Cranky45629’s BodyBlog

I had previously blogged about family support and here I go again.

I am primarily a runner. I’m not that fast but I love to run. I started lifting to get my upper body in the awesome shape my legs were in from all the miles i’ve logged on them.

I am a member of a running club that is goin to the Air Force Marathon at Wirght Patterson AFB in September. The group is going to the the half marathon at this even and had asked if anyone else was going, while tossing around the idea and being bored at work, I was looking for other local races to do in the mean time. I stumbled across the Bad to the Bone Duathlon at Big Bone State Park in Northern KY. This to is to a bit different and a challenge. I printed out information on both and went to my mom to talk things out about what I should do. She was open and somewhat interested and let me talk it out. I was disappointed to find out that they are both on the same day. For money reasons I was leaning towards the Half Marathon at Wright Patterson b/c I can share hotel costs and such w/ the group and if I do the Duathlon i’m footing the bill entirely myself….

 Since I had found the duathlon I got to looking and found a local Tri/Duathlon that is only an hour away from the house and it is in August as opposed to September ok, problem solved! YAY!! I can do both!! So I called my mother all happy and excited and to only be told that I was crazy. She doesn’t understand or want to understand why i want to pay money to go do these events. I love the challenge of the larger races and yeah they cost more but if gives me a goal, somethign to train towards. She doesn’t understand why I push myself. I do a lot of local 5k and 10k races and she does not support me spending money to run. I push my body to see what I’m capable of. I have not pushed or met my limits yet so I keep going. A Duathlong is different it’s a 2.9 mile run and 40km ride and another 2.9 mile run. That would be a good challenge to me. Yet I get no support from home. I get complaints for working out too much too often and too long.

My family has seen me go from a size 22/24 to a size 10 currently and I’m not done yet. I’m published in a freakin book and on nbc’s website yet I guess they don’t understand it. I have set some boundries. If they want to say something about what I’m doing it has to be positive, if it’s negative I do not want to hear it. I do not need nor want negativity in my life. I need to surround myself with those who want to support and and see me achieve my goals and dreams. I just wish on some level there was some sort of understanding of why i do what I do. I have tried to explain it to them and they just don’t want to or just don’t get it at all.

My life is my life and my goals are my goals. I have dreams that I want to see become a reality and I will do it with out without their support.

I am who I am love me or hate me for it.

I made the decision to change my life almost 2 years ago now. Over the past 2 years I’ve manged to lose right at 100 lbs.

It’s been an amazing and a hard 2 years. I’ve learned a lot about myself. I"m capable of things I never thought I could ever do.

I’ve ran several 5k’s a 10k and 2 half marathons.

Today was a big day for me. I ran the Ironton Memoral 5k for the 2nd time. This was the first race for me ever. I ran it for the first time last year. It was huge for me coming back to this race and running it again. To see how much i’ve changed and how much my time has improved over the past year. I asked everyone in my family if they wanted to go. I would of liked someone to be there for me. No one went.

To me this signifies my families support in my lifestyle and my desire to change it. One thing I continually struggle with is emotional eating. I am an emotional eater. Here lately I have been horrible with my food. I need to pin point my triggers and get them dealt with and my food under control.

I have this empty feeling in me and i keep trying to fill it with food which is how I got to my heaviest at 260 lbs. I will never go back to that. EVER. I am taking a week off from the gym. I have Ian this week and I am going to refocus, do some research and work on the inner me for a change. Maybe I can figure out that my trigger is that makes me want to binge. Then maybe I can get back in the gym and stay focused on me and get the body fat coming off again.

I am at a point where it is going to continually get harder and harder to drop the body fat. I am going to need all the support I can get and most importantly I have to believe in me. I wish my family could understand my food choices, my desire to spend what free time I have in the gym working on me. I get mostly complaints about not helping out or about the amount of time I spend in the gym.

I choose to be picky about what I put in my body. I choose to spend 2 to 2 1/2 hrs a day in the gym. There are my choices to have a healthier life style for me. The changes I have made are monumental. I just wish they seen it that way. How far I’ve come in the past year w/ my running is big to me and it’s nothing to them.

I mean for goodness sakes I’m on nbc’s website, i’m in a freakin’ book. You think it would hit home what I’ve done, what i’ve accomplished but I don’t think it has.

It has come down to I am who I am and I have goals I am going to meet. Either love me or hate me for who I am and who i have chose to be. This is my life and my goals and I can and will do it with or without their support. I am changing my life for me and I will do what I set out to do.

OK, I got that off my chest I feel better

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