DanicaX’s BodyBlog

"Ever received a gift bearing an origination from the Indonesian
island of Sumatra?" I was asked this question as soon as I walked into my probation officer’s office today! What the…..!!! Why would he ask me, of all people, this question!? "Why, yes! Yes, I have as a matter of fact!" I said.
 
Probation officer: "Are you aware that orangutans live only on the islands of Borneo and
Sumatra?"
 
What I think:**It’s getting really weird up in here! Why is he talking about this? I wonder if I should tell him his fly is down.**
 
What I say: "Yes, they and the gibbon are the only apes found outside of Africa.  The orangutans of Borneo can commonly be found skulking about on the ground, but the orangutans of Sumatra never venture on the ground!"
 
Probation Officer:  "Why do you think that is?"
 
What I think: **"Oh man….he must know I used orangutan urine I got from the zoo for that drug test last week! He is so smart! I’m not telling him about the fly."**
 
What I say: "Because tigers prowl the grounds of Sumatra, but they are not found in Borneo!!"
 
HAHAAA! In your face, probation officer!! I bet he thought I didn’t know that!  BTW…I , DanicaX, do NOT talk like that!….Plus I ain’t that smart….Oh, but I think some people may know who DOES talk like that and has a computer brain!! 

Anyways, I did get these flowers (Sumatra Lilies) and they are totally awesome! I have to show them off here b/c nobody has been over to my house so I can show them off. I thought about taking my Sumatra Lilies on a nice walk around the neighborhood so people would ask about them…."Oh, these old things?…..Oh, I just got these flowers sent to me. They are Sumatra Lilies and are pretty much the best flower ever (Yes! Like in a Napoleon Dynamite-ish way!)."  "Oh, well why are you walking around with them? And were those moon boots you were lunging around in yesterday?"  

Here are those rockin’ Lilies!!!!
 

Good thing it is cloudy today b/c I couldn’t get my hands on any sunglasses around this place! Between that dog and that monkey I can’t have anything ever!!! I just do what I’m told. 
 
I watched that Celebrity Fit Club BootCamp show yesterday for the first time. Lt. Dan and Monkey approved it! I think it was the second episode. You got your regular whiners in there, some big fat cry babies and the always loveable Dustin Diamond! Hey, he’s gonna follow their program this time he says! That’s so sweet of him. They had that challenge with giant Q-tip things up on the bridge thing……ha! I don’t know what it was called , but I have a good name for it!—-> Battle on the Bridge With the Giant Q-Tip Things! When Toccara knocked Erin Moran off in the first strike and Erin Moran went flying off I laughed so hard!!! HAHAHAAA! Poor Erin Moran looked appalled. It was great! Joanie loves Toccara!…..NOT!
 
Another upcoming show on VH1….that I Know my Kid’s a Star…..WHAT!!! Wait a minute….let me predict this one. I predict a whole lot of dysfunction going on there. At least VH1 chose a pretty normal and calm host for that show, DANNY BONADUCE! Oh, good lord…..I just hope he doesn’t start getting angry with the poor kids and throwing them across the room or something. He has done that to me before! He’s a strong little guy. If you see him out on his skateboard darting in the middle of traffic and he’s drinking a bottle of vodka….no shirt….has that crazy look in his eyes….maybe he only has one shoe on….DO NOT yell, "hey you crazy Ginger! Get out of the street!" Danny B. can run very VERY fast, even when he’s drunk and only wearing one shoe!

Two is company, three is a crowd!….that’s what Lt. Dan has to say about King Marmoset’s trip to Omaha! That big monkey-lovin’ beast dog knew he was in for a weekend of the universe not revolving around his giant head from the second Marmoset carried in his fleet of suitcases and bags of booze. He even had a 40oz for that hound! Colt 45….t didn’t matter. Oh, I’ve tried tried to get on that dog’s good side by boozing him up before! I don’t know what was going on in Pueblo, CO where he’s from, but he knew that boozin’ trick already.  Buncha damn beer loving hippies running around in that town if you ask me…trying to get all the local hippie dogs intoxicated. I’ve seen it a million times.
 
Most of the weekend was spent in jail for the 3 of us. Never make the dog the getaway driver! That was a lesson learned the hard way. Marmoset took that out on the monkey and broke the poor thing’s arm. This definitely puts a damper on that irish monkey’s St. Patty’s Day festivities. Poor Money Money Monkey; he had nothing to do with the matter. Or did he?! I should break his other arm!!

 
 
We managed to get in a few good workouts: of course the usual sporting good store’s merchandise got abused, then there was the nursing home exercise room after much pleading on my part, and after he managed to steal my good friend right out from under my feet! Senior citizens find Marmoset very, very charming! That is expected from someone who carries travel-sized tubes of denture cream in his pocket at all times. I should have known he would pull that trick, too. We even utilized a regular gym with regular people and equipment! That was only ok…I don’t think either of us are big on conventional workouts. Marmoset did a good job at keeping all the characters at bay for me though. Thanks for that! He used the “I am waaaay crazier than you and I can prove it” tactic. It worked like a charm!
 
As always, Marmoset was awesome, hilarious, spec-freakin-tacular and straight up Kuh-RAY-zeeeee….and that’s when he was sober. You get a little booze in that boy and he’s even better! Here are some pics:

Lt. Dan was gracious enough to let Marmoset use his laptop! 
 

I was, of course, the Designated Driver that night as always!

Singin dollar dollar bill y’all (dollar dollar bill y’all)…. That Easter bunny was passing out myterious plastic eggs filled with prophylactics and Hershey kisses! That is NOT appropriate for church, Easter Bunny!!! You are going straight to bunny hell!

 I put this tent up BY MYSELF!!!

BEEFCAKE!!!!!

Kickin’ stuff

 Jumpin’ stuff

“Weeeeeeeee”…..Notice suspicious man in back…I think he’s plotting to steal that Bowflex

 Too tall for the hanging leg raise….

hmmmm. Ran stairs today, stairs yesterday, stairs the day before……no, no, that wouldn’t be it. It must be from riding the escalator the other day.

Yes, it’s true I really thought I was in for a treat today at the track. I parked in the lot, went throught the zig zag gate, walked up to the track, kicked over all the hurdles, punched the fence, did a little warmup…..and that’s when I saw something awesome! There was a man and woman who parked by me and were walking up to the track. The man was holding something that I swore from a distane was a unicyle! It makes sense. I really thought this was it…my dream of having a man unicycle around the track while I ran stairs was about to come true!

….Maybe he would even let me try the unicycle. They walked closer and closer…..My excitement turned to confusion, then embarrassment, then ANGER!!! Arrrrrrr…..that was not a unicycle at all! It was a wheel measurement thing. I swear to you it looked like a unicycle up til the very end. Hey, I see what I wanna see! He even had that "unicyclist look" about him. You know the type….

He proceeded to wheel the track three times with the fake unicycle/DanicaX dream crusher. They really wanted an accurate measurement. Then they ran while I eyeballed that wheel on a stick and secretly cursed it for being so ugly and boring. Yesterday I had a giant beach ball blowing around and today I was really hoping for a unicycle. Maybe tomorrow.

If you see this device, DO NOT be fooled! It is not what it seems!

I would like to take a moment to thank the person responsible for inventing the stair. A special shout out to the creative mind that came up with the idea of putting several stairs together in a very steep fashion. The weather permitted me to use and abuse my legs with stadium stairs the last 2 days, and I’m hoping for a third day tomorrow! I would like to give a "booooooo" to the genius who invented mud and wind! Mud between the shoxter things on the bottom of my Nike Shox…..why I oughta……!!

Oh…and YOU, wind! If you didn’t dry out my mouth so bad, and I wasn’t afraid of you blowing it back in my face, I would totally spit on you! You did, however, bring unexpected joy to my day when you blew a giant beachball across the track! I don’t know where you got that, but I had fun kicking it around and looking super cool in front of the high schoolers. Looking cool in front of youngsters is what I do best; breakdancing is a close second! I woulda breakdanced (or is it brokedance?) if it weren’t for that wind!

Speaking of inventors of things…I saw powdered peanut butter at the grocery store! Just add water? No offense to the PB dust purchasers out there, but do sane people really add just water? Hell no they don’t! Trust me–those people are eating a steady diet of Captain Morgan PB sandwiches w/ Jello shots for dessert.

I just thought of that song and I have no idea why! Probably b/c Cartman was riding a bull on southpark… That song is totally going on the ipod in about 5 minutes….those hill sprints are never gonna get me down now! At least not when I’m jamming out to Rhinestone Cowboy! "G" artists in alphabetical order…..G-Unit, Game,  Glen Campbell, Godsmack, GNR….Glen Campbell is totally getting his @ss kicked in ipod land! Axl Rose is the biggest hater when it comes to cowboys! He likes shiny rhinestones, though, so it’s anyone’s guess how that pans out.
 
Today I went to a gym that I never go to. I know….I say that sometimes, but this time I’m really for real! I used to workout there all the time like 3 or 4 years ago. I don’t really miss it, I can tell you that! And, no….I did not get kicked out of there, thank you very much! Today I did some cardio/back & chest/cardio. I slowed the reps down a bit and did mostly supersets. My arms were shaking big time by the time I got into the sauna. It was sort of busy in the sauna today. I like to sprawl out and stretch my legs a bit…Well those people put an end to my sauna routine today.  So there I was jamming out in my tiny space and in my own world, like usual. Everyone else was chatting, but I couldn’t hear them. Then I looked up and saw them all laughing and there was this guy looking at me…so I thought that someone had said something to me (or most likely about me!) and then were laughing. So, I pushed pause and go, "I’m sorry, what?" Silence. HAHAHA!!! Nobody said anything to me at all! I hate it when that happens!
 
There is a supplement pushin towel nazi who works the front desk overnight, too. I encountered her the other night. She was trying to sell me fat burners when I got there, then again when I was leaving. If I remember correctly, I think she even appeared in front of my treadclimber wearing a long black trench coat and dark shades, made sure nobody was looking, opened up one side of her trench coat to expose a whole stash of supplements in the lining and said, "psst….hey, if you need a pick-me-up, you know where to find me!" I wonder if she was making commission….Also, she told me she was 65 years old. Oh, she was a fire cracker all right….up all night and up to no good!  She was probably sipping Grape Drinky Drink all night, too.
 
 
BTW…Nautilus has stopped making the TreadClimber! At least that’s what the sign said on one of the broken ones at the gym….said that the Treadclimber doesn’t meet their standards or some lame excuse. I tore that note up in a hurry and have decided to act like it’s not true. This tactic usually does not work for me. One time I drove my dad’s car to class when mine was getting repaired. I may have parked in an unauthorized spot (probably a teacher’s lot…and probably on purpose) and got a parking ticket shoved under my (his) windsheild. Psshhht, yeah right! It was raining that day, too! I flicked on the wipers as I was driving down the street to just go ahead and disregard that ticket and get rid of it.  I even did this evil laugh at the time: ha….HA! ….HA! Well, I got a ticket in the mail a week later. I didn’t even have a parking permit on that car and I am still trying to figure that out! Dammit!!

Also, supposed to be in the 60’s here tomorrow so I will most likely run some stairs at the track!! Horray! Also, it will probably be at the "ghetto school" so there will probably be PE classes full of the laziest kids known to man. These kids seriously walk one lap the whole class. I will talk about these kids another day…..Oh, man are they lazy!!!
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Wha wha whaT!!! Ok, I don’t know what is going on in bb.com land! Things are disappearing, I’m seeing stuff that isn’t there….ummmm. Anyways……I am totally super duper cereal when I say that I wrote a blog on here Mon night and now it’s not here! Why me…..oh, god…..whyyyyy me. Rest assured, it rocked and I had all kinds of wonderful and amazing things flowing out of my brain and onto this very site!

I was unable to walk Sun/Monday due to my psycho stair running/walking lunges outside in the beautiful weather we had here for about oh, 9 1/2 hours on Saturday….then it was back to business as usual with me and the space heater. Don’t worry about what kind of business we run in this house!  I wonder if it was a bad idea to then go to the gym Sat evening and do some 100+ reps of the leg press….hmmm. Nope….no no NOOO. Smooth move, Danica.

Here’s a word to the wise…from the wise: Don’t workout (cardio/lift/suana) then opt to go prancing out of the gym with a sweaty sports bra (Marmoset, that means you) and shirt b/c the locker room is so PACKED that you’d rather just "deal with it til you get home." See…..it’s about 2 degress here today in Omaha-land. Oh, and putting a sweatshirt on over all that sweaty mess doesn’t work. Then, don’t drive all the way home and try to hurry up and take your big, gay and fat dog for a walk before it gets dark and leave all that crap on your body!!! Hmmmm…by "gay" do I mean "really cheerful"….I’ll leave that open to interpretation…Have I posted the pic of him in the purple boa? Juuuuuuust wondering….

Good news, though…the beast was prancing along (very lightly indeed!) and checking his reflection in every window we passed when I look down….and what did I see!?? Haaa! A 4 of clubs. Sure, it was a little weathered, but I scooped him up and stuck em in the beast’s fanny pack! I have been missing my 4 of clubs for the past 10, maybe 11 months. You think it’s easy to play Go Fish! with a gay dog with an odd number of cards? He cries about it every damn time…..And now, folks, I am gay (happy gay) to report that I am once again playing with a full deck of cards! So watch out! I am back on my game, homies.

Yes….I really did pick this card up along our walk…..kinda like when you pick up a nice seashell when you are strolling on the beach, only slightly different

I have been extremely fortunate to be able to participate in the Gaspari womens Fit & Lean Stack review! Thanks to MsFitness for selecting me as one of the lucky women to partake, along with Darese and Fitness Peanut!!!

The following are my observations and experiences for the supplements I took for the past 3 months:

IntraPro

I have gone through 3 tubs of Chocolate and 1 tub of Vanilla. The first thing I noticed about this protein is that it’s nice and thick, not watery. It mixes very nicely and tastes awesome. The other nice thing about it is it has a lot of vitamins and minerals added, and even 2 grams of fiber. Thumbs up to IntraPro, yo.

CytoLean

Oh, sweet Cytolean….Me and CytoLean were sort of like Paris HIlton and Nicole Richie, pre-breakup. I started taking one capsule, then increased to two. I have never taken the full dose of three. Taking this gave me a boost for cardio and made me feel like I was flying high! I made a lot of awesome plans when I was under the influence of Cytolean! I also got a lot of things done….A lotta house cleaning, snow scoopin, dog walkin, trash talkin and police pusuin’ went on while all hopped up on Cytolean.

I felt very focused and had some awesome workouts, and never felt like I was building up a tolerance or that the benefits I noticed were decreasing. Everyone has "off" days and I didn’t always have phenomenal workouts, but most times I was so excited to workout that I couldn’t seem to get to the gym fast enough. Basically,for me, it gave me a little extra edge. It didn’t by any means do all the work for me…I still busted my butt on my own! But it was a nice tool to give me a boost and power through some longer, harder workouts.

SuperPump 250

This was perhaps my favorite of all the supps I tried. I love this stuff! I started with the recommended 1 scoop before workouts, and gradually worked my way up to 3 scoops. Taking the full 3 scoops made me feel heavy and bloated so I backed it back down to 1 scoop. Besides, I was also taking the SizeOn. I liked the pump I got in my arms when I took this, and it is also a stimulant so I just felt like I had a ton of energy and could keep going and going. I like the idea of the SuperPump and had never tried a nitric oxide product, so I was interested to see what all the rage was about. On the front of the jug it reads, "promotes skin tearing muscle pumps, roadmap vascularity and explosive workouts!"…..hahaaaa! That sounds kinda scary to a girl I think….but I am pretty sure I saw my veins making more appearances than usual. Two DanicaX thumbs up for SuperPump!

SizeOn

…..and the ultimate mass monster it was! I think the first time I took the SuperPump/ SizeOn combo I was at the gym for 3 days straight with no sleep! That’s what I felt I could do anyways. I loved the way I felt while taking the SizeOn. It definitely assisted me in gaining some muscle. I consistently trained longer and the workouts were more intense. I recovered faster between workouts and had more endurance during workouts.

Overall

I loved taking all the Gaspari supplements. I have gained 5 lbs of muscle/lean mass from Dec 5 to now,and my bodyfat went from 19.4 to 18.1 % I also got my skinfolds done (also by the same person both times) , but the hydrostatic is more accurate and consistant, so I use that method. I posted my skinfolds and underwater measurements. All the skinfolds decreased in size, and I was happy to see that tricep one went down….I hate that measurement the most!! I will get it done again this summer sometime.

I was happy to take the supplements, however, I don’t feel that I needed them to make any fitness gains. I gained more muscle and lost less fat than I thought I would. I have almost 120 lbs of lean mass alone! That is probably due to the creatine supplements, which I would not normally take. I am going to cease taking all the supplements and let my body take a break from all the products and chemicals. Not just the supplements, but also caffeine and sugar free junk. Those sugar free sweeteners are in damn near everything! No gum, no redbull! At least for awhile. Let’s face it, life is just so much better with caffeine!! hahaa!! I will do some sort of body cleanse (colon, liver, blood, etc…) , but haven’t decided which one yet. I have done one by American Biologics before and may do that again. After that, I may pick up taking the SuperPump again. The SizeOn I will not continue. I liked how I felt while taking it, but I have enough muscle for me. I will focus on keeping what I have, or most of it, and dropping some fat.

I am so happy that I was able to participate with Gaspari and thankful for all the wonderful people on this fine site!

Front Before/after relaxed:

Before/after left side relaxed:

Front before/after:

Back Before/after relaxed:

 Hydrostatic before/after:

Skinfolds before/after: