DanicaX’s BodyBlog

Well, this is what my life has become. I literally had to duct tape my car today. Sweet. Let me explain. Oh, about 2 weeks ago there was a little miniature blizzard here in Omaha. Long story short, I was driving on the interstate at 5am on that Sat morning and it seriously looked like no plows had been out. I ended up sliding off the interstate and hit a concrete wall. The damage didn’t look as bad as what I thought it would, but  apparently it broke this plastic flapper thing up by my tire. It’s 75 degrees here today (woohoo!) so me and the beast were driving out to a park and that’s when I heard it. It was loud…this plastic thing dragging on the ground. Funny thing is that I think it’s been going on for like a week now, but I’m always jamming out in my car and can’t hear it. So when I looked under there, I saw it was cracked where the thing that holds the thing up goes. So I had to drive to Walgreens and get duct tape and tape it up in the lot! haha. Ghetto, I know. Now I gotta get that fixed. I feel dirrty riding around with duct tape on my car. They see me rollin’… They hatin’…Patrollin’..
 
I jacked up my knee last week from jump roping. Actually, I think it was the incline sprints I did on the treadmill (when I haven’t done that in like 4 months), followed by the jump roping barefoot….LIKE… A… FREAK!!! …followed by hitting my knee with a hammer. Ok, no hammer. A good song came on when I was jump roping and that’s when I had to kick up the jump roping a notch. Dammit! I always do that. So, I had to miss hot yoga the next day. I’ll be going in the morning so hopefully it doesn’t irritate it.
 
I saw the Power Sled I want at Dick’s so I think I’m gonna purchase one of those soon. I didn’t know they had them there til last week. That’s what I get for never going upstairs. They have all kinds of stuff up there! Naturally, I knocked everything down and popped all the balls.
 
Ok, so this morning when I was on the VersaClimber sweating my butt off, I saw this cleaning guy. He had a vacuum with about a 4-mile long cord on it. He coulda plugged it in anywhere and would have been able to reach everywhere. He plugs the thing in at the outlet right in front of me! haha! Good idea…use the one outlet right by the person sweating the most. That seems safe. The cord was like in a puddle of my sweat. There were about 30 other outlets. He should have plugged it in next to the girl on the treadmill w/ 2 inches of makeup on her face walking about 1.7 mph. Is it just me?

til I’m off probation. Horray! Kidding. Kidding. People think I’m serious when I say that; Perhaps b/c I’m such a serious person. Note: that was a lie. Sorry I lied. haha! No, I’m not sorry at all! See…never serious. One time at the gym this guy asked me, "how come I never see you out?" I said, "well, it’s kinda hard when I’m on probation." The look on his face was great! It totally threw him off. When he found out I was joking, he started laughing hysterically and wouldn’t stop. Then, I started laughing b/c he was totally over-laughing. It really wasn’t that funny. Ha..then about 30 minutes later he was walking by me: "hahaha! On probation! hahahaha!!!" Come to think of it, he may have been on drugs. Lesson: Say NO to drugs!!!
 
Really, though…I’m counting down the days to the Arnold!  I’ve always wanted to go and this will be my first time so I’m excited. Yes, I cleared it w/ my probation officer. I ALWAYS play by the rules (see note on being serious above). Plus, my nephew, BIGPREMO, is going. I’m looking forward to being surrounded by greatness that weekend! Sorry, G, you ain’t cutting it. This is what G did to his favorite monkey…he tore all the stuffing out and then sat there looking at it like he didn’t know what happened.
 
So today I went to the eye Dr. I was in the waiting room. The only seat open was by this guy who was in a wheel chair sitting in front of the chairs. I noticed he was alone and his right leg was amputated just below the knee. I looked at him (he was really close to me) and he asked me if I’d go down this hallway (he pointed), take a right and see if the eye clinic was open. So I go down the hallways and looked to the right. There was nothing there. He was an older guy and at this point I was wondering if he was cognitively deficient in some way; it was too early to tell really. Earlier I thought I heard him tell someone, "I wonder if the doctor is here." What he really said was, "wonderful doctors here." Anyways, so I go back and asked, "you said on the right?" He said yes. I go back again thinking I was maybe crazy and didn’t see it. There was a door on the left so I opened it and asked these ladies if they were an eye clinic. They said they only filled prescriptions and that there used to be an eye clinic on the right, but it moved to another location. So I go relay the info and the guy goes, "Oh, that’s right. They moved down the street. Thanks for checking. What are you here for?" We started talking and here’s what I found out about my little waiting room friend:

He was diagnosed with Type II diabetes when he was 35, but never took care of himself properly when he found out. I asked if he used to be heavier when he was younger and he said no, but there was a small grocery store when he was a boy that his mother had a charge account there. He’d go in after school and get candy for him and all his buddies and charge it. That’s when it was $.01. I don’t know if excessive sugar intake as a kid is linked to type II diabetes later and poor glycemic control. I’ll have to look into it. Anyways, his eyesight started failing and he was seeing this eye Dr (no pun intended) who he raved about. He says he was totally blind when he started going there, but now he could see. He said he couldn’t read, but he could see the tv in the room, but not the faces on it. Then I learned more. He was going to a podiatrist to get his toenails trimmed, which is recommended for people with diabetes. Well, the podiatrist had also cut a callus off his foot. It then got infected, he ultimately had to get his leg amputated b/c of it. That was 6 months ago.
 
Then while in the hospital after the amputation, he had some procedure done (I can’t recall what it was), but they told him that there was a chance his kidneys would fail b/c of his diabetes. Well, they did. So, now he is also going through dialysis. My brain was getting overloaded at this point. When I was asking him about the prosthetic leg he had mentioned earlier, he said he would be walking by now, but when he was in physical therapy there was a PT there who he says put this sleeve on his leg to hold the bandages on better. He said she was really rough and put it on too aggressively, and in doing so she created more wounds around his wound basically.  So, 6 months later he is still waiting for those wounds to heal before he can even get fitted for the prosthetic.
 
The punches just kept coming it seemed. I asked if his wife (he’s been married for 50 years) brought him and he said no, that "the van" brought him. The same transportation van takes him back and forth to dialysis everyday and charges $20 each way. It’s 5 blocks from his house. That is crazy. He said his son was coming to pick him up after his appointment. He worked with his son for 20 years in his law office and they were going to meet some clients a few hours away after he picked him up. He kept saying how he’s really lucky his son helps him and his wife has been so good to him, how the eye doctors were so great. After all that he’s gone through in the last 6 months, most people would be down, depressed, negative, angry. He wasn’t. He was so grateful for the people in his life and didn’t have a bad word to say about anything. I’m thankful that I had the opportunity to sit next to that guy and experience such a great attitude. That was the only open seat, too. Very interesting, indeed.

First things first. Go Celtics, go! So I switched teams from last year; I can do that ok. Don’t judge me! Oh, but Kobe is still like totally cute. Like, omg. Today is one of those days where I think I have seriously lost my mind. A crazy and long day. I feel like Goldie Hawn on Overboard when she is sitting back in that chair and staring into space with all those kids who have driven her insane and she was like, "buh buh buhbuh bubba." I’m doing that right now. That’s me. Someone is throwing grapes at my head, but I have no idea who. Knock it off!!

 Tonight I did a short, lighter leg workout. Not by choice. If it were up to me, I’d be a complete supersetting and circuit psycho like usual. Wasn’t up to me, though. Stupid back. I started going to a new chiropractor about a month ago. He’s great, I was feeling good, going my 3 times per week, doing my thing, then….here come the stiff legged deadlifts and their stinkin peer pressure. All the cool people were doing it. Anyways, that was a bad idea. That was a few weeks ago, so I’ve been taking it easier when I do legs b/c that’s when I tend to irritate my back. I also did hot yoga Tues morning…the first time in a few months. Yeah, that was not my proudest moment. I had to cheat a lot in order to not compromise my back. I could feel it on the verge of really putting me in my place. It wasn’t worth sacrificing my back, so I cheated here and there. I’m sneaky like that.

Ok, funny story. Let me re-phrase that…Here’s a story that I thought was funny. Note: I once tried finding the movie "the Other Sister" in the comedy section before learning that it was actually a drama. What? Seriously.  "Don’t laugh at me, Daniel!" Come on…it’s not even a true story.

Alright, I was at the gym a few days ago and was knocking out some VersaClimber intervals. Now, I’ve mentioned before how I like to "kill two birds with one stone." So, I figured I’d sit in the sauna afterwards and stretch, while I have this conditioning oil in my hair. I have this indian woman who threads my eyebrows and she got this oil from India that I bought from her. A little heat is always good for hair conditioner so, there you have it..two birds, one stone. This oil is very pungent; I can’t even describe the smell. I mean, I’ve gotten used to. She told me to "cut it" with olive oil. Ok, so I put the stuff in my hair, walk into the sauna. There were like 8 people in there. It didn’t even occur to me how horrible it would smell to the people in there. So I’m sitting there and all these people have all these different conversations going on.  All of a sudden, there are a few seconds of silence and this lady was like, "What is that SMELL!?"

Well, I was gonna say something, but before I could, this other guy was like, "OMG I smell it, too! What is that? It’s terrible!" Then another guy: "You know, I’ve been smelling that for a few weeks in here now. I think they’re trying to get us to stop coming in the sauna!" Oh, now come on….now that guy’s just being a big ole drama queen. It was my first time in there with it on (that gym anyways). So I’m sitting there and covering my face with my towel acting like I’m wiping sweat b/c I was laughing. Then this lady goes, "Well it didn’t smell when we first came in here." haha! So, then that meant I had to wait until all of them left before I left b/c otherwise they’d all get a whiff of it when I walked by. Then this guy said, "Well I’m gonna say something to the front desk. They’re gonna ask me what it smells like and I’m gonna say ‘it smells like a big bucket of @$$hole!!’" And that’s when I just about lost it. Now everytime I see that guy I’m gonna picture him saying that.

So everyone left, then I got out and walk into the locker room. I wasn’t even thinking that my hair still smelled…it’s like I had forgotten what had just happened like 3 minutes before. I walk in, and low and behold…out of all the thousand lockers in there, whose big fat locker was directly right beside mine? That lady who was in the sauna. I had already walked halfway to her before I realized, "dang it, she’s gonna smell it again and know it’s me and wonder why I didn’t say anything in the sauna." It was too late. Damage was already done. So, I did what anyone else would do. I pinched my nose, gave her an awful look and was like, "phew…geez, do you smell that?" Then when she was in the shower, I drizzled a little of that oil in her bag just to make her think it was her all along. haha…Ok, I didn’t really do that, but I should have. Hindsight is 20/20

to my gansta nation! Na na na na na na na. Can you tell I’m listening to my blogging music? Hellooooo. Happy new year to you bb.com’ers!! I figured I’d write a little blog letting you all know that the beast is alive and well!  He’s sprawled out on the bed right now. Me..I’m on the floor where I belong. Typing quietly, of course, so I don’t disturb him…Man, then he’d really get all hyphy. You ever seen a hyphy Great Dane who is light in the loafers? Well, it ain’t pretty. He starts barking at me in with this way over-exaggerated lisp and then he takes his Tempurpedic pillow in the spare bedroom and slams the door. Whatever!!! I don’t need this! Oh, he also wanted me to tell everybody that he "like, totally appreciates all the PM’s and stuff, but can’t like do parties anymore."  Well, except bar mitzvahs…He’s a sucker for those!! 
 
Well, let’s see…I did the squat press at the gym today for the first time in, oh, about 3 months. I get my weight on, I sit back in it, I was doing single legs so I put one leg up on the platform, I’m lowering…I’m lowering. Now, sometimes the sun is shining right into the gym through the windows and in certain spots you are blinded by it. I’ve thought about wearing sunglasses, but I don’t like to draw attention. I’m already pushing it by wearing my Uggs with my shorts. That’s to hide my house arrest ankle bracelet…whole ‘nother story. Yeah, I sneak to the gym. haha….Suckers! Don’t judge me!! Anyways, my knee is down by my chest and I see the back of my thigh and I’m like, "Whoa. What is going on! Is that MY leg?" You know how the hair on the back of the upper leg grows in an opposite direction than the lower leg? Well, it does….and when you think you are getting it when you do your basic upward motion razor sweep in the shower…you’re not. Quit fooling yourself. Of course, the sun was like beaming right down onto it just to make it more obvious. Everybody saw it. I was the laughing stock of the gym.
 
Now here’s my question. Do you think it would be "socially unacceptable" to let’s say, be on the squat press, maybe have a Gillette Mach3, some Satin Care shaving gel, a small bucket of water? You could see everything there!! See, I’ve seen the posted signs outside the steam room, "No shaving in the steam room." Pshhht…yeah, who would even do that? The squat press. That’s where it’s at. No sign there. I think I found a loophole here.
 
So, this provoked a spa night at my place tonight! No more of these sun shining down on my faults at the gym and embarrassing me!…I don’t think so! I need more spa nights. Oh, yeah…King Marmoset, thanks again for the exfoliating scrub recipe you gave me. It’s great! Mind if I share it? Ok, you take 1/2 cup of coffee grounds (used or not), 1/4 cup olive oil and a little squeeze of lemon juice. You mix it up and scrub with it in the shower. It’s awesome b/c you don’t even really need lotion afterwards b/c of the oil in the scrub. But…..it’s pretty messy. This is why I suggest using the shower at the gym. Hey, I don’t wanna dirty up my own shower. Ahhh, spa night, I heart you so much!! I took it easy with the Ped Egg, though, b/c I told you guys about the time I over-did that and my feet killed me when I went to the track the next day. Oh, track….I miss you!! I can’t wait til the heat comes back…it was -7 this morning!! 
 
I even wrote my daily sermon and texted it to all my peeps when I was soaking in the bubble bath just like Rev Run does on Run’s House and signed "God is love, Rev Run. Peace out." haha! Nobody texted me back….weird.

 Hope everyone is doing awesome and staying healthy!

This is officially my 100th blog/BS for a bit type entry….thing. First things first! Why are the damn birds always f-ing with me!!!??? Always teasing me, taunting me, wanting me to save them, ruining my plans, my workouts, my cozy nights by the fire place. They’re workin’ for someone, obviously. So, quick synopsis of events in the past year: 1) birds dive-bombin my head at the track all last summer when I was running stairs 2) they magically appeared and started chirping their stupid beak pie holes literally as I had the lighter in hand to start my fireplace last Xmas, although I had NEVER heard them prior to that 3) they built the biggest mother of all nests in my grill in the spring and I didn’t know it til it was opened….and NOW.

 So, G-Money (dog) who couldn’t find a T-bone steak if it was a foot away from him on the floor goes outside today. He makes a beeline for this little thing under a tree. Somehow he has caught a mouse outside before and I saw something move, so I thought it was a mouse. No…a baby bird. Next to the baby bird was a nest. So then I’m going inside and there is this huge loud chirping in this lilac bush by the door. I kept looking down toward the bottom of it and my eyes focused on what other….than another damn baby bird!!! Ughhhh! Get away, birds! I ain’t got nuttin for ya now, ya hear! I was about to leave for the gym. So then I went inside, got my yellow rubber gloves (hey, you don’t know where those birds have been) and went to first assist the baby bird by the nest. Mind you, these two birds are unrelated. Well, I don’t know, the one had sort of a weird crossed eye, so there could be some "keepin it in the family" going on if you know what I mean.

I wasn’t able to pick it up b/c I was afraid of hurting it. It was all helpless and face down in the grass. It could have been hungover from a long night of regurgitated concoction that mama bird made; I don’t know.  So then I went over to the other bird. I couldn’t get to it b/c it looked like it had fallen to the bottom of the bush and I didn’t see a nest or anything. It was in between all kinds of twigs and branches and whatnot. So I go inside, call the humane society. They don’t do birds. I call the Wildlife Rehabilitation Hotline. There was a huge, long message….."If you have found a nest of baby rabbits, place an ‘X’ out of dental floss or straw over the nest and check it in the morning"….."Press #2 for woodchucks and beavers"…..hahaha! woodchucks and beavers!…"If you are a stupid bird and you are feeling like hurting yourself, get yourself a baby BIC razor and remember, down the road, not across the street. Nobody will miss you b/c you suck." Ok, I’m just kidding….just kidding. I love all creatures.

 Long story short, I did absolutely nothing, called my mom on the way to the gym and, of course, she’s all like, "Well you know what you have to do. You have to cut the branches down around the bush so you can reach the bird." Oh for crying out loud…she’s worse than I am. So, I’m thinking of how I’m gonna save these birds on my way home. I get home and check the one who was face down. He was gone! Horray! His mama came back to get him! Either that or the baby daddy. Then I go check the other one. I’ll be damned if he wasn’t just chirping away all perched up on a branch way high up. Horray! He got himself out and up high so his mama (or…you-know-who) can come get him! I was so happy. I was talking to the bird. "Well, look at you! What a good little baby bird you are. Yes. You a good little baby bird!" What…..what…am I ….doing. Enough of the birds! I hate you, birds!!! It’s all G’s fault, as usual. Here’s a pic of the little baby bird after he got himself up. It’s funny how birds work. Just leave ‘em be and they’ll figure it out. Kinda like Danny Bonaduce. Hey, I haven’t mentioned him in a long time.

 Ok, now some fitness related news! Workouts and diet have been going awesome. I got to hot yoga this morning, too, which is my 2nd one for the week so far. My goal is just one time per week. Movin’ on up….movin on up…I’ve been continuing the HIIT on my hill, lifting and….well, just being super cool. Ha! Not really. I switched from working overnights for 4 1/2 years to days just this week so I’m working some kinks out there. When I say kinks I mean like really big kinks. Peace out for now! Also, I just want to reiterate that I love all creatures, even stupid inbred birds.

Hello, friends! Well you all look very nice today. You! Feet off the table! Sit up straight! Ok let’s see….I owe 100 pushups to my drill sergeant, a road rage story to JJanet, a knuckle sandwich to King Marmoset, a picture to Decosta, a urine test to my probation officer, 50 cents to the flower lady at the farmers market still and  reps to BryanGee. Alright, a few of those are lies, but I may do them anyways. You know, pay it forward. No, I’m not on probation. Yes, it will be strange when I drop my sample off. And I have never "repped" anyone! I’ve never done anything w/ that so don’t think I’m rude if I inadvertently dissed you.
 
Ok, for awhile there I was riding my bike to a nice hill that I found to do HIIT training (run up, walk stairs on the way down) , then bike home. It takes about 25 min to bike there and longer to bike home (more uphill). Well, the problem was that I was so exhausted after the HIIT that I couldn’t bike home. I’d hang out there for awhile praying that if I passed out that the dude spraying pesticides all over the dang place right next to me would notice. Well, about 3 weeks ago I was really running low on time so I decided to just go from my house, around the block and up the hill that is right by me. It’s longer than the other hill, not quite as steep, but kicks my butt!! The first day I did the HIIT on it I used my bike. Bike up the hill, ride around the block. I could only do 8 hills that day. My hamstrings were just on fire! It’s so close that I even leave my garage door open b/c I’m going back by it everytime I go around. Ha! I think it’s funny that I was looking for a great hill somewhere else, and the whole time it was in my own back yard! Sort of.
 
So the next time I biked HIIT on that hill I did get my 10 hills. Then I was dead and had to call a cab for a ride home. "Where to?" "Oh just take me 3 doors down that way."  "That’ll be $8.00."  haha! Ok, I didn’t call a cab. So I’ve been doing HIIT on my hill with my bike, then I decided to change it up and run up, walk down. My hamstrings have never burned that bad before. My goal was 10, but I could only manage 8 running up, walk down. So then I went in my garage, grabbed my bike and got 2 more in on my bike!  Hey, I still got 10 ok.
 
Funny story. I live around a lot of retired people, and perhaps even some of their parents. I don’t know what it is with them wanting to clap at me. It’s happened more than once with different people clapping at me. So there I was dying biking up the hill. Now, I know these people think I’m weird, no doubt. They are probably wondering why I keep going up the same hill. So I was about 1/2 way through last week and near the top of the hill when this little lady was standing out in her driveway watching me. As I passed her she started clapping at me as I went by. Kinda like the Tour de France. It was cool, but the clapping is starting to freak me out a little. Maybe they have neighborhood meetings about the crazy person (me). "If you see her, don’t get close! Just stay back and clap. There’s no telling what she’ll do."
 
Ok, this pic is very deceiving! It doesn’t look steep in the pic, but it goes up, then curves and gets a little steeper. This is also the same hill that I would do walking lunges up last year. Doh! I can’t believe I never thought of doing my HIIT there before now. "GOSH!!….IDIOT!" -Napoleon Dynamite.
 

P.S.  Anyone got any good music recommendations? I am in need of more new tunes. What do you listen to when you lift? Cardio?

"I’m doin’ the work… I’m baby steppin’." hahaa! That’s what Bill Murray says in that movie,  What About  Bob?. Sometimes I want to say that out loud, but then realize nobody will know what the **** I’m talking about, as per always.

 Ok, so I’ve been setting new goals lately and am changing a lot of things. I’m like a whole new person over here. First off, I cut the mullet. No more party in the back for me; I’m all business, baby.  Ok, but really I’ve been setting new goals and am very excited about them.  I have my newly posted goal, which is to get down to 16% bodyfat (underwater) by Thanksgiving. I’d say Halloween, but I’m planning on a whole dramatic episode at Thanksgiving dinner when we are giving thanks. Yes, it involves flipping tables over and spiking turkeys.

No, really it may be Halloween, but either way I’ma act krazy just to freak people out a little. And if I get a, "Man, I wish I could eat like that and look that way" I’d be a very pleased indeed! Little do they know…I’ve been busting my a**! I’ve cleaned up the diet a lot, mixed things up and have kept a thorough journal for the past 10 days and it just keeps getting easier and easier.  I am writing down all my goals and planning out my day the day before, which helps me a lot to stay on track….dammit I love to check stuff off of lists. I’m a check-off junkie.

I’ve visited a few farms to check out their products, been going to the farmers market every Saturday right when it opens so I can get farm eggs before they run out. They ring a bell at 8am sharp…it’s a whole production that is taken very seriously. Believe me, last week I tried to do a little transaction before 0800 and every vendor said no. This lady even told me to jut take one of her flowers I wanted to buy b/c said she’d "get in trouble" if she accepted money before THE BELL. I told her I’d pay her for it next week, which was this morning, but she wasn’t there today! Now I have to walk around with this fifty cent debt hanging over my head for another week. Great.

Also, I found a new acupuncture place yesterday and they fit me in. It was different than the other place I go to. I had to change into a gown. Oooh, sounds serious. I’ve got 2 appointments for next week, too. She used way more needles than my other place. I counted 64 when she was pulling them out. Guess it shoulda been 65 b/c I found one in my calf when I was getting dressed. Yikes! I’m ok….I’m ok. That happened last time at the other place, too. Personally, I think they are terrorists trying to take one person out at a time, but I can’t prove it.

Another goal of mine is to go to hot yoga at least once per week, which I went last Sat and today (Sat to me, but really Sun since it’s after midnight).  Today was the first time I ever got my left leg and foot wrapped around my right calf in the "eagle pose"—I could always do the right over the left w/ no problem. Of course, I screwed it all up and fell over when I was patting myself on the back about it ;) 

I went out with a friend of mine tonight for dinner and "drinks" even though I planned to not drink. Mission accomplished, although I got made fun of by drunken A-holes all night. Like I care. I got 4 oz of salmon for dinner, and that’s the first time I’ve eaten out in 10 days. Yes, I’m patting myself on the back right now and typing with the other.  

Let’s see….I think that’s good enuf for now. Hope everyone is having a good weekend and behaving (you know who you are).

Well well well….look who made his mullet way back to A&E. Dog the Bounty Hunter!!….and Big boobie Beth…Oh, and Leland! Hey bra, why didn’t you ever call me, bra? Anyways, apparently it’s back on.  I proposed a reality show to A&E shortly after the "racial slur incident" when the show got pulled…"Day in the Life of a Big Queer Dog" featuring no other bigger and queerer (more queer?) dog than my very own! When they rejected the idea, of course, gay boy went running (well prancing very fast at least) out of the room. Then we figured if we can’t beat em, we may as well join em! So we auditioned to be some of the Dog’s entourage. They took him, but I got stuck being Dog’s stunt double. Ugh…What, you thought he did his own tricks? And mess up his hair…I doubt it.

I guess he would fit right in, even if he looks way tougher than he’d ever actually be:

Stunt double….pfffft. Whatever yo:

 We are really cracking down on pimps this season: 

 As well as continuing our War on Ice…I got this crystal meth fiend off the streets:

Yeah, this had absolutely nothing to do with health or fitness. Sorry. Meth head off the streets…that’s healthy I guess.

 **DISCLAIMER** No dogs (queer or straight, but mostly queer) were harmed in the above photos. The author does not condone racial slurs or statements, carrying concealed weapons (including large breasts), watching A&E naked, using  crystal meth, bringing back mullets, or anything else that anyone could possibly take offense to. 

Well, looks like I got sucked in by another Walgreens marketing ploy. So weak….I’m so weak! May I refer you to the time I came walking outta there with all the cool stuff they had at the checkout line…kinda like on Dumb and Dumber when Jim Carrey came out of the store wearing a giant cowboy hat, carrying boxes full of pinwheels and playing with a paddle ball.  I had a relapse. Peep this:
 
I was zooming through the aisles on one of those mortorized scooters they have at the front for disabled customers. Hey, I was a customer….I did too many lunges. Are we gonna split hairs here? Anyways, I was at the corner of 7B and Cosmetics waiting to turn when I saw it. The Ped Egg. "As Seen on TV" Ped Egg. Yeah, that’s the one. I tried to ignore it, but it was all like, "Hey, what are you doing tonight? Why don’t we go back to your place" The rest is history.
 
Long story short….that thing works! If you haven’t seen the commercial or heard about it, it’s basically a foot file shaped like an egg and catches all the dusty crap inside. First of all…gross…I don’t know where all that stuff came from. It was sorta like ear candling. Anybody done that? Where does all THAT stuff come from?
 
So I guess I overdid it. I know….soooo unlike me. I over Ped-Egged. Yesterday I knew my feet felt really sensitive, but I went to the track anyways. I was doing different stuff on the field , which is astro turf and has that rubber infill stuff. All the friction was too much for my feet, with all the changing directions. I figured  it was pretty bouncy so I just figured I’d quit my crying and take my shoes off and eliminate the shoe friction. Genius!
 
Good idea til I realized how hot those little black rubber pieces got in the sun. It was like walking on fire, but I chose that over the shoe friction. All was good til I spotted a safety pin on the field. Shoes back on!!
 
Lesson here is, if you plan on working out, don’t over exfoliate your feet. The women in those nail shops aren’t gonna tell you that. I bet there are people who have to ride around in those scooter in stores b/c they over ped egged. I wonder if I could put some bumper stickers on the back of my scooter, maybe hang some fuzzy dice. "If you’re gonna drink and drive, drink a DQ shake"—that’s a good one! Of course, I worked at DQ all through high school so I’m biased. Besides, half those people operating those scooters are wasted. Yeah, that bumper sticker is pretty lame.