Camogirlie’s BodyBlog

For the last oh 1.5yrs-2yrs ive been Confused as hell! I’ve been struggling to lose weight.. Get my body to were I want it to be.. I know we ALL struggle with it on a daily basis.. We struggle with finding that perfect ratio of how much energy we export versus how much food we put in our mouth.. At first losing weight wasn’t so bad.. I dropped weight with a plan a nutritionist put me on easily.. but a few months in I started getting bad eating behaviors.. AKA over eating on a regular basis. I would stick to my to low caloric plan for a few days.. Then have this urge to eat everything in site.. Usually the urge won.. I was so frustrated with this cycle.. I thought I was weak with no self control. My boyfriend at the time made me feel worse.. Telling me “just do it.. It’s easy.. Just don’t eat so much”.. Then when I did stick strictly to my plan for weeks straight being perfect I didn’t lose weight.. In fact I would gain.. It was so confusing and frustrating! I always ventured back to the plan that had worked in the beginning of my weight loss journey.. But it always backfired.. Continuing the cycle..

February 2009: .. I was sick of it.. Sick of being so strict.. Of never having enough room in my macros to make treats fit.. So I said screw it.. Started eating more.. Not much more.. maybe a few hundred cals more.. I was to scared to try something drastic…. I still worked out.. because I love it and actually enjoy it.. Cardio though.. Eh not so much.. So I cut back on cardio also.. Took it down to 20 minutes of whatever I was feeling 5 days a week.. I slowly started to lose weight again.. I wasn’t stressing out.. I was actually happy..

April 2009: My boyfriend and I broke up.. He said I was “to fat” and he wasn’t attracted to me anymore.. HAHAHA! That’s a joke.. Oh well.. I know I wasn’t fat.. It was time anyways.. There was a lot he needed to work on within himself.. I had been with him for about 3.5yrs, he taught me a lot about working out, but dieting around him was hell.. He was always giving me crap about what I ate, and constantly nagging me if I didn’t do cardio.. For once I was Free to diet how I wanted and “test” my body if you will.. Figure out what works for me… While with my ex I was scared to test my body.. Scared I would gain weight because he wouldn’t approve.. With him I always thought “eat less=lose more weight” Or “do more cardio=Lose more weight”.. I found out the hard way.. that that isn’t always the case.. So after we broke up I thought, I could get back on an organized “plan” again.. Not just go day to day with no macro goal.. cause that’s what I was doing.. Just eating more, but still not really a whole lot for my size.. Everyone told me I was under eating.. So.. I went to a site a fitness competitor recommended.. Set up a caloric zig zag plan.. figured out my macros, and took it on.. I’m eating almost double some days what I use to.. WAY more carbs then I could have imagined.. I don’t get crazy bloated anymore when I have something “off” plan… I don’t really have cravings and I haven’t had a bad over eating session in awhile.. I’m also losing weight again!!! I’m the smallest I’ve been in a awhile.. I think I look at lot better and things are finally setting into place.. Everyone’s body is different.. its challenging to figure out what works for you.. but you have to be willing to try.. I wasn’t willing in the past out of fear.. But now that I don’t have anything to lose, I’m making leaps and bounds towards my goals.. I’m still amazed that I can eat more, cut down my cardio and I’m losing weight.. Obviously my body is a lot smarter than I think it is.. Once I started under eating it went wacky, and threw a fit.. Just wanted to share my new findings..

Good friends are great to have.
 

Very few people, very few understand my goals.  I know that many of you can relate to this.. People don’t understand why we dedicate so much of our free time (some of us, ALL our spare time) to going to the gym, measuring and pre-packing meals.  I usually get a strange look when I explain to people that I go to bed at 6pm because I get up at 3am to head to the gym.. Even people who have the same kind of life style as me give me strange looks and give me the “man your dedicated” speech.. But hey, the gym isn’t crowded at 3:30 am is it?  No, its not.. and that’s what fits into my schedule the best.. And if I want to have a rockin bod.. I will fit gym time in, no excuses!…..So,  I work with the usual crowd.. The fatty’s that eat McDonalds everyday.. and the lady that has a desk full of 100-calorie packs.. but proceeds to eat 6 of them..  The “I’m starting my diet on Monday”, and the “But I ate a salad for lunch” people…We all know them…  Today we had a department potluck at noon… Well, with my eating schedule I’m suppose to eat at 10:30 am.. So I did.. But I still attended the potluck to socialize… Not more than 5 minutes into the potluck I’m getting weird looks as I’m sitting alone while everyone gets up and gathers there food.. I don’t care.. doesn’t bother me at all…. A few Moments later its “You’re not eating?!?!” I simply say “no, I ate earlier, I’m not hungry, thanks though”..  Minutes later I hear some team mates of mine behind me and they say “Marlo, were making fun of you.. You didn’t eat earlier did you?!”  I said “no I did at 10:30, like I ALWAYS do”…. Some more comments are made.. blah blah blah.. whatever.. I don’t let comments like this bother me.. Not anymore at least.. At one point and time I felt insecure about busting out my Tupperware at family parties, or simply not eating while others were at events.. I hated the stares, and the whispers..  But that ship has long since sailed.. I’m much more confident in who I am, and I don’t feel the need to explain myself and my fitness goals to people anymore.. because they simply just don’t get it.. and I don’t expect them to.. I mean after all the majority of America is obese anyways.. YES I know IM DIFFERENT.. Yes I know its WEIRD.. But when I’m confident on the beach this summer, and there hiding under there baggy clothes, or avoiding the beach all together they are going to wish they made some lifestyle changes to.. “Maybe next summer” right… LOL.. yeah keep telling yourself that.. 

            I have a wonderful lady that I work with that I love dearly.. She supports me 110% in my goals.. And although she let herself go quite some time ago.. she understands that even though I am thin, and that I have a great body NOW.. that I still want a better one.. After the potluck, I was sitting at my desk reading some emails and she came over to me and gives me a BIG hug.. and she goes “I don’t want you listening to any of that crap those people say.. I support you, and I think you are wonderful.. You are a great inspiration to me and you keep doing what you’re doing”…. Yeah.. Good friends are great to have.. They truly are to be loved and appreciated.. I hope that all you guys out there have at least 1 person that supports you.  I know that I have several in my life.. and some days its still hard…

Being that you are reading this, you’re probably into working out and share a great love of the fitness lifestyle.. So like me, I’m sure you hear/get certain comments ALL the time that you are just really tired of hearing.. Below are a few of mine..

-“I use to look like you.. When I was younger.”  First thing that comes to my mind.. What changed?!?!  If you use to look like me, why wouldn’t you want to maintain that and continue looking awesome.. Okay, okay.. So you had a baby.. well… that was 3 years ago.. You’ve had plenty of time to change things around.. there are AMAZING women out there that have had children and you wouldn’t even be able to tell.. They didn’t make excuses, so why should you! 

-“I wish I had time to go to the gym”…. I understand some people are busy.. But there is ALWAYS time for it if you really want to do it.. You will make time for it…. You have time to go home and sit on your butt watching TV right.. How about taking a walk after dinner.. Just getting up and doing SOMETHING is better than sitting there wishing… I chose to get up and go to the gym at 3am, so that I have plenty of time to workout, pack my lunch and get ready and be at work by 6am… I make time for it…  If you have children, take them to the park.. Have them ride there bike while you go for a walk.. Just stop being lazy!

-“I wish I was as dedicated/motivated as you”…I admit there are days were I just want to sleep in, stay home do NOTHING.. But I get up anyways.. I know I will feel much better once I do.. But why can’t you be as dedicated as me?!?!  It’s a mental thing.. You see it as this unattainable task.. Like its SOOO exhausting.. So you defeat yourself before you even try..  I just don’t give myself an option.. Just do it.. Because when I’m standing there looking in the mirror and I’m not 100% satisfied with what I see, I only have myself to blame.. It wasn’t my boyfriend sitting there eating chips on the couch.. No it was ME because I couldn’t resist and had to stick my hand in the bag… You just have to want it bad enough and the motivation and dedication will follow.. I also have pictures of awesome bodies everywhere.. I have them at work on my walls, on my phone, on the fridge.. Fitness magazines literally everywhere in my house!  So I’m not perfect.. every now and then I still need me a pick me up.. So I go online and look at my favorite physiques… Before you know it I’m putting on my gym clothes and heading out the door cause I cant wait!  

So I turned 21 on Tuesday and I never really have understood the whole hoopla about turning 21.. wait.. I take that back (sarcastically) I am now of legal age to consume alcoholic beverages… That’s why EVERYONE else gets excited about turning 21… I on the other hand am not a regular run of the mill 21 year old.. I get up at 3am Monday-Friday to go to the gym and lift weights.. then after working an 8 hour day go back to the gym for cardio.  I calculate and measure out pretty much every single piece of food I put into my mouth.. My favorite past time…. Checking out hot bodies and reading up on anything I can related to working out.. My family knows of my fitness related lifestyle, all my co-workers know of my lifestyle, even my friends do.. so why is it so hard for people to understand that JUST because I turned 21 doesn’t mean I automatically want to go out to the bar and get wasted! If I wanted to drink, I would regardless if I’m 21 or not… I don’t want to go to the bar because I could care less about drinking.. I never have been into drinking/partying….But now, since having a sculpted physique is a major part of my life I REALLY REALLY don’t want to go to the bar…. All those extra calories and empty carbs can do hazardous things to my goal.  Why is it that when I say “no, I’m not into drinking, thanks though” people think I’m joking… Or they say “why, boyfriend wont let you go”.. I guess I’m just at that age were partying is just what your suppose to do.. Well that’s cool.. I don’t want to be like everyone else.. If I wanted to be like everyone else, I would sleep in, eat lunch out every single day rather than having my portion controlled packed snacks, come home sit on my butt while I eat a bag of cheetos, and maybe some cookies after….  Eventually people will leave me alone about the whole “we are SO taking you out to the bar!!” thing.. and finally realize that no I don’t want to go because I’m choosing not to go…. I just think its so funny how its such a big deal to people.. the looks on there faces are hilarious.. and when they do the head tilt, and scrunch up there face because they are so confused as to why I’m not jumping at the opportunity to go have drinks makes me giggle inside! 

So, since ive been eating clean things have been going really well.. I havent had any cravings, over ate or even cheated. I feel sorta dumb like i should have been doing this all along if its so easy for me.. I write down what i eat every single day, make sure i do my cardio.. and things are going awesome.. Saw my nutritionist last Sunday and ive lost a little over 6lbs, and 2% body fat so far! Yes im finally on the right track!! 

Some down sides/funny quirks to my eat clean, eat on a schedule diet.. 

-Fish smell at work=VERY unhappy coworkers!! 

-Making sure i always have something good to eat when im out and about on the weekends. 

-Always getting the “why are you drinking so much water” or “what are you eating”, “why arent you eating what we are eating” questions.. It gets annoying after awhile.. then when i tell them i chose not to eat what they are eating because i have a goal in mind. Then i get the scowls, and the “youre stick skinny, you dont need to lose weight.. were are you gonna lose weight on your eyelashes” -oh yes, ive heard that a couple of times.. 

-Weird looks from people at the grocery store as i go from isle to isle picking up just about every single box on the shelves-reading the label, then putting it back on the shelf..LOL!! I think its hilarious! People probably think i have some weird box touching OCD! 

-The over-abundant collection of plastic containers i now have spilling out of every drawer in my kitchen. 

Some AWESOME things about my my eat clean, eat on a schedule diet.. 

-Finding new recipes to whip up! 

-Finding food that is good for me but tastes just as good if not better than the REAL fatty enhanced version. 

-Learning to experiment with my cooking, being creative. 

-OH AND OF COURSE RESULTS!!!!! 

So, what inspired this blog.. Well.. This Saturday night my boyfriend and I are taking my mom and step dad out to dinner at my step dads favorite restaurant for his birthday. Well, i am very serious about my ways of eating now, and just because its someones birthday doesnt mean im going to throw in the towel for the day.. So the past few days ive been thinking “what can i eat there!! Surely im not going to bring in my tupperware containers to a fancy restaurant”  A few minutes ago i went onto the restaurants website, and i looked up there nutritional info on there meals.  I printed it out, and as i sat there highlighting potential meals, and dividing some of the portions in half, some even in 4ths, i giggled at myself.. I thought ‘WOW! Look at me.. Im already so adapted to this life style its not even funny.. its only been a few weeks and its been cake! Most people would take every advantage of this birthday situation to splurdge and eat whatever!’ Im so pleased with my progress, and how im doing!  Ive been tossing the idea around about getting my diet on track for a long time now.. But i finally have my foot in the door and making long sturdy strides to my goal.. 

So, I’m starting all over again pretty much.. I met up with my nutritionist for the first time yesterday and I’m SOOO excited.. She gave me a lot of information to get me on the right track.. She measured my body fat %.. A LOT higher than I originally thought… but oh well.. at least it gives me a good starting off point… And I’m sure I will see more drastic results that way..  I set my IDEAL goal to be around 14% BF by Memorial day weekend Next year.. So May 26^th, 2008.  Count down begins!!!  I go on vacation then, so it’s my first chance to sport a bikini next year (perhaps the ‘lil camo number I have in my pics!!) Oh I hope so!! My nutritionist says I should be at 16ish BF% by New Years.. Which would be totally awesome.. I know I can do it.. I’m honestly tired of being unhappy with my results.. But I have no one but myself to blame… So I’m doing something about it… for good.. I have the knowledge now.. or at least I have someone who has the knowledge.. LOL! So.. there’s nothing left to do, but keep a strong mind set, and keep pushing hard in the gym.  I’m ready for some real progress… not the “I don’t think I’m making ANY, or at least enough for me to notice progress” I’m talking the, “holy cow, look at my body change” kinda progress.. I’ve seen so many progress pictures on this site, and its incredibly motivating.. I cant wait to be part of others inspirations, some day.. Well.. here goes nothing…….

      So Saturday night I had a dream that I was competing… which is weird cause I really have no desire to compete.. But in my dream I was all excited and totally pumped for the competition. I was putting on layer after layer of my tan… checking it out in a big mirror.. and putting my sparkly purple two piece suit on…. THEN I realized “OMG I haven’t been dieting.. I’m SO not prepared.. I’m gonna look terrible out there on stage!!!” I looked the way I do now, which is for sure not competition shape… But I went out there and did it anyways.. I don’t remember the actual competition part of my dream.. but I think I won.. LOL!!! (YEAH RIGHT!!) But I was walking around after the show still in my suit and heels with a big trophy in my hand.. I ran up to my mom who was crying cause she was so proud.. my whole family was there, and a bunch of my friends.. it was totally random.. But I do have weird dreams often.. I just thought it was funny cause I was totally scared and nervous I could feel it in my stomach in my dream.. I give major props to those who actually do compete.. I got a little dosage of what its like in my dream.. and dang its stressful!!

So I took last week off from lifting.  My muscles were pretty fatigued considering I only take on day off from the gym a week and I never slack when it comes to pushing myself in the gym. It’s also been almost 6 months since I had a break! This morning was my first day back in the gym and I’m VERY excited.  I’ve got butterflies in my tummy right now just thinking about the week ahead.. I know I’m weird…But whatever, I don’t care!   Even though I took a week off I don’t feel like I lost much muscle.  My arms still feel strong and hard, and they still have the same definition.  And it’s been almost a month since I did legs.  I do legs on Saturdays and the past month has been seriously busy with crap on Saturdays.  But yet.. my legs still feel strong and hard also.. Normally after I take a week off from lifting (let alone a month from legs) everything feels soft and I feel like I’m starting all over again.. But this time I don’t feel like that at all.. So I’m really excited to see what kinda gains/progress I can get considering I don’t feel like my itty bitty muscles melted away.. Last week I looked up some calculators on BB.com for how many cals, pro, carbs, fat grams I’m suppose to be taking in each day…. I’m not entirely sure HOW accurate it is considering I don’t know that my BF% is accurate.  But I’m planning on writing down what I eat in my food journal!  So here goes nothing….

So my work is putting this on for Charity.  We always joke around the office that they always reward us with FOOD!  And they do, pizzas, potlucks, donut breakfasts, the saturated fat list goes on and on! Hence the reason why most of the people that work here are fatty’s and flat assed!  But this is for charity again… So it makes it okay.. RIGHT?!?!? WROOOONG!! So this is what you get….You get The Super Nachos with all the greasy fatty calorie filled toppings including Fake cheese, chemically enhanced peppers, fat injected sour cream and Refried Beans all for only 5 BUCKS!  Or you can have a LOVELY Chili Cheese hot dog, with Fake cheese, processed bun, and get this… fat soaked chili..Also for 5 bucks!  OR OR!! You can be a BIG SPENDER and get all of the above for only 8 dollars.!! IT is for charity folks.. So don’t feel bad that your tummy is gonna be going “NO BAD!! TERRIBLE FOOD, PUT IT DOWN” while your heart can feel all warm and fuzzy cause you helped charity!   How about just donating and not eating the junk….No that’s to much to ask for huh!… LOL.. Okay..i will go eat my veggies and tuna and giggle at your weakness!! Oh and don’t forget to grab some cookies, chips and the sugary pop on your way out! THANKS!

PS. I have pictures of this lovely feast, But i suck at computers and i CANT seem to make it work! UGH!

So over the weekend as I would pass myself in the mirror I would think “huh! Looking good! Making improvements.”   I felt really confident!  I can actually see that i’m making progress for a change.  My abs are starting to show and I can feel that my ab muscles are a lot stronger and harder!  Needless to say I’m really excited!  I bought Hydroxycut Hardcore this weekend, and I started taking it today, so I’m hoping that it will give me more energy and help me lose some body fat.  I rested all weekend and even skipped Leg day on Saturday so that I could rest up to continue to push hard in the gym and get results.  I feel good, and I can’t wait for the upcoming week!!