ArmySoldier1’s BodyBlog

   Okay, ya’ll heard my dribble about my soon to be ex-wife. Well the saga continues. She just turned me in for spousal emotional abuse and child neglect. So I have spent the last two days on the phone back to the states trying to defend myself. If any of ya’ll forgot, she has a boyfriend and is in love with him…and I’m the one emotionally abusing her. It really is all about money with her…right now she is happy as long as I send her everything except $100 per month. Okay, I am not going to get into this right now…sorry.

   Other than that, I have been taking all of that frustration out on myself in the gym. Tonight is chest, I am going to start on the flat bench with 135 and do 2 sets of 21. Then I will add 50 pounds and do 2 sets of 15, add another 50 and 2 sets of 10 (if I have a spotter, I’ll add one more time for 2 sets of 6). Then I will work my way down. Then I will get into some DB exercises and finish up with some cable cross-overs. Tomorrow will be Tri’s…and I’m going to kill them!   

   Well, I must go and hit the gym…Keep killin’ it

Until later…Jay

   Hey ya’ll, it seems that I am doing much better now! It is strange how the death of a fellow soldier affects you. Speaking of Soldiers, I want to take a moment and let ya’ll know that what the media feeds to you is not always the truth. See, they report all of the bad stuff that goes on over here. Whether is it a Soldier killing a "unarmed civilian" or whatever, the truth is we do great stuff here. We build schools, hire local nationals to work on our FOBs, treat their animals, provide health care and clothes…the list goes on and on. Sorry, this is probably not the place…I’ll stop.

   My motivation is back and my will to get ripped is back too. I still hate cardio ( I would like to pay someone to do it and just reap the benefits), but I do it anyway. Got to get rid of the fat and show off all of that muscle that I have busted my ass to get! I was watching this guy in the gym today while he worked out…he is a freakin’ monster. He was doing skull crushers and the gym was packed, so I asked him if I could work in with him. He said yes and I found out that he is all "show muscle". He couldn’t keep up with me and his arms had to be 2 inches bigger than mine. So I got to wondering about "show muscles versus "real muscles". I have decided that even thought it is great to look huge, I would rather be as strong as I look. Don’t get me wrong, I want to have big arms, chest, etc., but what is the point if it just show? Is this only my opinion? Should I be working out different in order to get the show muscles? What are your thoughts regarding this issue?

   I killed my traps today…barbell shrugs (4 sets of 15 with 315) and then DB shrugs (4 sets of 15, pausing at the top for 3-5 seconds, with 260). They were cashed after that, so I figured I would beat up my Tri’s. My tri’s are really pissing me off. I do mass exercises and isolation exercises but my right tri is much more defined than my left (I can complete my isolation exercises with both arms with the same weight), why is this the case? Well, I should get off and get some sleep…it is 2:20 am here.

Until later…Jay

   Something has happened to me…and I don’t like it. I used to go on this site for inspiration and motivation. Now when I log on and look at everyone’s progress, it makes me feel bad. I think to myself, how can all of these people be making great progress and I am not? I am sure part of it is being deployed, my diet suffers, but really it’s more. I joined a group and I look at all of those people who are killin’ it and I am still this old fat guy. Hopefully it is just me having a bad day…I don’t like feeling like this. Part of it is that we just lost some soldiers and let me tell you, that brings your world crashing down around you…it shakes you like I can not explain. I guess you would just have to be in the Army and be over here to understand it. I don’t know, like I said, I am just having a bad day and hopefully that is all this is. I didn’t even go to the gym today…couldn’t bring myself to walk through the door. It seemed so pointless. I will go tomorrow, even if I have to have someone push me throught the door.

   Sorry, I just needed to write this out so I could work through it…thank you all for being an inspiration (even if I try to convince myself otherwise).

Until later…Jay

   Well, my motivation is still low, but everyday I force myself to go to the gym and kick my own a$$. I have started doing cardio in the morning and at night…need to shed some disgusting fat. I am trying to prove the doctors wrong, this excess skin will go away without surgery. Eating right over here is still challanging…but I think I have a handle on it. Going on R&R in August, what to get back and have people say…"WOW".

   It is still crazy over here…missions, hot weather, sand storms…yep, Afghanistan still sucks. On a good note, we are getting a larger gym and it is rumored to have a combatives (MMA) mat in it…totally stoked about that! It will help with the constant stress we experience everyday.

   Joined a group today…it is my hope that it they will help push me past this stuff that I am going through. You can never have enough people in your corner! Well, that is all for today…gotta go work out and do cardio.

Until Later…Jay

   Well, my personal life is completely rat f**ked! I am tired of all of the crap and have decided to get a divorce. "I’m sorry" is not needed. I have thought about it, prayed about it and once I decided that I have to do this for my happiness, I am finally at peace. That is not saying that I am "happy"…divorce sucks and no one gets out unaffected. A lot of you have read my earlier posts to know what has happened in the past…well, the lies continue and her inability to not talk to her "boyfriend" has pushed me beyond the point of trying to salvage anything. I can’t pretend that her lies and belief that falling in love with someone while married is NOT cheating. I am doing okay, keeping my head about me…it has killed my motivation (but I am working on that). Enough of this dribble…let’s talk about training.

   As I have stated before, my motivation has suffered, but I am surely trying to correct that issue. I am going to change my workout starting Monday…time to burn fat! I have put on some decent size, now I need to see what is under all of this disgusting fat! I am going to drop the weight and increase the reps, somewhere around the 15-20 range. I will rest only 30 seconds or so in between sets and do cardio twice a day.

   I am going to put in my recruiting packet (and hopefully get picked up). I love the Army and the idea of having a job that I get to talk to people all day about it is just to good to pass up. I might be in the minority, but I look forward to helping the Army put the best possible people in to increase our fighting force.

   Sorry for the ranting…until later…Jay

   I am going out on another mission and I am kind of scared and excited at the same time. Getting blown up makes you feel a little more mortal. I have decided that I have much more to accomplish in life, so I will be fine. Anyway, I decided to title this post "the gym is saving my life" because I believe in many ways that is exactly what it is doing for me. See, a lot of you know that my home life is completely rat f**ked. The worst part, there is nothing I can do to change it. I am finally starting to get a handle on that and the gym is keeping me sane. If I did not work out, I would not be focused and that could lead to horrible consquences for me and my guys. So when I go to the gym, I hit it hard and heavy until I am sore and exhausted. I think I am slightly abnormal, because (at 40) my body recovers very quickly. I will kick my ass and about two hours later, I’m good….like I haven’t even worked out. The gym is a place where I can take all of that negative energy and turn it into something good. The bad part about that is I usually don’t have a plan going in (except to kick my ass). I do three or four exercises per bodypart and somewhere around 10-12 reps. I am exhaused when I leave but I just randomly pick out exercises. Actually, I do this mostly out of necessity. The gym tends to get really busy.

   So I wanted to take a moment and thank you all for your support and tell each of you how much you mean to me. I can insert names here…but you all know who you are. If you don’t or are wondering, I ask that you tell me so I can have a chance to tell you all how very much you mean to me. Because if any of you are wondering, than I have failed you as a friend. Between the gym and you all, I am at peace (at least as much as one can be in my situation) and look to the future as full of promise, challange and excitement. God speed and I will see you all when I get back from my mission.

Until later…Jay

   Well, I am glad to be back at my FOB! I went to another FOB and we "got the business" everyday! I have decided that I have had enough of this experience and I am ready to go home. Alas, it is not so…still have a while to go (insert sad whinning face here). Me and my guys (actually only one other soldier) go outside the wire all the time. My job is to go to all of these FOBs and COPs and make sure that they are doing the things required in order keep the soldiers out there from getting sick. It is a thankless job (as most tend to be…unless something goes wrong) but I sleep well at night knowing that I am doing everything I can to keep the Soldiers healthy so they can focus on the mission at hand and go home to thier families. I am not patty myself on my back, see all of our jobs (as thankless as they may seem at times) are each doing our part in order to keep from losing any of our brothers and sisters.

   Okay, enough Army stuff…let me talk about fitness. I am in such a good place now, and it is all because I am able to "release" things by working out. I owe my sanity (or insanity maybe) to working out. I am still doing my split workout because it allows me to go to the gym twice a day. I thought about writing my workout here, but it really doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense to me. Maybe I am wrong, but whatever. I see small changes in me. I certainly don’t think that I am big or ripped, but like I said, I am seeing small changes.

   Let me take a moment to thank all of the members (and former members) of the United States Military for doing what less than 1% of the population does. I would like to thank you all for serving this great country. I sometimes wish that the everyday citizen knew what we did so we all can walk around and complain about how crapping things are in the United States. Trust me when I tell you that if you think you think you have it bad, you should come over here and see how the Afghans live. Our liberal media does not tell you all about the great things that we do over here everyday…because that doesn’t make good news. Instead, they will tell you about all of the "horrible" things that we do to "unarmed civilians". I will not even get into that topic. Anyway, I digress. I also want to thank all of you civilians who support us everyday. It really does mean a lot to us over here. Okay, I ranted enough…I need to go check my laundry.

 Until later…Jay

   Just wanted to wish ya’ll a great weekend! Nothing new going on here….same stuff, sand, rocks and bad guys. I am still kicking my own ass in the gym! I still have a very very long way to go. My arms and chest are way to small, my belly is way to big. Damn, have I even been working out? I have increased my cardio, well I have actually decreased my cardio and I am doing HIIT. Well, I guess I will keep killing myself in the gym and go from there.

   Don’t you hate those days were you think nothing you are doing in the gym is working? We are our own worse enemies when it comes to our bodies. Being here certainly doesn’t help matters…everything is harder. Sometimes it is hard to keep upbeat and your whole outlook (on everything) suffers.

   Well, I am going to jump off here and go beat myself up at the gym.

 Until later…Jay

   I trust all of you Mom’s had a great day yesterday! I am having more issues…I am having a really hard time accepting what is going on at home. I have some days that are good and some days that aren’t. The gym is my saving grace, I attempt to turn all the bad stuff at home into positive energy in the gym. I am doing split workouts now because it seems to help me cope better. The down time is what gets me…sitting in my hooch thinking about all that is and will be lost. I no longer look forward to R&R, except seeing my kids. I tell myself to stay strong for them because they will need me to be strong for them.

   Enough whining about things I can’t control. Let’s talk about working out! It’s funny, I bust my ass in the gym twice a day and I can’t seem to see any difference in my appearance. Is that normal? I think my arms are still tiny, my chest looks strange, my fat gut still looks way to fat. I wonder if my home issues are playing into this view? I dunno, maybe. I am going to start increasing my cardio and reps when I get back from R&R. Now, I am using heavy weights and doing like 4 sets of 10-12. So anyway, I will continue to kick my ass in the gym and hopefully one day I will see the results that I am looking for…

   Well, it is mission time tomorrow so I need to end this and go do some laundry and pack. I’ll see ya’ll in about a week or so…

Until Later….Jay

   I was looking around and came across a blog entry that made me feel better. It had to do with looking forward to your workouts. I remember when I first started working out again, it was really hard sometimes to muster up the motivation to get my a$$ to the gym. Now, I do a split just so I can go twice a day. At lunch today, I did back and bi’s. Well, actually, I did 1/2 of my bi’s. Tonight, I will do my back and finish my bi’s. I also need to hit the cardio and abs.

   So of you know that I have been dealing with some personal issues at home and I wanted to thank you (you know who you are) for your support. It has been awesome to be able to vent and get some of this off my chest. That stress has affected my ability to focus on my workouts and eating clean. Actually, eating clean is sometimes difficult over here. It is something I struggle with on a daily basis. I am making some gains, but I think those gains would be way better if I was able to get a handle on eating clean.

   Mother’s Day is coming upon us and I wanted to take a moment and tell each and everyone of you Mom’s that I have the upmost respect for you. Being a Mom is sometimes a very thankless job, pay sucks and it offers no immediate feedback on whether or not your making any ground. I think back to all the times that I made my Mom’s life hell and I am sure she wondered if all of her hard work she was putting into me was sinking in. She did a great job! She built morals and values inside me that I am thankful for everyday. So again, to all of you Mom’s out there…thank you for your selfless acts and unconditional love that (believe it or not) one day they will actually thank you for!

 Until later…Jay