Springtime In ****holeville!
Awww spring has sprung all over the country and here in Shitholeville it’s no different.
Spring in Shitholeville brings about lots of changes. Birds are chirping, flowers are blooming, well at least in places where anything will still grow after that nasty seeping incident at the toxic waste plant last fall! But I’ll save that story for another day. Anyway where was I??? Ahhhh yes spring! One of the markers of spring in Shitholeville is the annual return of the turkey buzzards and blue blow flies! They return to Shitholeville every spring just like clockwork and take up residence at the animal carcass rendering plant and road kill storage unit on the outskirts of town. It’s truly an amazing site and one that we locals are privileged to enjoy all summer long. Kind of makes ya wished ya lived here doesn’t it.
I know this sounds rather sexist but my favorite passage of spring is the trailer park princesses breaking out their brand new spring halter tops and Daisy Duke short shorts. They are certainly a site to see as they are pushing their baby strollers through town in their lovely spring outfits with six or seven little curtain climbers in tow! I could watch that little parade all day long let me tell ya! I noticed that Tammy Sue Bigboobs was modeling the latest maternity halter the other day. She is expecting number 8 anytime. The indentity of the Father is quit the mystery here in town.
Springtime in Shitholeville is also a festive time and many festivals are held each year to usher in Spring! At the festivals there are many events for young and old alike. Such as tobacco chewing and spitting contest….my wife’s cousin Etta won that last year with a monster spit of over 25 feet! Incredible! And there are pie eating contest, and midget tosses and last year Johnny Joebob brought in a mutated animal that he found out by that aforementioned toxic waste spill and we had a contest to see if we could guess what kind of animal it was before it was changed by that nasty toxic waste. I guessed it was a squirrel but as it turned out it was old man Billbob’s dog! We all had fun guessing though.
Yes springtime in Shitholeville is certainly a wonderful time and I would like to encourage all my friends to come on down anytime and visit us. We’d be proud to have ya in our little town….this little slice of heaven we call home! Just make sure all your shot are up to date.
Till next time my friends…Lift Long and Prosper!
"B"….real or "B" gone!
April 17, 2008 at 9:35 am
LOL Springtime in Shitholeville sounds like paradise! And if I wasn’t already happily involved, I would demand that you would introduce me to this Etta - any woman being able to spit that long is right up my alley!!!
April 17, 2008 at 9:42 am
let me guess, the trailer trash with the curtain climber model their clothes, including the g-string sticking out of the oversized load in their daisy dukes.
remember ladies, showing your g-string is a right not a privelage!
April 17, 2008 at 11:19 am
LMAO, you HAVE to be the p.r. guy for Shiteholeville’s Board of Tourism, aren’t you?? The maternity halter was my favorite part
April 17, 2008 at 11:30 am
OMG! Sounds dreamy. Sign me up for the midget toss! LOL!!
April 17, 2008 at 11:32 am
Now Brian….you are just upset b/c you can’t pass for one of curtain climbers anymore!! I would be, too. TDetroit is talking about whale tails up in Shitholeville! I think KM just got his shots updated for his trip to Russia, but now I think it’s just so he can go there to visit.
April 17, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Why haven’t I heard of this Heaven On Earth before??? Is there a website??? Souvenier shop?? T-shirt I can buy??? TELL MEE!!!!!
April 17, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Ah shitholeville, your making me nostalgic. My own small-medium town has an identity disorder; it thinks its a city. Kind of like the Chihuahua that attacks like a Rottweiler and squacks like a chicken when it gets trampled and wont shut up. It still acts like it owns the world and it thinks its cultured. Hey, I like a dance at the Knights of Columbus Hall as much as the next girl, but quit acting like its the Savoy.
April 17, 2008 at 9:03 pm
*LOL* You should write the visitors brochure!
April 18, 2008 at 2:12 am
maybe that toxic dump could be the home of the teenage mutant ninja turtles! LOL…Are there trailers for rent there while on vacation?
April 18, 2008 at 3:44 am
Oh my gosh! I’m packing up the curtain climbers and headin that way! Just bought the girls and I matching halters!! Paradise here I come!!
April 19, 2008 at 7:19 pm
I could almost hear you reciting this blog in your best Jeff Foxworthy voice LOL