ArmySoldier1’s BodyBlog

Well, it is 0400 on Saturday and I am getting ready to get in the car and go to the airport. I am leaving this morning on my way to deploy. It is very strange. I kissed my kids goodnight for the last time for a long time. I will be doing the same to my wife later.

I got to go…I will post later.

Jay

I just wanted to shoot ya’ll a quick blog to wish each and everyone of you a great Thanksgiving! I trust ya’ll can find something to be thankful for…if nothing more than you are with those you love and care for and are still breathing. Coming from someone who is having to leave their family the day after Thanksgiving, please do not take your time with your families for granted.

I have decided to look at this deployment as an adventure. Yes, it sucks that I have to leave my family for a year. The bright side…someone gets to come home and be with theirs after being gone for a year. I willingly chose this life and I would make the same decision again if I had to do it all over again.

Sorry, didn’t mean to drag on…just wanted to say "Happy Thanksgiving" to each and everyone of you! May God Bless you and keep you. I will be more active soon, I plan on posting regular updates when I get settled and start working out.

Until later…Jay

I was still healing from my fractured elbow when I found out that I was being deployed. I fully expected to heal and then get back into the gym. Well, I found out shortly after my doctors clearance to work out that I was being deployed. I made the decision that spending my rather limited time prior to deploying that I would spend it with my family and not in the gym. I miss the gym horribly, but spending time with my family is my top priority now. Since my wife has not shown an interest in joining me at the gym, that means that I will not go.

So that gets me to my guilt. I am guilty for coming on this site and stating that I am in fact, back in the gym. Does that make me a liar? Yes it does and for that I am disgusted with myself. I am NOT a liar, matter of fact, I really have an issue with liars. So there it is…I have lied to you all and I apologize for it. It will not happen again.

When I get in theatre, I will use my down time to hit the gym with a vengence. I haven’t set any specific goals as of yet, I will wait until I get there before I do that. I am excited about (hopefully) working out with a training partner for the first time. I am excited about seeing what progress can be made during my year long deployment.

I am sad about leaving my family. I am sad that I will miss so much of my children’s lives. I also know that when I signed up, that it was a possibility…just kind of hoping that it wasn’t going to happen. I sad that my wife will be required to spend a year being both Mom and Dad. I am going to miss her so much…even with all of the stuff we have been through in the past six months, she is still the one that I want to see right before I go to sleep and the first one that I want to see when I wake up. They have a great support system here and I know that she will be in good hands while I am gone.

Well, I suppose I will leave it at that for now…later, Jay

There is now rewind button in life. I have been thinking a lot about that statement lately. It can be applied to so many things that affect our day to day decisions.

I read often on the blogs that people get upset if they skip a workout or choose to eat unhealthy. We can not go back and change those decisions…those choices. All we can do is choose to make a different one the next time. Though we spend an enormous time fretting about it

What about decisions made in our personal lives? The choices we make daily are already made, there is no rewind button. We can not go back and make the other choice once we see how this has affected us or someone else in our lives.

Is it fair to judge people we see walking around that are "fat", just because we once were? What about those who judge who were never fat? The people who have never been pointed at, laughed at or talked about like we were somehow less than a "normal" person. Having been fat once, I find that I tend to notice "all the fat people". Of course, I don’t say anything out loud…unless someone asks me how I lost all of my weight.

I have had some pretty serious stuff happen in my personal life over the last 6 months and I have spent a great deal of effort holding on to that instead of working on letting it go. I really didn’t realize that I was doing that until yesterday. There is no rewind button for that person to go back a change the choices that were made, so I need to figure out how to shed that and let it go.

I have spent some time praying about it and I am going to give it all to god. I will continue to pray that he gives me the strength to totally trust again. I will also continue to pray that people will understand the importance of living a healthy lifestyle and make those changes as well. I do not have any control over any of that so I will put it all in God’s hands.

Well, that is all I got for now…until later, Jay!

Okay, doing much better today. I read my post from yesterday and I had to wonder what 3rd grader wrote it. It was very…well, all over the place. My college English teacher would not have been happy. Anyway, as I was saying, I am doing a little better today.

I mentioned how I tend to let things bother me…I have to be honest, I really don’t have a whole lot of control about that. Try as I might, my emotions are all over the place.

I have been trying to keep in mind of what my wife is going through during this weeks. She has to play all of the parental roles, continue to take her college classes and take full responsibility of the household chores (currently, I do most of them). I believe she can handle it…she is a very strong women, but I worry about her. She tends not to ask for help, even if she really needs it. I pray that God gives her and my kids the strength to get through this. I would ask that all of you please include a small prayer for my family during my deployment.

On a positive note, my Step-mom and my Son will be here next Wednesday for about a week. I am truly blessed as my Step-Mom is bringing my Son (and her) out here so I can see them before I leave. I am so excited for them to get here, but at the same time, that means my time to leave is drawing nearer.

I spoke to my Doctor about my elbow…it still hurts when I work out. He told me it could be a year or so before the bone is totally healed. I hope it heals soon! My plan is to pack on some quality muscle mass while I am away. Diet will be an issue, but on the other hand, I will more than likely have a training partner. I am excited, I have NEVER had a training partner before.

Well, I think I will end this for now! Until later…Jay

So I sit here looking at the calendar wondering if I created enough lasting memories with my wife and kids. Did I do enough today to carry with me for an entire year?

It is crazy from day to day what things will make me cry. Today it was some concert on CMT (Taylor Swift and Def Leopard)…go figure. I also had to go to my daughters school to let them know that I was being deployed and ask them to watch for changes in her behavior.

I have let this kind of consume me…I don’t even like to go work out as I might miss some valuable time with them. I try to keep things the same so I don’t disrupt their current schedule and routine. I am quick to get mad over the smallest of things. So I do a lot of night time reflection.

Did I do enough today?

Did I make sure I told the people that I love that I love them?

Did I tell them I love them enough?

I am not really scared of going…I am scared of what will happen when I am gone. I am not a control freak, but I also have never been in a position that I have absolutely NO control either.

Well, I will continue this later…