DanicaX’s BodyBlog

Well well well….look who made his mullet way back to A&E. Dog the Bounty Hunter!!….and Big boobie Beth…Oh, and Leland! Hey bra, why didn’t you ever call me, bra? Anyways, apparently it’s back on.  I proposed a reality show to A&E shortly after the "racial slur incident" when the show got pulled…"Day in the Life of a Big Queer Dog" featuring no other bigger and queerer (more queer?) dog than my very own! When they rejected the idea, of course, gay boy went running (well prancing very fast at least) out of the room. Then we figured if we can’t beat em, we may as well join em! So we auditioned to be some of the Dog’s entourage. They took him, but I got stuck being Dog’s stunt double. Ugh…What, you thought he did his own tricks? And mess up his hair…I doubt it.

I guess he would fit right in, even if he looks way tougher than he’d ever actually be:

Stunt double….pfffft. Whatever yo:

 We are really cracking down on pimps this season: 

 As well as continuing our War on Ice…I got this crystal meth fiend off the streets:

Yeah, this had absolutely nothing to do with health or fitness. Sorry. Meth head off the streets…that’s healthy I guess.

 **DISCLAIMER** No dogs (queer or straight, but mostly queer) were harmed in the above photos. The author does not condone racial slurs or statements, carrying concealed weapons (including large breasts), watching A&E naked, using  crystal meth, bringing back mullets, or anything else that anyone could possibly take offense to. 

Well, looks like I got sucked in by another Walgreens marketing ploy. So weak….I’m so weak! May I refer you to the time I came walking outta there with all the cool stuff they had at the checkout line…kinda like on Dumb and Dumber when Jim Carrey came out of the store wearing a giant cowboy hat, carrying boxes full of pinwheels and playing with a paddle ball.  I had a relapse. Peep this:
 
I was zooming through the aisles on one of those mortorized scooters they have at the front for disabled customers. Hey, I was a customer….I did too many lunges. Are we gonna split hairs here? Anyways, I was at the corner of 7B and Cosmetics waiting to turn when I saw it. The Ped Egg. "As Seen on TV" Ped Egg. Yeah, that’s the one. I tried to ignore it, but it was all like, "Hey, what are you doing tonight? Why don’t we go back to your place" The rest is history.
 
Long story short….that thing works! If you haven’t seen the commercial or heard about it, it’s basically a foot file shaped like an egg and catches all the dusty crap inside. First of all…gross…I don’t know where all that stuff came from. It was sorta like ear candling. Anybody done that? Where does all THAT stuff come from?
 
So I guess I overdid it. I know….soooo unlike me. I over Ped-Egged. Yesterday I knew my feet felt really sensitive, but I went to the track anyways. I was doing different stuff on the field , which is astro turf and has that rubber infill stuff. All the friction was too much for my feet, with all the changing directions. I figured  it was pretty bouncy so I just figured I’d quit my crying and take my shoes off and eliminate the shoe friction. Genius!
 
Good idea til I realized how hot those little black rubber pieces got in the sun. It was like walking on fire, but I chose that over the shoe friction. All was good til I spotted a safety pin on the field. Shoes back on!!
 
Lesson here is, if you plan on working out, don’t over exfoliate your feet. The women in those nail shops aren’t gonna tell you that. I bet there are people who have to ride around in those scooter in stores b/c they over ped egged. I wonder if I could put some bumper stickers on the back of my scooter, maybe hang some fuzzy dice. "If you’re gonna drink and drive, drink a DQ shake"—that’s a good one! Of course, I worked at DQ all through high school so I’m biased. Besides, half those people operating those scooters are wasted. Yeah, that bumper sticker is pretty lame.

Happy late Independence Day, everyone!! My 4th of July started out the same as any other day, by sneaking over and stealing my neighbor’s newspaper. By "sneaking" I mean I really tried to get the dog to go fetch it for me, you know, like dogs are supposed to do. Oh no, not him. He doesn’t work for free and he sure the heck doesn’t have the piss poor morals I was hoping he’d have when I adopted his Pueblo, CO freakish @$$. Perhaps it’s b/c I haven’t had him since he was a pup. Boy, I woulda molded him right if I had! Believe that!
 
Anyways, on the front page of the FOURTH OF JULY morning paper there was a big picture of a kid scooping ice cream out of a carton. The kid was looking all sad-like and melancholy, like someone just slashed her giant trampoline in her back yard (BTW that wasn’t me). The article was about how ice cream manufacturers have been reducing the size (1.75 to 1.5 quarts) of their ice cream containers on the sly. Yes, on the sly!!! Can you believe it? It’s an outrage!! I’m not so sure I blame them with the response of some of these people, either. Good lord, you don’t mess with the size of ice cream buckets…not in this country you don’t. This lady said she noticed how her container was "about an inch shorter than it used to be." hahahaa!!! What?
 
I went to the farmers market this morning. There were no more eggs. Nobody cared.
 
This other lady said, "It feels like the manufacturer is trying to pull a fast one. Consumers are not morons."  Excuse me, double-hahahahaahahaa!!! She must not have gotten her certified letter personally signed by the head ice cream dude (or dudette, both are official titles of course) explaining how things were gonna go down. Everything’s going up, lady. Ingredients cost more, gas to transport, energy costs, etc. Alright, that’s it!! Who’s the head banana dude? I need to have a chat with him!
 
Front page of the paper on the 4th. Nothing about our troops, no picture of a flag, not even a firework. May as well have a fat guy eating a hotdog, drinking a beer on the front. At least he’s probably not gonna complain.
 
Today is the 12th of July already…that’s crazy! Today is Anne Frank’s bday. I don’t know why I always remember that! So, a blog entry in honor of my homegirl, Anne Frank! I bet she would be happy to have had ice cream.
 
Yesterday was a nice hot and sunny day. I’ve been loving to ride my bike this summer so I rode on a trail and stopped to run some hills. It was one hill and I did 10 hill sprints, which basically almost killed me. It was probably my hardest workout I’ve had all year. I was so exhausted after every one of them, but towards the end my head started feeling like it was just too heavy to even hold up anymore. Yes, I took off my bike helmet. I just had nothing left. I had to sit in the shade for a little while before I could bike home. I was proud of those hill sprints!! Hope everyone is having a good and healthy month so far and enjoying all the things of summer!