3rd Day - Disillusion
Well, yesterday I wrote to my coach - when my tests are all right if I may go to the gym and start with some kind of diet… I wrote him also SMS on his cell phone. I saw he was on the internet in the morning as well as in the evening but I got no message… No positive or negative… I know he has a lot of trainees and some of them will compete in 12 days… so he is probbably bussy. But I post him some pictures and I have the feeling that he is angry on me, looking really bad now.
Still I had in my head the thoughts about it. The whole day. What did I wrong? I look not good, I gained a lot of fat and when I wrote that I feel bad because of that he might think I am complaining again… So I was really down the whole day and evening.
I got a real depression. I feel frustrated last few days, when I see others few days precontest and I KNOW I MIGHT DO IT BETTER, I KNOW I CAN TRAIN HARDER AND TO DIET TOUGHER. I KNOW IT! But I can not do it right now. I can not proove it to my coach or Daniel. I can only sit and wait. That is really what I hate - to be stopped by the outer conditions. Plus those non-answered e-mail which stays with me the whole day…
The weather is also not nice. It is dark the whole day andit is raining all the time. Really accurate weather for me now. It is rather like Autumn, than Spring. Even tough I saw pink and white blossoms on the trees already and I saw also tulips in the grass - what is something I love. Soon will be abloom first lilac…. I love the smell.
Yesterday nigt I was on chat. After the day I felt really miserable and I needed some escape. I talke to one Figure girl - she is prepairing for her first competition. She was not good before, but she did a pretty nice job and now I think she might do well. She needs more muscles - she really underestimated the lenght of the precontest and ofseason and in my opinion she went too soon - but it is her decision. But she is totally out of the posing. And nobody learns her here…. Here are no seminars for novice class competitors or posing lessons. So I offer her to learn her - I will do a posing lesson for her on Thursday.
She asked me also to be with her backstage and help her with the tan and pumping up and so - but the competition is in too far away place this year, with very bad public traffic and for somebody having no car it is hard to reach it. And I am not sure if my heart would not bleeding backstage this year. I am sure others will help her there.
Today I still feel tired (I slept 5 hours or so)… and down. I am going to train today - despite my coach did not allowed me to do it. I also started with more proper food.
Todays food: 6AM 125g of plain yoghurt, 9AM 4 eggs and some ham in it, 50g pastry, 12AM 150g chicken meat, 3 PM 150g of chicken meat, after training 150g of chicken meat, 9 PM 150g of chicken meat - all meat grilled, dry, only with the inner fat which is in the meat.
Todays training (is in one bigger Fitcentre) dumbbell presses for chest 4×12 (10 lbs) , triset side laterals, front raises and bent over laterals 4×12 (10 lbs, 6 lbs), barbell bent over rows 4×12 (40 lbs), biceps curls with dumbbells 3×10 (10 lbs), triceps pulldowns 3×10 (11 lbs), leg extensions 4×20 (30 lbs), seated leg curls 4×20 (30 lbs), crunches (hanging upside down) 4×6-8 and than 15 minutes on the treadmil.
I hope I will feel better soon. I believe it is only a shortcut and I will get over it soon… I know that better days will come.
PS: Yipee. I talked to my coach, he was really bussy and had no time to see my e-mail. He gave me new diet, supplements, cardio and training plan for the next 21 days. After that he would like to see me and than he told me I will workout 4 times a week and will create a new conditioning program for me. I am so happy, that he is not dissappointed what I did with my body. He said it is too many factors now - which caused it - that we will see the reality after those 21 days of the beginers training.
So I am officialy in!!
