The Chronicles of “B”

Okay we’re gonna switch things up a little bit today and I’m gonna actually write a blog that deals with something bodybuilding related!  Testosterone!!

Testosterone!!  The He Man hormone!  Builder of muscle, maintainer of erections, the Holy Grail of hormones for bodybuilders.

It is estimated that men over the age of 30 have their testosterone levels drop by as much as 2% each year!  YIKES!!  That’s a pretty significant drop!  Especially if your a guy in your 40’s or 50’s trying to build or maintain lean muscle mass.

Low levels of testosterone have been attributed to depression, low sex drive and premature signs of aging such as low energy.  But more importantly, from a bodybuilding stand point, low testosterone promotes body fat!

Fat essentially produces estrogen thus tricking the brain into believing that enough testosterone is being produced.  This excess estrogen coupled with low levels of testosterone creates an estrogen dominance.  That translates into loss of libido, the dreaded man boobs and loss of lean muscle mass.  Not Good!!!

Never fear my burly friends!!!  Unless you have a medical condition causing your low testosterone…like a sharp kick to the boys…there are many ways you can elevate your testosterone levels naturally.  The number one way starts with your diet. 

Altering your diet should start with a boost in the minerals zinc and magnesium as well as protein.  If your into bodybuilding…which you probably are since your reading this blog…you should already be taking in plenty of protein. 

As a general rule of thumb if your looking to increase testosterone through diet you should focus on foods that contain more protein and fats and less carbs.

Don’t fear fats!!!  In spite of what you may have been taught fats don’t make you fat as long as they are natural fats and not trans-fats.  Our bodies were made to metabolize natural fats and together with rich protein sources help your body manufacture more testosterone.

Good specific foods that boost testosterone are:

* Beef…Why do you think all the old school lifters consumed mass quantities??

* Chicken and Eggs…Two excellent sources of protein and contrary to popular beliefs…Don’t Chuck The Yolks!  Egg yolks are loaded with important vitamins like B1 and B2 and nutrients like luetin for healthy eyes.  The number 1 reason to keep the yolks is that it is a good source for cholesterol which…now pay attention…is where testosterone is produced. 

Okay I hear you whining, "But cholesterol will clog my veins."  Just relax my uptight friend egg yolk will not appreciably raise your cholesterol levels.  Actually 90% of your body’s cholesterol is manufactured by your liver and is essential for the transport of hormones…not from the foods we eat. 

* Seafood…Especially oysters!!  Seafood is high in protein, contains basically no carbs and oysters in particular are loaded with zinc.  Remember Zinc??  It’s the mineral that aids in the manufacture of muscle and testosterone. 

Broccoli and Cabbage…Both of these powerhouse veggies contain a little thing called Indole-3-carbinol which helps to suppress estrogen.  Remember…too much estrogen makes "Bubba" fat  which results in more estrogen which results in less testosterone…which results in more….well you get the picture.

* Garlic…Garlic contains allicin which helps to increase testosterone.  Fry some in with your morning eggs in a little butter or olive oil to start your day with a big old boost of testosterone.

Finally you might try a little thing called tribulus terrestris.  Every male bodybuilder and athlete has probably heard of trib at one time or another.  It has been proven in multiple clinical trails as a libido enhancer and it ability to increase testosterone.  As an herb it is generally considered a safe and natural way to boost testosterone.

So in conclusion, if your tired of having a pot belly, man boobs, less muscle mass and a penis that no longer works on demand try to modify your diet to include more of the aforementioned foods and consider taking Tribulus terrestris.  And Lift, Lift, Lift!!! 

The more muscles you have the higher your levels of He Man hormone.  Try these tips and watch your muscles grow…all your muscles!! 

"B"

Hmmmmmmm it seems my inbox has suddenly dried up!  Has interest in me wained or has the fear of being exposed as a bozo caused the haters and the wannabe haters to reconsider writing me??  How am I going to continue to write these blogs if you all don’t supply me with ammunition to do so???  Don’t you want to be famous??  LOL!! 

Oh well, I guess till I piss another group of haters, bigots, or homophobes off with something that comes out of my big mouth I’ll have to find some other subject to write about for a while.

I did receive a very nice PM from a very nice female member who shall remain anonymous concerning breast augmentation though that I would like to share with you.  The PM reads as follows.

Hello Bryan!  Read several of your blogs today for the first time.  You seem to be all the rage my friend and I must admit I got a serious belly laugh from several of the things you wrote.  You are quit the wisecracker!  At the risk that you may use this in your blogs I wanted to write and comment a little on breast augmentation.  I underwent a BA several years ago well because I just didn’t look or feel attractive anymore.  After having kids and losing a great deal of weight my boobs looked like tube socks with tennis balls stuck in the ends; they were hideous.  All my friends and even the surgeon I used tried to talk me into larger implants but I opted for the smaller ones because I wanted them to fit my body and look more natural.  My thinking was why should I trade one freak show for another freak show.  It just wasn’t going to happen.  I got my BA for myself and my own peace of mind.  I didn’t do it to impress anyone or to attract a man.  I think as women we do way to many things anyway to attract men to us.  We primp and paint ourselves and enhance our bodies to get someone to love us and once we have them they end up taking us for granted and eventually dump us for some newer and younger model anyway.  Sometimes I don’t think we’ve really evolved that far from the apes after all because most of the guys I know still act like apes.  Flexing their muscles, hanging from trees and slinging their poop at us females in a childish effort to attract a mate.  My poop slinger wooed me, married me and then left me after 17 years with 4 kids and a wasted body to sling poop at another young female ape!  I don’t know exactly why I’m sharing this with you other than the fact that I appreciated you giving me a good laugh and your comments about BA caught my eye.  You seem like a nice guy so I just thought I would share.  Hope you don’t mind.

BTW I asked this nice woman if I could reprint this PM in my blog and although she was hesitant at first she said it would be alright as long as I didn’t give her name…which I wont.

After reading this I got to thinking about her comments about not evolving past ape hood and being poop slingers and I remembered a funny thing that happened when I was growing up that I had almost forgotten. 

Beth Duquette was the neighborhood hottie!  Blond, blue eyes, perky young breast….she had it all and every young guy in the neighborhood wanted what she had including yours truly.

I did everything I could to try to impress young Miss Duquette and eventually I wore her down to the point that she was considering dating me.  That is till one day I was swimming with a group of my friends at this little cove that we all use to gather at.  Beth and a group of her friends appeared on the shore and like good little apes we started showing off in an attempt to impress the females.  Suddenly one of the girls pierced the air with her squeals of disgust, "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW  look at Rodney!!!  "He pooped in the water!!!"  Sure enough there was my friend Rodney with his swim trunks in his hand and a large amount of feces floating in front of him.  All the girls  were disgusted and started slinging insults at Rodney so being the good little ape that he was he started slinging his poop in the direction of the females nearly striking several of them.  They all began to run away in horror except for Beth who stood there laughing her sweet young tail off while poop splattered all about her.

The really funny thing about this story is that right after the poop slinging incident Beth and Rodney began to date and eventually married and after several years and several children they are still married.  Guess you never know what might attract a potential mate.

I asked Rodney several years later as an adult ape why did he poop in the water that day.  His reply was, "I just wanted to see if it would actually float!"  Priceless!!!