Bloody Knuckles
Well today I decided to go to the gym, partly because I miss the atmosphere in a way, and partly because my long term boyfriend claimed he missed me and the gym is sort of ‘our thing’ …..or it used to be. Now he takes his best friend, brother whom I havent spoken to since I moved out, and his best friends girlfriend. Theyre always together, this possy along with his other friends and family..and he enjoys excluding me from his group. This time I decided to say hi but not even try to get in the mix of things, I dont belong with them. The fact that these people were in my gym though, with him, when it was our time, since we dont have date nights and see each other what ..maybe once a week? I was beyond upset.
The way I show anger is usually through over-training. I went in at 9:10pm and walked out at 11:30pm. I let him and his "group" do theyre ridiculous routine, its one thing to have one spot but I honestly think it was retarded…possibly because Im still silently angry.
I did back and biceps, I did every excersize fully until I couldnt move, and then punched the bag for a good 25 minutes, sadly I dont have gloves and I broke my skin yet again on my hands.
At the end of my long work out- we parted ways, which was even more strange because we had lived together for over a year and now we live seperately..I absolutely hate this situation and its killing me. 5 years Ive put into this and its the same childish games? I want a family and kids..BEFORE 30! Oiy……..
Im beyond stressed, I ate a low cal tuna salad when I got home, lots of iced tea, but did munch on some shrimp scampi that was somehow left in my fridge. Bad move but I COULD of gone for the ice cream, and believe me I can eat like half a tub in one sitting easily…Im sick I know haha…..
Well here I am patheticly writing on some random blog that I just recently started to write in again, cant sleep, my hands ache, and work tomorrow is my "monday" ..ugh….Not feeling it……my days off were spent studying Judaism for a world relegion class (really amazing class though)…but Im tired, and sad, and frusterated.
Im sure anyone who reads this will probably just be confused- Im sorry- but again its my blog and I had to attempt to write out ’some’ of my thoughts…Im more of a ‘painter’ type person when it comes to letting out feelings.
On a side note I assembled my p90 chin up bar all by myself!
August 26, 2009 at 3:14 am
Sounds like you’ve outgrown this guy.
August 26, 2009 at 3:18 am
Congratulations on assembling your chin up bar by yourself!!
I know you may not want me to say this but maybe it’s time you moved on. It seems that your ‘long term boyfriend’ isn’t paying you the respect you desserve. If my girlfriend and me our own time then I would make sure it was just me and her. But it seems that your ‘boyfriend’ is doing everything he can to not be alone with you.
Sorry, I’m not trying to be harsh but sometimes eyes looking in can see things more clearly. I hope it works out for you.
August 26, 2009 at 3:27 am
Hey, wow.
I loved your blog here. It was raw, passionate and candid. I like when people express what we’re all feeling inside. And I know it’s rough for you, but the good news is that your behavior is perfectly normal. If we all got over relationships that easily would they really mean anything ?
I will say that you’ve unwittingly stumbled across your own failing. You’ve mentioned that you go to the gym to get old feelings and just maybe be able to observe a group you once cared for. Well, forget it. You’re just punishing yourself. The best revenge is to live well, not to try to show anyone up. You know you’re strong. And if kids is your goal by 30,it’s time to go to another gym. Not because of them, but FOR you.
Keep up the hard work, sister !