AzraelBat’s BodyBlog

It seems I have hit a snag in the road. Today I felt so tired and drained I could hardly function correctly, I’ve been randomly passing out; and on top of that, I had a cataclysmic sugar craving earlier and ended up eating pastries at school, Idk what came over me; I lost all control. The motivation to keep to a diet and training sure as hell disappeared. Idk if it’s that I need more sleep or what, but I’m certainly deprived in some area. To make matters worse I lost my job today. I definitely need to re-evaluate my goals and keep them in mind.

I was starting to lag pretty bad on my P90X workouts, so I decided to take this week off to focus on work and music. I’ll be getting back on it next week. It’s only Wednesday and I am already ITCHING to get back on it haha, I’ll be feeling great by the end of this break.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted. A lot has happened in the past few months. Doing great in school, first of all; got involved with a few bands doing vocals. Moved on from past events, got all my inspiration to train back, now I’m on my 2nd month of P90X and I have never looked better; I’m actually getting ripped for once haha. I’m still single, but I’ve dated a few people here and there and have gotten involved somewhat. Things are looking up.

I’ve lost all motivation completely. I’m beyond exhausted constantly. School and girl trouble have both completely raped my sleeping schedule, I haven’t slept well in weeks now. I’m always inexplicably tired, so I’m never inspired to train. So much for P90 X.  I started it and now I don’t have what it takes to go all the way. I’m so angry at myself it’s ridiculous.

Depression ruins everything.

I stopped dead in my tracks on the third week of P90. Sleeping schedule got ruined again by my stuff with my ex. The depression is so severe I can hardly stand it anymore. It’s almost impossible to get through the day. All I think about is her, and memories.

I don’t know what to do.

Of P90X. And it’s been a bit rocky.

I managed to make it through most of the workouts, got exhausted in the middle of yoga and had to stop. Idk, the depression and all the stuff going on with my ex has really dampered my performance, not to mention all those ciggarettes  I did prior to starting. Right now I’m so exhausted I couldn’t even do kenpo. My sleep has been messed up.

Ugh, I hate this.

Today I started the P90 X program, This stuff is no joke lol. Also following the meal plan as close as possible, hopefully this will go great.

Starting school this week too, getting a car soon hopefully.

My mother ordered it for me the other day. So I’m going to end up giving it a shot. I just need to go out and buy a pull up bar….and get my free weights back from my ex : /.

I hate life, with an undying passion.

I have lost 10 pounds in 5 days. My ability to eat is officially gone, at this point I get mortally sick and nauseated from a small, simple bowl of rice. Amazing what this has done to me, I’m so utterly screwed up right now. My sleeping problems are getting worse. Idk, I’m supposed to talk things over with her today, I’m hoping with everything I have that somehow, she will come to her senses and it will work out. I can’t live like this….

How did it come to this,  It’s unbelievable.  The pain is incredible.

Idk what I’m going to do. It’s like my life is in her hands.

My girlfriend of two years broke up with me two days ago. And I’ve been stuck in hell ever since. The depression is so severe I hardly feel like moving at all. It’s hard to even sleep, and close to impossible to even get myself to eat anything. I feel nauseous and sick constantly. And pretty much everything, including life itself has lost it’s meaning.
I don’t know how much longer I can put up with this, I don’t think I’ve ever felt pain this severe. I’ve basically been living on Protein shakes in water, eggs and bits of meat. And that’s only because I’m forcing myself to eat that much. I can’t manage to stomach much more than that currently.

What on earth am I going to do.