Avah’s BodyBlog

Had a doctor’s appointment a few days ago, today I found out the results on my blood test. Bad news, my hypothyroidism has gotten worse. My hormone levels were at 6.04, and now are at 8.77. A little depressing that it’s still going up after being prescribed medication to bring it down to normal levels.

Does explain why I’ve been so tired and feeling blue all the time though. At the same time though, knowing that I’ve still lost some fat even though my odds are slightly against me for the past few months I feel great and hope to see some major results once I’ve got the proper dosage for my medication.

Also been getting tons of headaches - got new glasses since i needed to update my lense prescription - got some damn nice sunglasses too. I hate contacts - they scare me. So i’m hoping with new glasses and now with the stronger meds my headaches will finally go away. Been drinking lots of water, as much minimal noise (difficult when you’re living with 6 other people, 3 of which are 6 years old and younger) to help try and reduce them.

hoping i’ll get back to my old self soon.

Dang, had a good progress picture of me when i weighed quite a bit, and i guess bodybuilders.com didn’t like it -apparently i’m posing too sexually or who knows what…

yes because a black box covering up any nudity is hot, absolutely hot i tell you!
Seriously though, there are tons of photos out there that were by far more sexual than mine.
I simply wanted to show people how far i’ve come since the beginning of my journey and now i’m not even able to do that.

I don’t have any of photos of me back in 2007/2008, i never wanted to be in them because i felt ashamed… so showing it i was still embarrassed but proud of myself for achieving so much already.

Guess i’m just a little frustrated and confused, but at least i’ll have a copy of it for myself so when i reach my goal i can compare it to the 2007 photo of me. I must admit though, losing that 1 photo kind of brought my motivation down due to the fact that i always saw it when ever i logged onto this site…

Here’s the problem…

- living with my parents at the moment (not so fun - had to move back home)
- my mom constantly buys junk food, her reasons "oh it’s for the kids".
Well… why the hell are the kids eating that much junk food? empty calories, not filling, loads of sugar… no wonder they wont eat fruit!
- constant red meat around me
-loads of fatty condiments (though i never use any)
-can’t even have a slice of cheese… no idea what kind it is. If it were light cheddar then i would have a slice, however; knowing them i know it’s not.
-the constant " lets make something quick and easy" and what pops into their minds is pasta, casserole dishes, tuna sandwiches with loads mayo (i don’t make mine with mayo) but it’s the fact that i don’t have a choice in bread.. white bread.

not only is the food high in fat, sugar and calories, the house it’s self is disgusting - their junk is everywhere. Both are too god damn lazy to clean it yet they bitch and complain about it.

I’m willing to clean it, however, they don’t want to toss any of the junk out… i really can’t wait until i move back out

right now i’m suriviving on egg whites, grapefruit, protein powder, my nutrilite bars, and…. hmmm sadly i can’t think of anything else.

So i guess i’m mostly frustrated in how cluttered, and messy this entire house is. Not only is their eating habits poor, but the environment at home itself is stressful - and they wonder why i tend to stay in my room. It’s clean… i know what’s dirty and what’s not.

Why can’t they see that they should be embarassed by how they live?.. arg.

Ok, clearly last night my mind was in the gutter and I decide I will bake a banana bread loaf tomorrow morning after my workout. So i did.

frankly wish i never had - constantly want to grab slices of it and stuff it into my mouth.

the only thing that isn’t making me feel so guilty is the fact that i worked out, and constantly go up and down stairs and the fact that i wasn’t the only one, and i’ve stopped eating it (not until it’s all gone either).
note to self: don’t bake such temptations, don’t eat these yummy delicious sugary temptations and certainly make sure not to slip up on my diet anymore.

Okay, so I’ve been working on my body for awhile(since 2007), starting slow by changing my eating habits, waited a good few months before working out, since I figured there was no point into exercising if I was still eating that same old crap food.

Anyhow, long story short I lost weight, hooray! Yet, when I looked at myself, I couldn’t tell, to me I looked as though I had stayed exactly the same, even with photos. So right there it tells you I must have a skewed self image.

Honestly though, wasn’t until today when I answered one of bodybuilding.com’s questions "Starting weight" that I realized that I have a gone a far since the beginning of my journey. The thought of me weighing 200lbs is rather disgusting, and I’m still disappointed in myself for letting me get the way I did. I mean, how does a person not see that they’ve become overweight?

Well I’ve spent far too much time being overweight so I decided I needed a lifestyle change, no longer will I be a lumpy couch potatoe who just sits there snacking away on empty calories gaining more weight. I’m 21 years old, I should have a stunning body - which it’s getting there. I’m in no rush (though as the same time I don’t want it to take a few years to achieve my body goals) to get the body I desire, since it’d be a more permanent solution if it takes just a few months longer.

So, today I realized how much weight I’ve lost, but I’m wondering when it’ll finally hit me, that I’ll see myself as the new me, and not the old me when i look at photos or in the mirror. Makes me wonder if other people have the same problem as me.

It’s time I get my arse into gear and keep it into gear. Last time i lost weight but then slowly over time gained it all back, I’m NOT letting that happen again. I’ve worked too hard to come this far to stop or just give up.

I wonder on average how long it takes other people to reach their goals, a couple of month? half a year, a year or maybe even a couple. So far it’s taken me 1 year and 9 months, good or bad? Suppose it doesn’t matter, since I’m still working on improving myself - body and mind.