INSIDE THE MIND OF BOSSCHIK247

I went to the gym today.  I weight trained before doing 45 minutes of steady state cardio (boring). But it did stick in a couple of rounds of jumping rope in between my sets.  I figure it could only help.  In all it was a good session. I told myself that I would do all the exercises that break me but are the best (i.e-smith machine squats, and deadlifts).  By tommorow I probably will not be able to walk without hobbling.  Afterward I went to the store to gather the food I will need for this week-so that I don’t have a chance to cheat.  I finally picked up some salmon.  I don’t know what I am going to do with it.  Thinking about a nice marinade.  I haven’t had it in years and then it was grilled.  So we will see.  I have been thinking about ways to increase my water consumption throughout the day.  I figure the easiest way is to actually take a bottle into work- instead of waiting till I get to work to start drinking.  Hey-every little bit counts right.  I also need to keep better workout records….but one step @ a time. 

I went back to the gym last night after a 6-8 week hiatus.   I got there did 45 minutes of cardio and then hit the weights a little.  The thing is….I don’t even know why I took such an extended break…the hardest part is getting there. It seems I would rather sit down after work and "rest" for the rest of the night when really that is the last thing I need.  My job is not stressful. I sit all day so to come home and sit some more-that is just too much sitting.  I need to get my azz in the gym-even if I am not feeling like it and give myself at least an hour in there.  30 minutes of HIT and 30 minutes of weight training.  That is not so much to ask of myself.  These years are ticking away and I don’t want my mental health to start faltering due to my weight gain-it is a slippery slope for me.  But I totally feel better when my diet is in check-becuase I at least feel like my workouts mean something.  If I am eating crappy I start thinking-"why work out-you just ate crap anyway"  therefore I don’t go.  I am finding that my thoughts are really what is holding me back.  Everytime I lose a little my mind or thoughts pull me back to that slacking mode.  Well I will just have to train my thoughts to do other things and not be so self destructive.  That’s my plan.

I changed my weight stats.  OMG.  I have gained so much since last year.  I have to get on my ****.  This is riduculous. This is the heaviest I have ever been……208lbs.  Disgusted.