The Chronicles of “B”

Every slayer knows there are several levels of darkness.  The lowest level is at dusk when the light is first captured by the darkness and is more of a grey than black and the highest level is in the dead of the night when the darkness envelops you so tightly that your very breath can barely exit your lungs.  This is when the evil emerges from the fiery pits of hell to wreck havoc on all of mankind!  This is the type of darkness that has had your burly hero in it’s grasp for the longest of times.

Now that I have embarked on my quest for physical perfection I feel that I may have finally broken the bonds of darkness that has held me in it’s steely grasp.  For the past week I have not seen even one sign of a single zombie nor have I been stricken by any mysterious maladies leaving me unable to perform my duties as a slayer.  But, I am fully aware of how the evil lurks in the shadows…..waiting always waiting for that one opportunity to strike.  Were I to let my guard down for even 1 second I could be consumed once again by the darkness…..this fact is forever in the back of my mind. 

So even though the temptation to relax is constantly there I will not give in to it.  I will not be tempted by the unclean food of the underworld for if I were to taste even one morsel I would be lost and the darkness would once again find a foothold in my very soul.

As I begin week 2 of my 12 week quest I can not help but feel there is a storm brewing on the horizon but I will not be swayed from my righteous quest!  On the contrary my faithful readers my resolve is intensified and I plan on stepping up the intensity! 

Satan will surely continue to tempt me with all sorts of evil spells but I will stay strong and at the end of my 12 week quest I will cast him and all his minions back into the fiery pits of hell from whence they came!!!

Lift long and prosper my friends!!

"B" 

I saw something as I was driving around today that really hit me hard.  I was driving out in the country and I noticed a house that had a big homemade sign on the side of it.  The sign read……

THANK YOU JESUS FOR BRINGING MY DADDY HOME ALIVE AND IN ONE PIECE!

There was some other stuff written on it that looked as though it was probably signatures.  Seeing this sign really chocked me up.  Little kids like this don’t understand the politics of war.  They don’t care what the reasons are for us being there or whether we are right or wrong.  All they know is that their Daddy or their Mommy is gone and they are scared that they might not come back.  This is the face of war that we sometimes overlook.  Please try to remember that these are real people not just statistics.  They are some sweet little girls Daddy…not a body count.  Some rotten little boys mommy…not a casualty of war.  For every person over in Iraq there is at least 1 someone here that is missing them and praying every night that they don’t get that call telling them their only son or daughter has been killed.  That their childhood sweetheart whom they married right out of High School won’t be coming him.  Sometimes when we hear the news about the death toll in Iraq we forget that these people have loved ones who were waiting and praying for them to please come home safe.  Please never forget that.  I guarantee you now that I will never forget it! 

 "B" 

Okay I know this stuff is not as interesting as reading the Chronicles of B….zombie and vampire slayer extraordinaire but if I’m gonna succeed at this 12 week challenge I need write this stuff down everyday if for no other reason than it holds me accountable!  So…..

Had a pretty good Cardio session this morning even though I really didn’t want to roll out of bed.  The reason for that is I hate doing Cardio indoors.  I have a nice bike but sitting there going nowhere is a slow painful death to me so I have to try to keep moving and make it more interesting.  So to kill the boredom I do a sort of circuit when I’m doing cardio.  I do several minutes on the bike, jump off and skip some rope till I’m exhausted and then hit the stair stepper for a few minutes and then back to the bike.  I also throw in some ab work.  Anything to raise that heart rate and burn fat.  I can not wait till it’s warmer and I can get back outside for morning cardio.  I love to run but I freaking hate to be cold. 

My muscles are aching for more lifting!  I’m currently just lifting 3 days a week and I can tell right now that’s not going to get it for me.  I think starting Monday I’m going to start doing my morning cardio everyday but go back to working one body part a day in the evening using heavy weights low reps.  My muscles need a challenge.

As far as diet….so far so good!  I haven’t cheated at all and I’ve ate completely clean like I resolved to do.  There has been absolutely no sugar but I have had some big time cravings.  I love Dove dark chocolate and I used to eat at least one piece of it everyday.  I justified it because it’s good for your veins but as we know it is also bad for the waistline.  So far though I haven’t stumbled and the cravings aren’t near as bad now as they were.  I know a lot of people have cheat meals and so on and so forth but for at least the next 12 weeks I don’t plan on having any cheat meals or anything like it.  This is the way I eat now plain and simple.  The next time I cheat will be July 19th at the Bash!!  I subscribed to Clean Eating Magazine and have already got some great tips and recipes from their website.  Maybe I’ll post some of them here.  I got one for making an omelet in a zip lock bag that is pretty cool. 

Anyway that is about all to report today other than I can’t wait till I weigh in Monday morning and take some more progress pics.  Till tomorrow….Lift long and Prosper!!

"B"   

Hey everyone Day 3 of my 12 week challenge and I am feeling fantastic.  Actually I’m feeling so good it’s almost scary.  I keep waiting for some mystery pain to appear or a plane to drop out of the sky on my head or something.  LMAO!  So far nothing but sweat and sore muscle….the good kind of sore. 

I took some good advice and upped the amount of weight I’m using on my circuit so that I’m only able to complete 12 good quality reps and I have to say I really feel the difference.  See you’re never to old to learn something new.  If I’m gonna meet the circle this summer I have to be in tip top shape.  Especially if King Ballsack catches wind of it and decides to launch a zombie attack.  Oh I wish he would…with King Marmoset, NinjaBill, Steph of the 200 lb bench press and mailbox yanker extraordinaire, my wonder twin Pixie and all the other muscle there those bastards would be wiped out once and for all.  LOL!

Anyway a tentative date of July 19th has been set for the bash.  The event will be held at the Ninja Bill compound in Ohio.  For the exact location of the compound I suggest you PM Bill for directions.  As far as cost I suggested that we decide just what it is we require and then split the cost.  Bill has blogged a little about the Bash also so you might go over and check his blog as well. 

Lift long and prosper!!!  The circle rules!!!

"B"

Hey everyone!  Day 2 of my 12 week challenge and things are going great.  I have really been tempted to chow down a few times but I’ve restrained myself thus far and ate very clean.  Workouts are going great and although I have a little DOMS it’s nothing like the excruciating pain I’ve went through as of late.

 Ok now for the main purpose of this blog…The Bash!  NinjaBill has offered up his place as a meeting place…he has a pool, fire pit and room to pitch tents if you so desire.  I guess now we need some input from those who would like to attend as far as time and so on and so forth. 

I was thinking sometime in July but I’m very flexible on time.  Bill doesn’t live far from me and I never work on weekends so I’m good to go anytime.  Any ideas ya all??? 

Lets all put or heads together and see if we can come up with a workable plan.  If ya want drop me or Bill a PM or I can give ya my e-mail.  I’m really looking forward to getting to meet all the friends that I’ve made here and I hope you all are excited as well. THE CIRCLE RULES!!! 

"B" 

Ok I’m going to take a few minutes from slaying zombies and vampires to tell you that today I begin my 12 week challenge.  After weeks of injury and sickness I am finally well enough to exercise again and it freaking feels fantastic.

Climbed on the scales this morning and was mildly surprised.  I weighed in at 234….not great but a lot less than I thought it was going to be.  I’m not overly concerned though about the weight it’s the body fat I need to get rid of.  I’m not really sure what that is as I really have no clue how to calculate that but I know it can’t be good.  Especially in the abdominal region.  I have already posted my starting weight and I will update my stats and post starting pics later this evening.  The pics to me are disgusting considering where I was when I got hurt but I have to have them up so I can see the changes I make. 

My goals are pretty simple……

1.  Keep my diet as clean as possible.  To me that means eating as close to nature as I can and avoiding any processed foods.  Fresh veggies especially of the green leafy variety, fruit, lean meats, beans…dried not out of a can, oatmeal…steel cut not instant, and a little diary.  No sugar, no prepackaged foods….absolutely nothing out of a can!

2.  Weight!  I’d love to roll in at around 200 at the end of 12 weeks with very little BF but I’m not sweating the weight too much as long as the flubber goes bye bye and I look good and feel healthy.

Basically that’s pretty much it!  I just want to use this 12 weeks to establish a healthy base.  To get my tone and endurance back and to stay injury free.  At the end of the 12 weeks I’ll see where I’m at and then consider what I’d like to do next.  I’m sure after this challenge is done I’ll more than likely go back to hitting the heavy weights like I was before.

This morning I hit the gym (my garage) bright and early.  I’ll be using circuit training to keep my cardio up for fat burning and to build muscle tone and endurance.  My circuit consist of….

5 minutes on exercise bike…..

15 to 20 reps on chest press

15 to 20 reps squats

back to bike for 5 minutes

15 to 20 reps lat pulldowns

15 to 20 reps leg extensions

bike for 5 minutes

15 to 20 reps tricep kickbacks

15 to 20 reps leg curls

3 minutes stair stepper

15 to 20 biceps curls

back for 5 minutes

15 to 20 reps Arnold presses

25 to 30 calf raises

I move from exercise to exercise with no rest and use lighter weights with high reps.  I follow the circuit with a little ab work and then about 10 minutes of stretching.  I’ll do the circuit Monday , Wednesday, and Friday and on the off days I’ll just do straight cardio every morning…at least 45 minutes…including Saturday.  Sunday is a straight up rest day.  I’m also thinking of adding an evening cardio session in the form of some heavy bag work for about a half hour or so every evening. 

For the next 12 weeks I’ll be updating my weight every Monday as well as posting new pics to track my progress.  I’ll update the rest of my measurements on a monthly basis.

I’m really excited about this as it’s been a long hard and painful road to get here and I’m really looking forward to the changes I’ll be seeing.  Wish me luck!

The first week of the new year is nearly done…it’s Sunday morning and a strange stillness has crept over Shitholeville.  There is a hint of rain in the air and the low rumble of thunder in the distance and the gathering clouds signals to me that there is a storm brewing on the horizon.  A storm that threatens to end our very existence my friends.  Evil seldom rest for long and I must be on guard for I know an attack could be imminent.  For the moment though I allow myself a few peaceful moments of reflection.

I am alone in my Palace of Pain….though I am finished with my training session the sacred music still reverberates off the walls of the palace.  I sit on the end of the bench…the sweat dripping from my exhausted body and lose myself in the sacred music.  As I sit in my solitude and reflect a question comes to my mind….why??  Why do I do what I do??  Why must I eat the special "Clean Food" that is generally void of taste?  Why must I push my body to it’s physical limits day after and face the inevitable pain that always comes with it.  Why do I put up with the scorn and ridicule of those who do not understand what it is I do? Why?????

Do I do it for superficial reason?  To garner the praise and admiration of strangers.  To be desirable to the females…although I’m sure that is already a certainty.  Do I do it to be the biggest and baddest Hard Core Mutha in Shitholeville and the outlying kingdoms?  The answer to all these questions is yes.  As the great Ninja warrior Bill would say…it is the compliment whore within me that keeps me driving on….that keeps me going to the Palace of Pain day after day training for the great battle against the evil that stalks Shitholeville night after unholy night!  But still in my mind I know this is not the number one reason I do it.  Much as I hate to admit to you now it is "fear" that drives me forward. 

I know faithful reader it is hard to believe that a Hard Core Mutha of my stature would fear anything.  Haven’t I fought the very minions of hell itself and stood bravely against Satan…the very source of evil?  Yes I have, but there is one thing that your burly narrator fears.  I must confess tearfully that I am afraid to grow old and I am afraid of Death. 

I fear the Grim Reaper and the great unknown to which he will some day accompany me.  I do truly believe in the Great Spirit of the Sky but I cannot help but be overcome with the doubt of….what if this is all there is.  What if when we die we are indeed just dead…food for the worms….to never again look upon the face of friends and family or feel the warmth of a good women beside you.  To be returned to the soil from whence we came to rot for enternity.  The very thought of such things chills my very soul.  So I continue to drive forward…to eat the food void of taste….to test the limits of my physical abilities because if I continue to strive for physical perfection…if I do indeed become the biggest and baddest Hard Core Mutha in Shitholeville then perhaps the Grim Reaper will never catch up with me and I will never have to find out the answer to the question….is this all there is?  That is why I do what I do.  Till next time my faithful reader….lift long and prosper!

"B" 

At long last dawn has finally arrived in Shitholeville.  The sun has broken through the bonds of darkness and it’s welcomed light has driven the creatures of the night back into the stink holes from wince they came. 

It has been a long night for your faithful narrator and many a kill was recorded last night and many an evil vanquished.  I do not know the exact count but I can tell you this….many zombie were blasted back to hell and the zombie King Ballsack will not be pleased this morning.  I say to hell with them all.

Shitholeville is slowly opening it’s sleepy eyes unawares of the mighty battles that were fought on its behalf during the long night.  A new day begins and evil has been put in it’s place…at least for the moment.

I am weary from the battle of the previous evening and want nothing more than to wipe the zombie guts from my hands and sleep.  But in the battle against evil there is no rest.  A true Hard Core Mutha requires nothing more than a quick nap to re-energize.  Besides…I must exercise if I am to continue the battle again this evening.  Evil is relentless and we must constantly be on guard. 

So it’s off to the gym.  The only place these days where I truly feel safe.  There is no threat from zombie attack in B’s Palace of Pain!!  No zombie would dare show his rotting corps there as he knows an indiscretion of that magnitude would bring a plague the likes of which have never been seen on all the minions of hell.

Yes my friends….once in the gym I am safe…I am home and once I start working my muscles the fatigue of battle quickly leaves me and I am reborn.  Praise be to the iron!!  

The task which lie ahead for me are surely hard but I will gladly face them as I know the outcome will be worth all the pain I have endured.  Pain for me now is but a mere inconvenience.  If I am to be victorious in my battle against the evil forces of King Ballsack pain is not a luxury I can afford. 

Till next time my faithful reader…..lift long and prosper!!

"B"   

Sundown in Shitholeville…..the evening is nigh.  The sun slowly turns to a bright orange ball sinking lower ever lower over the horizon as the cold fingers of darkness slowly reach out and capture the light in it’s icy grasp. 

The street lights flicker to life casting it’s erie yellowish neon glow upon the once pristine snow now stained brown and orange from the thick heavy smoke being belched from the smoke stacks of the toxic waste plant on the outside of town.

All across Shitholeville ghastly bloodshot eyes spring to life…or what use to be life for now they belong to the undead.  Those who are cursed to walk the earth but are no longer living. 

Blood thirsty vampires rise from their cold wet beds of earth, throw back the lids on their coffins and stumble out into the cold night air in search of warm fresh blood.  The blood of speeding teenage princesses on cell phones are the preferred drink of the vampire in Shitholeville.

The zombie King Ballsack and his zombie hoards crawl from their underground enclosures with their stained yellow teeth and rotting flesh driven forward by their insatiable hunger…..hunger for human brains.  Nothing can stop them in their ungodly quest except for a well placed shotgun blast to the face and even then they may continue forward unless the entire head is removed by the blast.  If you should ever encounter one and you are unaccompanied by a trained zombie slayer make sure thy aim is true and swift or your brains will surely be eaten and you will find yourself one of the cursed undead. 

Yes my low browed reader Shitholeville is a foreboding place once nightfall arrives and many predators slither through the night. But fear not!!!  The mighty zombie and vampire slayer, King Marmoset and myself, Bryan Gee (I need to get a tougher name) will be patrolling the streets and dank back alleys of Shitholeville in search of these vermin.  Risking our very life’s and our brains to keep Shitholeville and the land of Marmoset safe from these undead creatures of the dark.

There is one creature of the night though that will send a shiver of fear through even the most seasoned of slayer.  A creature so hideous and despicable that no single slayer can ever hope to be victorious against it.  Not even the great King Marmoset or myself. 

What is this hideous creature you ask?  The creature I speak of is known as a Desire Succubus!!!  What makes this creature so hard to defeat is it’s ability to assume many different forms making it nearly impossible to detect.  It is indeed the chameleon of the undead!  It exist for one purpose and one purpose only and that my friends is to completely and forever suck the desire to exercise and eat clean from the mind and body of anyone wishing to have a fit and healthy body.

The Desire Succubus can even take on the form of a loved one.  It may appear as your own child…..whining with a snotty nose….."Daddy please don’t go to the gym tonight!"  "Instead take me to the mall and buy me a $60 pair of jeans!"  "PLEASE DADDY!"  "Daddy I want pizza tonight I’m tired of chicken and fresh vegetables."  "Daddy mommy is having sex with the mailman!"

  Don’t be fooled by the succubus siren song for if you do and you fore-go the gym you will soon find yourself a lifeless lump of clay where once a vibrant human being once existed.  Woe is to he who is fooled by the treachery of the Succubus.

The Succubus can even take the form of an inanimate object such as an Xbox or a television show like American Idol.  You know you should walk away and exercise but the pull of the Succubus is strong and you find yourself sitting transfixed on the coach consuming mass quantities of chips and soda!  If you are weak you will be lost! 

The most hideous form that the Succubus will take is that of your very own mate!  This is the favorite trick of the Succubus and you must be on guard at all times to this treachery.  But be weary for if you are mistaken you may find yourself insulting your mate which may result in your sleeping in the living room on a worn out love seat!  A fate worse than death to be sure.

In closing my unawares friend I just pray that you will be diligent in your quest for fitness because then and only then can you ever hope to overcome the creatures of the night and keep the Desire Succubus at bay.  Gods speed to you my friend!  Lift long and prosper! 

"B"

Ok I want to know who it is that is putting the jinx on me?  Is there someone out there sticking pins in their little Bryan Gee voodoo doll?  It has to be something like that for one person to have such bad luck.  I mean isn’t it enough that I have to deal with crazed teenagers trying to run me down with their cars or that I’m busy fighting to rid the world of killer hoards of brain eating zombies with the mighty King Marmoset….you would think so but NOOOOOOOO!!  Now I have been struck down with another insidious ailment that has befallen me in just the past few days.

I don’t know if anyone has noticed or not but I haven’t really been around for the past few days and the reason being is that I’ve been in and out of the hospital with kidney stones.  That’s right…KIDNEY STONES!!!!  WTF!!!  This really isn’t funny anymore.

If anyone has ever passed kidney stones you’ll know that the pain is very intense.  Some have compared it to having labor pains but since I’ve never physically had a baby I wouldn’t know.  I can describe it for all the guys out there though.  Imagine someone stabbing you in the back with a sharp knife right below the rib cage and then twisting it while a band of crazed midgets whack you in the apple sack with sticks!!!  Yeah….it’s kind of like that.  So here I am again unable to work out and waiting for these damn stones to pass.  

The doc thinks they are all small enough to pass on their own but worse case scenario….I might have to have surgery.  I don’t foresee that happening now as the pain seems to be easing up.  Right now it just feels like someone jabbing me with a dull butter knife while mildly pissed midgets flick me in the apple sack with their grubby little fingers.  I can live with that.  

What really pisses me off is that the idiot doc I saw told me that the stones are probably a direct result of my bodybuilding lifestyle.  According to the good doctor our internal organs aren’t made to process all that extra protein that we consume and it puts a huge strain on our kidneys, livers and gall bladders.  Yeah right!!!  Better too much protein in a healthy diet than having mud in my veins from the typical American fast food diet.  I told him he didn’t know what he was talking about and if I ever see him about to get his brains eaten by a blood thirsty zombie….well….I’m looking the other way!!  He told me to kiss his a$$…gave me some pain medicine that I told him I wouldn’t take….give me his bill and sent me back out on the streets.  Bastard! 

If I seem a little surely it’s because I am feed up with all this crap.  2008 has got to be a better year.  So here I am again…backing up and regrouping.  I have kept my diet pretty clean but I’m really not eating as much as I should be.  I haven’t done much as far as working out other than I’ve hit the bike a little bit.  I’m still gonna start my own personal 12 week challenge but I just have to push the starting date back to this following Monday. 

A word of warning for whoever it is out there that has cursed me!!!!  If I find you I am unleashing a big time world of hurt on your a$$.  Your mother will scream in horror and gouge out her own eyes so she doesn’t have to gaze upon the hideous creature that you will have become when I’m through with you.  The site of your own face in the mirror will cause you to rip the very flesh from your bones and pray for the sweet relief that death would bring!   Don’t you know that these setbacks only make me more determined to succeed???  I can not be stopped by a little pain so back the f**k off…..all you’re doing is pissing me off and that does not bode well for you. 

2008 will be my year and no teenagers in cars, blood thirsty zombies, crazed midgets with sticks in their grubby little hands, or kidney stones are going to stop me!!!!!!!!!

"B"