He came a little bit late. When I dressed off - with my suit already under my clothes - he looked at me less than one minute and than he said only one word - “HORRIBLE DISSASTER!”

Than he told me to tell him my food….. and than it started. I recieved a lecture. The topic of this lecture was my fatt ass and the nutrition.

Than he told me I can not call myself a bodybuilder now as I have so many bodyfat like shotputter or jawelin thrower instead (same muscles but no DEFINITION!). And my arms looks like arms of strongman - big and fat. And I am on the same level as a fat woman comming in the gym to loose the fat - never ever as athlete before the beginning of the competition precontest……

He also told me that I am not doing this because of him, but because of myself. But when I do my job bad - I break HIS neck too… As his reputation is connected to me. He invests his time and knowledge to me - while I am sh…ing on it.

And he gave me the ultimatum - Either I will do EVERYTHING HE SAYS FROM NOW ON WITH ABSOLUTELY NO EXCEPTIONS OR HE WILL KICK ME OUT.

I dont want to loose him off course.
He was merciless…. cold-hearted.
I look much better in pictures - the reality doesnt do me justice. Usually people says it the other way around.

I cried a while when he left with my fiance. But he was true.

My biggest fault is not to be consistant in my diet. I know it. But my body is not working like body of anone else. Cheat days may just to kick your metabolism into the higher turns, but not mine.

My coach is not choosing the words but he knows what the judges will look like. He knows I lost several competitions because of being fat or let say having the fat on the abs and hips - that means I was above 10% of bodyfat.

I want to be a competitor and yes - for everyday life I was lean, but NOT FOR COMPETITOR. Here I have to watch myself different eyes. I can not compete with shaking a$$….

I understand him, I respect him. I know the day when he will be satisfied I may win. And I agree with him. I was not consistant again. I just did not want to agree with that. He is perfecionist and knows this sport wants the whole man, if you wants to win. No exceptions. I knows it too, but I was a little bit free-minded.

I know what he wants. I will try. He is the best coach here - but only the best people here are strong enough to work with him. And I dont want to loose him.
That is all….

Also finally the coach told me that is the time to be serious again. He dont know I was serious all the time - or at least I tried it…. :o But it is the time of regular cooperation again… And I am affraid. I know he is perfecionist and he was NOT satisfied even in February, when I looked 200% maybe 400% better than now….

So tomorrow is the day of true. I am preparing to be fired as his trainee… He trains National team members now. His trainees are great - except me… This is what I am still saying to myself to be not dissappointed than.

I did some job but all the gains/improvements are much more slower than before…. Well I was not eating clean all the time and still I forgot meal in time etc.. But other years I was able to move forward despite that.

04/20/08 and 08/16/08 comparison….

I can not do anything else than to hope and later to do my best if he will open a new cooperation between us.

I am still waiting, I am bored…. My strenght phase was good - I was able to improve it. But now - I feel weak, I feel again some pains in back… but not so bad as it used to be. My fiance told me that after all those PRs I did it may take 14 days to get in normal.

Yesterday I get official approval about my attendance on Universe 2008. But I see I will be not able to prepare in time, when my coach did not helped me to start my metabolism again. In fact he was against my competing this year, while I was still playing with this idea. But now I agree too. I have TOO MANY THINGS to improve. And it can not be done overnight. So in fact I am resigned to miss this year. I only pray to be able to come back in 2009…. In best shape I ever had off course….

It is my 4th comeback when I count it… It is horrible. Sometimes I have the feeling that I am doing one step forward and two steps back… or maybe two steps forward and one step back as I hope I have changed since I started … I think if I had really the gift to this sport I would be much more farer… Bigger, better, sharper…. I dont know if I am not too old to do this again. If I did not missed the chance.

Here are all my transformations…. I guess my biggest problem is that I am not able to be lean i the bulking phase - or at least hold only some decent amount of fat. With the diagnose of thyroid gland illness a lot of things is clearer… but the question is still if I did not caused this myself. By too long low carb diets…. I was 9 months on zero carbs once I remember…. I was below 500 Kcal/day when I was dieting for the first time in 1996 (just to note I had NO HELP, no coach, nobody to consult with…I did everything myself). So maybe I it is my fault that my progress is not better.

I did a lot of mistakes during my life. And each one was paid hard. I was very stupid sometimes. I still have to look back a little bit. And remember who I am and where I am from. But sometimes I feel resigned or hopeless. I dont believe I may be important for my coach or to do some good result anymore. But I still hope that when I will not give up, one day I may show myself in good light on stage again.

Here is a picture of me on stage… Worst look was in 1999 I believe. 132lbs, but flat, fat and with underskin water. But since 2004 my weight is constantly growing each competition. In 2006 again I was flat and fat. But it was better than in 1999….. Last two competitions I was maybe 65-75% ready. Last picture is from the time before the illness. I still count it almost as a competition because I prepared almost 6 months and I was never so lean so long time BEFORE. My weight was another 5 lbs higher than in 2007 December.

That is all…. I just feel a little bit empty, alone and clueless.

Tha whole weekend I trained very light trainings. I had to recover from heavy lifts. I did 3 PRs in one week in the "big three" exercises - benchpress, deadlifts and squats… so my CNS got the hit as well as my lower back. That was why I got massage twice this week and I trained only short and easy trainings. But I added the cardio in the morning and evening.

My boyfriend had his birthday on tuesday… and we had a barbecue party.

I had the dentist appointment on Thursday- ouch! I have something wrong with my tooth. Maybe I will have a crown on it … But now he gave me only the temporary filling and drilled the tooth a little bit. It still hurts ….

I had my birthday on Saturday. I trained and did the cardio as any other day. In the afternoon I had my birthday dinner - pizza, icecream and piece of cheescake. I was also on the street exhibition of big size photographs of nature…

I have my wrist taped because it is pulled…. But nothing serious, I trained with it yesterday and it goes.

This week is the last summer week. Also the weather here is still sunny but starts to be cold. Mainly mornings. Some trees already has yellow leafs. Only occasionally, but itis the sign of Autumn. My coach will come this week to see me first time after the illness. First week of Autumn will bring me the realy serious preparation for next year season. It will be tough one, but I am ready. Or at least I think I am ready…..

On weekend my fiance is promoting a strenght competitions for young people (teenage). I am curious to see him in this role.

Summer is away. I dont know, but I dont like the Autumn so much. Looking forward to Winter and than to next new Spring. I pray to bring me more luck than this one…. I pray to be able to step back on stage again in better shape than I had before.

I will have to be permanently on thyroid hormones and it will be VERY hard to be ripped. In fact the specialist told to my coach me to think better of the case if I want to stay in the sport or not. As "not" is the better choice.

If I will continue - I will have to be much more strict in food than anyone else around. Each junk food will cause metabolic stop. Each Kcal is going into my fat directly. My thyroid is not able to react quickly on anything. No carbs, no pizza, no icecream - ANYMORE - if I want to be a bodybuilder…. I have to stay on cicken meat and vegetables untill the rest of my life.

I am not a big cheater, but well, sometimes I like piece of pizza or pastry, when I am offseason. But this means that NEVER EVER I may do that… After the competition the food intake will raise slowly. When others will eat I will have to stay on boiled meat and lettuce…. I will have to find all my willpower now to do that and stay where I love it… off course my dreams about being in the national team are gone - as it is not possible to beat those who are healthy, if they will be as strict as me…

Hard decision. I dont know if I will be able to stay strict the whole year long…. but at least I may try that. And well, however it is hard, I will do that… I will trying that so long, that maybe some day it will happen. Now I have lst days on time-to-time junk food… But next week my coach will come to see me and will give me more directions to what to do next. And from that time I really try not to cheat anymore….

I decided to look at my future situation as being allergic to junk food. Today Daniel found a great motto for this situation too, it said Pavol Jablonicky - our top Pro - "Bodybuilders body is not a trash can so it is not necessary to fill it up with garbage"

On Sunday I tried new PR on squats:

SQUATS SETS:
10×44lb, 8×88lb, 4×132lb, 2×176lb …. and than:
1×220lb - my old PR, I did it only in belt. The atempt was not sure 100% but I did it. The depth was so so to achieve the paralel. Strenght was good.
1×242lb - NEW PR! Belt + knee wraps, attempt sure, but I was affraid a little bit. On the way up I was not sure but Daniel - who was there to help me - told me it was clear.
1x 264 - NO LIFT. Belt+ tight knee wraps…. who said bodybuilders have to be masochistic is wrong! PWL is pure masochism  I thought I will faint in fully tightened knee wraps! The pain was stronger than me (well few men in the gym hear not very nice words from my mouth ) …. I did only a 1/4 squat. I had bad feet position and also I was scared. I threw it away…
1×264 lb …. I decided to try it once more… and I was a little bit more prepared for knee wraps. So I did not shout much. I went down too fast and I needed help up. Daniel told me he helped me about 11lbs. So my new best is about 253lb….:)

I am in this phase for 3 months. In fact I can not to stop thinkning about bodybuilding - even tough my coach told me that this phase is to rest from the sport. And that I should not measure myself and look into the mirror all the time. But I was bored couple of weeks… It is a great news for me that in 14 days serious preparation for 2009 will start.

I gave up the idea to compete this year 2008. I will go to 2009 season. I have no idea which competitions now, but I need the time to prepare really GOOD….

To have more fun I tried some heavy trainings…. On monday I did technicall bench (learning the arch, wide grip, egative reps and lockouts). These trainings are simple, only one main exercise, but it takes time as the rest between sets is longer. It took me almost one hour to go this bench. I started on 10 reps x 22lb, 10×88, 5×110, 3×132 lbs - this is the average weight I do. In fact with 132lbs I am able to do 8 reps without any support in BB training….than I did my old PR - 1×154 (easy bench, I might do three or four reps with this). 1x 176 attacking of new PR (no lift - I did it but I needed a support, I had bad range of motion there and I trew it over my head.. In fact my PR is now on 165lb). I was pretty p*** off… as it was a clear technique failure - not power!! I might do that!!

I tried to add one more 1×176  - but no lift - support necessary here. My strenght went away. Than I continued with negative reps, where spotter took the whole weight up and I did the negative phase VERY slowly 2 sets of 5×176lb to learn how to handle with heavier weights. At the end I gave 25 reps x 88lb … it is a PR too in amount of reps .

Well how on Monday I was not happy, on Tuesday I was satisfied a lot…the day was crowned by twice overcame my PR in deadlifts. 

Sets: Again technicall - deadlifts 20 x 44lb, 6 reps x 88lb, 4x 132lbs, 1x 176lb, 1×200lb, 1×220, 1×242 lb (picture in the gallery)

I just wished to know my maximal weights. I was surprised if I will be able to do 200lbs… and it was a paper… light weight… So we upped the weight to 220lbs. Here I was not sure. I did it in pwl belt. Knee bandages are not supporting anything… Again it was the easy lift and in fact I felt I might do 2 reps with it… but Daniel told me to stop and try 242lbs…

I had a lot of adrenaline when I touched the bar. I was absolutely not sure if I will be able to lift it. The begining of the lift was slower and I thought I will let it be, but than I saw it is lifting slowly and above my knees I was sure I will do that as the last phase is easy for me….

Than I dropped it with WOHOO sound…. I was so excited!!

I was surprised by the tightness of my grip as it was usually a problem for me. Now it looked it is all right, absolutely no problems with holding that…In fact 3/4 of the lift were easy! Only the begining was not sure….

I felt I might do more, but Daniel told me to stop. And he was right. Few minutes later I felt the whole body aching

Well now I took a rest for a while (light trainings) and I will continue on Saturday evening by attacking squats. I am curious if I will be able to do my PR there too!!

Today I am the first day in my job. I will train today first part of my "old" plan. However I would like to start real preparation for something. But my coach did not called (or did not let me know) so I just continue in what is given.

That is all… I will be here more offten again soon. But now I have really no news to share.

XOXOXOXO Lada

Here are just some thoughts…. Trainings are in my training log here: http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=107671221

7.7.08

Well, today is the first day of really well done routines/nutrition - or I hope so.
Yesterday I had 400g of watermelone, 2 peaches and some red currant as the fruit meal. I had some Angus beef  instead 1 meal of chicken with wholecorn bread… Also I had only massage of shoulders, traps and chest - as I have them stretched (I did not do triceps dips some time and on Thursday I did 3 full sets). I used to go to professional masseur, but my fiance learned professional massage - so he takes care about me now. But yesterday we had no time in the evening….

My goal now is to get rid of bodyfat somewhere close to competition weight 127-130 lb aprox. And than do a clean bulking.
 

8.7.2008

Yesterday I was in the bank to do a wire transfer to the company with posing suits. Here are maybe 3x more expensive than in USA - so I order them from Suits You comp.. I did this transfer the last year - so I asked the bank clerk how to fill the form as I dont remember it. She was totally stupid with “I dont know” answer all the time… So I am expecting the call from the bank each minute today. I only hope they will do the transfrer right and I will not lose the money. I decided that second two piece I will sew at home myself in hand… I bought a very nice matherial - rainbow “snake skin” … So I will try it. I will took the pattern from my old posing suit….

13.7.08

I changed my training plan a little bit. I will train now 3+1 and 2+1 to have more free days as I was overtrained a little bit.
We were at home today the whole day. It is stormy and rainy weather here - with heavy clouds on the sky. I am sleepy. I am still happy that I have my new photocamera.

I did the measurement in the morning and I was very disappointed as I did not change. I have the same weight, same measurements…. my metabolism is still blocked now.
I will call my coach in the evening. I will have to talk about this with him. Tomorrow test results will tell me more I hope.

14.7. 2008

Test results are half to half positive and negative. All values, which was bad after mym illness are OK, also the T4 and T3 hormonal levels are in normal range - but very low. But the sonography showed permanent damage of my thyroid gland. It is nothing too serious, I will be not operated, but it seems that I will be on lower dosages of thyroid hormones untill the rest of my life…. (Also it means if I will continue in IFBB I will have to ask for drug-exception as thyroid hormones are banned too ).

I called this to my coach imediatelly. I thought he will say that I will be not able to compete. But he told me to send him my test results and he will go to some specialist on sport medicine and will tell me in the evening how to continue. So I am happy he let me the hope.
 

15.7.2008

So I missed the morning cardio. All day I really wanted to eat some chocolate… Off course it is normal. But I am proud that I did not do it! Hooray 
Also I have no thoughts about training… but finally I decided to go…. and I did good thing as I did PRs in all exercises!
And finally I did the cardio 
So now in the evening I can say it was quite nice day, because I did it right.

07/19/08

Today I slept very long time so I did not do morning cardio. Today is a lazy day…. I was feeling really tired the whole day. I stretched my left lower back muscle. So when I went to training I thought I will be not able to go to my best.
We were in Holmes place again, but not in the spa. No time for that.
Despite all I was able to go to my highest weights and at benchpress and donkey calve rises I did PRs. Mainly 253lb for calves was good. At benchpress I did more than is my bodyweight now.
Tomorrow is my off day… Carbs…But I will have to think what to do to treat my back.

07/21/08

On Sunday it was 12 weeks after my return back to the gym. 7 weeks was the first phase when I was getting back, now I was in the strenght phase… So I bilanced a little bit the changes I went through…

benchpress 30kg/66lb ………………….70kg/154lb (+40kg/88lb)
squat40kg/88lb…………………………..80kg/176lb (+40kg/88lb)
EZ bic.curls 20kg/44lb…………………..40kg/88lb (+20kg/44lb)
bent over barbell rows 50kg/110lb ….. 75kg/165lb (+25kg/55lb)
military press behind the neck - barbell 30kg/66lb ….60kg/132lb (+30kg/66lb)
side latearls 5kg/11lb……………………15kg /33lb (+10kg/22lb)
tric. pulldowns 20kg/44lb……………… 55kg/110lb (+35kg/77lb)
dumbell biceps curls10kg/22lb ……….. 15kg/33lb (+5kg/11lb)
leg extensions 24kg/52.8lb …………… 60kg/132lb (+46kg/101.2lb)
leg curls 15kg/33lb …. ………………….35kg/77lb (+20kg/44lb)
bent over dumbell rows 30kg/66lb …….45.5kg/100lb (+15.5kg/34lb)

07/23/08

I am not a shopping queen and I am not keen into seasonal discounts… But today I went to buy my mineral water for the day in the office and I saw really nice violet LEATHER jacket FOR ONLY 199 Czech Crownds (it is about 13$) … REAL LEATHER. And the price before the discount was about 1590 CzK (106$)!!!!! WOW. Off course I HAD to BUY it… it is a little bit tight over my back and chest, but it is the “Autumn time” jacket and I may wear it open…. I was really happy

07/26/08

Regeneration:
whirlpool 35 minutes
finnish sauna 2×10-6 min
Salt cave 2×8min
herbal steam 2×15-10 min

Well today is a lazy day. I feel tired and little bit headache after sauna. I felt all right in the morning so I agreed to go to to the spa today with my fiance, but now I am not sure if I did right.
Left side of back is pulled. It is better a little bit after the spa, but still I feel it. In other ways I am all right.

07/28/08 - SHOULD BE A TRAINING DAY BUT I AM FIGHTING WITH THE ILLNESS 

Yesterday evening I felt how my neck hurts a lot. Today in the morning I had already white tongue and red neck inside… probbably tonsilitis or sore throat. I have no fever - or only a slight one. But I can not swallow anything without the pain. 

Off course if tomorrow I will have the sore throat still, I will go to see my doctor. I got a lesson this year and I really dont want to underestimate anything again!

07/29/08 FIRST DAY OF ILLNESS

Well so I am definatelly ill. I have a squinsy/quinsy  … Probbably I got it from the air condition in the big gym. In cardio zone it was really cold there and I am not used to it… In the gym where I train is constant temperature (one advantage of underground)… and no wind or cold airconditions….

I am thankfull now, that my coach refused to let me do Universe this year - as now I am not in the time stress.

TODAY 07/31/08 - Third day of me being ill

I can not believe that it is half of the summer gone. In 7 days I will have my nameday and another 14 days later my birthday.
Autumn will be tough time for me again - when competitions will start here and probbably we will go to see it…. It will be hard for me to see other competitors on stage.
I got three new invitations to Autumn competitions and my heart was realy bleeding (as well as in Summer), when I had to write the phrase “I am sorry but this year I am not able to compete….”

I got also the offer - that when I am not able to compete - I may go and do some tests and come to one international competition as a judge - as I always have good points in my articles when I wrote about the competitions. But I think it would be not good, when next year I want to compete there again. I can not judge the same people who are competing with me… It is enough time to be a judge later. Off course I was flattered by this offer….

The illness is better today. Medicine helped me and the only really BAD is the caugh. But it will take some time to get rid of it… And the chest muscle still hurts but it is also better today. I may touch it. Yesterday and the day before massaging it was very painfull…. and I did it with clanched teeth.

I have no idea what will be my food today. Yesterday evening I was finally able to eat chicken meat and beans.

I am a little bit afftaid if I will not lose some muscles and gain some fat, while I am in the bed…

I will see, but I think next week I may be back in the gym. I thought I will try to go to the benchpress competition next weekend, but off course now it is not good idea - to start so soon after illness + after the inflammation of chest muscles….

In next two weeks I am starting my precontest…

I will be in diet for 9 months as I was never ripped enough and my coach wants me to get to the real quality. That is crazy but I hope to be able to do it.

THAT IS ALL… I hope I will have more time to write here some of my random thoughts again regullary.

XOXOXO Lada

I decided that I definatelly will do the competitions next year. I wished to go on Universe again really a lot. But for two weeks I saw it is something wrong with me… and Mondays tests showed it up. I have damaged thyroid gland - the illness I had in the past awake again…

So in this moment I am on synthetic thyroid hormones (letrox) and I will be probbably on it untill the rest of my life. On this will be super hard to be lean….

During the weekend I enjoyed my free days and relaxation procedures again. Full 45 minutes in the warm whirlpool, one hour of herbal steam and relax in the salt cave… and the next day back+legs massage with the warm oil with herbs too (eucalyptus and lavender) …. I really enjoyed it a lot. I remember how I was not used to it and I dont like it at all - mainly I was affraid how other people will react on my body. But now I really enjoy each minute of it…. I think I may say that in training days I go hard and it is very backbreaking for me. So I need to rest and relax a lot when I have some time (and money)….

Today I am very sleepy. Tired. Third day of training in a row… tomorrow is my free day, but no relax as I have to go to my job and do milion things around. I wish to be the weekend again…. 

I was focused on stupid things. Dang - I always have to look back and say I survived! I might be dead! And when I was ill I was stronger than ever, so why to be weak now… but well, it is hard.

All is only about my dream to show I may overcome the illness in sucha short time and compete in November. And about my hard coach who told me that he will not let me go! So this was the red line during the last week….

On Friday I came in the gym late and in totally bad mood. I was able to hurt myself as I can not find the concentration. So my fiance sent me at home. Coach and Daniel allowed me two days free, without any training - only cardio - with some junk food - only one a day….

I relaxed at TV, created new PC art and I have to say after this time I found my way again. I think I am now resigned to the fact I will compete in 2009 Spring. It will give me more time I need. But still I have to get down my weight on 130 lb or so, before the bulking phase. I hope it will be all right.

Today I did the food clear and I am waiting to get out of my job and go to the gym again. I will train legs+back and I hope I will get bak on the level from 9.6. 2008 and more… back to my March shape before my story went another direction than I wanted.