The Chronicles of “B”

Wow what an incredible response to my last blog!  Thanks everyone!  Since I’ve been a member here I’ve made a ton of friends but it also seems I have a talent for pissing people off!  I’ve received some pretty hateful Pm’s over the past few months so along with some more questions I’ll share some of those with you.  One quick word though….I am being asked if I truly do write a column and what papers it is in.  Yes I do but like I said I truly CAN NOT tell you anymore than that!  I am under contract to not reveal the name of the column and can not even reveal which cities it runs in or I will lose my means of paying my bills which would suck!!  Sorry! 

PM  Just wanted to let you know that I love your pic of you doing pushups in your boxer briefs.  You are a very sexy man and I love the muscular development in your back.  I see on your profile that you’re married and I hope this isn’t too forward but I was just wondering if you had ever considered cheating on your wife.  I live in Indiana very close to Ohio so I thought maybe we could meet sometime and see what develops.  Let me know if you’re interested.

Reply  Actually my wife and I currently have an open relationship.  It is understood that if I cheat on her she will OPEN the door and throw all my s**t in the front yard!  And then she will OPEN a can of whipass on me and Open a gash in my head with a ball bat!  So of course I would consider cheating on her but unless you’re offering more than a night of wild and crazy monkey love chances are I never would.  Should my situation change you will definitely be the first to know….thanks for your interest.

PM   Bryan!  What the hell do you have against plastic surgery and where do you get off saying those things about breast augmentation?  I bet if there were a way to increase penis size you’d be the first in line to get that done wouldn’t you buddy??  I’d also bet that you wouldn’t care if it felt real to you or not as long as it hung to your damn knees right??  You’re such a hypocrite.  Maybe you’re just gay and don’t even like boobies!  Is that it Bryan you hypocrite!

Reply    I like boobies just fine thank you!  I like boobies of every size, shape, color, and texture!  I say God Bless boobies!!  I think women everywhere should rip off their tops immediately and proudly display their boobies!   I don’t think you read my blog very closely though because what I said was this….Breast augmentation is a personal choice.  If a women feels she needs larger breast to feel better about herself then I say go for it.  There is nothing wrong with that.  I just said that my personal choice is I usually don’t like them.  Some look fine, like when they actually fit their bodies and look real. But, when they are huge like some women tend to get them they DO NOT look real and I can tell you from experience they Do Not feel real!  Sorry!  They just don’t!  As far as penis augmentation goes you’re right I might just go for it but I guarantee you I wouldn’t have no clown dick or Frankenpenis or something that didn’t look and feel real and natural.  But that would be a personal choice also!!

PM     Hey Bryan I know this is none of my business but I just couldn’t help but notice the conversation you and an***n were having via the comments.  I also noticed you and her are both married!  You should really be ashamed of yourselves for having such a conversation right out in public.  Do you really think this is the place for crap like that.  Why don’t you two just get a room like other cheaters do and carry on there instead of here where decent people can see what’s going on.  What do you think Jesus would say if he read your dirty comments?

Reply  First of all I don’t think Jesus has the time to monitor my conversations on BB.com!  Obviously you have way to much time on your hands if you have nothing better to do then click back and fourth between my profile and an***ns profile to see what we are saying.  I apologize if we offended you.  Perhaps you should go to church and pray that an***n and I don’t burn in hell.  While your on your knees praying though would it be alright if I backed up to you so you can kiss my a**???  Just wondering!!!

I think that should about cover it for the day!  Keep those comments and PMs coming folks cause I just love to hear from ya all.  LOL!!! 

"B"

Well it seems I’m quit popular these days for one reason or another…not all of them good….and as a result I’ve been getting a lot of questions asked of me through comments e-mails and especially PM’s!  Now my life is an open book and I don’t mind answering any thing.  Actually I’m kind of stunned that anybody would even find me slightly interesting…but if someone wants to know something about me I usually try to answer.  So, since I have been swamped by so many questions I thought I would post a few of them along with my replies.  As a public service so to speak….that way if any one was wondering about silly little things that affect my life they might find the answer here.

I swear to you these are actual questions that people have asked me since I’ve been a member here and these were my actual replies!!!

Q.  You sure seem to have a lot of time on your hands.  What do you do for a living??  Do you have a real job or do you work for the CIA or something?

A.  I only work for the CIA on weekends and once in awhile I may accept a special assignment but mostly I work at a local newspaper doing a variety of jobs that range from writing commentary to actually delivering newspapers.  I write a syndicated article under another name but due to legalities I am not allowed to tell you any more than that.  Suffice it to say if you live in the Midwest chances are you’ve read an article by me.

Q.  Have you really sucker punched a Hyena???  (thanks King Marmoset)

A.  No I have never sucker punched a hyena or any other kind of animal although I once kicked an overly aggressive wolverine in the nut sack!!  Crazy little bastard!!!

I’ve recently been asked this question!

Q.  Are you gay??

A.  No but if the pay is good I would be willing to learn!  Do you offer on the job training?

Q.  (This was from a woman) I just noticed the pics of your wife in your gallery and on your MySpace.  She appears to have very large boobs.  Has she had any work done?

A.  Yes, I work on them all the time! 

Q.  (This was also from a woman…thank God)  I noticed in your one pic where you are standing in your back yard in your short shorts that you look to have a pretty large package.  I don’t suppose you would send me a nude pic.  Guess I’m just nosey!

A.  Dear nosey!  I would be more than happy to send you a nude photo but I’m afraid you would be highly disappointed.  That pic should come with a warning sign that reads…Objects may appear larger in pic than they actually are!

Q.  Did you and your wife actually go to a nudist resort?  Weren’t you embarrassed to take off your clothes in front of total strangers? 

A.  Yes we actually went to a nudist resort and yes I was a little embarrassed at first but once we actually got out and started to meet people it was just like having clothes on.  You don’t really notice it till you realize you’ve got a sunburn on your penis…then reality slaps you upside the head!!  OUCH!!

Q.  (from a guy) That towel pic is disgusting!  Your 50 years old for crying out loud you perv.  This is a bodybuilding site not a male porn site.  I think you’re sick you old homo! 

A.  Well I think you’re a retard!!  Guess we all have our crosses to bare, huh idiot!!!

I think that should about cover it for right now.  I’ll post some more another time because believe me these are some of the tame ones!!  There are some even more outrageous.  I also want to thank everyone who left a comment on my last blog.  You are to kind and too funny.  I’m glad you are all my friends!!

"B"

Catchy title huh??  Well before I go off on a rant I guess I should start by telling everyone that today starts a new challenge for me!  Today is my first day back in the gym!

This morning I got up at 6:30 and went out and did 30 minutes on the bike, and about 10 minutes on the stair stepper plus some ab work.  Tonight after i get done writing this blog I’m going out and work chest and triceps! 

I wiped out all my old progress pics except for the last one i posted before the accident and hope to post some new starting pics tomorrow!  I don’t think I look to awfully bad for laying around and doing nothing for like 6 out of the last 7 weeks but I still have a long ways to get to where I want to be!  You can bet your ass I will get there though.  wish me luck!

Ok now for the rant.  Everyone that reads my blog knows that I posted a pic of me in a towel.  They also know my wife sneaked the pic and then dared me to post it which I did!  So basically it was just a joke cause my wife dared me.  The pic shows absolutely nothing and actually covers more than some of my other pics…I don’t think it’s rude or nasty in the least and I’ve also got a few nice comments about it!  A couple of blind individuals even asked me to keep it up. 

Well recently I’ve received a couple of comments that weren’t so complimentary.  They said the picture was gay and that I was a perv…oh excuse me….an old perv.  Usually I would just ignore idiots like that but this really pissed me off.  I mean even if they truly felt it was gay or offensive why tell me about it?  Either ignore it or report it to the powers that be…why did they feel it was necessary to leave me a crappy comment??

I think one of the reasons it pisses me off is because of the gay reference!  Why are there so many homophobes on this site???  Anyone who has ever gone to the forums know that is all they ever talk about…homo this and homo that…that’s why I seldom go to the forums or ask any questions there expecting a straight answer.  I mean I’m not endorsing homosexuality in anyway but just because it’s not my cup of tea doesn’t mean I have the right to trash someone who is a homosexual.  If you’re disgusted by it too bad…keep it to yourself.  I’m disgusted by green beans and the thought of eating green beans but if I saw someone eating green beans I wouldn’t want to kick their ass and I wouldn’t deny them the right to enjoy a good green bean once and awhile!!

The main reason this pissed me off though is the reference to being an OLD perv.  Look around this site and you see pic after pic of male and females practically nude.  For Christ sakes there is a 19 year old kid on here right now bareing his ass for all the world to see and I don’t see one rude comment on his…WTF!!  Mine shows nothing and I’m a gay old perv!!!!  Another guy on here is holding a towel and is just covering his package….but I see he is also very young!!  So my question is what is the cutoff here???  Is it like 35 and under you’re hot and sexy and over 35 you’re a nasty ass perv???  Maybe it’s 25 and under???  I truly don’t know!!  I see a lot of very sexy older women on here who get a lot of nice compliments for their revealing pics….why aren’t they pervs???  Must just be gender related, huh??  It’s just all bullshit and people who hate should keep their stupid opinions to themselves.  I mean I will be the first to tell ya I’m no Prince Charming and I don’t see myself as being sexy!  But I ain’t no freaking frog and even if I were I don’t need to have some snot nosed homophobic nit wit tell me other wise.  

I actually thought about putting the pic up and leaving it up but I don’t want to deal with the stupid comments so I won’t.  One good thing about this is I am even more fired up to get to where I want to be and to shut the mouths of narrow minded bigots everywhere.  Remember If you can’t say something nice about someone just keep your mouths shut!!  It’s really not that hard!!  Nuff said!!  Thanks for letting me blow off some steam!!

"B"      

Well, Well, Well!!  This day has been a long and interesting one my friends!  If you read my blog yesterday you’ll know that I nearly came to blows with 23 year old new guy at work because of a racist comment he made.  Well got to work today and new guy is history.  Seems we have a zero tolerence policy at work concerning racial comments and many of my co-workers ratted him out and filed complaints!!  So….see ya new guy!!  Damn and I was gonna invite him to Thanksgiving with some of my black friends!!!  Oh well!!

Update on the cell phone killer!!!  The prosecutor called me yesterday to confirm that I would testify against the princess and he told me they are planning on throwing the book at her…wreckless operation and a variety of other charges.  They really want to make an example of her!  I told the guy that I really didn’t want to see the girl severly punished because I felt it was more of her parents fault than hers.  The reason I say that is obviously she has lead a coddled life.  She was driving a brand new car that her mommy and daddy probably bought her and when I told her mom I wouldn’t sue them if she would just apologize to my face….well if I was her parents and someone gave me a get out of jail free card I would have dragged that little shit right over there and made her apologize!!!  She just said, "I’ll ask her," and then she told me the little princess was scared and didn’t want to!!!  So to me the parents are every bit as much to blame.  We’ll see how things go…they still haven’t set a court date!

Now for the interesting story of the day!!  For those of you who do not know I work for a newspaper doing a variety of things.  Today I was helping out in circulation and they asked me if I would throw some papers at this retirement apartment complex.  Actually it’s an assisted living complex!  Sure I told them…it was only 13 papers.  Anyway, I’m walking through this complex and an old woman…naked as a freaking jaybird steps out of her apartment and yells at me…."HEY OLD MAN!!!  I told you to get in here and f**k me…I’m not waiting all day!!! 

"What??"  "Are you serious??"

"Get in here you stupid old fool!"

Now this is the point where I realize she isn’t kidding and I’m pissing down my leg!!  I’m thinking…naked and screaming I assume she must have Alzhiemers and thinks I’m her old man or something!  OH MY GOD!!  Thinking fast I tell her I’ll be right back I have to go to the drug store and get some condoms!!

She says, "You don’t need condoms you stupid bastard I ain’t gettin pregnant!!!" 

Now I’m looking for something clever to say but some how something stupid came out of my mouth….."I’m not worried about you getting pregnant my dear I have a yeast infection and I don’t want you to get it!" 

A YEAST INFECTION???  WTF!!  I mean’t to say a tract infection but it came out yeast infection.  Anyway, she bought it and said…"I don’t want none of that sh*t so just forget it," and went back in to her apartment!  Thank God!!  The funny part is the whole time this crap was going on I’m thinking….what would Ninja Bill do???  LMAO!!! 

Everyone have an awesome Thanksgiving….even my Canadian Friends!!!

"B"

I was gonna write a blog today to update you all on what is about to go down with the little Princess who ran me down but there has been a little change in plans.  Something happened to me today that has not only made me angry but has made me really stop and evaluate where we are in this country today.

I hope you continue to read this but be forewarned…this is an angry blog and it concerns racism and prejudice so I will probably say some things that might shock you or offend you so read this at your own risk!

It all started this morning with the Montel Williams Show.  I was watching Montel….well…because I like watching Montel.  He usually has some pretty interesting subjects on his show and today was especially good.  On the show today he had a black women who was prejudice against her own race.  She considered black men stupid and immature…she said that black peoples skin looked dirty and their facial features made them look like monkeys and she wanted no part of that.  She was actually undergoing surgery and skin bleaching to make herself look white and categorized herself as bi-racial not black!  Some of the stupid things she said during the course of the show would have made a Klan member squirm!!  It was disgusting and ridiculous!  I was totally amazed that a black women would go on TV and tell the world she was ashamed of her race.  As if African Americans don’t have enough prejudice to deal with they have to hear about it from a member of their own race!!  CRAZY!!

Well I was pretty wound up about this when I went to work and I was sharing the story with some co-workers when this new guy…a young white man about 23 years old came up and started listening to the conversation we were having.  We were all sharing with each other how shocked we were that prejudice at that level still exist in this country when new guy chimes in with…."What do you expect from a bunch of stupid ni**ers on a show run by another stupid ni**er???" 

Deadly silence!!!  I mean you could have heard a pin drop!  Everyone was stunned!!!  When the initial shocked wore off I exploded!!!  "WTF did you just say??"" I asked him.  The dumb ass repeated it!!!  Now it’s on!!! 

I won’t bore you with some of the hateful words that followed but I will tell you that I had to be physically restrained by some of my co-workers or I would have killed this guy!!

After words I sat steaming over the incident but I also sat reflecting on how little things have really changed over the years.  Sometimes I don’t think we have advanced civil rights one little bit since the 1930’s.  Those same old ideas and stereotypes still rule our thinking…both black and white!!  It’s so sad how we as a people are still so hateful toward each other.  And then it occurred to me that it isn’t just race either…we are just hateful and prejudice in general!!  Think not???  Think again.

When was the last time you made a not so flattering remark about a gay person…. a fat person….a person you considered ugly or maybe stupid.  I’m not guiltless here!!  I’ve made smart ass remarks about every single person I just named.  If we can’t change the way we view or talk about people because of their sexual orientation, their appearance or the amount of money they have in their pockets how can we ever hope to heal the wounds of racism??

I know it can be done!!  I grew up in a house with a dad who made Archie Bunker look tame!  I heard the "N" word everyday and heard all the jokes on a regular basis.  I grew up thinking black people were lazy and dirty…all Hispanics were knife toting lazy thugs….and all white people were good and pure.  Thank God I didn’t buy into that bullshit!! 

My dad was that way because his parents were that way as were their parents.  Anyone of them could have changed their thinking but they refused.  I chose to think for myself and refused to believe the stereotypes.  In my life I have had a number of very good friends of  many different races.  One of my dearest friends was a black man who died way before his time….I loved him like a brother and I still adore his family as they do me.  I’ve dated black girls, Hispanic girls and Asian girls.  If I could change my way of thinking so can others!!

I don’t mean to hold myself up as some civil rights activist all righteous and pure.  I am far from that!!  But I truly believe that we all are members of the human race and should act accordingly.  There is nothing wrong with being proud of your heritage but don’t hate someone else because they are proud of theirs. 

There are far too many people in this country today both black and white who fan the same old flames of hatred that have been around since the Civil War and before.  I could go on and on about this and believe me I have a lot more to say  but I don’t feel this is really the place and I just don’t have the time right now.  Plus I’m just frustrated as hell right now so I don’t want to just keep on rambling!  One last word though…..if as a country we don’t learn to love one another how can we ever hope to survive???  We are a melting pot of many different origins and if we don’t learn to get along that melting pot is going to have a melt down!!

"B" 

Being hurt and lying in bed for several days has given me ample time to contemplate my life and to reflect on where I’m heading.  It’s also given me insight into the many mysteries of live and I’d like to share a few of those insights with you now.

A word of warning though…some of these insights are very deep and maybe even a bit disturbing.  If you are easily offended or grossed out to the point of vomiting you might not want to read this blog.  Continue at your own risk.

#1 Green Acres was a show that was way before it’s time!  Arnold the pig was a comic genius and I can’t believe he never won an Emmey!!

#2  There are few things in life that feel as good as scratching your testicles when they really itch!! 

#3  Just when you think no one is watching you…someone IS watching you!! 

#4 Having 2 sprained wrist makes wiping your butt next to impossible!!  Thank god I have a wife and kids who love me!! 

#5  The Dutch Oven isn’t nearly as funny when your the only one in the bed!!  UGH!!!

#6 Game shows suck!!!!

#7  Soap Operas are addictive and should be outlawed!!

#8  Although I like me some Johnny Bravo…Bugs Bunny is still the King of the toons!!

#9  Every guy on Gilligan’s Island had to be gay!!!  How could you be there so long and not hook up with someone as hot as Mary Ann for Christs sake???

#10  It’s very hard to pee and still maintain your balance while standing on crutches!  Actually it’s kind of hard to even reach your penis!!

#11  Everyone on The View should be executed!!!  Immediately!!!

#12  Internet porn is not nearly as enjoyable when you can’t make a fist!!!  Now I know why dogs lick their beans!!

#13  If I could lick my beans I’d never leave my room!!

#14  Pixi has an awesome vocabulary and looks really good in stockings and garters!!!  WOW!!

#15  Steph (Daretosoar)  may be hiding horns behind her halo and also looks good in lingerie!

#16  Getting into the Top 6 is going to be harder than I ever imagined!!  I may have to get breast implants!!  Clown size!

And last but not least…..all my friends on BB.com kicks ass and I appreciate each and everyone of you for your friendship and the support you’ve shown me since I’ve been hurt!   

Thanks!!!

"B" 

The Act of Insertion

Satisfying Partner (organ size)

Most experts agree that size means nothing. Shape is what counts, and the man with a shaped organ can write his own ticket. In those rare instances where a man has a genuinely small member, he may have to compensate by working slightly harder, but this is good for weight loss. A man with a really large organ, while he might not have to work as hard once inside, may exhaust himself just trying to convince his partner to let him put it inside.

Positions

Locations

Possible Side Effects of Intercourse

Sex Related Noises

Approaching Orgasm

Orgasm

Orgasmic Intensity Scale

Pulling Out

Multiple Orgasms

Have You Ever Wondered???  Why as Americans we are so afraid of nudity!!  We are probably the most body conscious country on the planet, what with a plastic surgeon on nearly every street corner, and yet we freak out if a women bares her breast in public to nurse a baby!! 

Go to Europe sometimes and it is nothing to see bare breasted women walking down the street or sitting in outdoor cafes!  Try that here and you’ll get a quick little tour of the local jailhouse I assure you.

Did you know that there are several cities in the United States where it is legal for women to go topless just like men and yet no one really does…..why??  Is it because most Americans are bottle fed as children and we are afraid of boobies???  Or is it the fear that some little old lady will be offended and beat you with her purse??? 

They’re just breast for crying out loud!!  No better and no worse than a mans.  Hell as fat as we Americans are these days there are many men out there that could put a lot of women to shame in the breast department anyway!!  Ewwwwwww….I know!! 

I think I’ve mentioned this once or twice but my wife and I have been  to a couple of nudist resorts and it is one of the coolest experiences you could imagine.  We loved it!  No one stared or pointed and when people spoke to you they actually looked you in your eyes.  It was great.  There was no one walking around with erections and there was no wild and crazy sex parties going on…at least none that I was invited to damn it.  LOL!!!

So, why are we so up tight?? 

I took on this subject in college in my Human Sexuality class and a lot of people said it’s to protect the children!  Give me a break!!  Kids don’t know their bodies are dirty till they learn it from us uptight adults.  Ever change a little kids diaper???  Where is the first place their little fingers go to…other than the poop!!  That’s right!!!  The genital region!  and what’s the first thing mommy and daddy tells them???  "Stop that it’s dirty!!"  Right???  That’s where we learn it!  We were all born naked….hell God created us naked and we screwed up and made it dirty so we invented clothes to hide our shame!!  Well I say hide no more America!!!  Shed those tops and march down the street with pride!!!  I for one will be there with a hand out….in friendship….to support you!!!

"B"   

I think I would like to start a gym!!  I know…I know I’ve said many times in the past how much I hate commercial gyms but I think I still want to start one.

I want a gym though like the old school gyms.  A freaking sweat box where the members come to just throw around weights and grunt and fart!!  Not a place to gather with your friends and sit on spin bikes and sip orange smoothies!!  Screw that!!  I want a place for Hard Core Muthas of both sexes to come and crush some weight!!  That would be awesome!!

I’ve decided that I’m going to see about becoming a certified personal trainer and once I’m done with that I’ll start my quest to have my own gym.

Bryan’s Palace of Pain will be moving from my garage and just like The Jeffersons I’ll be moving on up!!  Man this is going to be so cool…I am so stoked!! 

Of course I’ll have machines but I think for the most part I’m gonna have a huge free weight area.  Of course the Hard Core Mutha Code of Conduct will be prominently displayed on the wall and strictly enforced.  Maybe I’ll make it clothing optional…..opps…stepped over the line didn’t I???  Sorry!  Scratch the clothing optional thing….the insurance premiums for that would probably be out of this world anyway….wouldn’t want someone getting something pinched!!  Yikes!!

Seriously though doesn’t that sound cool.  A gym without small groups of hair flippers hovering around the equipment chattering about what ever hair flippers chatter about…sounds like heaven.  Now all I need is a clever name!!

I like Bryan’s Palace of Pain but someone might mistake it for some kind of S&M operation and that would be bad!!  Any suggestions would be most helpful.  You do realize that once I start up all my friends here are free to come and visit and workout for free anytime…actually I’d love to see that happen.  anyway have a good Wednesday and work on those catchy names…maybe even a catchy jingle…LOL!!

"B"

CRAZY BASTARD!!!  That’s what he called me!!  Can you believe that crap!!  LOL!!  Just because I pitched that stupid knee brace and those damn crutches!  Oh and the fact that I taped my high tops to my feet and took a 3 mile walk Saturday!  LOL!! 

He says I should be able to start easing back into lifting light weights in about 3 to 4 weeks and I told him I’m giving it one more week and then I’m picking them up again.  I told him Hard Core Muthas don’t wait for things to happen…we make things happen!!  Then he called me a Crazy Bastard again!  My doctor has a potty mouth!!  LOL!

I’ve always been a little crazy like that though.  I broke my arm right above my wrist when I was twelve and had a cast from my fingers to my elbow.  I was playing catcher for my  LL baseball team and I took a foul ball on the arm causing the break.  The doctor told me I was through for the summer but there was no way I wasn’t going to play.  I took a hack saw and a butcher knife and peeled my cast back till I could get a catchers mitt on my hand and played the next game.  My coach wasn’t going to let me but my mom told him that if I was stupid enough to do it then go ahead and let me.  I had to sign a wavier though that said I wouldn’t sue them if it caused any further damage to my arm.  It hurt like a bitch every time that ball hit that glove but I still played and actually had the highest batting average on our team for the year which I think is pretty amazing because I really couldn’t grip the bat with my left hand!! 

Anyway I’ve bought me some of those wrist supports they use for people with carpal tunnel and I’m giving it one more week and I’m picking up the iron…I don’t give a scoobe doobe!!!  I’m a little worried about the shoulder but I’ll go light and I think it will be ok. 

Right now the ankles are doing pretty good being taped up but when I cut my shoes off at night they ache pretty good and swell up a little…well actually a lot but I’m using ice on them and it’s not too bad!! 

I’ve decided I want to be in the Top 6 so I’m making a conscious effort to touch base with as many people as I can while I’m laid up and maybe some sweet day I can get enough hits to make it.  I want to be the first ugly fat old guy to make Top 6 so help a down and out Hard Core Mutha out will ya???  LOL!!!   Maybe I should break out some more towel pics or better yet maybe I should roll the damn thing up and stick it in my drawers!!!  LOL!!  My friend pixi tells me they call that a meatstick and that some girls notice things like that…just ask her!!  LOL!!!  Sorry Pixi I couldn’t resist!! 

"B"