Coco to the N.U.T.
Ever feel as though you’re not wearing any pants and you keep looking down just to make sure? I realize that this only happens to me. I don’t know why I even ask anymore. Siiigh…
After speaking to a few other (somewhat normal…I guess) people, I’ve realized I’m not the only one who is a multi-store shopper. Number of grocery stores I visited today: 3, maybe 4 if you consider church to be one since I ate the equivalent of six loaves of bread in communion wafers. When I was asked to share I yelled, “Back off, I’m starving!!!” like Chris Farley in that one skit where he’s eating fries w/ Adam Sandler and David Spade where they’re all women. Haha! “Yeah, when they were passing out brains, you thought they said “trains” and then you got on and went for a ride.” Oh, Farley was the best! Oh, and I didn’t go to church.
Anyways…onto the coconuts. I was at Whole Foods awhile back and was getting some coconut juice. I was wondering how it was made (me=not smart) since, you know, coconut oil, milk, flakes, etc. were all so different nutrition-wise. I just never thought about the coconut water before, as I am fairly new to being a “user.” So this lady asked if I needed any help, I asked her about it, then she didn’t know so she called this other guy over who she claimed “knew about it.” Ok. So, this guy comes over and he knew absolutely nothing about how it was made or anything other than the fact that he tried it one time. This was their coconut guy?
So, I did a little researchy search. Let me break it down TurboTax-style for ya. As you all know, the oil (which I love) is made from the coconut meat. The water/juice is simply just the watery fluid inside a fresh coconut. Hmph, who knew? Oh, also the word “coco” means “monkey face” in Spanish and Portugese…you know how a coconut looks like a monkey face? I thought it was just me. And the “nut” part is sorta incorrect since the coconut is technically classified as a drupe (a fleshy fruit w/ a single stone-like seed in the middle) and NOT a seed. From now on, I will be correctly referring to coconuts as “cocodrupes” and nobody can stop me. I might even make a song out of it.
Cocodrupe juice is very, very awesome! It is superior to sports drinks not only b/c it doesn’t have added sugar or artificial coloring, but it’s also a natural isotonic beverage (same as our blood). It’s naturally sterile and has been used in place of saline IVs in 3rd world countries. I want a coconut IV!! One thing I don’t know too much about is the pasteurization process (I get it in cans, not the actual coconuts), but I’ve been adding it in my post-workout shakes.
Yeah, but don’t expect anyone who works at Target to know where they keep their coconut juice. Maybe the weekend help doesn’t know anything. Maybe they are community service workers…Hey, we’ve all been there. Anyways, they had me going all over the place until I said enuf is enuf!!! then I did a roundhouse and knocked down a whole shelf of Pop Tarts. Mmmmm…Pop Tarts.
April 5, 2009 at 7:35 pm
I don’t know why this blog is in one huge block…it won’t let me divide into paragraphs.
April 5, 2009 at 7:40 pm
ROTFL!!! The communion wafers…I thought I was the only one getting my carb fix at church.
Made my Sunday!
April 5, 2009 at 7:46 pm
Yeah right, holmes!! Like you even know how to write paragraphs. You are such a drupe!
What does N.U.T. stand for? Ohamoans are all about acronyms.
Props on the roundhouse. You were also dead money landing those on the chops of your unsuspecting foes and family members.
Coco = monkey face is the greatest thing ever, Coco!
April 8, 2009 at 8:34 pm
Just listening to you and the fun of shopping reminds me why I take full advantage of the delivery service I have at my workplace. I mean what else could a computer oriented person want! I don’t need to search multiple stores. I don’t need to watch what other people put in their buggies. I don’t need to talk to clueless store people. Wishing you a quick spring!
April 14, 2009 at 10:57 am
After reading this, I have now come to 2 conclusions:
*ahem*
1: I am not the only one who gets communion waffer cravings (thank god!)
2: You research your fruit ENTIRELY too much.
April 14, 2009 at 11:03 am
if you can ever find this… its frozen coconut juice with coconut meat in a clear plastic glass just a little larger than a pop can. You might find it in any asian grocery store.. most likely in vietnamese laos Philipino or cambodian type stores. Ask around. Its very refreshing on a hot summer day!!
April 16, 2009 at 8:13 am
I have felt like I wasn’t wearing any pants before but funny thing is I was drunk and I really wasn’t wearing any pants! I think I was drinking Cocodrupe juice and gin.
May 15, 2009 at 10:56 am
Haha, I want THAT "coconut expert" job… but I agree with Dave, MAN, you do your homework! That’s a good thing, though, probably something I should do more often before I stuff my face…
May 21, 2009 at 3:13 am
Maybe one day we can all go out and get smashed on cocodrupes and juice up on the cocodrupe! Sounds like a monkey nuttin good time….wait….did that sound right? Bwahahaha