Musings of a Crazed Gym Rat!

There are a couple of guys at my gym, well there are a few guys at my gym, but one or two in particular. The other day I saw this one guy doing a 400 lb barbell squat, I’ve never seen anybody do a squat that heavy before, seriously, I think I’m in love…I’m not easily impressed, but dang! I saw this guy again at my gym yesterday. I guess I see him there almost every day. He seems to have started to notice me, I suppose we always seem to be there the same time and workout in the same area, not like I’m following him around, though I’d like to, hee heee, it just turns out that way. He’s not one of those guys that is freaky huge, he’s a big boy, but not so jacked he looks like he’s on ‘roids.

Then there’s this other guy I see at the gym, looks alot like McDreamy in Grey’s Anatomy only more muscular and better looking.  I first noticed him when he held the door for me as I was heading into the gym (impressive!). Same thing, we seem to be there at the same time, he does some freaky heavy dumbbell chest presses that get my attention and has huge shoulders and biceps (well, not gigantic, but very nice indeed). I think he’s noticed me in the gym too, kind of like "hey there’s that girl again that I always see here", but not like "I wish she’d stop following me around" I’M NOT, but you ARE nice scenery. Haven’t seen him at the gym in a couple of weeks, wonder where he is these days. Hey, I’m a married woman, I just like lookin’, ya know.   I guess we’re all guilty of that aren’t we? Looking at other people, wondering about what they are like as a person, what it would be like to be dating them. If I wasn’t married it would be fun to have Mr. 400 Lbs. as a friend. We could meet at the gym, spot each other (o.k. I’m not much of a spotter on the 400 lb barbell), work out together, He probably has a girlfriend, I’m jealous already. Mr. McDreamy too, bastards! LOL!

My favorite dream car has always been a Jaguar. I was walking down to my car from the gym recently and someone was behind me heading to the parking lot too, I didn’t notice who it was until I got to my car which was parked next to a black Jaguar. The person behind me went to the Jag and when I turned to see who, it was McDreamy…God, he’s so f***ing perfect…must be nice to be perfect…tall Mr. Perfect, Jaguar driving, freshly showered,  looking all perfect in his dark jeans and leather shoes with his big shoulders and bi’s under his expensive looking brown suede blazer and still damp longish Antonio Banderas dark wavy hair and I don’t know what colour eyes, and a bit of stubble that makes me go "grrrr". I wonder what he does for a living, my luck he’s a big drug dealer…makes loads of dough but in a nasty way.  No I think he’s probably in the film industry (lots of that around here), when you’re so f***ing perfect you outta be in pictures so the whole world can see how perfect you are and how perfect they’re never gonna be. O.k., now he’s starting to piss me off, I don’t think I like him so much, he’s too perfect, well, he’s still nice eye candy….

In my next life I wanna be perfect too. Hmmm…let me think who IS the perfect woman? What would she look like? Any ideas? I always thought some of the supermodels were pretty perfect, but now my perception of physique is different and they don’t have enough muscle or definition. I think maybe a young Bridgette Bardeaux with muscle would be perfect and maybe a little taller…then I could be Ms Perfect and live the perfect life with Mr. Perfect or Mr. 400 and everything would be f***king perfect.

In the meantime, I’m working with what God gave me and trying to perfect it. There is only so much you can do with what you got, and I’m not going to get all steroid-pumped and botoxed up about it either. No one is perfect, life isn’t perfect, maybe its more perfect for some than others, Lord knows I try to make it perfect, but I think I could go insane trying to achieve perfection in everything all the time. Some things are out of my control.

This morning when I woke I realized that every time I moved during my sleep I experienced Pain, everywhere. While sleeping seems to have helped it subside a bit, when I finally mustered the courage to move my body to get up there was a whole lotta  Pain. Aching everywhere, head to toe, my muscles, my joints, I felt as though I’d been hit by a train. Because of my training, this has become the norm in my day to day existence. I wonder if those guys in the Jack-Ass movies are numb to Pain or whether they just really love it.
When it comes to fitness, I know Pain very well. The pain one experiences when first embarking on a weight loss and exercise program, getting the body back into shape. The pain of tearing my hamstring and the long recovery, post training muscle pain from lifting heavy stuff, joint pain from lifting really heavy stuff, and the pain in the a$$ it is to drag my self to the gym and stick to my diet when I really don’t want to (of course there are lots of things in this life that are a pain in the a$$, but this isn’t what this is about).

Yesterday and today Pain and I met once again. I have had ongoing pain in my left shoulder and neck for some time. My doctor sent me for X-rays, thought the AC joint in the shoulder was the main culprit. Turns out the X-rays show nothing for the shoulder, the neck has mild arthritis in the C5-6 joints. On to physio….again….I don’t know that physio does all that much for me, I have never had any satisfactory results from it, but maybe that’s just me. I know though that I will still work out with Pain in these problem areas and maybe factor in any suggestions of what to avoid, maybe. Pain doesn’t scare me, I embrace Pain.
Yesterday, as I was doing an incline leg press, I did 2 full sets of 12 at 430 lbs, this would be my cue to add more weight…so I did…another 10 lbs, 10 lousy little lbs. I managed a full set of 12 on that….wooo-hooo! Took a rest, did a stretch, got back in there and squeezed out another 10 reps before my legs decided that nope…that was enough. I couldn’t get my legs to budge to get the foot plate up high enough to rack the damn thing. I had to let it go. Now you have to understand that when you have 440 lbs stacked on a leg press and your legs quit working the foot plate comes down very quickly and forces your knees practically into your chin, rapidly!!! It also makes a good deal of noise when it all comes crashing down, which is probably a good thing because it drowns out my swearing. In an acrobatic feat known only to the elite members of the Cirque de Soliel, I untangled myself and tried to look cool and dignified, o.k. maybe a little pissed off would be a better description. I removed all the plates so I could raise the foot plate and then re-load and start over (a little more lightly).  A slight twinge of Pain now making itself apparent in my right upper quad. Dag-nam-it! Don’t tell me I’ve injured myself again and am going into physio for that too….I finished a final set and let me tell you I HAD to go lighter and I don’t like backing down to ANYTHING, even weights, ya hear!? So I wasn’t happy about that.

When I hit the squat rack next, the quad Pain made itself VERY apparent. Work through it! I told myself and did, same Pain with the weighted $&*#ing lunges…work through Pain…Pain is my friend, I love Pain, I’m used to Pain, Pain and I know each other very well, very well indeed.

Pain likes ice, I do too, in my scotch, I gave Pain some ice when I got home. I got my 8 hours of shut-eye and surprisingly, Pain is being less of a pain today, oh except when I first got up, but Pain is being quiet now. Shhhhh….Pain, rest now…shhhh. The thing I love about Pain is that it is honest. Pain tells me when to ease off, when to stop, when I’ve gone too far and most importantly that I’m still alive. Pain is always with me, day and night, training and resting, I can always count on Pain. Pain, my new best friend. Have you given your Pain a hug today?

If you’ve ever seen me at my gym and I’ve completely ignored you, I apologize. There are several reasons for this, the first being that I am probably so zoned out and focused on what I’m doing I am unaware of my surroundings, another is that I am short sighted and I don’t wear my glasses to the gym, and the final reason…I’m ignoring you.

So to rectify the vision issue I’ve been trying to make a change. Instead of staggering around blindly in the gym and not being able to acknowledge people I know or would like to know or read stuff from far away I’ve decided to give contacts a try. This is a game of trial and error until you get the right ones. So far I’m on my second set.  I also think that I’m allergic to my gym, seriously! My left eye waters almost constantly when I’m there (with or without contacts) and I have the sniffles the whole time.  What is it? Dust? perspiration, cleaning chemicals in the air, the stinky guy next to me on the cardio machine (that’ll make anyone’s eyes water)? Who knows, it happens every time I’m there.

As far as changing my training focus…nuh, uh…not gonna happen, I’m zoned out, grooving to some tunes, layin’ down my thang at da gym. Am I ignoring you? Very likely not on purpose,unless I’m thinking your build is better than mine (you have to be a girl for that one) and then I’m definitely not going let you catch me checking you out for a compare. Just know that I plan to make you look bad when I finish my bulk and cut, then you’ll be sayin’ DANG! Mostly though, and to be truthful, I’m jealous of you now and want to meet you so that I can hit you up for some training tips. The gym is a  solitary place for me, I’d love to get to know lots of people there.

So I’m not really ignoring anyone, I’m not the cold stuck up b*%ch at the gym, I’m blind, weepy eyed, hell bent on training and we haven’t met yet. Speak up and come closer so I can see you.

I saw a documentary last night about the passengers (a soccer team) of an airplane that crashed in the Andes mountains in 1972. Most of the survivors were about 19 years old at the time, several passengers died in the crash, others succumbed to injuries and the elements. Of approximately 45 passengers 14 survived. These people survived out in the snow waiting for rescue for 72 days, no food, no water except for melted snow. Eventually two guys decided to go and find help, they had little clothing for that kind of journey, soccer shoes and jeans, layers of other stuff taken from the wreckage of the airplane and the deceased passengers. During their trek to find help they were so weak and cold it was a miracle that they made it. One survivor (now in his 60’s) interviewed in the documentary said he remembers thinking he couldn’t go on any further, he was cold, exhausted, but he knew if he stopped none of them would survive, so he said "you just take one more step, you go another 10 feet, you just keep going no matter what". What this man said really hit a chord with me.

I remember when I started loosing weight and I wanted to give up that’s how I managed it. I knew if I quit I’d never reach my goal. I wanted to stop running on the treadmill, stop lifting weights, indulge myself in excessive food, stop the constant struggle. I would say to myself, just do 5 more minutes of cardio until you reach 20 minutes. After 20 minutes I would say you’re two thirds away to getting to 30 minutes, you can’t quit now, just get to 30 minutes. In weight training it was the same thing, just do one more set, just add some more weight and do as many reps as you can to see if you can get a whole set, just see if you can.  Just see if you can get through one day sticking with your diet, just today, same thing the next day, now see if you can get through until the weekend. Just try the diet, give it 10 days, just try it, you don’t have to stick with it, 10 days, then adding another 4 days to make it 2 weeks. Always take another step, push yourself, always try to add one more than you think you can possibly manage. You know what I discovered, YOU CAN! You can add one more set, one more rep, 5 more minutes, one more day and with those little steps you start to notice change and you are bouyed by this change and you start to reach your goals.  When you want to quit and you are crying and disheartened, don’t give up! You can’t or you won’t reach or goals. For some people it is survival, it affects their lives, their happiness and the lives of people who love them.

This struggle to reach our fitness goals is nowhere near to what the poor plane crash survivors endured, but it is the same mentality. Its a determination to reach a goal, to succeed, not to quit when it seems impossible and in some cases, to survive. Because of the determination to survive and to persevere against all odds, these two young men found civilization and all survivors were rescued.

Be like a survivor. Never let anything stop you, age, lack of support, lack of time….never give up, never quit, NEVER!

O.K.  a few comments and minor whines and a confession:

- Constant soreness has become a part of my life. If I’m not sore then I must be unconcious.

- My ass and hams hurt more than any other body part today and yesterday was "back day". My tri’s were killing me yesterday and yesterday was tri’s day, what on earth did I do to them the day before???

- I’m sick of everything on my iPod, gotta find some new stuff. I like techno for cardio and mostly some sort of metal for weight training, though some slow stuff can get me into the concentration groove. Any suggestions????

- I’ve been eating oatmeal with cottage cheese and a piece of fruit for breakfast everyday for 3 months, I used to LOVE it…I’m getting a little tired of it.

- And a confession….I went to the race track last night and had a greasy track burger and split onion rings and fries with my husband, and had 3 Smirnoff Ice…well, if you’re going to have a cheat in your diet, go big time, huh? I was soooo full…oooppphhhh!

O.k. so fitness question. I was very energetic today to start off (I honestly think not drinking helps alot in that respect). I did 10 minutes cardio on the stationery bike to start, high speed moderate intensity, I felt I could have gone on for hours. Had some good tunes goin’ on the iPod and bopping along just fine. Then I thought I’d better save my energy for the weight training so I ended that and did my thang in da gym. Did pretty good on all accounts in the training except I have to do decline crunches and for some reason they were killing my back today, maybe the incline was too high. ANYWAY…..I finished that part and went to do my post w/o 20 min cardio and was gassed out. I struggled through 10 minutes on the stationary bike, my legs still aching from "legs day" two days ago (why this didn’t bother me an hour earlier is a mystery) and so I thought maybe I’ll get off the bike and go find a different thing, the elipty-thingy and when I got off the bike I said the hell with it I’m bagged. So I did my stretches, which felt sooo good, and then left.  Do you think I should have carried on my cardio at the beginning while I had the energy or sucked it up and persevered through another 10 mins on the elipty-thingy at the end. Not sure what to do next time except I don’t want to run out of steam in my weight training, that’s the most important part. Maybe I will try to do some more cardio later today even if its a brisk walk when I get my energy back.  I ate all that I should have eaten so I’m good there. Any thoughts….I need your thoughts today….tell me all your thoughts, what are you thinking? Is anybody out there? Hello?

O.k. I’ll admit it, I’m a hater, a FAT HATER and I’ve done pretty well so far, loosing close to 50 lbs without a trainer. However, recently I’ve stalled. Not from lack of mixing things up, or from hitting a plateau, but from a general lack of discipline in the diet area.  There are things I know to get my goals, but so many more questions:

- I know I have to eat clean and cut out alcohol.
- I know I have to watch portions

- I know I have to burn off more than I put into my mouth

- I know I should eat protein, carbs and good fats

- I know how to do all this, but it is not registering in my little pea-brain recently.
What I don’t know are a few things that have me stymied. If I want to loose more fat to look totally ripped, cut, shredded, uber-lean:

- Do I eat more carbs (veggies) than protein or is it the other way around?

- Do I do more cardio (currently about 30 min. a day) and less weight training (about 1 hour 4 - 5 times a week)?

- Do I continue the same weight training and do even more cardio?

- Do I take fat burners, currently I’m taking BCAA’s, CLA’s, Fish Oil, Vitamins, Calcium, Whey Protein Isolate (post workout)?

- Do I hide under a blanket with a bag of Doritos and give up?
As an aside, I have made a calculation which tells me that to get my BF percentage to under 15% I will need to weigh 122 lbs (a loss of another 7 to 10 lbs). I seem to have a mental block on this, its as though I am afraid to get that low as I am afraid I will get sick or look immanciated.  I really have to get past this mental issue and move on, I have weighed as low as 116 lbs in the past (decades ago) and although I had no muscle, I was still perfectly healthy.

Input from all you fabulous BS.com members would be greatly, GREATLY appreciated.
If anyone can provide any input on this issue, I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Kick the S*%@ out of Fat, people!

Over the course of time I have come across little sayings and quips that BS members here use to keep them motivated. There are many favourites that I have that have helped keep me going. Some have their specific uses, either to get you to the gym, try harder in your pumps, run harder, turn over a new leaf or re-design your entire way of doing things.  Here are my favorites:-  "Do you ever regret working out?" This is my own question I ask myself when I don’t want to go to the gym.  The answer is always NO! I do regret NOT going to the gym quite often.

- "Just Do It"  The all familiar Nike slogan, also a motivator to get to the gym and try harder when there.

- "Never Give Up".  This is one I have heard in a self defense class. It was also in a Defendo video I saw with a girl fighting off two big guys in a self defense demonstration. She was fighting as though it was her life at stake. Check out the video (about the 2:30 minute mark on this clip) http://www.wolfes.ca/vancouver-self-defense-defendo.php. This is a great motivator for me when I really think I’m getting nowhere and want to quit altogether. Also, living a healthy lifestyle IS fighting for your life.

- “Unleash Hell”. Saw this one in a blog of amazing body builder and BS member monkeymo33. This line is also famous from the beginning scenes in the movie Gladiator.  Gets me going in kickboxing, treadmill / cardio / HIIT and those extra pumps!

-   “If you don’t focus on your Ass…. no one else will.” From hilarious BS member Fitness-Chic, cuz ya know…it’s true.

- “Rebirthday”. From another amazing BS Member BuckSpin, which celebrates the anniversary of starting out your new fitness lifestyle and transformation. Check out his BodyGroup “The Transformers”.

- “Burn that house to the ground. Tear it down to the bare studs, then add on & remodel”. Another great motivator and analogy on transformations from BuckSpin, cuz that’s what its all about.

There are probably others that I have forgotten to mention or will come across over time. Love all these little words that swirl around in my thoughts and keep me focused. 

If you have a few of your own that get you going, please add them. I’d love to hear what moves you!

What to do…seems I’ve lost the support of my family and friends in my goals. So, as I saw on another BS member’s space, here is my list of whys - questions that will bring a charging elephant to its knees I’m sure:

Why did my husband called me a "party pooper" when I didn’t want to drink much on new years eve and has in the past made remarks about my spending too much time at the gym, although he seems to want me to go when I start bouncing off the walls at home because of pent up energy and a need to burn off steam?

Why do some of my girlfriends who are trying to loose weight ask me what I eat and then say I can’t keep that up forever? I eat clean, carb cycle, cut way down on carbs and booze is off limits. I take vitamins and supps to support anything I might be missing.

Why do people worry if I want to loose at least 15 lbs more and get my BF% down to at least 15%?

Why do they think I’ll be too "skinny" when I tell them I’ll be lean yes, but with muscle?
Why do my parents and in-laws think its weird that I love kickboxing? My guess is that women didn’t do that in their era.

Why do guys who always want to know if I can take them on?  I love the sport, it has made me stronger, feel empowered and one night last summer my husband and I were almost mugged on the way home. We knew we weren’t going to be able to out run these guys so we turned and got ready to fight, they ran away. I wasn’t afraid because I know what I’m doing.

Why am I afraid I’ll be ridiculed or shunned if I tell any of these people about my profile on BS? We all understand  how great it is, right?

Why are my boobs shrinking? - O.K. I know the answer to that one, just being a smart a$$!
If any of you have any answers to these questions or have your own "why’s", I’d love to hear them.

At least I know everyone on this site feels the same about reaching our goals and supporting each other. I love you guys, and no I haven’t been drinking!

OUCH! I totally THRASHED myself in the gym today and feel awesome! I was not very good at eating clean over the holidays and felt so disgusting physically, literally sick because of it. I guess I’m used to the clean food now and my body really knows junk when I shove it in there. We had alot of snow which made it difficult to get out of the driveway, let alone to the gym. I did a bit of home exercises, but I my home isn’t very well equipped for that.  Anyway I finally got out there and worked super hard. Feeling AWESOME! Oddly enough I seem to be stronger than I was before Christmas. Can do more pullups and tricep dips, more reps, heavier weights, pushups and sit-ups galore! WOW! Just felt like a power machine today! Who knew! I’ve heard that taking a break can do a body good, I guess its true. I was off for about a week. Anyway, I’m back at it and looking forward to more results in the coming weeks.  Best wishes to all for 2009 and hoping you all meet your goals!