Clos3r2myDr33ms’s BodyBlog

I am SO tired of people thinking that they have any say on how much I should weigh or what I should be eating. These so called "friends" know that i’m still overweight. Being 5′3" and 140 lbs is NOT okay. So why gang up on me at get togethers to eat cake, or cheddar hot dogs, or drink? What kind of friend is that? When they are eating junk I don’t say, "You better watch it before you end up a fatty!!!". But I get, "EAT something; you’re gonna get too skinny." What the hell?? I have never been skinny nor do I want to be. I’ve always appreciated muscular physiques and I know full well no one will see any definition on my body with a layer of fat covering it. I just wish I had more support from those around me.

For the most part this summer i’ve been maintaining. One of my good bodyspace friends suggested that I take a look at what triggers me to go off diet or training and go from there. Sooo, maybe my ramblings will bring some insight. When I first began this fitness quest I had a particular goal date. I was pushing as hard as I could with my diet and exercise to see how far it would take me by that one day. Well, that day has come and gone and so has my mojo. Everyone around me has been telling me how good I look nowadays and how they can tell i’ve been working out and although I can see a difference; I am still aware I have a ways to go. Yet and still, I haven’t been making moves to go forward. I’m taking in a lot of advice and I suppose i’m at a crossroads. Some say this lifestyle is extreme and I should do something I can live with. I tell them, "I can’t have watermelon!!" and the answer "What kind of diet won’t let you have watermelon? It’s fruit!". Well….if I want to be super lean watermelon isn’t exactly on the agenda at the moment but on the other hand I do need to ask myself where exactly is it that I want to go with this? What reasons do I have to put all my efforts towards leaning out? I can’t say that it’s to look good for my husband because he was still attracted to me when I was more uhh…soft. It’s not for swimsuit season because fall is quickly coming up and you don’t need a six pack to wear a sweater. The thought of competing next year has crossed my mind but thats soo far away! Hmm…

I know exactly what triggers me to go off my diet! During the week I eat well and train as usual but on the weekend we go out with friends (and no one I know is into this lifestyle) and I "forget" all about what i’m striving towards and gobble up pizza, cake, and other nonsense. By saturday night i’m pretty disgusted with myself but figure I might as well finish up the leftovers and begin again on monday. Sound familiar fellow chronic dieters? Monday just sounds like a good time to start something over lol. So here I am, up late on a sunday night contemplating what exactly will make this monday different.

There is one thing that everyone that has lost weight says that you should do that I haven’t…well, not for the second time. After I lost about 25 lbs I went out and got some new outfits. Now at 35 lbs lost my clothes are baggy once more but I haven’t wanted to go shopping again. I guess i’m afraid that (like in the past) I will gain the weight back and then i’ll have an even wider variety of sizes hanging out in my closet. But, with me holding on to clothes that are too big am I really saying "what if?" or "when the time comes?". I’ve got to stop doing this!!

 Alright, course of action decided: Since I now fit all of the "goal" outfits I once set out for myself, it’s time to buy a new one (or two or three)! That will be something tangible that I have to work towards and I can try it on every week to see if i’m closer to being able to wear it…and look good lol. This has been a particularly long bout of rambling but it’s definately helped me to sort some things out. Hooray for bodyspace!

Why do people automatically assume a person who is muscular or lost a great deal of weight are "using" something!? Has everyone encountered a naysayer like this or is it only me? As I flip through a musclemag my husband glances over at a page and says "steroids!" and goes about his business. I’m not sure why, but this bothers me. I show him a before and after of someone who has lost over a hundred pounds and he asks "what is he/she on?". Why do you have to be on something to be muscular or lose a lot of weight? I know there are people that use steroids to reach goals they’ve set for themselves but isn’t it stereotypical to assume that any "big" guy is using drugs? I don’t think a woman has to be on crack or get gastric bypass to lose 100 lbs. I’m closing in on a 40 lb loss and i’ve never used illegal substances in my life. It’s just amazing to me how someone could think that way, while at the same time living with a person who is undergoing a transformation themselves.

I flip through muscle and fitness magazine reading the articles and occassionally reading the ads and can’t help but wonder…is there an easier way?! My mind tells me that there is no other way to be fit and have a bangin body without putting in the work and taking time, but all the time you hear about quick and easy weightloss. Ads show transformations boasting claims like, "I lost 20 lbs in 6 weeks!" or "Gain muscle quickly!" and a person going from drab to fab on the page. Is losing 1-2 lbs a week really all one should expect? Am I really progressing at a "healthy" pace or is that a nice way of saying that i’m taking the slow boat to China? I’m going to try to be positive and believe that a pound lost is one less that i’ll be wearing on my figure. Perhaps i’ve been watching too much of The Biggest Loser lol.