BeautyMarked’s BodyBlog

It has been almost three years since we broke up. As I am sure you can remember, our three and a half year relationship wasn’t very good. In fact, let me remind you, you become very emotionally abusive, treating me like nothing, like my existence means less than yours. You then become physically abusive, slapping me. Just who do you think you are? Thank god I knew when to leave and thank god that’s over.
It has been three years. Your last words to me were "don’t ever contact me again". Surprisingly, these were the wisest words of advice you’ve ever given me. Immediately I tossed the photos, I tossed the gifts, I erased your contact, I erased your memories. Poof. Gone. Down the ****ing trash where you belong. So thank you, those were some wise words. I guess it’s my turn for some wise words for you, here they are, STOP CONTACTING ME. GROW UP.

It’s been three years and like clockwork you contact me every couple of months. Get off my facebook. Stop trying to look me up. Stop trying to message me, no I don’t want any of my stuff back and no I don’t care that you want to know how I am doing. You lost that right when you hit me. I don’t want anything to do with you. I don’t understand why you don’t get that.  I have never replied to any of your contact efforts so take it as a sign and stay out of my life. The past three years have been the best years of my life and I don’t want your toxic presence in it.

I reiterate, it’s been three years. It’s time for you to grow up. Be a man. You are scum. You are worthless. You lead a meaningless dull life. Stay away from me.  You pathetic worthless sack of shit. Know this, I am not the same girl you left brokenhearted. Oh but I have grown. I am not like other girls. Come close and you will live to regret it. I do not fear you.  I am strong. I am good. I lead a good life. I do not cause harm or pain in others life and I believe in leading a positive life. But I also believe in karma so don’t worry, you’ll get what’s coming to you.
Come close and you will sorely regret it. So stay the **** away from me.

And if you really don’t get it, yes I am over you, I have been over you for three years, I don’t love you, I don’t care for you, I don’t even care for your EXISTENCE.

Sincerely,

Your much better off ex-girlfriend.

I think I’ve hit a plateau.
I’m not exactly new to working out, not at all. In fact, I’ve hit the gym hard almost every summer between classes. However this year has been different since I graduated and have more time for myself.
Here is a photo of my 10-week progress. Each photo is 2 weeks later from the previous. I’ve lost about 9-10 pounds but have also built muscle so it’s hard to gauge it.

I try to work out 4-5 days a week.
First thing I do is some HIIT on the treadmill, I alternate walking and running and I do it on an incline, so everytime I run, it’s on a higher incline than the time before. I do this for about 20 mins. Then I do my weight training. If I do legs, I usually use the weight machines since I don’t know too many free weight lower body exercises. I do inner thigh, outer thigh, quads, hamstrings, butt, and the squat machine. If I am doing upper body, that takes significantly longer because I do back, shoulders and arms. I start with the machines and work my way to the free weight room. Once that’s done, I will sometimes (I should probably do this always) go back for more cardio since 20 mins is probably not enough. Then abs to finish. Some days if I don’t have a lot of time at the gym, I will just go for a run for about 30 mins if I could depending on how much time I’ve got. On Mondays I also have yoga for an hour (it feels great on the muscles) and kickboxing Tuesdays (it works different muscles but I find isn’t enough for me so I gotta still hit the gym for some more).

Now as for diet, I suck at it. I will indulge a bit when I want to and I could probably make a few better choices though I am usually pretty good. I hate hate hate calorie counting but think I should start just so I know roughly what needs to be changed. Otherwise, what kind of things can I do to stop from plateauing?
Judging from that photo it looks like the past little while I’ve remained more or less the same.

Any advice?

Yesterday I booked a spontaneous trip to the Dominican Republic.  Okay, well not THAT spontaneous, but  I had no plans for it. I got invited last minute by a bunch of friends who were originally doing just a couples things but then decided to include our entire crew of friends. Anyways, I booked it. I am going on a tropical vacation in 25 days. Of course, this brings on the issue of the dreaded bikini. It makes me so nervous. I had planned to be in a much fitter state the next time I go down south and normally I go every June, but again, this was a spontaneous trip, coming up FAST. The whole getting in a bathing suit makes me so nervous because I know I still have a long journey to go and a lot of fat to lose however I know that I already have come far. If it wasn’t for other peoples comments and photographic evidence (I have been taking progress photos every 2 weeks), I would be really doubting my success but it looks like I’ve managed to shed roughly 10lbs (assuming I built at least 2lbs of muscle. I’ve lost 8lbs but I have been weight lifting at the same time and have noticed a lot of muscle definition…)  I am not mentally prepared for this. Up until now I have been looking at my body and was proud of my accomplishments and weight loss but now I’m looking at my body in fear. Three and a half weeks is not going to get me toned. I hate this obsession - half the people I am going with are obsessing about their weight and losing as much as possible before the trip. It’s so stupid. It really is. *sigh* So why do I fall into it too? especially after I have come so far and don’t plan on stopping any time soon! I should just continue on my path to fitness the healthy way I have been so far and let go of my insecurities, fine the beauty in my strength and accomplishments and enjoy this well-deserved trip. I have come really far and have made great progress. Stupid insecurities!

Yesterday I started a kickboxing class. I loved it. But what I loved was being in the class and for the first time feeling like *I* was the fit one. It was ME this time. There was a time where I was too shy to go to a class or even too shy to enter the weight part of the gym, not anymore. Yesterday, in my first kickboxing class ever, we had to partner up. One of us had gloves and the other had to punch, we did strenuous sets. I was the first to hold the gloves and when it was my turn, I was surprised to see I was one of the few who could actually maintain it through the whole set meanwhile the others, including my partner had given up long before. Now I am not trying to judge others, but for the first time ever, I felt so proud of myself and of my body. For the first time, it seems like I can see the result of all the hard work I’ve been putting in. For the first time, I feel like I can kick ass! I feel great and I feel empowered. With every day, I love my body more and more. I have always loved it, just not the shape it was in. Now however, I love it more and more with everyday and love MYSELF for giving it what it needs.

That is all I have to say for the day. I just wanted to commemorte this feeling with a blog post. Seems like so many people hate their bodies now adays that we need to make some space for those of us who work hard for it, and want to stand up and say "I love my body."

New years resolutions, they are so funny. It’s just another new day. 2008 or 2009, the same possibilities that lay ahead of you today, were there yesterday too and will be there tomorrow. The key is to keep your mind open to new possibilities and create new possibility. You are your own limit. So new year or not, go forth and accomplish what you want. Accomplish what is already yours. Creating the opportunity is half the battle.

I am so excited that the holidays are over.  I know that sounds awfully negative but there is something so commercial and superficial about that time of year that it makes me ache for the regular routine of life. Finally, no more gym closures! So I am back at the gym full force again. Oh how I’ve missed you. Funny though, all the new faces at the gym, I wonder how long they will last before their new years resolution dissipates. It’s that time of year. Everyone overate and overindulged over the holidays and now its time for new years resolutions. That’s the wrong way to go about it. Success with fitness will come when your resolution is to love thy self, not to lose weight. But enough about resolution renting…time for some positive energy.

The other night at work, the owner’s pregnant girlfriend came in. She looked at me and said "oh my god, what diet are you on cause I want to be on the same diet when I’ve had the baby?! You look great!" I leaned over and said "I’m on the diet that requires you to go to the gym 5 days a week and eat right" Not much of a diet. It’s a lifestyle. It’s not as simple as ‘diet’. In fact, it’s simpler. It something you adapt for the rest of your life so it becomes simple and once you live your life in a positive healthy way, your body will follow.  But anyways, it made me feel great, not just cause I was flattered but because I knew I was doing it right.

So here is to a new year, a new day, and new possibilities. My goal for January has been achieved and I could not be happier and more proud of myself. Positive thinking, positive thinking, positive thinking. Time to set new goals and new achievements. So here is to all of us who know what we want, and know how to get it. May this blog post inspire you even a tad bit to thinking positively, spread some positive energy around…
Love to all!