151 days to Nowhere….
Yesterday was a free day and the second visit at the specialist - physiotherapist. He was quite satisfied as he told that my inner deep stabilization system is much more better after all those exercises I had to do each morning. Off course I have to continue in them + add some gymball exercises too. I guess I will add them each free day. He also looked at my stretched shoulder/back and helped me with that too. So pains are away. Now I will see him regullary each 4-6 months and he will work with me.
Also he told me to not neglect other regeneration - as massages, steam/sauna, proper stretching and some additional sports to my main activity…I will. At least I get used to massage and sauna and relaxing in free days. I did not like sauna/steam a lot before. But I realized I am relaxed and my muscles are soft and smooth and I feel fine after each visit in the Spa. The same after the massage.
But also I felt from the sky on the ground again. What caused I was not very nice person last days. Quarreled with Daniel and was not very pleasant person at all.
I have to put up with the fact that some other people lives my dreams, while for me it will stay a dream for a long long time. I always dreamed about competing in USA one day. And in fact I negotiated about something for this year.. now all is gone.
I will not compete, I am not international athlete again, and my coach told me I will start with the small regional competitions next year again… Bump!
The ground is sometimes hard. I have to put up with the fact I was never ever ripped to 100%, I will have to trrain more than ever to reach my positions back, I will compete ONLY on the LOWEST level again… and at least in 2009, not now! No Universe definatelly, no World Cup (new invitation), no Las Vegas competition….Just small shows again.
Sleeping in the car and under the tent, small and dirty backstages…. travelling by old borrowed car or by train and bus…. travelling dirty in the competition tan after the contest… I know how it was. Will I be able to do it again?
You may imagine how I felt. I cried almost two days.
Now I have to get back again…
If start from the beggining is my destiny I will have to fight with it.
Maybe I went up too fast. From real zero to hero in one year…. from regional show to international stage in 7 months… now I have to get back and continue regullary. And pay for the last year.
It is hard.. I still cry in my mind. But no other way. I resigned to all my dreams I had. I am a dreamer, but I have to learn to walking on the ground. Maybe next years will be better… maybe in 5 -10 years I will be good enough to dream again…
In this moment my motivation is on the ground too. But I know that I have to stand up and go. Live have to be lived… And nobody will do any work instead of me…
I continue in cutting, as I have to get rid of all the fat I gained in the hospital soon.
