My old picture & starting over
I was just on myspace, and on my myspace I have a profile picture from my days as a rock singer. It wasn’t that I looked terrible, just skinny. In my own opinion.
I’ve always hated being that skinny. I look at the photo, and the flaws stand out as if they were highlighted. No rear delt or lat development, no pectoral volume, well you get the idea. I’m a little embarassed that even two of my bodyspace friends have seen how I used to look.:(
I love how I look now about a million, billion times better!!! There is nothing that can replace that feeling, seeing my self in the mirror after a few months of intense weight training and actually liking what I see. And dare I say it, feeling confident w/ my physique. Sometimes I would like to take my past, crumble it up into a little ball, and throw it in the trash. I just wanted to start all over, and be the person I always dreamed of being.
It’s not that I regret the past, I’m grateful for my experiences; I did what I wanted. I started a band, recorded an album, played festivals, concerts and shitty dive bars all over the Lone Star State. I made awesome friends, slept w/ beautiful women(not too many or too often though, lol) and even found Jesus along the way.
The only thing I want to throw away, I guess, is the taste of failure. To go for what I wanted and to have failed at it. To be in such denial about certain parts of myself, that I was becoming filled w/ bitterness and envy; falling farther and farther away from what I beleive. Letting the anger nearly destroy my life and my future. Worst of all, letting my fear of failure paralyze me from pursuing my other dreams and being a light for others.
It’s time to let the past go and focus on the now. Right now, I LOVE how I look, I love that I can go to the gym(it took forever to get the$), I love giving compliments and encouragement, and most of all I love that I am alive and how God has been very, very good to me, though I’ve been too blind to see it sometimes.
All this love, I will never let anyone take from me, not even myself; never ever again.
