Day 2 Diet: 1 wheat wrap with light tuna and carrots; grilled chicken salad and an apple; muscle milk and an orange; 4 eggs, veggies and almond milk.  I worked out 6:30 to 7:30 doing abs and a metabolic conditioning class (30 minutes of 6 overhead weighted lunges, 12 axes each side, 10 weighted pushups, 15 squat jumps, 30 weighted russian twists; farmer's walk). 

Day 3: I could not sleep last night. I drank a friend's muscle pharm assault and I guess it kept me going longer than I needed. Anyway, I went to the gym about 3AM and worked legs and back and did 30 minutes on the elliptical. Now I am back home boiling eggs and getting ready to begin my Tuesday. I have to get my little girl up in about an hour and get her ready for school so just trying to relax while I can because once we get to school, it is non-stop. My stomach has been acting weird ever since last night. I am going through a bit of a hard time at home with stress plus I think all of the twists and planking. etc. helped my digestive tract :/  I am planning on going back to the class again tonight, but plans do change because life happens.

Happy Tuesday y'all!

Why is the first few days of a diet so miserable? Talk about killing a girl's motivation level. I stepped on the scare this morning though and saw "141." That will kill a self-esteem any day. My husband and I are in this together, though in the past when we go in to a diet or something like this together, we quickly lose sight of what we are trying to achieve. I just ordered my stack of RoxyLean and Ketos and a pre-workout formula. The gym that I go to here has been offering metabolic conditioning classes that I have been attending for two weeks on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturdays. I love them because they are mainly strength workouts but I have got to step my game up on nutrition. My problem (as always) is night time snacking. Tonight I had my last meal at 6pm and have been chugging water like no one's business since to not get hungry. Hopefully my night time eating habits will subside . . . . Pray for me! I wake up at 6AM to get ready for school and work 7:30AM until 5:30PM and my met.con. classes begin at 6:30PM. It makes for a looooong day but I can do it! I really am discouraged at the weigh in and trying not to lose my motivation. I want to be healthy and I want to fit back in to my clothes. If I can make it work for a week I know that I have changed my habits. My meals today have been:

1. Advantage Protein Shake

2. Spinach wrap with Turkey and Cabbage and 2tbsp dill mayo; fruit (Broma's meal)

3. Banana, orange

4. Roast with carrots and Brussel sprouts

Weight today: 141#

Cardio: 50 minutes on the elliptical machine  

The body is an amazing thing. Add the mind to it, and you have an anomaly.  Let me explain:

We are always trying to figure out how to manipulate our bodies to form the beings we desire. As much as we try and try, it is never perfect. And that is where the mind comes in. We see ourselves every day and never see the changes we are making. Self-Image is a tricky topic. Everyone is negative to themselves. It is hard when your focus is your body and the world's focus is on the body to think of anything less. This is also why eating disorders are so prevalent in our society and quickly becoming the number one killer in America.  

The past 3 weeks I have been trying to recover from pneumonia. For the past 24 years of my life, I have been doing everything in my power to not rest. The body will make you rest when you don't make yourself rest. Though pneumonia is nothing small and is serious, it has been the best thing to happen to me in a while. Why? Because I have found myself. I have tried to take days off of work to rest, but I was always busying myself with things that had to be done (i.e. laundry, working out, sweeping, mopping, cooking, etc.). This week I have read, blogged, taken photos of random things that I find purity in, and found myself. I was going through a stage in my life prior to becoming ill where I felt like I was spinning in a downward spiral. I feel inner peace now. As corny as that sounds, it is the only way I can explain my feelings. By finding this release, I have found self-respect. There is nothing that really stands out to me that caused these feelings to erupt other than relaxation. I have had quiet time for the past few days and have greatly enjoyed it. I don't feel like I have been selfish in this, mainly because relaxation is doctor's orders. I haven't been able to lift or do any cardio, but I have taken great care of my body by eating clean. I feel clean. I don't feel shameful. In dealing with my eating disorder, shame is always a tough battle to fight off. Also with the peace I have found, I have grown closer to family and my husband. I cherish things so much more. I hope to constantly from this point on maintain this feeling. 

My husband and I had a great talk last night about our future. He wants to be the sole provider and let me just be a mom. I used to not want to do that because I had a hard time letting go of control. But, Johnny is my husband whom I love and who wants to take care of Addyson and me. I made sure to ask that he wouldn't resent me for not working and other irrational questions that I always have. He and I are now moving forward. I am looking for a part time job while he is looking for homes to rent near his school. By doing that, we will save gas money and gym fees. My only issue with the move would be leaving the sitter Addyson has grown to love and who has adopted my family in to hers.  

I have the urge to go and lift, but I don't want to push my recovery. I have to learn physical and mental control. The body may want one thing, but the brain will always overcome. The mind plays tricks on you and can easily be mistaken for rational. I know the right thing to do is to stay home and relax. I have created a safe plan to keep me down. I have books to read, my mother to call, paintings and drawings to do. These are things I have not given my self the chance to do in a while because I have buried myself in motherhood. I love being a mom, but I have to try to - and all mothers need to try to keep a part of themselves and don't lose interest in what attracted your significant other to you or else losing yourself may lose your connection. 

I know this is just a bunch of rambling not dealing with body building or the competition, but  I feel that being mentally fit should be held to the same standard as being physically fit, especially with the strains that one puts on his or her body when trying to diet down or bulk up.

Happy lifting my friends and may you be kind to yourself today and remember that today is just one day. Tomorrow is a new beginning. 

I went to the doctor this morning and was told that I still have pneumonia in my right lung. So, I have been sent home with tons of medicine. They were going to give me an IV, but my veins collapsed and I almost fainted. So, I got a shot in the rump and will have to continue getting a shot for the next three days. During those days, I am to do absolutely nothing. Really? Me? Nothing? Granted, I do know pneumonia is nothing to test out, but the only thing making me do "nothing" is my cough syrup. Have I done "nothing" today? No. I did lunges, squats, concentration curls, step ups, and single leg dead lifts. I would kill for a good run. The only issue I am having and have been having since Saturday is the tightness in my chest. Luckily for me, I now have an inhaler and feel like a total asthmatic. How can someone as healthy as I am feel like such a fat fat fatty? My plan to try and control my addiction? No clue. I will let you know when I figure it out. Though, I feel that small movements like I did today with 10# dumbbells shouldn't keep me from recovering. The good news, I am only on week 3 of the challenge. The first 6 weeks were to be clean eating, gaining strength, timeline.

On the happier side, I was able to get out of being a witness at a divorce trial that is supposed to go on for the next few days. I haven't had a call from anyone in the trial yet so I assume I am in the clear. Thank God for illnesses!

Well, happy lifting y'all! Keep me in your prayers and thoughts for a quick and healthy recovery so that I can come back and kill it!

So yesterday I went to the gym with my husband, began running, then began gasping for air. The air in the gym was so thick and I could barely breathe. Ever since then, I have been coughing and tight chested. So, I am taking it easy today in hopes that the air just aggravated it and I will be back to the game plan tomorrow. If not, I can keep clean eating and figure out a new plans. Meals today have not been going so well. I have been upset over all of this. I finally made myself eat about an hour ago. I had brown rice with clean eating gumbo I made last night (chicken and venison sausage with okra). Johnny just left for the gym and I am jealous. My mind is craving the run because of the "high" I get, but my body just won't function. "A day of rest will be okay." Unfortunately, I have to be in Court tomorrow morning for a divorce trial that I am a witness in. I hate drama. Maybe if I do relapse, this will get me out of it. Blessing in disguise?! I believe so!

I hope everyone is having a blessed weekend and staying safe. Football starts in about an hour so get your game face on!

Good morning! Yesterday was my rest day (thank goodness). I worked through my lunch break to help another co-worker out and was exhausted by the time I got off work at 5PM. So, I went to pick up my daughter, got home, cleaned and finished up on some chores, then passed out about 9PM.

My meals yesterday were decent. I was still starving after lunch, so I went ahead and ate my meal 3, which was cottage cheese and all bran buds. That seemed to satisfy me until I was able to make it home. I got home and ate greek yogurt, more all bran, and a high fiber wrap.

I made it to the gym this morning and banged out an upper body workout and 45 minutes of cardio. Weight this morning is steady at 126, which is a great motivator. I was close to slipping up yesterday, but now glad that I remained strong. Working in an office setting with a desk job brings a lot of temptations, such as unhealthy granola bars, ice cream, cookies, chips, etc. Being back on my program and keeping meals with me has kept me on track. If I get the munchies, I eat what I have. I am not big on eating chicken all day long. Though I love the meat, I cannot make myself get up and have it for a "snack". (I am also very cheap!)

Today's meals:
1. 1 scoop whey, 1/2 cup oats, 1 tbsp ground flax
2. 1 Venison sausage link, 1/2 cup brown rice, string cheese
3. Vanilla Shredder from Smoothie King
4. 4 oz round steak,, high fiber wrap, veggies
5. 1/2 cup fat free cottage cheese.

Have a happy Friday!!!

My motivation. My drive. My joy. It is all coming back. I am feeling better than ever! Call it rest and recovery. Call it what you want, but I LOVE IT! I killed my workouts today and am down 2 lbs. I haven't felt this great for a while. I have my meals ready to go for tomorrow, my rest day is tomorrow (meaning just cardio during my lunch break), and then I am not cooking a big dinner tomorrow night so it is all easy going. What a great way to end my day by blogging and sharing my thoughts. My little girl just finished helping me bake cookies for her friends tomorrow. I love to bake but have no drive to taste them anymore. I guess over doing it on the holidays has deterred me from wanting to taste anything. Just the thought of sugar makes me sick to my stomach. I really need to upload some pictures soon, but keep forgetting to grab a newspaper. UGH! I am such a procrastinator. 

I have also applied for some other jobs. I heard from one today, and was told that my application has been presented to upper management and hopefully I will be hearing back from them soon. I applied as a fitness tech at a hospital and also for anything else that they may need.

I was also able to do some EXTREME COUPONING today and got my grocery list ready to go. I have discovered that buying beans and rice that you have to boil and that do not take the shorter amount of time to make are the cheapest. I can make them in bulk and pre-package meals for the week.

Well, time to settle the heathen down for bed. Night y'all! 

I love the high I get when my motivation is at a 10 and my workouts are going well. I just pray hard that things stay like this. I am still not back from the pneumonia, as my energy levels are still fairly low. I was at my computer typing yesterday and started nodding off! However, even with my illness, I am doing great! Meals yesterday:

1. 1/2 cup oats, 1 tbsp ground flax, 1 tbsp ground psyllium husk, tuna in water

2. 1 scoop whey, string cheese

3. 1/2 cup fat free cottage cheese, 1 cup green beans, 10 whole grain crackers

4. 3 egg whites, 1 can tuna in water, 1/4 cup brown rice, apple

5. 1 scoop whey

Today's meals:

1. 1/2 cup plain greek yogurt, 1/2 cup oats, 1 tbsp flax

2. tuna in water, 1/2 cup corn, string cheese

3. 1/3 cup all bran, 1/2 cup fat free cottage cheese

4. 5 oz chicken breast, 1/4 cup brown rice, veggies

5. 1 scoop whey

Workout today will be partial legs (what I was not able to finish yesterday) and 20 minutes on the elliptical. (Doing this during my hour lunch break.)

I feel mentally tougher and clearer now that my body has been detoxed of the sugar and caffeine. It is amazing how much power that stuff has over me! 

Here is to a happy Tuesday. Press On! 

First day back in the gym from a week being out with pneumonia. Prior to that, my entire family had the stomach bug, sinus infections, and the holidays were around. Needless to say, I have missed my motivation greatly and this competition is what I needed to get going. Meals today:
1. High fiber wrap, 1 tbsp strawberry jelly (5 g Fat, 16 net Carbs, 26 g fiber, 10 g Protein)
2. Post WO - 1/2 cup oats, 1 tbsp jelly, 1/2 scoop whey (1 g fat, 32 g Carbs, 15 g Protein)
3. 1 cup Go Lean cereal (1 g fat, 26 g carb, 9 g protein)
4. 1/2 lb lean hamburger patty, 2 slices wheat bread, 2 slices back, green beans (green bean bundles marinated in Worcestershire sauce, soy sauce, garlic, butter)
5. 2 homemade cookies

Workout:
Flyes, Delts, Shoulder presses, Tricep extensions
40 minute intervals (jogged at 6mph for 2 minutes then walked 2 minutes at 4.2 mph on an incline)

This was my first day back and felt good. I was extremely exhausted, but expected it. I have never had pneumonia but heard it knocks you on your butt, and it did! I am going to try to go back again tomorrow morning.

Have a great weekend y'all!

Day 5 of recovery. Meals have gone well. The nausea helps me from overeating, but doesn't help when it comes to actually eating during the day. I have not craved sugar which is a blessing. Normally when I am alone I crave chocolate and crap. Today was my first semi-craving. Lucky for me I have CHOCOLATE protein powder. Blend it up with dark cocoa, splenda, ice, and VOILA! I also have Smoothie King on speed dial. I normally get the Gladiator post-workout and freeze it for a bit for a frozen "yogurt" like treat. Meals yesterday:

1. Red potatoes, egg plant, tomoato

2. High fiber wrap, carrots, deli turkey

3. Egg plant, carrots, drizzled with honey

4. Chicken rolled with red potatoes and spinach.

5. (Nauseated) Multi grain crackers, fruit.

My energy expenditure is little to none right now because of my illness, but I am not focusing on that right now. I can't do anything about it so why obsess over something that cannot be changed.  I can change it next week.

I keep waking up with terrible migraines and it made me sick to my stomach this morning. I am still dealing with a bit of nausea so I am just propped up sipping on water.

So that is my meal update for the day. I am just ready for the pneumonia to be gone so I can get going in this challenge and prove what this momma is made of! My husband does not know that I have signed up for another challenge, mainly because of his most recent comment that I don't have the time to dedicate to creating the body that I want. (Felicia Romero is my idol!) I am going to keep it to myself at this time until I can get to the point where I know I have proven him wrong and done this by myself - with the support of this site of course. 

Since Friday night, I have been in bed (Yes, I realize today is Wednesday). I have been diagnosed with pneumonia. I didn't go to the ER until Monday morning. I went to my doctor and was tested for pneumonia, cancer, pulmonary embolisms, epilepsy, kidney infections, and urinary tract infections. After getting blood test results back, I was rushed to the hospital because levels were elevated that signaled the possibility of a pulmonary embolism in my lungs. After CT Scans at the hospital, I was diagnosed with pneumonia in my right lung. PHEW! After an hour or so of thinking I was going to die, I can handle pneumonia.  Now, as I sit and recover and enjoy sitting and recoverying, I have a new outlook. I am so over being "Wah wah wah" and just need to do "IT", but figure out what "it" is during my week of mandatory bed rest. I am shocked that I have actually lasted this long staying propped up, but it has given me time for ME. As a mom, that doesn't happen often. I have lost myself but this week has given me a chance to crave and do what I want to. After this week is over, I, the REAL me, will be back. I have entered the 12 week challenge not in hopes of winning the money (though if I do, that would TOTALLY ROCK!) but as a kick start to the rest of my life. Being a mom is tough, but so what, I am tougher. I have to dedicate time to myself to be there for my family. I got consumed with "me me me". Granted, some gripes were legit. I have a plan - a workout plan and a balanced nutrition plan. I have dedicated this week to "detoxing" from sodas (coke zeros mainly) and have not had unnatural sugars (i.e. chocolate, gums, candy bars, sweets, junk). I have kept it clean and my body feels so much lighter. I am mentally clearer than I have been in a while. So here I go. Though next week will be 11 weeks left in the challenge, I will have a week under my belt of clean healthy eating. That is the first step to beginning any plan. So here I go!

Thank you for your responses and I am so grateful for each and every one of them. I have been struck with the stomach bug, but have finally recovered from it. Last week was a stickler for me, as Johnny was ill with a sinus infection and my daughter had the stomach bug Wednesday.  Following that, I had a sinus infection Thursday then released the stomach bug Friday morning and stayed in bed until 3PM. That afternoon, Johnny began with symptoms of the stomach virus and Addyson was still vomiting. Needless to say, the gym has not even been in my thoughts since Wednesday. I am getting the itch to go run again, so may attempt 3-4 miles today and call it quits. One of my friends has agreed to take me on (as a "charity" case...jk) and help me out with making workouts for me. I am not comfortable with making my own workouts and he has agreed to help me out. I am so glad to have some one in my corner that believes that even with my lifestyle (a full time working mom with a 2 year old) can still transform my body the way I would love for it to look like.  Thank you again for all of your support and I look forward to proving my husband wrong :D

I am posting this in hopes that some mom out there will understand and have advice for me. I am a mother of only 1, though sometimes my husband acts like a child. I work 8-5 Monday though Friday and have to pick my toddler up from her sitter every day after I get off of work. My times are limited, as I only have an hour for lunch, and have been trying to wake up at least 4 days out of the week at 4AM to workout between 5 and 7 before work. Recently, my husband killed my motivation, stating that I don't have the time to train like I need to in order to transform my body the way I would like to (i.e. figure training). I had been going strong, or so I thought, until he said that and it just knocked me down and now I am lingering at 130# and feel miserable. Granted, he has been sick for two weeks and now I have caught a bug and my little girl just got over a stomach virus. My main questions is "Is it possible?" Can I train with the limited time I have in order to be a hott mom and healthy mom? I have fallen off of the band wagon, eating crap and not working out like I know how to do. I have stopped asking him to make my workout plans and just lost as ever right now. Any suggestions or advice or encouragement would be appreciated. I am not asking for a pity party, just someone in my corner.

Seems like life can never find a set pace. Normally, I am ok with a little change, but I need consistency in my workout schedule to actually be able to make gains. One of my friends just gave me the P90X DVDs so I figure on days that I am unable to make it to the gym, I can pop one of those bad boys in - after Addyson goes to bed of course. I attempted to do the Ab Ripper DVD, but Addy just hopped on my back thinking I was on the ground rolling around (banana rolls) to play with her. I had a 25 pound "medicine ball" for a few short minutes until I gave up and decided I will have to wait.

 I still have not had my period (since end of July), but I am not pregnant, so it is stress. My diet has been lazy and I have gained about 5lbs (back to 125-127). I am tired most of the time and need to take a break, but scared of gaining more weight. I know it all comes down to what I consume, but I love food way too much! I have stacked up on veggies for late night munchies so hopefully that will help. 

My hands are killing me this morning. I was deadlifting on a crappy bar. It is thicker than the one I am used to and it ripped my hands wide open  (Though I am secretly stoked because I looked like a bad ass.)  

Meals today:

1. Post Workout:  2 scoops Strawberry Whey (260 cals/50 g protein)

2. 2 cups staamed cauliflower, canned chicken breast (low sodium) in water, 1 multigrain roll (200 cals/25 g protein)

3. 1/2 cup wheat bran, 1/2 cup oats, 1 tbsp psyllium husk, 1 tbsp ground flax (280 cals/10 g protein)

4. 4 oz chicken breast, fiber wrap, 2 cups raw carrots (250 cals/30 g protein)

5. Pre-bed: 1 scoop Cookies and Cream Whey, 1 banana (130 cals/25 g protein)

Wow I have not posted in a while. Life has been incredibly busy and stressful. I have had to hold back a little bit because of stress which has caused my cycle to stall. I am about a month late (and no, I am not preggers - tested twice!). My mom came down a few weeks ago which started the stresser, then my co-worker is moving jobs which is adding more to my file load, Johnny's work schedule has kept him longer in the office which means I am being mom/dad/bill payer/house keeper/full time legal assistant, etc. and still trying to maintain a health lifestyle. Needless to say, I have put on a few pounds (currently holding 125-128) which I am ok with (Note: NOT thrilled, but "ok".

I started making small changes to the mess of a life I have right now this past weekend with a round of bulk cooking so that I am consuming actual meals vs. protein bars or drinks or just snacking. I am also back to just three - four meals a day because my caloric exertion has decreased. Also, since a few weeks ago, I have been insanely bloated/gassy. I don't know if it is because I was mainly consuming protein shakes during the day or what, but it is not nice which is why I am only going to consume protein shakes Post Workout from now on. My shakes only had about 25-30 grams of protein and I only consumed one serving mixed with water.

I have had to start making my own workouts now. Johnny doesn't get in until late and I don't want to bug him with making me a training schedule. I have taken Jamie Eason's training plan and going off of that. A change up in my routine's will do my muscles good I guess.

My main issue is that I am flat tired of having to change up things. I hate change and would love to have some consistency in my life. I am sort of in a downer right now because of uncertainty mainly in the fitness area. I need time when I can sit down and sort this all out, but finding that time is impossible. I am even having to blog in increments right now, between phone calls and drafts and insurance companies. I can't ask my mom to come down because it is like taking care of another child and no help at all and my house is always a mess after she leaves.

Though nothing was accomplished in the writing of the blog, I do feel better for finally being able to vent and release some thoughts.