.

Random thougt: Why do I have my remote control down here with me? I don’t know.

So I hand the golfer guy back his phone through the fence. I told him he would be safe from tonight’s elimination….What else could you ask for? That is a Rock of Love reference in case I’m just talking crazy right now….which is not only possible, it’s highly probable.

Tonight I went to the gym sort of late. I’ve noticed that there are mostly men there when I go late. I could group all the guys there tonight into two groups: "basketball players" and "thuggish" and that was it. I don’t know if it was just the night, or the time or what. Anyways, my low back has been hurting again a lot lately so I’ve been avoiding stiff legged deadlifts and low back extensions for the most part. I’m hoping that picking up hot yoga again will help alleviate it.

Tomorrow will be a nice track workout if it doesn’t rain. I haven’t seen COG (creepy old guy) there yet this year.  School is out so he should be making his appearance soon. His shirt off, his lack of teeth, parking his minivan under a tree up on the sidewalk, sitting in the bleachers watching….hopefully NOT me. Oh, speaking of that minivan of his….the one he parks in the handicapped spot at the gym, then goes in and walks like 7 miles on the treadmill. Well, he got a parking ticket on his van for doing that. hahaaa! Take THAT COG!

Until next time….