Men! Don’t Let This Happen To You!
In today’s blog I am about to address an issue that has the potential to affect the very survival of all of mankind. So, guys please listen very closely and ladies feel free to read along and warn the men in your life’s about this very serious problem. Please be warned though that the following blog may cause visuals that most men will find extremely disturbing and may cause a complete mental breakdown in those with weak minds so reader beware! It also contains frank and graphic descriptions of blood and gore that many women may find humorous but only if you are of a sick, sick nature.
Right now you’re probably asking, "B would could be so important that you would write a special blog about it warning all men?" "Is it a killer virus threatening to wipe out all of mankind?"
"Nope!"
"Are we about to be attacked by a hoard of killer Zombies?"
"Probably but that’s not the problem of which I speak."
"Well then B what are you talking about?"
The problem of which I speak has plagued man for over 100 years. It has caused serious injury to hundreds of thousands of men worldwide leaving many mutilated for life and in some instances the bleeding from such severe mutilations has even caused death. The embarrassment alone and the stigma attached to this issue is enough to make a man wish he were dead. The issue of which I speak….is the mutilation of the male penis by that hideous invention…the zipper.
That’s right my low browed reader! For over 100 years men have been getting their pee pees literally ripped off by this weapon of mass destruction known as a zipper. Even the mightiest of Slayers have been brought to their very knees by the zipper.
The reason I write to you today of this very serious problem is that I myself am currently recovering from a sneak attack from the zipper. The wound was slight but the pain and embarrassment continues to linger several days after the initial incident. I"m not really sure how this happened as I am always careful but so crafty is the zipper that if a man lets his guard down for even a second…..zing!!! His penis could be gone forever! This is something that most men do not recover from nor would they even want to for what would be the purpose of living without ones penis. There would be no point in going on.
By now most of you are probably thinking…"What can I do to keep from having my penis mutilated or even severed by my zipper?" Well the first step is making all men aware of the problem. We must pass the word men! Tell everyone you know to be weary of the zipper. I also think we should write our lawmakers in our State Capitols and in Washington itself and ask that legislation be passed outlawing the manufacture of all zippers in male trousers. Bring back the button flies will be our battle cry!
I am dead serious about this and will take my fight to the streets if need be. I will not rest till not one more single penis ever falls prey to another zipper. I urge all men who are serious about the health of their penis to join me in my battle. Let me hear from you now men! Tell me what you are willing to do to end this senseless mutilation at the hands of this mechanical monster known as the zipper. If you truly love your penis….and I know you do…..then you should be willing to fight for it.
Till next time my brothers in the battle…..Lift Long And Prosper! And be sure the horsey is in the barn before you close the door. So sayeth………
"B"….real or B gone!
May 20, 2008 at 7:41 am
its not really a big problem man. i mean slow and steady does the trick (not pissing, zipping) and if it bothers you that much loads of trousers have button flies.
May 20, 2008 at 8:47 am
My penis is trained to Zipper Dodge!…lol Even if I forget to tuck and stuff….it knows to go turtle when the zipper start comming up! Keep on Keepin!
Real Men Have Mass!
May 20, 2008 at 8:59 am
Anyone that has seen "There’s Something About Mary" knows all too well of this danger! It needs to be addressed… there should be a ban on zippers! LOL That’s why I like sweat pants! LOL
May 20, 2008 at 9:22 am
seems to me, just a girl mind you, that it’s a trade off … if you’ve got the stuffins jammed in there in a, um, large capacity, then you must pay the price of being careful.
May 20, 2008 at 2:10 pm
LMAO, oh no, that’s awful!! My standard for all injuries is to kiss it and make it feel better, but in this case it probably shouldn’t apply!
I hope you feel better soon!!
May 20, 2008 at 3:07 pm
ROFLMAO….omg….I’m at work! GAWD B…your blogs definatly need more warning before we read them! I’m laughing SO hard right now…and I burst out so loud people walking past the store looked in! lmao
Sorry about your penis! I’m like Pix…but again…it cant apply in this situation (wink) Ummm….be more careful dude!
May 20, 2008 at 3:31 pm
OMG that is soooo funny! Thanks for the laugh!!!!
May 21, 2008 at 1:31 am
brother unite! Recently it has not been my penis that has been the victim, but my boxers! My zipper has become so crafty that it is now attacking my boxers to find my penis. My zipper had a good grip on my boxers for 5 minutes at work a few weeks ago. Try explaining to your boss that it may take longer than expected to get back to work! A battle my zipper put up but I was persistent and never lost sight of my ultimate goal….penile survival!
May 21, 2008 at 3:42 am
Hey Mike that’s the name of the game brother. Penis survival!
May 21, 2008 at 4:17 am
I knew I would be rolling when I read this post. Leave it to B to bring out the serious problems of the world. ROFL
My littlest guy refused to wear jeans for years because of an attack. Eventually I had to throw out all stretch/sweat pants and he had no choice but to learn how to properly put himself a way.
May 21, 2008 at 4:22 am
Steph I’ve heard this story time and time again. An attack as a child can leave the victim mentally scarred for life. I’m glad the little guy had a good mommy like you who forced him to face his fears. I once had a serious attack as a child and didn’t wear any pants at all for like 2 years. The kids in kindergarten all made fun of me cause I didn’t wear undies either even back then. I sometimes still have nightmares about it.
May 21, 2008 at 4:24 am
Damn B. I can see how you would be scarred for life.
May 21, 2008 at 10:12 am
You poor man! Get well soon!
May 21, 2008 at 3:02 pm
LOL hmm i guess in this case even a nurse cant help you…hope you recover soon.cute blog but serious
May 21, 2008 at 10:07 pm
LMAO - such an attack is a vicious thing! Oh, the pain! The pain!
I used to run to my mommy whenever little Willy got stuck in the trenches. I guess it would be embarrassing to consider that an option today
May 27, 2008 at 3:28 pm
oh, i am writing my senator as we speak!! LOL!!!! oh, my.. this is hilariousl…