147 days to - ?? - Burned out.
Well, I think this weekend I was totally disgusted, demotivated and overtrained. I think I did two steps back but the whole week I was fighting with feelings of uncertainity and moodiness…
I was focused on stupid things. Dang - I always have to look back and say I survived! I might be dead! And when I was ill I was stronger than ever, so why to be weak now… but well, it is hard.
All is only about my dream to show I may overcome the illness in sucha short time and compete in November. And about my hard coach who told me that he will not let me go! So this was the red line during the last week….
On Friday I came in the gym late and in totally bad mood. I was able to hurt myself as I can not find the concentration. So my fiance sent me at home. Coach and Daniel allowed me two days free, without any training - only cardio - with some junk food - only one a day….
I relaxed at TV, created new PC art and I have to say after this time I found my way again. I think I am now resigned to the fact I will compete in 2009 Spring. It will give me more time I need. But still I have to get down my weight on 130 lb or so, before the bulking phase. I hope it will be all right.
Today I did the food clear and I am waiting to get out of my job and go to the gym again. I will train legs+back and I hope I will get bak on the level from 9.6. 2008 and more… back to my March shape before my story went another direction than I wanted. 
