DanicaX’s BodyBlog

….looking for my remote control, drinking tea and reflecting on my life….but mostly looking for the remote. First things first. Day off from the gym today as promised. They called me wanting to know if I was ok and why I wasn’t in there kicking a** and taking names. DanicaX rule #1 Never tell anyone where you are or what you are doing…NEVER!!

I got my hair done today, which is by far my favorite thing to do besides playing GI Joes with Lt Dan and training for my hot dog eating contest coming up in the fall…and now a message for Takeru Kobayashi: Ahem….YOU’RE GOING DOWN BIATCH!!! I’m gonna inhale so many hot dogs it will blow his mind….then I’m gonna do my special little body shake, you know, to pack down the dogs….then I’m gonna dip that little guy in some water…or lube…whatever they use…and eat Kobayashi himself. It will cause an uproar in hot dog land for sure, but I like to cause scenes. It’s kind of my thing.

I tried a few new protein recipes. One is the eggnog protein shake, which I have been thanking god every morning upon waking for having found. Here goes the recipe: vanilla protein, dash of Butter Buds, pumpkin spice, nutmeg and cinnamon. If you like eggnog it is awesome. I go to bed with Butter Buds in one hand and nutmeg in the other anxiously awaiting my eggnog protein shake the next day. The other recipe is peanut butter protein balls. Ok, the recipe I saw said use vanilla protein, but I tried it with chocolate, too. That was pretty good. You use 1/4 cup honey, 1/2 cup natural peanut butter and 1 1/2 scoops protein. You just mix it and make balls and throw em in the fridge. I have some more recipes, but I haven’t tried them yet….I was too blown away by the eggnog shake to fathom making anything else.

Legs are so sore today, just as I suspected they would be. It feels so awesome b/c my legs have not been this sore in a long time. It was the squats…and those million smith machine presses. Tomorrow will be AM cardio for sure and some abs. Nite, peeps!!

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I got my new supps today…more IntrPro, SuperPump 250 and Cytolean. Watch out all of yous!!! I didn’t get SizeOn, though…perhaps they really are bagging it up for me as I originally requested??? Hmmm? They realized that it really does make sense afterall…

My friend just left my house. He had to stop by and show off his brand new Dodge Charger with the 20in rims and take me for a spin. “Zero to 60 in 5 seconds” he says….he wouldn’t allow the beast in the car. I don’t blame him. Good god, I’m about to ban him from my own car. I ended up tricking the beast in the end b/c he was so extremely excited b/c he thought he was going somewhere. I ended up just opening up my car door and letting him sit in my car while we went for a spin. Ha! Sucka…it was damn funny pulling out of the garage and seeing his big, fat head looking back at us as we pulled out wondering what in the hell was going on. Don’t worry…I took him for a ride when I got back.

Ok, well yesterday consisted of cardio only. I did AM cardio on the treadmill running and walking for 35 min….a nice Sunday morning of cardio. Today I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off, which I will also do again tomorrow….which counts as some sort of a workout and don’t try to argue with me on it either. It counts. That’s just the way it is.

AM TRAINING:
cardio 30 min
StairMaster 20min–HIIT
bike 10 minutes–HIIT
…this was hard and I could feel my quads burning…and I had legs to do tonight

PM TRAINING:
legs–mostly did all pressing movements for a change, but couldn’t resist a few sets of leg extension at the end

-Smith Machine squats–4 sets X15
-Smith Machine leg presses–1set X 100 dbl leg, 2sets X 25 single leg, 1setX 80 dbl leg….that first set of 100 burned like a !!@&^%*&, but I’m sure I looked cool…I used 25’s the whole time

3 sets:
-Sumo squats with 35lb DB X 20, supersetted with
-Stiff legged deadlifts 30lb BB X15, which I was just trying to see if it bothered my low back really

Step ups 2 setsX 40 each
Leg extension 3 sets X 20-25
Standing leg curl 2 sets X 12

I will prob be sore from those deadlifts b/c I haven’t done them forever. I think tomorrow may just be a day off from the gym. I haven’t fully committed to that decision yet. I will get plenty of active rest even if I don’t go there. Honestly, I have been debating whether or not to join Gold’s gym down the street from me strictly for a change. I wouldn’t quit my current gym(s)…but Gold’s is 0.8 miles from my house….could do walking lunges there for crying out loud. Plus it would be a change of scenery and equipment. I may need to change it up here soon. I don’t know about this yet. It sure would be nice to get up and only go 0.8 miles to do some cardio.

Let me just say that I cannot wait for spring to get here….and only b/c that means that summer is coming….and I love the heat and the sun. I hate piling on all these clothes and gear to go outside. I don’t care much for all this special winter apparel…it’s just more stuff to keep track of. I feel a purging of my house coming on, too. I’m gonna start chucking stuff. Too much stuff around here. The beast has too many possessions!!! That damn Pokemon card collection he’s got going on in the basement is the first to go…

Well, I’ve decided that if I’m going to hell then I may as well take you all down with me. Now, I was browsing craigslist and discovered this “best of craigslist.” Has anyone seen this? I never knew it existed, but it is damn funny. Basically, I guess people send in different postings/ads/whatever that they think are funny and some board of people must vote on it and form this “best of cl.” So, I read this one earlier that this guy in Portland wrote and I was laughing to myself about it all day b/c I could picture it in my mind. These people crack me up how they write these postings addressed to someone who will more than likely never read them, but I guess they feel better for have writing it and it is pretty entertaining to people like me. Anyways, here’s the link….and no, I am absolutely not making fun of people in motorized scooters….
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/pdx/491649678.html

The new year is well underway and I’m trying my best to chip away at my new list of things to do. My ultimate goal this year is to rid myself of all the irons I have in the fire here in Omaha. Clean and simplify my life…

-Job—>who cares, I was gonna end up getting fired anyway
-House—>oh, well. As long as I can break stuff in a new one…
-The Beast—> Oh…don’t even get me started…
-Family—> I’m open to bartering.
-Friends–> Can’t figure out why I don’t have any so this one I can check off
-Fan Club—> The beast is the only real member so I’ll be killin 2 birds w/one stone once I get rid of him.

Then what? After careful consideration I’ve decided my calling in life is to move to Philly and work for the Pennsylvania Parking Authority (PPA). Has anyone seen this show, Parking Wars on A&E? Haaaa. First thing I asked myself: “DanicaX, are these people for real?” Yes, they are. Second: “DanicaX, why do all these crazy people in Philly seem to drive a BMW or a Benz?” Most likely b/c they are drug dealers. Finally: “DX, why don’t you work there? You’d fit in beautifully!!” This I know…this I know. The rest is history. I’m taking the plunge!!

I’d be so perfect for this gig. Don’t worry–my resume will totally shine light on my strong points. I mean, c’mon…I don’t like to brag, but I am damn good at acting like I am the boss of everyone, I enjoy being cursed at and occasionally spat on, I catch bullets in my teeth, carry concealed weapons ALWAYS, I’m fluent in ebonics, have impeccable penmanship…and I’M GOOD AT DEALING WITH PEOPLE!!! Oh, and I was voted “Most likely to move to Philly and work for the PPA” in my graduating class. Now if that ain’t a sign….

Has anyone seen the episode w/ the guy who spends 5 hours trying to get his vehicle and he calls the PPA “the Gestapo?” Hilarious. And how ’bout the chick with the crazy acrylic nails who is counting down the seconds til it’s 4pm, which is apparently rush hour there. That means absolutely nothing to me, but to her it was time to start angrily scribbling tickets for every vehicle in front of a parking meter. I was 1/2 asleep watching it, but I remember that 1) It was entertaining and 2) that I should work there. Basically you get paid to walk the streets, encounter characters and occasionally start scrappin w/ an angry and over-emotional lunatic…all of which I do now for free.

Today I couldn’t make a decision on anything to save my life. I contemplated what I should do for a workout for over an hour. Hot yoga or gym? No time for both. They each had their pros and cons, you see. Then there was the whole sports bra dilema. There are different ones for different activites. I have the gift of making every seemingly miniscule decision into this convoluted overly-thought out process that makes me wanna kick my own a$$!!! Shorts or pants? Which gym? Treadmill or StepMill? Take the Escalade or the Vespa? Is it just me??

Eventually I took a scoop–THE LAST LONELY SCOOP– of SuperPump and took one not-so-lonely Cytolean. Seems like I have a bottomless bottle of that stuff. Is someone secretly refilling my Cytolean stash behind my back? Probably.

I was right about the last scoop having a little more “oomph” than the rest. I tore through that gym and curled anything and anybody that looked at me the wrong way. I drew the line at Fat Head.
TRAINING:

Was pressed for time today and did 2 sets of 12-15:
Incline DB press 20’s
Incline DB curl 12’s
Wt assisted dips
Eyeball rolls X 150..does anyone actually read this?
Upright rows 15’s
Lateral raises 8’s
Reverse flyes 40lbs
Preacher machine curl 25

Didn’t really do any back. Why? B/C I hate it…

Cardio:
treadmill 35mnin

run forwards/walk and run backwards uphill/ walking lunges

Weird day. I think I inhaled too many chemical fumes from all that cleaning last night. Well, it was that on top of the fact it was Thursday…and that’s my huffin paint night with the neighbor. It was just overkill.

Anyways–I fell asleep watching Nocturnal State on Vh1 (I think)—cuz I’m a nocturnal kinda girl. First video was that Linkin Park song, the Sun will Rise Again I think it’s called. Hey…I kinda like that video…..so sleepy….next thing I know I’m waking up and have a weird headache. Once I started functioning I recalled a dream I had.

Ok, there is this trainer at the “cardio” gym I go to. I’ve never said one word to this guy. I remember one time a LONG time ago he was standing in front of my cross trainer and was so close to me that my hand on one of the arm things jabbed into his shoulder. He was totally invading my personal space!! He stepped inside my parameters…therefore, no apology needed. This also applies for collisions encountered while on a pec-deck, leg extension and/or leg curl. Hey, I don’t make the rules, but I should.

So I had a dream that I saw this dude at a gym, but not the one he works at. Then we were lying on this long bench sort of apparatus that could have fit like 12 people across. There were cable attachments all down the bench, solely for the purpose of doing lying cable triceps extensions. Yes…lying triceps extensions for the masses. Anyways, he was on the attachment right next to me, but he kept leaning over and crossing over into my space. By the way…that cross trainer incident was like 3 1/2 years ago. Whoa…this is weird…

**CALL PSYCHIC ADVISOR, TAKE MEDS***

Flash to next scene of dream and this dude is in a hammock indoors with his shirt off and he has tattoos covering his whole torso. He was doing some kind of weird breathing exercises and I could see his abdomin sinking way in, then expanding, then he’d flex….and he was reading a book….I don’t know, but then all of a sudden I realized the hoop earring (which is really a belly ring) that I’ve had in my ear (cartilage) for probably 10 years w/o taking it out was gone. That damn thing is almost impossible to take out when you are trying to.

Then I woke up and when I was driving to the gym that Linkin Park song came on and I was really weirded out b/c I think that’s why I had the dream…b/c somehow the singer reminded me of the trainer guy, even though they look nothing alike and I know nothing about either one of em. What does this mean? Do I need professional help…I mean, besides my psychic? Any dream interpreters?

So I get to the gym and I saw the trainer guy who somehow butted his way into my dream. I had to walk by him on my way to the locker room. Lesson # 438 that I had to learn the hard way: DO NOT run up to some person you’ve never even talked to before and yell, “OMG! I totally had a dream about you last night!” Just don’t.

TODAY’S TRAINING:
cardio

Step Mill 30 min/ 30-40 second intervals

sauna/stretch

My love for pills and powders goes way back to the days when I was a lower-case x….I vividly remember a neighbor boy and myself packing ziploc baggies full of powdered sugar and pretending we were drug dealers. Small town….no cow tippin due to weather….Yeah, those were back in the early days when I was full of promise and used to make my mama proud. Now all I do is break world walking lunge records and I’m stalking 9 freakin people. Excuse me, 8 now….thank you to whoever finally wanted to be my friend…like I care now anyways…

Well, the drug pushin’ game ended soon after I accidentally hit the neighbor kid upside the head with a hammer. I really didn’t mean to–I just intended to instill a bit of fright into the boy…for the love of god…HE OWED ME MONEY!! He’s lucky I didn’t bust out my nine. He went running home, screaming like a girl. “Oooooh…my head…my head!!!” What a sissy. I meant to apologize, but somehow it came out, “I know where you live you big fat cry baby!”…or something like that. Man, I was a BAD A**

Anyways, back to my point. I love powders. Lucky for me, I will be continuing my Gaspari testing for an additional 6 weeks. I’m sure with all my ramblings that nobody was even aware that I have been using their “stuff” for the past 6 weeks anyways. However, I am not THAT EASY… I refused to participate unless they threw in an extra powdery substance for me to try. Something new and cool…I also requested it be sent in several clear, unmarked plastic baggies weighing exactly 1oz each. Apparently they don’t provide that service anymore, nor did they ever. “Ok…then just send it to me as is and forget I asked!” You woulda thought I asked them to do all my cardio for me for a year or something….I’m over it now, really.

So in addition to the current supps (protein, SP 250, Cytolean) I am also gonna be all hopped up on SizeOn. I know what everyone is thinking…”Whoa…how could DanicaX possibly achieve more muscle mass than is already there?” Hello…refer to biceps pic…I rest my case. BTW, my mother…my own mother….accused me of superimposing my face on someone else’s body. “What!! C’mon…that’s me, ma!” “Dani !!! That’s not you!!!” Whatever. I get no respect around this place.

I’ll be back later to post my workouts…don’t worry…

First things first…HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ELVIS AARON PRESLEY….my favorite King (sorry, Marmoset). 

Day of rest, reflection and over-consumption in observance of the holiday. Wolfed down 11 1/2 peanut butter & nanner sandwiches. The Lieutenant was desperately trying to get in on my annual nanner sammich chow-down, but I wasn’t fallin for those baby browns this year!

I spent the better part of the afternoon explaining to him that he ain’t nuthin but a hound dog cryin all the time…He just pretended not to have a clue, but he did settle for a few fists full of prescription pills. He passed out shortly after that and was finally outta my hair…

Tomorrow’s physical endeavors will include some upper body resistance training, some cardiovascular work, maybe some abs…I don’t plan these things…they just sort of happen. I don’t even know how I end up at the gym most days….I guess I’m gonna have to be forced to face these sorts of mundane details since that damned, pill poppin’ canine ate all my meds.

Today I did some HIIT on the most boring piece of cardio equipment ever made, the treadmill. Or as I like to call it, stupid treadmill. That nickname sucks, I agree…I’ll come up with something better.

When I went into the locker room this morning it was about 10am or so. This must be when all the senior citizens like to congregate after they are done puttin in work in the pool. ?? Can anyone confirm this? If nobody has ever seen this…good for you. I almost died. Not kidding. I was more or less pinned into a corner of lockers by some of the most overweight, pale, naked, wrinkley butts on earth, maybe even the planet I don’t know.

Now, this is a good time to discuss why I, DanicaX, DO NOT wear shorts on leg day.
I will not wear them on a squat
I will not wear them when it’s hot
I will not sport them on a curl
I will not sport them or I’ll hurl
I do not like shorts on leg day I say
I do not like them one bit, okay

…and this is why. I happen to have a plethora of running shorts. Now, why Nike or basically any maker of running shorts chooses to use that hideous white inner lining stuff is beyond me. Doesn’t take a genius to come up with colors other than white. I, for one, would appreciate black. Let me explain. You’re doing legs….a smith machine press (my fave), a kickback, a step-up…what have you…and BOOM— your shorts either ride up or create a massive gap between itself and your leg, which means the gap is filled with what? That’s right…air. Sad as it may be, air is clear (usually). This leaves a clear, open view of ….YOUR UNDERPANTS….yes, it’s sad. It’s sad b/c all you (and EVERYONE ELSE) can see are those hideous, ugly WHITE under lining of running shorts. These look like big, ugly grannie panties (”t” is silent)….and I ain’t going down like that!!!

C’mon…I don’t want everyone thinking I wear grannie pannies. And after this morning and being bombarded by all those grannies and their white cotton panties….I am sure I am making the right choise. Life is what you make it. Amen, sister. Hallelujah….I’ll stop there…

AM TRAINING:
cardio

treadmill HIIT for 20min (sprints), then 20 min walking uphill

sauna/stretch

This will conclude my working out for day 41. Tomorrow will most likely consist of some upper body activity, which means I will be using my last scoops of SP 250. So long, blue raspberry….you are just gonna have to find some other girl to corrupt with your freakish blueness…..I may continue another flavor of SP, I don’t know yet.

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Daaaaamn…the big 4-0…Gawd, I feel old!

Ok, peeps…today was a good ole fashioned double cardio Sunday. Day of rest my arse. In celebration of the big 4-0, I did two sessions of 40min of cardio. Then I drank a 40…or two. . hahaha…You’ll never know!! You’ll never know!!!

AM celebration cardio:
elliptical (reluctantly…all that was left after the new year resolutioners hogged everything else…errrr) 40min

—–**interim**—-WALKED THE FATTY BEAST, KICKED SOME OLD PEOPLE, TRASHED A FEW HOTEL ROOMS, TORE OFF FAUCET HANDLES IN EVERY PUBLIC RESTROOM FOR 8 BLOCKS—–**interim over**—–

PM celebration cardio:
treadclimber 40min

Tonight I discovered that the treadclimber goes to a max speed of 4.0 mph. Coincidence….I think not….I had that machine cranked up to the maximum “treadles” and maximum speed. That’s right….I am awesome.

Then I did some abs:
3 sets of 20 of
crunch, bicycle, hip thrust

sauna/stretch/sweat like a muther/ignoring moving lips to my left and to my right…thank god for earbuds. Thank you, god

Just got back from the gym. Had an awesome leg workout, thank you. And what an entertaining night at the gymnasium it was…I’ll get to that in a minute. First, let me explain why I only had one workout today. I was all excited this morning after I took my two Cytoleans…I was pumped for some monster cardio yo. I go into the kitchen. I’m filling up my water bottle, singing a rap song to the beast. He likes it….I see a sticky note I wrote the other day on the counter. When I called the vet the other day to ask about leaving the beast in the car, I also made an appointment for a toenail trim and to drain his cyst….it’s benign, don’t worry. Anyways, I see the note and I was supposed to be there in like 20 minutes….DAMMIT!!! This is why I don’t have kids….I can’t remember…well, I can’t remember much of anything really. Damn 60’s got the best of me….

Of course it can’t be a close vet, either. I took him to four different vets before I found a good one that he approved of. So we hauled balls all the way down there. Me: crazy hair, sweats, shirt I slept in, shoes untied…maybe some drool on my face, I don’t know. At least I had one contact in each eye today….that felt nice. All I asked of the beast was to not get into a fight today…that’s all I wanted. That’s how he threw his back out last year…but I couldn’t get mad. He was defending my honor, you see. That stray dog called me some rather derogatory names and the beast was NOT having it. I believe “butthead” was the one that made him snap. How would YOU like it if I called your mom butthead? You see where he was coming from…

Anyways, when we got home we went for a nice walk ’round the hood…vet said he was getting a little thick. I’m glad she didn’t say “fat” b/c then he would really freak out. So on the way back we walked up the huge hill by my house and I did walking lunges up that bad boy. All the way…icy hill, cold out…basically I had to prove to my neighbors that I am, in fact, crazier than they thought. I love proving people wrong.

Ok, so then I took an additional 2 cytoleans…yes, you heard me right…tonight before I went to do legs. I did not take the SuperPump 250. I am almost out and I am reserving the last few scoops for some upper body. I have a feeling that little bit at the bottom may be just a tad stronger than the rest, therefore I will be breaking some more sh*t in my house!!! Haha…SWEET. I’m fixing my shower tomorrow, by the way. Although, I have grown quite fond of the pliars that I have sittin pretty on my soap dish. As for the cupboards, uuuummmm….who needs those damn things anyway? Not me.

PM WORKOUT:
leeeegssss….my fave and yours, I sure of it…
little cardio

leg extension
prone leg curl
extension
curl

4 sets of 20-25, 1 set of 50
Smith machine single leg presses (I love those things!!)

2 sets of 15
static lunges with light weight (25lbs I think)

2 sets of 20
single leg lunges on bosu ball
kickbacks with db

2 sets of 15 each:
standing ham curl
single leg seated curl
leg curls on ball

walking lunges on treadmill, incline 15 X 100

cardio:
Step Mill 10min
walk/run backwards on TM 15% 10min

sauna/stretch

I usually wear pants on leg day and I’ll explain that on another day b/c I’m sure everybody is dying to hear about it. However, I was unable to locate any pants that could actually withstand the DanicaX leg workout, so I had to cave in to the dreaded shorts. Stupid shorts. Stupid legs. . . Stupid fat head guy at the gym. Oh, yeah…he was there…hogging the gym with his gigantic head as usual. I avoided eye contact like always, but he kept following me around it seemed…seeking attention from the crazy chick. Nope, not gonna happen, fat head….not on my watch. I was wearing my jumbo timepiece tonight as well, perhaps he was plotting to steal it away. I don’t know, but I’d definitely like to see him try….bring it on, FAT HEAD!!

Ok, now onto something that I like to call “pretty damn funny.” So, there was this guy at the gym who I really try to avoid. He’s about, I don’t know, late 40’s maybe…but weeeeeird. Weird. I know him from another gym from years ago. He was just as weird back then. Somehow he has found me again….Dang it!! So, I saw him upstairs. I was totally avoiding him just like I was FH. After I got done with legs, I went downstairs to do cardio b/c I didn’t want him to come up to me or deal with any drama. So, I am on the treadmill…backwards…downstairs. I see him in the mirrors like standing at the railing upstairs, looking down. It was really creepy…I don’t know what he was looking at…I just hoped it was NOT me. Gross….get away, get away…

So a few minutes later I see him walk all the way downstairs. Closer. Closer…now walking towards the treadmills. Oh, well this is JUST GREAT…clooooser. Here he comes. Walks across (as in on top of) 3 treadmills. He is now standing on the treadmill to my left. You have got to be kidding me. Can you believe this guy? I am not turning off my music! Who does this guy think he is dealing with here? I am serious about my workouts—there was no interupting my backwards walking for this dude….Now, I may have reconsidered had it been someone else, let’s say someone a little cooler…not so creepy…maybe a little eye candy…someone who didn’t smell like formaldehyde. Did I mention he was a mortician? Yeah, well that ain’t even why he’s creepy….actually that has nothing to do with why he creeps me the hell out.

So he’s standing there to my left and I see his creepy lips moving. I was jammin out, mind you. “What!!? I can’t hear you!” Hint, hint—->step away from my treadmill<—– Apparently he wasn’t picking up on my hint. Lips continued moving, a little slower now, as if he knew I had taken lip reading lessons before. STALKER!! I would have to hop on the sides of the treadmill and turn off my music to hear him….no way in hell. I must have told him I couldn’t hear him three times, maybe four. People were staring and kind of giving me that “are you ok? You want me to call the police?” kinda look. Finally I said, “I CANNOT HEAR YOU….I will come find you when I’m done.” hahaha….riiiiiight. Like hell I will. Finally he left and went back upstairs. “Ughhhh….as IF!”….

So then I go into the sauna and there was one other guy in there. My music is on. I knew he was talking to me. I’ve decided that I just don’t care anymore. I have been attracting way more then my fair share of weirdos lately and I’ve decided that if I don’t want to talk to someone, then I’m just not going to turn off my music….I will, from now on, always have earbuds in my ears no matter where I am. I don’t necessarily need music…it’s all for show really. I refuse to encounter as many weirdos in 08 as I did in 07, which may even be impossible. I think my chances are better if I fake not being able to hear. Gotta nip it in the bud before it even starts….that’s my plan.

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