Well, I’ve been doing some soul-searching lately. I’ve always been a competitive type and I need some source of physical outlet to keep myself focused and have an available release (for stress, energy, etc). Track and field was that outlet in high school, and when I tore my hamstring before coming to college I knew I had to turn elsewhere, as pursuing a track career would be emotionally draining and unfeasible.
It was shortly after this point that I turned to lifting. Weights had always been a compliment to the things I was looking to accomplish and was more of a neglected area. If I was sprinting- **** lifting with my arms, focus on legs. If I was in the off-season- **** lifting with my legs, they’re too worn out from track season, focus on arms. Obviously, I never struck a physical balance and was always disappointed with my physique. Something was always lacking in my strength/appearance. Lifting alongside football players as a 140 pound ectomorph, I just always felt that I wasn’t any good at lifting and I shouldn’t care about it.
However, college really put my weaknesses in perspective. As a self-conscious male in a sex-crazed, drunken environment, I felt puny next to the guys surrounding me. Although I despised their attitudes and behaviors, the frat boys I would observe would get the girls, and I KNEW that in a fast-paced scenario like that beer-ridden frat house it wasn’t their personalities leading girls into a private room: it was their physique. As shallow as it seemed, I felt the only way to feel comfortable next to Joe College was to upgrade my 10 inch guns.
So I proceeded to "spray-and-pray", lifting anything that looked like it would make me bigger. No approach and no plan were necessary because as long as I was lifting I was supposed to get huge, right? Wrong. All I managed to do was grow taller from another growth spurt and put some meat on my ribs from eating so much. My arms gained tone but no size. How could this be possible?! I was doing curls until it hurt and then going back two days later to do it again. My bench was never improving and my damaged hamstring still couldn’t handle more than the ****ing bar to squat with.
Freshman year came and went with a good 20 pounds to add to the scale, but virtually no aesthetic improvements. My friend back home introduced me to supplements, and was able to provide a new motivation simply by being there for me when I lifted. We were of comparable strength and size, which helped tremendously in keeping my ego from being hurt by someone who could lift and improve more than I could. I enjoyed taking the supplements as well. I didn’t rely on pre-workout supplements so much as I got excited for their effect. "How will I feel today when i take this? Will I lift more if I have a great pump from this?" These thoughts may be impractical, but I still keep them in my head to this day. It provides me with an entertaining kind of excitement that makes motivation to lift easy as pie.
When i came back to college I had a new game plan. With all these supplement options open to me I was having a blast. I started trying new things, seeing how they made me feel, and evaluating their usefulness as objectively as I could. It quickly became a kind of "side-quest" for me. There was the lifting game and the "what do I tweak to make this even better?" game that I got to play when I went home. No one understood why I would take protein, creatine, etc. and I now believe that I didn’t understand either. But I felt like I was doing all I could and that’s all that mattered. Or so I thought…
I have to work now so I will complete this in a few hours
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