Clos3r2myDr33ms’s BodyBlog

I’ve been doing a google search on this foot problem i’ve been having and have come up with dozens of possible causes. My weekly long run is up to 8 miles and every week, the morning after my longest run, the ball of my right foot is swollen…to the point where it’s painful to walk. Any suggestions as to what that could be? Are there any runners out there who have had a similar problem? I’m at a loss right now and the only suggestions I get from family members is quit running!

I am SO tired of people thinking that they have any say on how much I should weigh or what I should be eating. These so called "friends" know that i’m still overweight. Being 5′3" and 140 lbs is NOT okay. So why gang up on me at get togethers to eat cake, or cheddar hot dogs, or drink? What kind of friend is that? When they are eating junk I don’t say, "You better watch it before you end up a fatty!!!". But I get, "EAT something; you’re gonna get too skinny." What the hell?? I have never been skinny nor do I want to be. I’ve always appreciated muscular physiques and I know full well no one will see any definition on my body with a layer of fat covering it. I just wish I had more support from those around me.

Iiiitt’s Friiidaaayyy!! Here goes another fun filled weekend. What makes this one different than all the others of this summer? Well, i’m going to stick to eating clean lol. Last week it dawned on me that i’ve been maintaining these past few months and that definately was not the plan. I would do so well during the week and on the weekend I would eat enough to fuel a small army; definately not conducive to losing a pound or two a week. So now i’m cracking down so I can meet my end of the year goal of losing 50 lbs.

They say the best way to reach your destination is to map out your route to getting there so here’s what i’m going to do to steer clear of the food bonanza this labor day weekend:

1. Pack my own food in advance and bring it with me wherever I go

2. Carry that oh so friendly "crap pushers" letter by Chickentuna with me in my purse lol!

3. Drink lots of water so I don’t mistake hunger for thirst

4. Wear some hella tight jeans so I won’t forget why i’m doing this in the first place!

 I know some people would say taking a day off is fine…but for me, atleast right now, it’s not. I have found so many holidays to take off it’s ridiculous! And for me, a holiday lasts about 2-3 days. People always speculate about when is a good time to start eating right. Well, the answer is RIGHT NOW. If you wait, just think about how many holidays there are. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentines Day, St.Patrick’s Day, Easter…I mean, you can find a reason to eat junk all the time if you think about it. But how do you feel afterwards? I know for me, after I gorge myself I feel ill…and not just physically, but psychologically appalled. Then the next day when the leftovers are looking at me I figure, well…since it’s still here, I might as well finish it. Well, not anymore. Last time there was leftover rubbish in the fridge I threw it out the next morning. Hubby isn’t going to sit around eating it and I know for damn sure I don’t want 3000 calories sitting on my behind. Think about where you want to be and then look at what you’re about to throw down on…will it bring you closer to your dreams or farther away from them?

For the most part this summer i’ve been maintaining. One of my good bodyspace friends suggested that I take a look at what triggers me to go off diet or training and go from there. Sooo, maybe my ramblings will bring some insight. When I first began this fitness quest I had a particular goal date. I was pushing as hard as I could with my diet and exercise to see how far it would take me by that one day. Well, that day has come and gone and so has my mojo. Everyone around me has been telling me how good I look nowadays and how they can tell i’ve been working out and although I can see a difference; I am still aware I have a ways to go. Yet and still, I haven’t been making moves to go forward. I’m taking in a lot of advice and I suppose i’m at a crossroads. Some say this lifestyle is extreme and I should do something I can live with. I tell them, "I can’t have watermelon!!" and the answer "What kind of diet won’t let you have watermelon? It’s fruit!". Well….if I want to be super lean watermelon isn’t exactly on the agenda at the moment but on the other hand I do need to ask myself where exactly is it that I want to go with this? What reasons do I have to put all my efforts towards leaning out? I can’t say that it’s to look good for my husband because he was still attracted to me when I was more uhh…soft. It’s not for swimsuit season because fall is quickly coming up and you don’t need a six pack to wear a sweater. The thought of competing next year has crossed my mind but thats soo far away! Hmm…

I know exactly what triggers me to go off my diet! During the week I eat well and train as usual but on the weekend we go out with friends (and no one I know is into this lifestyle) and I "forget" all about what i’m striving towards and gobble up pizza, cake, and other nonsense. By saturday night i’m pretty disgusted with myself but figure I might as well finish up the leftovers and begin again on monday. Sound familiar fellow chronic dieters? Monday just sounds like a good time to start something over lol. So here I am, up late on a sunday night contemplating what exactly will make this monday different.

There is one thing that everyone that has lost weight says that you should do that I haven’t…well, not for the second time. After I lost about 25 lbs I went out and got some new outfits. Now at 35 lbs lost my clothes are baggy once more but I haven’t wanted to go shopping again. I guess i’m afraid that (like in the past) I will gain the weight back and then i’ll have an even wider variety of sizes hanging out in my closet. But, with me holding on to clothes that are too big am I really saying "what if?" or "when the time comes?". I’ve got to stop doing this!!

 Alright, course of action decided: Since I now fit all of the "goal" outfits I once set out for myself, it’s time to buy a new one (or two or three)! That will be something tangible that I have to work towards and I can try it on every week to see if i’m closer to being able to wear it…and look good lol. This has been a particularly long bout of rambling but it’s definately helped me to sort some things out. Hooray for bodyspace!

I had my second meal of the day at 5 in the afternoon and this had a DRAMATIC effect on my energy for todays workout. Now I see why people say not to skip meals lol. I could list a few excuses but I know that honestly, I should have just planned ahead. I bought a pack of EAS bars so that I can throw them in my purse when I know i’ll be out and about for a few hours. I have no problem driving right past fast food restaurants, it’s just that after all that time of not eating I want to come home and either take a nap, or eat enough to make up for meals lost. Neither of which is really an option. Today was a lesson learned.

Today I did 20 minutes of HIIT cardio in the early morning. I’m in disbelief that that’s all is required in this program. I’m used to doing 30-60 mins. Perhaps I should do more on the next cardio day? Hmmm…So far so good. I’m pretty sore from yesterdays workout and feeling great! I’m going to be working on getting more water in today and planning tomorrows lower body workout.

I’ve decided to begin the Body for Life program today. I’m pretty stubborn when it comes to thinking that i’ve got everything figured out but i’ve gotten to the point where i’m ready to admit…maybe I don’t lol. I’ve been on sooo many different diets and regimes it’s terrible. I was planning to begin this program in secret and only reveal what plan I was following after I have some results to show, but then I thought to myself, announcing what my intentions are will keep me accountable. If no one knows you’re trying, no one can know that you failed…but at the same time, that makes it a whole lot easier to give up on yourself. Sooo here goes.

Why do people automatically assume a person who is muscular or lost a great deal of weight are "using" something!? Has everyone encountered a naysayer like this or is it only me? As I flip through a musclemag my husband glances over at a page and says "steroids!" and goes about his business. I’m not sure why, but this bothers me. I show him a before and after of someone who has lost over a hundred pounds and he asks "what is he/she on?". Why do you have to be on something to be muscular or lose a lot of weight? I know there are people that use steroids to reach goals they’ve set for themselves but isn’t it stereotypical to assume that any "big" guy is using drugs? I don’t think a woman has to be on crack or get gastric bypass to lose 100 lbs. I’m closing in on a 40 lb loss and i’ve never used illegal substances in my life. It’s just amazing to me how someone could think that way, while at the same time living with a person who is undergoing a transformation themselves.

What keeps you motivated? For me my view of myself and my progress is always shifting between one extreme or another because when i’m ambivalent about it, my progress stalls. Let me explain.

When i’m frustrated with my weightloss and critical of my eating habits, sometimes that can be the push I need to make me clean up my act and get it together with my workouts. It can be that harsh conversation with myself that is the deciding factor between giving that cardio session my all, or skipping it completely…but too much of my own negativity and I begin to feel like, what’s the use? Why even continue when this journey is so difficult?

On the opposite end of the spectrum is the positive side of myself. This is the Brittney that says i’m doing great, looking fabulous, and have come a long way. This is the kind of talk that can also motivate me to continue because i’m seeing changes in the way I feel, look, and behave. Too much of the positivity and I feel that I look so good I might as well have some cake though lol.

How do you strike a balance between having a positive body image while still working to improve yourself? I see people on this site who look amazing and they still manage to give 100% everyday towards improving themselves and one would assume that they feel great about their appearance too. Perhaps i’m wrong and when they look in the mirror they see themselves as "under construction". Everytime I go out shopping and end up purchasing a smaller size it’s a trigger for me. I feel so good about it that I automatically feel like getting a little treat to celebrate. It’s terrible! And as of a couple weeks ago that led to a stall in my progress so now with each pound lost or smaller size I work out extra hard that day to overcompensate for my desire to get something fattening. Isn’t that odd? Perhaps its subconscious self-sabotage. Or it’s that same reflex for a cookie that you learn you should receive when being good as a child. Does anyone else do this?

I flip through muscle and fitness magazine reading the articles and occassionally reading the ads and can’t help but wonder…is there an easier way?! My mind tells me that there is no other way to be fit and have a bangin body without putting in the work and taking time, but all the time you hear about quick and easy weightloss. Ads show transformations boasting claims like, "I lost 20 lbs in 6 weeks!" or "Gain muscle quickly!" and a person going from drab to fab on the page. Is losing 1-2 lbs a week really all one should expect? Am I really progressing at a "healthy" pace or is that a nice way of saying that i’m taking the slow boat to China? I’m going to try to be positive and believe that a pound lost is one less that i’ll be wearing on my figure. Perhaps i’ve been watching too much of The Biggest Loser lol.