Overcoming The Fear
Today, as I dragged myself to the gym(stayed up to late last night), I had a feeling of dread. Today was back day, which meant power cleans as my first exercise. I was intinidated, and I realize that I feel this feeling before every workout lately…the feeling of fear!
My weight training the last 2 months has been fortyfive to fifty minute sessions, twelve sets of twelve different exercise using a weight that is at least 70% of my max, and sometimes 85%, then finishing the bodypart with a challenging bodyweight exercise(Handstand pushups, One arm pushups, Box jumps,ect)…even with the three to four minute rests between sets it is a daunting challenge, and I always am nervous and a little afraid as a start my workouts, the first exercise being a difficult powerlift. Let it be known, power cleans are HARD, full barbell squats and deadlifts are HARD, ect! Most at the gym never even do these exercises. ANY exercise at a heavy weight takes so much energy and intensity and focus…
The thoughts run through my mind as I go through my preparation, as I pray to Jesus for strength, endurance, courage, focus, and safety as I train….I know the fire inside I must have to push the weight and to keep going to get the maximum possible reps. The focused mind that keeps each rep as perfect as possible, even as the body is begging to stop. And each exercise, a intimidating obstacle in my journey to forge a powerfully muscled body. The steel bar and weights are cold, unmerciful; they care not if you are young or old, male or female, at peak fitness or trying to just get back in shape. They cannot be bargained with, nor appealed to. Steel cables, bars, and weight…they remain perfect and steadfast in their purpose; to be that inmovable opponent that will only yield to a fiery combination of mind, muscle and heart.
So what is it I fear? I fear that as I wrestle the steel I will lose heart in the midst of anguish, that the fire in me will not suffice and the steel will win…the fear that I will leave the gym wondering, "Did I give it EVERYTHING I had, or did I let the steel bring me to submission.?" Of having to wait a whole week to get another chance to fire out that one extra rep or lift that five extra pounds, that feeling is more terrifying than the pain of my muscles or the fire in me as I lift threatening to burn me down with exhaustion.
So I do what I came do, I lay my hands upon the steel and I bring out the fire within, powering muscles as I take them to the limit. I grip with all my might and overcome the fear.
And something wonderful happens after overcoming the fear, exercise by exercise. I feel that sense of exhiliration, those working muscles trembling after being taxed in battle; knowing that I have become stronger inside and out…that I am one step closer to reaching my goal!
I know you all would understand:) God bless you!
January 29, 2009 at 11:55 am
You’re quite the poet. I’m impressed by your mind game as well as your physical accomplishments.
How long have you been on such intense sessions? I’m sure you know that muscles respond and grow as we change the challenge–different exercises, different reps, different grips and angles. When you see yourself plateauing on your current plan, change things up for a while.