My Crazy Obsession with the Gym

One last thing… the price of eggs. I don’t know if I wrote about this before. But DAMN, for my 1st show 3 years ago you could buy 60 large eggs at wal-mart for roughly $6.34 (or some odd price like they typically have). Now… those same eggs are $9.68. Even frozen veggies have gone up noticeably. GEEZ! It’s cheaper to eat tuna all day. which doesn’t make sense in my little brain. I will never understand how healthy foods that require the least amount of processing and packaging are the most expensive, while cookies and frozen lasagne will still be cheaper.

Cheat day Friday…. nothing spectacular as usual. Browsing the forums last night I saw a "cheat contest" post… WOW…. those cheats were nothing short of awe-inspiring. I saw users who posted their cheat days as eating a whole pizza, 2 boxes of cookies, ice cream, etc. How can the stomach handle that?!?!??? How can the psyche handle that?!?!? I am just amazed and jealous; I wish I had the balls or "brass ovaries" to plunge into something as yummy as those posts sounded. My cheats are wimpy in comparison : bread with spray butter, peanut butter, M&M’s, and maybe a piece of something my Mom baked (damn mothers and their amazing cooking!). Then of course I had to take an hour-long cycling class

Tomorrow night I’m doing something I never have done before - going to a real nightclub! One with ropes and door attendants and floors and classiness or at least someplace (that everyone and the website says–) is swanky. Club 1223 in DC, going with a bunch of girls I know. They reserved a vip table and rooms for us to stay… I don’t even want to guess the total bill… but per person it’s about $80. Which probably isn’t bad considering the liquor bottles are included and mixers, and with how expensive drinks can be. Being in college and having bills and a part-time job, I probably shouldn’t be blowing that much on one night… but I never do things this extravagant and I’ll only live once. I am 12 weeks out so I can get one last "hurrah" in. I’m sure it will be a blast, I will definitely bring a camera (disposable… haha… so old fashioned) and post pics. Hopefully I won’t top out after my 3rd drink… as usual.

Friday night and I am in my school’s computer lab working on graphs for my thesis. What a way to spend a night! Then it’s home to cook eggs, eat, launder stuff, and clean. Ohhh the exciting life, but you do what you gotta do to reach your goals.

Sometimes I (and most likely other women) struggle with being so muscular for a girl, when we’re taught by the media and peers to strive for a small, thin frame. Most girls want a flat stomach, not 6-pack abs. Most girls want to slim their legs down, not build a striking quad sweep or hamstring belly. They try to eliminate the "old lady bag" on the triceps, not develop a round pronounced tricep. And most certainly they don’t try to get a wider back or shoulders. To each his or her own, by no means is there one "right" way to want your body, and I’d never judge anyone for their preferences.

I only write this because sometimes it’s easy as a woman to get down about your size… let me personalize that: get down about my size. I am by no means huge, but if you put me up next to a row of girls, easily I am the most muscular, especially in the off-season. I’ve even had guys (and exes) come up to me and say how I was the "biggest" girl they ever dated or how guys don’t want a girl that looks more buff than him or could kick his ass. OUCH. I get looks from girls frequently because of how I lift or my size; let’s face it: female bodybuilders and figure competitiors are a rarity, and I’d bet most gyms would be uncommon to have more than 2 who go there (now I do live in PA). "Big" is not a term you ever want to say to a girl, unless she is specifically looking for something to be growing. I might be trying to get bigger and be proud of the muscle and shape I have been able to put on - my, as with other competitors, standards are quite different than that of 98% of females and society - and understand that it’s a prerequisite for my hobby of choice, but damnit sometimes it gets me down that I choose to be different than everyone else … especially when I have to make concessions in the clothing department (are all jeans made for girls with stick legs and asses?????)

These times are few and far between, however they happen. I’m sure most competitors struggle with this occasionally. Anyway… my point is: I reaffirmed my happiness towards muscularity today at the gym. 2 young girls, younger than I, came in from the pool in their bikinis. They were probably a size 0 or 2 each. What is typically considered "in shape" or attractive. As I snuck a look over (and I am in no way dissing or judging them) I saw the cellulite. I saw the love handles and back flab and mushy-thin arms and unshapely legs. I saw everything that weight training and diet could cure… As I said earlier, to each his or her own, whatever makes you happy. Don’t let me dictate how you should be at all.

I would never be satisfied with that for myself. No matter how thin I became, if I could wear every fashion under the sun w/o fear of it being too tight or making me look too blocky anywhere, or if I was the most petite girl in my area… it wasn’t worth it to me. I love muscle. I like seeing a developed wide back, quads, glutes, arms…. This isn’t being articulated very well at all, and I don’t want to come across as being rude or degrading or elitist, whatever. I’m just saying that it’s nice to feel deep down every once in a while that "Yeah, I might be big for a  girl, but there’s no other way I would have my body than as a product of weight training, no matter what people may say or the ignorant comments like ‘Don’t get too big,’ ‘Girls aren’t meant to be muscular,’ and the like." Screw the norm and people who think women should just do cardio all day… I feel at my happiest with some muscle even if it does make me a little different.

Yesterday: leg day. Squats, deadlifts, lying hanstring curls, leg ext’s, walking lunges, standing calf raises, 25min elliptical. Oh my goodness, everything in my body aches. Tuesday’s back/shoulders workout finally caught up with me, even sitting in my car seat causes tenderness. It’s good to be sore, I am happy to know through that that I was working hard enough, but MAN does it sap your energy. Maybe that’s why I didn’t wake up until 20min before my 5am appt today

This afternoon, back & tri’s. 21’s, incline hammer curls, preacher curls, dips, skullcrushers, rope pressdowns and extensions. Then some cardio, maybe the stairmill. Then back to class and work. Man, I have so much respect for people who compete with jobs and families, surely it’s more difficult than I could imagine.

Gloomy, rainy days suck. Good way to become lethargic.

I am beat. Barely managed 80% effort in the 8am cycle class before taking clients. I am not a big drinker - I may have half a beer a week max - so last night’s 2 vodka/diet cokes and mich-ultra probably hit my "minor league" liver pretty hard. Not to mention I didn’t sleep soundly - must have woken up every 15min or so. For only 4 hours of sleep, that doesn’t make it much fun.

But life goes on… got cycling in, drank some water, so far meals are good: tuna and tuna/salad. Coworkers are starting to ask how much I’ve lost which is keeping me motivated to not relax and have some of my mom’s banging coconut easter cake. MMM. It’s such a shame that everytime I diet for a show, she bakes. And bakes. It’s the worst when she makes bread..gosh it’s so good when it comes out of the oven.

Going out again tonight, but I am going to pass on the booze…. I hate this wobbly-weak feeling from drinking and staying out too late. I can’t dance worth crap either, so it would definitely be a disastrous situation coupling clumsiness with a few drinks. (and not to mention the legal factor… being a holiday tomorrow, surely more police will be out than usual).

Happy Saturday! Everyone have a good day, be safe, and have fun

Shoulders & 60min cycle class; ok-ish shoulder workout but had to nix a set of overhead presses and rear delt flyes because it ran into the cycle class. They seem to have widened and gotten more rounded since adding a 2nd shoulder day on the wknd, I should probably add in a 2nd leg day as well. That part is always hard to get separation in… damn upper-quads.

I’ve gotten visibly leaner over the past 3 weeks but…ugh… I am so hungry! Lifting heavier for less reps, 4-5hrs of sleep nightly plus work and class and much fewer carbs surely make it worse. But that’s life. My meals and supplements (fish oil) aren’t exactly great either - I typically miss 2-3 meals a day and make them up with a can of good ole tuna, or if I’m particularly ravenous, crackers with PB (not healthy!!). So I need to be smarter and more useful with spare time to prepack my meals everyday rather than 50% of the time, and try to go to bed around 9 rather than 11:30/11. 3:30am rolls around fast.

Tomorrow will probably be an "off" day or just some cardio if I feel like it. My appts range from 5am to 7am to 10am to 2:30pm, plus a Dr.’s appt, so I will be driving back and forth a LOT. My hamstrings and glutes definitely are hating me too, so an "easy" day might be good before I kick it again this weekend.

Cheat meal Friday! MMM. Going out to dinner, not sure where… oddly, on my cheat meal days, all I ever really want to eat are some spicy wings or chunky PB on wheat crackers. Is that weird? I look forward to it but then don’t want to cave in and eat crap because, even though it’s only 1 or 2 meals a week, I feel like it just demolishes any progress I’ve made with the other 40meals.

How do you feel about cheat meals and your cheat food of choice? Do you even cheat?

Enough. Time for sleep. Wish my 2 braincells would mitosis and make some more buddies

Have a good weekend!

Last night - Back & tri’s… I love this day. Heavy heavy heavy, although bent-over barbell rows were a bit weak since my lower back was ruined from squats and deadlifts on the previous leg day. All in all a good workout that was enjoyed, 30min cardio 10 treadmill/10 stepmill / 10 elliptical. The equipment gets so boring sometimes, which is why I’m hoping to make the cycle class tonight. The instructor is a sarcastic a-hole… totally hilarious

I’ve been with my company for 14/15 months now - never a day off, late, sick, etc. Ever! Although it is no excuse, I slept through my 5:30am appt yesterday… oops… then spent the rest of my morning getting yelled at by the club’s GM and a freaking (get this) personal training sales counselor. Yeah. WTF? What happened was unprofessional on my end, but it had never occurred before and will never again. I called the guy, he was suprisingly not mad, and we rescheduled. I understand the GM calling to yell - he left her a message about it, fine, understood how she would be involved. But a freaking sales counselor? The matter had been resolved for hours by the time he called. I had to cut him short anyway, because another client’s Physical Therapist was calling to fax me over some material….. not that I ever called the counselor back either I didn’t see a point to it.

My points of contention with this are: 1. At my company, it’s ridiculous how often Training Mgrs miss appointments with members due to being hungover, oversleeping, etc. 2. It’s also ridiculous how often other trainers no-show their clients. Repeatedly. 3. They definitely don’t receive the crap I got yesterday. And most importantly: #4 - The only logical and plausible reason I was hammered by 2 people (1 completely unnecessarily) was because I am the "horrible" ex of the one training GM. If it was such a big-ass deal, then HE should have called me himself… not his sales guy best friend who has no authority over me.

I swear. Just because you don’t like me, doesn’t give you an excuse to treat me worse than anybody else - especially worse than people who have done wrong much worse than I did.

It’s not my fault that your GM boss hates me because you ruined his happiness about being with me, by saying how you see me out with all these guys….. when in reality, I was kinda uh - HOME - working on my thesis. Must be nice to have such a great social life!

So thank you for spreading untrue crap, causing pain to my ex, ruining us being together because you "thought you saw me with so-and-so," and for trying to use how you’ve painted my image as a "bad guy" to everyone, as an excuse to jump down my throat and lay into me. Just f–K off. If you don’t like me so much, STOP asking me to do YOU A FAVOR by taking your early-morning clients.

Sorry about the tangent rant guys… I needed to get it off my chest. These people are unbelievable and it just sucks not being able to change any of it.

Shoulders and cycle night! Have a good workout all

I am the chicken. Totally chickened out of lifting at "his" gym.Thank you all for your time and eyesight and responses to my last post I truly appreciated the insight and support, and fully intend to put it to good use asap. As in 9am tomorrow morning with my friend Becky (coincidence, she competes too… how cool) for a harda$s back/tricep/ab workout at his gym. HA! They can all bite me when I’m with my girl.

Legs and abs today, for once I am starting to dig a heavy leg workout. I used to shudder at the thought of going less than 15 reps for any leg exercise, my legs are the type that gain inches just by looking at heavy weights. But then I realized… I’m dieting, lifting "baby" weights won’t do squat (no pun intended) for shape and musculature and hardness… and if I don’t use it, I’ll lose it then have NO LEGS come show day… so I have officially embraced the Dark Side and loooove heavy leg days.

I hope everyone enjoyed their St Patty’s day beer and green foods (I’m sure it was only veggies and nothing else sugary and green! hehe) and weren’t too hungover to hinder your workouts.

Goodnight!

My least favorite day: chest & biceps. 4x 6-10 per exercise: flat bench, incline flyes, incline or decline bench, barbell curl, reverse barbell curl, hammer curls. Chest is OK because I can lift pretty heavy for my size, but biceps have never been something for me to "WOOHOO" about. Umm…maybe this makes me a big baby… but I don’t like the burn feeling in my biceps. Nope! I even love leg days. I am just more than happy to "forget" a bicep workout once in a while.

Classes ok, friends ok, nutrition - ehhh - somehow whenever I am mentally garbled, diet is the first thing to go. Maybe it’s that way for most people; mental pain could definitely ruin an appetite or cause an unusual "ick" factor to normally liked healthy foods. Sigh. Working out and dieting is my anchor… it blows majorly when even life stress seems to ruin THAT outlet.

So here’s a stupid question that I would definitely appreciate some brief input on. I drive approx. 40mi round-trip every AM to train clients, then go to class. There is a gym I could go to within 2mi of my house, for my PM workouts - however to avoid an ex who works there [and some of his immature kid employees] I repeat that 40mi drive in the evenings just to workout in peace. To avoid potential drama. Do you think I should just "Man-Up" and workout closer to my home, and brave any shit-talking that might be thrown my way?

This sounds ridiculous, considering I will be 24 soon. But let me just say - I hate confrontation, I hate attitude, and I don’t take being sh!t-talked-to very well. Not that anyone there has a valid reason to be rude to me, we work for the same company, and it’s not my fault if he/they can’t separate work and personal lives. His gym even asked me to take on some of their clients in the AM since they lack PT’s for them - and I did.

So yes I am a baby about some things, but would just like your input about what you would do if you were in my NikeShox.

PS. Kraft 3-cheese lite ranch dressing is amazing. Highly recommend it.