Soul Searching Rant
What to do…seems I’ve lost the support of my family and friends in my goals. So, as I saw on another BS member’s space, here is my list of whys - questions that will bring a charging elephant to its knees I’m sure:
Why did my husband called me a "party pooper" when I didn’t want to drink much on new years eve and has in the past made remarks about my spending too much time at the gym, although he seems to want me to go when I start bouncing off the walls at home because of pent up energy and a need to burn off steam?
Why do some of my girlfriends who are trying to loose weight ask me what I eat and then say I can’t keep that up forever? I eat clean, carb cycle, cut way down on carbs and booze is off limits. I take vitamins and supps to support anything I might be missing.
Why do people worry if I want to loose at least 15 lbs more and get my BF% down to at least 15%?
Why do they think I’ll be too "skinny" when I tell them I’ll be lean yes, but with muscle?
Why do my parents and in-laws think its weird that I love kickboxing? My guess is that women didn’t do that in their era.
Why do guys who always want to know if I can take them on? I love the sport, it has made me stronger, feel empowered and one night last summer my husband and I were almost mugged on the way home. We knew we weren’t going to be able to out run these guys so we turned and got ready to fight, they ran away. I wasn’t afraid because I know what I’m doing.
Why am I afraid I’ll be ridiculed or shunned if I tell any of these people about my profile on BS? We all understand how great it is, right?
Why are my boobs shrinking? - O.K. I know the answer to that one, just being a smart a$$!
If any of you have any answers to these questions or have your own "why’s", I’d love to hear them.
At least I know everyone on this site feels the same about reaching our goals and supporting each other. I love you guys, and no I haven’t been drinking!
January 2, 2009 at 9:59 pm
People just don’t understand a bodybuilder’s motive. Why we do it, who are we trying to impress, why are we so "obsessed".. if they were in our shoes, they’d understand that its more than that, it’s a lifestyle! a lifestyle of health, prosperity, longevity, confidence, strength in many areas of our lives, etc!!
For me, ppl ask me, why are u a bodybuilder, who are u trying to impress? you have a girlfriend, you go to church, why are you trying to show off? I take muy thai/kickboxing/jiu jitsu. ppl ask me, so are you trying to be big and buff and kick everyone’s ass on the street?? They have no idea.. So i totally agree with you! just don’t let it get to you, keep pushing, keep lifting, and keep smiling!! =]
January 2, 2009 at 10:16 pm
You are such a sweetheart! I get the same flack from so many people. I just consider that at least my obsession is a healthy one. It really, really is an obsession and I worry that it is sometimes too all consuming and I am ignoring other duties, but I don’t think so, at least I strive not to. I just do it for me because I feel very healthy and happy most of the time because of it. Thanks for your kind words.
January 2, 2009 at 11:05 pm
Brandy, I can empathize with all of your "why’s". I found a simple solution for family and friends that I found on bb.com in the form of at-shirt that says: " OBSESSED’
is just a word the lazy use to describe the DEDICATED’. For some reason, when I wear that t-shirt, all of the "why’s" suddenly disappear. Keep focusing on your goal girl. That’s why we’re here, to support one another when we can’t get the support from the one’s who "supposedly" are there for us.
Good luck!!
January 3, 2009 at 5:06 pm
It’s the whole reason I came on here… and Im glad I did!!! So far this site has helped out a lot; people on here are wonderful and they understand. No one has discouraged me yet like others in my life have by sly little comments… the ones they think are funny, but I don’t. The others don’t get it. People on here do. Focus on the good and your goals… the rest of them will just have to get used to it!
January 3, 2009 at 5:39 pm
I have the same questions. A few years ago, I’d party all night and miss whole weekends.. bit of a bad time in my life I guess, lots of reasons etc… I was "told off" for doing that.. rightly so.. Now I have turned it all around, I’m obsessed (a word bandied around a little to liberally for my liking)… I have been told that I look great and have lost loads of weight (I haven’t, just the ratios of fat and muscle have changed), but the same people who come out with those comments are also the same ones that put me down for doing what I do… eerm confusing or what?
I think for a woman, to do this is sometimes more difficult to understand and I think a lot of people don’t see it as a fitness/sports thing, more vanity and for women wanting to look like a bloke.. oh please!!
I’m sure if I told my mum that I wasn’t going to drink and stuff my face with crap because I was taking part in the olympics for my country, she’d understand and ‘get it’.. but bodybuilding.. nah.. doesn’t get that at all…
At least you know you’re not alone and will get tons of support on here, there are lots of us in the same position
Keep at it and it makes the achievements all the more meaningful, we’re all right behind you
January 3, 2009 at 6:06 pm
Those same questions come to mind for me also…..especially the one about weight loss since I have lost 40 lbs or so and well people can tell a difference just by looking at me. AND no I’m not doing it to be vain I have more engery and know that as a future nurse I am taking care of myself so I can take care of others!!!!
so keep doing what your doing we will fight our critics and do what we want it is our life!!!!
January 8, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Don’t worry so much about the why’s. Everyone has their own neuroses, and absolutely NO ONE is perfect. You’re doing a great job. If hubby can’t figure out why / and appreciate your dedication, maybe he should come along with you? It’s always nice to have a personal challenge. My hubby teaches MMA, so I am challenged ALL THE TIME. It’s good for me.
About the fat / weight loss, don’t trip, I get that all the time, I want to lose 25 lbs. and people are freaking out left and right. I decided to keep my goals to this site and to myself. Unless you’re a competitor its rare the outside world will really understand. Good luck, you’re doing great! Keep on kickin’ ass!!!
January 8, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Don’t worry so much about the why’s. Everyone has their own neuroses, and absolutely NO ONE is perfect. You’re doing a great job. If hubby can’t figure out why / and appreciate your dedication, maybe he should come along with you? It’s always nice to have a personal challenge. My hubby teaches MMA, so I am challenged ALL THE TIME. It’s good for me. About the fat / weight loss, don’t trip, I get that all the time, I want to lose 25 lbs. and people are freaking out left and right. I decided to keep my goals to this site and to myself. Unless you’re a competitor its rare the outside world will really understand. Good luck, you’re doing great! Keep on kickin’ ass!!!
January 10, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Even guys have these same problems or issues with those that should be supportive. When we made our transformation we had to fight that portion of our human anatomy to force change. We had our reasons for doing this that were more important then the sacrifice or pain endured in making the change. Unfortunately our friends and familiy have not changed because there is no motivation for them. They want us to stay the same because they don’t want to change. My wife actually tries to sabatoge my nutrition and exercise plan. She has faught me the entire way. I’ve gone through most of the same issues as you with friends and family that should support me, but instead give me the most grief. It all comes down to them being unwilling to change or accept the changes in you. You can try to explain why you need to change, if they can’t accept it that is their issue and you need to find the support you need, that is why this site is so helpful, because we understand.
January 13, 2009 at 9:12 am
Why are thare so many loosers in the general population is beyond me! Your husband probibly is not working out so is a little woried that as you become even more of a knockout that you will trade up and find someone younger to go alony with your returning youth! Giveing you a hard time though is moronic! Fat frends want you to stay fat so thay do not feel like sutch fat cows..enough said! Lean Rocks!! You rock!! Enough said!!
January 16, 2009 at 5:22 pm
I think the average person feels so poorly about themselves that when they come into contact with people like us who are either trying to cut up or already are they get super defensive and attack us for living the healthy, disciplined life that they simply cannot. In my opinion people these days are in a severe lack of self control. In a society where you can basically get anything you want at any time of day, discipline just doesn’t exist any more. What bothers me is that these people that are supposed to be FRIENDS will even try to tell you you can’t do it. But look around here! IT CAN BE DONE AND WE WILL DO IT!!!!! Over the years I’ve narrowed my ties down to a select few friends who are supportive in all my actions. However for me its my family that’s always getting on my case. Especially my grandmother who’s forever commenting on my weight and how I need more fat. Why be average when you can be better than average? That’s what I always tell people that are trying to rip me down and if they get fiesty at me I get fiesty back and say, "I’m not eating like you because i don’t want to LOOK like you." It’s mean but it gets people off your back! Let other peoples negative comments fuel your drive to succeed — PROVE THEY ARE WRONG!!!!
January 16, 2009 at 7:31 pm
we need film of the kickboxing!
let’s see, you would think your husband would be walking around with a permanent erection, so I don’t know what’s up with that. If he announces he’s gay, I just recently became available - just sayin’
everyone else, just …
well, there is a rule. 20/80 20% of the people do 80% of the work. so look in your life. 20% take care of themselves, 80% do not. In fact, the 805 spend most of their effort trying to sabotage or at a minimum to bring down the 20%.
This rule works in every aspect of your life. you job, the gym you go to, even at the grocery store - 20% shop healthy, and 80% spend their time in the prepackaged food aisle.
There’s the answer to most of your rants.
the last one is your profile here. Only show that to deserving people. If they don’t deserve it, they don’t get to see what we get to see. This process of changing your life will cause you to lose friends and alienate family. it’s ok. you are right, you are in the 20%. the only difficult thing is the husband is in the 80%. that’s more difficult. I would need more info to help with that
those are my thoughts
January 16, 2009 at 11:28 pm
Hey Brandy, okay so I’m a little late reading this blog, but I know exactly what you’re talking about
.. When my husbands friends or co-workers compliment me on keeping my body up after having kids, my husband would say somethig like "she doesn’t do anything but spend all day at the gym".. Or he seems to be irritated when the compliments are coming to often.. When I first decided to start training with weights(after reading an Oxygen Magazine) I called my sister and told her, the first thing she said was "ill, why? you’re going to look like a man!".. I have people that started seeing the changes in my body and they would say" I need to start exercising and lose some weight too, but I don’t want to be as small as you, that’s too small!..I think that everyone here has experienced or will experience these type of remarks eventually. And I honestly believed that it has something to do with the insecurity within themselves! You have to realize that it really takes self motivation, commitment and determination to do what we do! It’s obviously not easy and having a great body is something that you have to continuously work at. Which is not something that everyone has the strength and determination in them to do. So instead of coming out and saying that they say things that are sometimes hurtful to make themselves feel better. But Brandy I can tell that you are a strong woman that won’t let these minor situations stop you from reaching your goals, so just keep pressing on and" brush your shoulders off" 
January 16, 2009 at 11:36 pm
Why? Because people not in tune with your goals are what I like to call TOXINS. These are the people that keep you from your goals, keep your motivation down, and keep you on edge with your own aspirations. The best way to deal with it, ignore it. It’s hard to avoid people especially husbands and close relatives. But others that put a negative spin on anything healthy you’re trying to do… NEED NOT APPLY (aka avoid them).
Perhaps you need to sit down with them and tell them how they are making you feel with what they say. Let them know that while this may seem "unhealthy" or "unnatural" to them, it’s quite the opposite and they have no right to judge when they are ignorant to true health.
Good luck in all you do!
January 18, 2009 at 5:04 pm
"Clean eating changes the way your body reacts to bad foods, I think. "
something you wrote in response to one of my blogs
YES I agree! after drinking wine one night it did not agree with me ugg! I think I prefer my clean diet because yes it makes me feel better and not so full and not bloated and gross eating 6 times a day instead of three……..what do you say to those who ask you.."What your only eating that much"….I guess I have been just explaining that I eat 6 times a day and then the questions start pouring in!! haha
we shall just keep going along because we know where WE want to be as in our goals
January 19, 2009 at 8:46 am
My wife has described me as obsessed. I said what china2u`s t-shirt says. That ended that! Dont let the why comments slow you down! Stay strong!
January 19, 2009 at 9:50 am
The responses to this blog have been amazing! You guys blow me away with your support and determination, its so great! This subject, it seems, is something that so many of us have encountered. We’ve all been there and all understand the focus, determination and perseverance it takes to reach our goals, regardless of what is said by the people we love and those of whom we would expect to support us, but let us down. Regardless, somewhere within each of us there is a fire that refuses to be quelched. Thank you all so much for the comments of support. You are my brothers and sisters of iron. All the best to each of you in your journey of health and reaching your dreams!
January 21, 2009 at 4:36 pm
Why ask why? I think you cause everyone in your life to see the contrast between where your headed and where there going….I heard a wonderful saying once…."there is never a crowd out on the leading edge"…..so do what makes you happy…and the people who dont get it will soon stop bothering you, and you will find other people who are more like you and understand your goals!!
February 23, 2009 at 9:56 am
Hey, I know it’s a little late you posted this awhile ago. Before I hurt my back my parents would say " Why do you want to loose weight and get muscles?" My mother hates it when she thinks I am lifting to get bigger arms or legs. It’s because in there era it was a NO NO to have muscles on a girl. Hey I do karate and am a black belt and my mother hates that too. You just have to live for you and nobody else
Good luck
March 17, 2009 at 2:20 pm
Hey - Brandy looking great !! So this is a late response too but I do hope you read. I’m on the other side of this coin, I keep telling my wife (who’s also a petite 5?2) to do half the cardio she does and lift heavy on the leg press, squat and deadlift instead but she has the usual "i’m afraid i’ll get bulky" answer — ugh! And the irony is, I actually love muscles on a girl, bulky or not. In truth, I think many, many guys do because every time i’ve dated or known a girl with visible muscle, guys just always compliment it. I once dated an olympian and you can’t imagine how many of my guy friends asked her to armwrestle or leg wrestle. If she beat them, they were turned on even more.
March 17, 2009 at 4:57 pm
Hey, thanks for the recent comments too! Firstly, don’t believe anyone who tells you you’re going to get "bulky" lifting weights, so not true and such an old way of thinking. You can lift lots of weight and actually loose body fat in the process. You don’t have to be a skinny cardio bunny and lift only 2 lb dumbbells to loose weight and get fit. Carolynduerr here would agree with me on this, we’ve found this out in the whole learning process. I’ve cut back on cardio and upped the weight considerably (both in time spent and amount lifting weights) and have gotten leaner faster than doing a ton of cardio and less weight training. It’s interesting that I am still getting responses to this blog, obviously a bit of an issue with so many people who have all experienced some of these "Why’s". Luv the feedback and am feeling much better now since writing it…even though we all go through some periods of that once in awhile…it becomes more fleeting as we learn more and realize we are doing the right thing.