Clos3r2myDr33ms’s BodyBlog

Since I’ve begun this journey into the world of fitness and health; I’ve become increasingly aware of how important it is to make each calorie (or point, in my case) count. For example, i’d much rather have six egg whites than two whole eggs. I’d rather have an extremely large salad, then 3 buffalo wings (speaking of which, who can actually stop at 3?!). This is where my husband and I disagree. I’d much rather have a vast majority of healthy foods in the house and be able to eat my fill, whereas he would rather have foods that are lacking in nutritional value, but eat less of it. He has never had a weight problem. I was reading a book by the title of Secrets of the Former Fat Girl by Lisa Delaney. She highlighted the fact that unlike some people who aren’t obsessed with food and fill their day with other interesting activities, those that are overweight do. And it doesn’t end once you achieve the magical number on the scale, or the perfect bodyweight, or the smallest jean size. Reading this book has made me aware of the fact that this is going to be an issue for the rest of my life. Everyday I have to make a conscious decision to only put into my body what will benefit me…and try to keep the crap consumption to a minimum on those weak times. Sometimes it’s difficult because for so long food has been my comfort. When i’m upset, when something in life happens that I can’t control, when I feel like giving up on myself, food has been there. Now I have to find a new crutch for my daily stresses. As of late, i’ve been taking it out on my stability ball. "I’ll show you world! Take that!" 500 crunches later I feel a little better. I suppose it beats running for the frozen pizza. For those of you that can completely avoid having comfort foods in the house, kudos to you and your family for all adopting a healthy lifestyle. I think that in my home, I may have to take a more gradual approach. Slowly substituting brown for white rice, soy chips for regular ones, flavored waters instead of sugar-laden juices. Rome wasn’t built in a day, right?

I’m not quite sure as to how to begin one of these, but I suppose blogging is an art that one improves on over time…much like fitness. I’ve been reading bodybuilding and fitness magazines since I was in middle school and despite my ever present interest, I’ve never just let go and went after it for myself. I begin working out and watching what I eat, I lose some weight, and then I get to that certain magic number on the scale and I give up on myself. I get fearful and i’m more comfortable being mediocre. Not exceptionally fit, not exceptional fat, just mediocre. I’m about 7 lbs from that magically number and I feel the fear creeping into my conscious already and it’s showing in my food and exercise journal. I had joined Weight Watchers this time around because I felt that paying for the program weekly and being forced to weigh in (instead of my usual binge and then ignore the scale for several weeks attitude) would help with the situation. I suppose we’ll know once I exceed my magic number. I’m ashamed that I’ve done this so many times and I’m more than ready to reach my goals. Can anyone else relate to this? Hitting that psychological brick wall and continuing to try to push past it? I’m beginning to notice quite a difference in how people treat me already. As I get heavier I tend to blend in with the masses, with just a few pounds removed, I get stopped on the street. It shouldn’t be that way!! I know that life isn’t fair and that a stellar personality isn’t going to get you hit on but damn…I know i’d rather be one of the "hot chicks" than a middle of the road kind of girl, it’s just that it hurts because i’m still the same person. If society responds to me differently at 23 lbs, what will life be like at 50? Not knowing the answer scares me and excites me at the same time. I’ll never know until I try.