BigJax21’s BodyBlog

Yeah soo all you hear about when your in the weightroom is form this form that, hey your not doing it right, stop dude thats wrong.  Do us all a favor, if you are just starting out, have talked to someone about weightlifting and think you have a good idea, then see someone who is experienced and decide you should tell them they are doing it wrong… well you need to shut the **** up.  Theres reasons for overloading and giving up a lil bit of form for some mass gains.

A good example would be today is my leg day, I have done squats two different ways, sumo squats as we used to call em in my old powerlifting group, and standard.  I do both of these below parallel.  I can honestly say I get the lowest out of any of the people I see in the gym at my university.

Now when I see someone else doing twice the weight and only going down an eighth of the way I am (you know the lil knee bend that means you can do 550),  I dont say anything, I might smile a lil bit as he brags to everyone in the gym that he has the strongest legs, but I dont get onto him.

On the other side of that, When I am doing my low squats, and some guy who claims he can squat 525 tells me I shouldnt squat like that because Im going to break my legs I get angry.  Luckily after I finished working out and completed all my sets he jumped on the rack.  Put on 315 with a bench underneath him.  Took it off, sat down, and then he and the guy spotting him couldnt get it up, I had to help.  Thats the guy who can do 525 and thinks I dont know what im doing.

If your that guy, please, shut the **** up, actually, better yet, just dont talk to me, i dont like you, i dont want to know you, yes I look better than you, no your not stronger, go talk to someone else.

Jax

New years resolutions.  Hooray.  Kind of a way of saying, Hey, I havent done a damn thing about the way im out of shape, I should start now because the last number in the year changed by +1.  This is the worst time of the year for someone who is serious about weightlifting.  This is the time when everybody comes in, every out of shape patsy who thinks they can change.  If I had to guess the percentage of these people that continue to lift after the first month Id say about 3%.  Thats because about three percent arent in there because its a new year, 3% are in there because they actually decided to change.  Of course this number has a percent error of +- 3%.  More likely minus.  Those of us who dedicate ourselves to the gym, get annoyed, and laugh about it, the usual comments, "That guy isnt going to make it 2 weeks."  So on and so forth.

I may come off as a narcasistic *******, but the truth is I love it when someone drums it into their soul that they need to make a change and are willing to make the sacrifices necessary.  I just dont believe in doing it for a calendar year.

If you hope to change, take the steps towards that gate, but to get there you have to cross through a sea of doubt, over a mountain of pain, passing all temptation, never letting the sully tones of those caught up in these obsticales pull you from your course, pulling every grain of your being to the very thing it hates, to see those gates, with your dedication, and pass into a different mindset, into your change.

So I dont know if you follow along with my writing, I havent written in about six months i believe but I dont do it for you.  Sorry if that makes you teary.  I dont do it for bodybuliding.com, they could care less.  I do it for me, to put my thoughts down on a hard copy so I can look back and have that same feeling, that same lust for life I have when I write these.  Understand my struggles, and see through my bullshit.  Love me or hate me, im too straightforward to doubt.  And you can quote me.

Here I am again, another day out of the week.  Sunday I believe is what they call it, those people who get caught up in formalities and symantics.  Just another day to most of us.  I find myself in this poor excuse for a gym that most apartment complexs have, the kind that lements never being a real gym, and that only a truly sad person could find completely satisfying, like one of those jr. bacon cheesburgers.  Of course since it is sunday I am the only one in this rathole of a gym, meaning I make the rules, and because I try not to be bound by rules, well, figure it out.  I use this most holy of day to work on my cardio and abs mostly, cuz thats not real work, and thats what your supposed to do on sunday, avoid work.  I start out on the treadmill for an easy going less than 20 min run.

As I start my run I find myself lost with time, my thoughts invading the very space that would be my conscious.  And than I start asking myself questions, not the mundane "what should I do tomorow?" kind of questions, but the questions that dig into your soul and pull meaning from every inch of your brain.

"Why am I obsessed with my health?" answered by another question "Why the hell not?".  "Why isnt anyone else interested in working to better themselves?"  shit thats simple, "lazyness, why push your envelope when your not even required to open it."  I batter myself back and forth with these simple questions that help me understand myself, a sort of insight the insane lement and the genius envy.

I thought back as I rounded my 13th minute with sweat pouring from my head, dripping down my overly taxed body as if to wash away all that hurt.  Everything came down to one question.  "Why am I here?" A question I have posted on my wall from a poster of a bodybuilder Mark McGrath.  The man I look up to seems to have the same questions burning inside of him.  Why am I here?  Why?  Why are most people here?  Some people are here for a change, to turn there life on its side and make themselves different.  Some people are here for love, because no one could love there old selves they reason.  Some people are here for the feeling, like arnold in Pumping Iron the guy did it cuz he loved the way it made him feel.  Why are you there?  Id love to know.  Because when I look back into the very reason, the very simple truth that keeps me craving my health, and needing my muscle growth with an 8 pack that would make budweiser reconsider its marketing, I could come up with just a simple answer.  Why am I here?…  For me.

Thats it, no revelation, no bright light at the end of the tunnel to show everyone the way.  No epic soliloquy to transform my feelings to poem, Im here for me.  Thats it, I could give two shits less about the person next to me.  My partners, the people I train, the ever growing number of people who are inspired by the small group of us who always show up, they dont matter.  Selfish?  Your damn right I am, ask me if I care?  If your not in there for you, your in there for the wrong reasons.  Make this about you, this is your time, this is your moment.  **** everyone else.

So If you see me in a weightroom somewhere, which is possibly, because I am everywhere.  You for some reason recognize me, and you like my blog, or my pictures, or you hate me, cool, thanks, ill say it now so you dont have to talk to me there.  I appreciate the support, but your only talking to me for yourself, so what do I care?  We as people overlook the basic need for our own satisfaction, the desire we have to do things for ourself.

My Name is Jax, I lift for myself.  and the hell if there is anything anyone else can do about it.  Get your gear on, get your dirty shoes, your old shorts, your ripped up t-shirt and get your ass in the weightroom and do it for yourself.  feel your body craving the attention from the weights, not the people, dying for the extra beats your heart will make, not the clapping of peoples hands, do it for yourself, once you do that, youll understand.  Trust me, you will…

Jax

So if your reading this and you look at my pictures you will see that I go from less defined in the winter to slimmer and ripped in the summer.  Well summer is over for me, and I have already started packing the muscle back on.  I hate the feeling i get over the summer of being small.  Although my friends reassure me I am still huge I feel tiny.  I will be posting pics soon of me now as I have started to lose definition but gain size back and strength.  Before you know it Ill be back to being called a meat head, and girls asking if they can punch me in the stomach.  Which i never understood.  Yes i have abs, but no it doesnt feel good when you punch them as hard as you can no matter how weak you are. 

Well its the middle of the summer, and if you read my previous posts you know that I am out of school and trying to stay motivated.  I have been hitting it pretty hard, but not the best I could.  My body is tired, my veins are busting, and my brain is trying to nap.  I have enough money to afford food again, so my weight has gone back up and Im approaching 200 again.  Sometimes you just gotta stay in there.  Its not easy, when you could just take an hour and a half nap instead of going to the weightroom pushing weight and maybe running.  But we all have it in us, thats why your reading this.  Thats why Im writing this.  Because we are more than your average human, we are above all expectations.  Our friends don’t understand why we go to the weightroom 5 days a week, why we drink so much water, why we try to not eat greased out food, why sometimes we just have to go to bed so we can be worth something tomorrow.  It’s always going to be a struggle.  If it wasn’t than it wouldnt be worth it.  This is why I have people ask me every day "how do i look like you?" and I laugh and say "never quit".  Few understand, some try, most quit.  So hang in there guys, go today, tomorrow, every day cept your rest days, stay continuous, prove to yourself what you really are.  I guarantee you’ll feel like you accomplished something and you’ll get high off that feeling.  Go get em…

Wow, so its been a long time since I last wrote a blog.  For anyone who has read my other blogs I got caught up in the end of school and trying to get an internship for the summer.  I’ve been busting my ass and have lost a lot of weight due to lack of food because of lack of money.  It hurts being someone who truly cares about their diet and knowing you can only afford Top Raemen noodles for every meal.

Although I have been busy I have still found the time for the weightroom.  Even though I am in there I would consider my efforts lackluster to be kind.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel though.  I am finally out of school for the summer and dont have to think about my double major in engineering again until the fall.  I have time to work now so my paychecks are increasing and I just made a move to another department in best buy that we all know so well.  Picture this, a big guy who lifts all the time, people call him nicknames like superman, rambo, and G.I.  This guy goes from working in the warehouse and moving televisions to working at Geek Squad and working on peoples computers.  Ha now thats a transition.

Back to the weights though, I decided I need to really dedicate myself again, I never miss a day, but what I mean is get myself motivated.  I went through and revamped my lifting music.  I got my protein shakes in order.  And I started tanning so when i looked at myself in the mirror I wouldnt go blind.

I hit the weightroom last night around 11pm and had one of the better back workouts of my life.  The motivation for a great body is always there.  Even when you have achieved a good look you can never be satisfied.  I am always hungry, always craving, and always left wanting.  I am the omega, with emphasis on mega.

I write this to let you guys know not to give in when you have lost that spark.  Cuz believe me, when you lift 5 times a week for about 8 years, your going to have the spark dimm a little bit.  Its going to flicker.  Your going to think you just need to go in there and maintain what you have. You can’t though, because if your like me there is something inside.  Something yearning for a better you, something that fights to preserve the very thing you love and hate… pain.  You will feel yourself throwing gas on the fire and lighting up a whole new flame.  Now get your ass in there and train, quit ****in around with all this "maintaining and i like where im at" bullshit and make something of yourself.  Cuz if your not trying to become something more.  you are something less.

So im inbetween classes right now, another busy day as usual.  It’s been a while since my last post just because the constant pressures of work and school and bills and the weightroom.

 I have recently found an amazing group of guys to work with.  I have always been skeptical of groups in the weightroom, having too many people can slow you down, kill the intensity, really dull down and kill the whole experience.  Not these guys though.

 It started with just me and my original workout partner, we have pretty intense sessions but sometimes we slow down or get distracted.  The usual things that can happen after you come to the weightroom 5 days out of the week. 

Working out in a university gym there are a lot of different people you see, and we met this guy who makes me look like an infant.  He was working out by himself a lot and i eventually asked if he needed a partner or two.  He came on board and we started all three going at the same time and just blowing the workouts out of the water.

Three people in a rotation can slow down sometimes but it usually stays pretty nonstop and painful.  Sure enough someone saw us busting our asses and pushing each other and he jumped into the equation.

4 people?  How can we possibly have a good workout, thats just too many.  Well what happened is we split up, but workout together.  So we will superset in groups of two, but still be doing the same exercises.  We get in, have an amazing hour long workout, then get out.  It works in a synergistic way, because we all push each other, its not just one voice, not just one person telling you that your here for a reason.  There are always two people to yell at you, and another person to compete with.  It’s amazing, and I was completely surprised. 

 We are actually thinking about starting up a club where I am a big part of the contacting and organization, and me and another dude share responsibility for the actually workout.  It would be hard work, but I love to see others in there bending steel, and not just sitting back in there lifes and letting there bodies go.

I mean hey, what does everybody in the world want anyways?  To stick out, to become something, to do something with themselves and make a difference, and for me, well thats to defy gravity.

So Ive come to that part of the day where i slow down, relieve stress, and reflect what has happened to me recently.

For those of you who have never followed any of my blogs I am a very busy college student, but a very serious weight room addict. I work on average 35 hours a week in a warehouse, and am a full-time student at NC State university studying a double major in Electrical and computer engineering.  Needless to say, i’m a busy guy.

I take every day at the gym, actually not just the gym, but every day, as a journey towards a better me.  This journey does not involve side trips, or stops along the way, I never get lost, and I never stray my path.  I am focused and determined, but sometimes the weather is bad on this road.

You have to understand that when I am at the weightroom, I am not your average joe, just kinda going through the motions, doing his workouts and leaving.  I have come to a realization that this is my time, my time to take full advantage of all that is before me.  My energy level is out the roof, I am excited, yet focused, crazed, yet still sane.  Today should have been no different, when I got to the weightroom though an air of strange tiredness had come over me.  I had been working my body full tilt, staying up very late to finish projects after getting off of work at 1 am.  Waking up early to go to class then back to work afterwards, my body wasnt agreeing with my mental state.

Today was chest, nothing gets me more excited than pounding out some well deserved reps, but my rep count dropped dramatically.  Instead of 5×5 with 5 pounds more then I did last week, I could only complete the first set, then I got no more.  I was confused, irritated, mad.  When I realized I was dozing off in the weightroom thats when I realized I was in for a hard day.

Times like these, help define us, make us who we are.  I could only think of one thing, and that was my old wrestling coach, yelling at me, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!  YOUR WASTING EVERYONES F#$%ing TIME!".  Yeah, he was a great guy, ha.  I strode on with my partner and we finished the workout, he tried to help pump me, but it was too late.  I let my mental drop down to the state of my physical.  I pushed myself in front of the bus and begged it to hit me.  I had done the workout, I completed the day, but I might as well have not come and rested, It was a very shocking day.

I refuse to not learn from every day, and today I learned a hard lesson.  I am not invincible, the weight room pealed back a layer of invincibility and showed that I was just another person, not a God, not a robot, not a machine.  I cannot go in just expecting the world to kneel before me.  I have to make time for rest, I have to give my body a chance to fight back.  I may not be invincible, but the hell if Im not going to fight until I am.

Hey guys, its been awhile since my last post, but ive just been working my ass off, my bad.

So Id like to talk about something that keeps coming up in my life.  At work, not the gym, I have a manager, a middle aged man, probably about 40 or so who is just getting back into weightlifting and a healthy lifestyle.   His physique is nothing to look at, probably pushing a good 230 at about 6 foot 3.  Arms if I had to guess 13-14, decent belly, no muscle in his build at all.  Now this is nothing, I dont care how big you are or your build, if you are concerned about your health and you are doing something about it, my hat comes off to you, you have my respect.

The thing about this guys is every time he comes up to me at work (while im lifting some televisions or moving fridges) he wants to talk about what to do in the weightroom.  This is annoying, he comes to me telling me I should be taking this vitamin, or lifting with this regiment.  He had the balls to tell me as I was leaving the store late "Your one of those guys in the weightroom who clanks the weights and moves it without control".  This almost made me cuss my manager out, he has never seen me lift, he has no idea what I do in the weightroom, he has no right to assume anything about the way I handle myself in there.  If my routine was to everyday carry a small chicken to the top of a hill and hit it with a bat, and thats how I got how big I am, then the hell if thats not right, because im big, because im strong and cut when im not bulking, he is small, and weak, he might struggle lifting paper.  I hate people that think they know the secret to weightlifting, this just pisses me off.  Every person has there own routine that works for them, because every body is different.

The truth of the matter is, there is no flashy amazing secret to getting big, or becoming strong.  No one likes to hear this, but the truth of the matter is that the only secret to becoming big, is hard work, hard work, and hard work.  Working through pain, and just doing it, not having a special machine on t.v. that chuck norris uses so he can roundkick people.  Dont ever tell someone how they should lift, I dont care what they are doing, if they have a physique that makes you look like a ragdoll, they must know something, they must be working there ass off.  Let them be, and get your ass in the weightroom and quit talking about it.

Jax

So this semester is starting to wind down, which means the exact opposite when you really think about it.  Teachers are starting to move faster through material, and tests are coming every week.  Assignments, Programs, Exams, Projects, Reports, everything and anything that you could possibly imagine is starting to be due.  Every student knows it, and a lot of students stress out about it.  What can I do?  How can I get through this?  This is impossible!  You might feel like this from time to time, I know I do.  Especially working a job on the side to pay for tuition and bills, life can became, well for lack of a better word, complicated.  Tonight I am studying for an exam I have in the morning, I decided to take a break to make it back to the blog cuz I havent made it on here in a while.  For those of you who follow along you might find a common theme, yeah, busy.  The point of all this isnt to just vent, but also to let other know that they arent the only ones out there stressed by a busy schedule.  Even though I am amazingly busy I still find a way to get into the weightroom and get a good workout in.  My weightroom partner is a student also, he sometimes can not make it at the same time as me, but we still go, do the same workout, then meet when we can to get back on track.  You can not let stress get you down, and beat you up.  I mean this is why we lift, we lift because we like a challenge, stress is trying to stop you.  We lift because we like the pain, the feeling of being alive, the feeling of being human, I get up in the morning and I look at my roomates and I know that what they are is not equal to me, they are lazy, I am a machine, school cannot cage this animal, work cannot contain this beast, stress cannot tame this lion.  I work hard, I earn what I am, I am no God, but I am no human, I am more then most, and less then no one.  Huge ego?  No, huge heart, while some sleep, we throw our bodies into a torture chamber, we are all that is true, we are all that is right, we work hard, We fight hard.

Stress?  Ha, What stress?