BrandonM.B’s BodyBlog

Basically I don’t have a camera or a working scanner, nor do I personally know anybody w/ a camera and scanner that really gets bodybuilding. The moment I get a camera and scanner or get pics taken by someone who has those things, I will gladly post pictures up.

 I figure that I’m not so badly hurt that I can’t get some exercise.  I will have to rest up, then progress into bodyweight and high rep lightweights. Absolutely no heavy lifting for a while.  If I’m intense enough w/ the bodyweight and light weight exercises, I won’t lose too much of my gains.

I’ve never been injured in my life, so I don’t really know how to take this. No weights for at least three weeks! I will die of boredom. I guess I should be happy it wasn’t worse.

So I go from prepping for a contest to struggling to walk. The worse thing I can do is try and be macho and continue lifting right now.  I really am trying to be positive about this, but I will admit(never in person) that I’m in some mind numbing pain. It’s not a lower back muscular injury, it just feels like the nerve bundle around my sacrum is screaming…

Three days rest was just the ticket! My weight quickly climbed back up, and I feel so much better.

I practiced posing for a few minutes before working out. I thought, wow, I have some muscles. Also thought, I still would get lost in the mix. Still don’t stand out enough quite yet.

I welcome the unique, daunting challenge of trying to transform my physique into that of a bodybuilders. I probably have the WORST genetics for it, I was very frail built as a boy, and sickly; I got scarlet fever 3 times in as many years.  It is a miracle that I developed any athletic prowess at all. But I also don’t beleive that genetics are the end all of everything either.  Exercising and living healthy did benefit me greatly. 

Still, to reach my goals I will have to take it to a new level every workout. I will have to perform at a level I had previously not beleived possible, but now KNOW is absolutely possible.

  Went and did measurements, they are hopefully more accurate than before. I don’t want to be accused of lying (of course, why would anyone lie about MY numbers, I don’t know. 16inch calves and 24inch thighs would sound a little more impressive:-)

Don’t really know my bodyfat %, judging by the roadmap of veins, I’m going to say it’s kinda low, still a little soft in areas to be any where less than 7-8%.

Well, the idea is to add an inch everywhere by October, while shaving off an inch on my waist, if even possible. I used to hate my tiny wrists and ankles and head, but they are actually quite advantageous. 5lb increases in muscle mass stand out a lot more, and I know @145w/ 4%Bf  I will look proportanately like a 160-170 bodybuilder, at least in theory.

  Whether the bodyfat measurement is completely accurate or not, I am taking a three day rest, as I am in danger of overtraining. Next week will be even more difficult than the last. I caculate that I need to gain another seven pounds of lean muscle mass to reach my goal, I’m a pretty hard gainer, but I do have plenty of time and am very hopeful.

  Today was bizzarre.  I went to the gym this morning, not feeling particulary great. I wanted to check my bodyfat this week so I can do an update, so I got the trainer to set up the scale( the one that checks bodyfat. I’m still not sure how to use it:(. I step on the scale, waiting for the % to pop up. 14.1% WTF!?!?!  So we check it w/ the other machine( the one you grab w/ your hands) . 6.5%  OK that makes more sense, I practiced my posing for a few minutes and noticed a vein running across my lower abdomen, something that doesn’t show up until about -10% BF. The trainer told me the scale was more accurate. WTF!?!?! He said I needed to eat a lot more to put on weight if I want to do a show. On my budget. Ha! Guess I’m screwed.(When I said budget he looked at me as if I had spoken an alien tongue)  I guess proportion doesn’t count for anything. It’s all about mass, mass, mass; seems more like I’m going to be judged more by my wallet and appetite, rather than by my work ethic in the gym and commitment to overall health.

This was an utter mindf**K!  Weeks of intense work, no change in BF%, 5lbs of muscle lost, according to that verdammte scale.  Yet I’ve made significant strength gains, and every week it seems like I see more and more new cuts in my legs, while the existing ones get deeper. This didn’t make sense, yet I had to consider the scale was accurate. Maybe I was overtraining. Maybe all these new muscles are an illusion of my mind. I could hear a flushing sound. It was my confidence going down the toilet.

Then something else happened.  There was this raven haired, perfectly tanned beauty, arms and delts carved of stone, completely DESTROYING the treadmill! When finally she stepped off, all that remained was a smoldering ruin of plastic and metal !  Against my usual nature of all buisness in the gym(and my overly shyness), I approached this bad-ass little female. Understand that in 7 weeks at my gym, I’ve never seen anyone like her there.

" Are you training for a competition? You look like you’re getting ready to go on stage."  "No" she replied, smiling. " Just doing it to stay healthy and relieve stress."  If you had seen her, you would make the same assumtion. We both went back to our workouts.  Then I went to talk to her again during another rest some time later, made proper introductions to one another and talked for a few minutes. Looking back on it, I’m kinda flattered she gave me five minutes, which probably threw her off her groove.  She seemed like the no-nonsense type of woman during a workout.

Then something else cool happened. This mastodon of a man, who is a regular there, made a comment about me. "You are one bad little man" Getting that kinda respect from the powerlifters is super cool. Yet all I could think of was 14% BF. WTF!!!

All in all, I left feeling not so great, worried about a million things, then decided to take a nap. A long one.

When I woke up, I went to bodyspace to update a couple things. Then I checked out some profiles, looking for new friends. Noticed some of these dudes were proportionaly like me. 6′3 180, 5′8 155, ect. Noticed that they were jacked like Spartan warriors! Felt a new surge of hope. I could do this. I didn’t need to spend a small fortune on supplements or eat a horse’s share. I have five months, I’ll keep working my ass off. I’ll eat right, get my rest, be positive, and come my first show, win or lose, I will SHINE!

  I was just on myspace, and on my myspace I have a profile picture from my days as a rock singer.  It wasn’t that I looked terrible, just skinny. In my own opinion.

I’ve always hated being that skinny.  I look at the photo, and the flaws stand out as if they were highlighted. No rear delt or lat development, no pectoral volume, well you get the idea.  I’m a little embarassed that even two of my bodyspace friends have seen how I used to look.:(

 I love how I look now about a million, billion times better!!! There is nothing that can replace that feeling, seeing my self in the mirror after a few months of intense weight training and actually liking what I see. And dare I say it, feeling confident w/ my physique. Sometimes I would like to take my past, crumble it up into a little ball, and throw it in the trash.  I just wanted to start all over, and be the person I always dreamed of being.

It’s not that I regret the past, I’m grateful for my experiences; I did what I wanted. I started a band, recorded an album, played festivals, concerts and shitty dive bars all over the Lone Star State. I made awesome friends, slept w/ beautiful women(not too many or too often though, lol) and  even found Jesus along the way.

The only thing I want to throw away, I guess, is the taste of failure.  To go for what I wanted and to have failed at it. To be in such denial about certain parts of myself, that I was becoming filled w/ bitterness and envy; falling farther and farther away from what I beleive. Letting the anger nearly destroy my life and my future.  Worst of all, letting my fear of failure paralyze me from pursuing my other dreams and being a light for others.

It’s time to let the past go and focus on the now. Right now, I LOVE how I look, I love that I can go to the gym(it took forever to get the$), I love giving compliments and encouragement, and most of all I love that I am alive and how God has been very, very good to me, though I’ve been too blind to see it sometimes.

All this love, I will never let anyone take from me, not even myself; never ever again.