Becomming A Fitness Competitor

My bf used to tell me quite often to do something about my weight. I gained weight in the last few years, about 25 lbs. But it was me complaining about it all the time is what drove him crazy. So I started working out in January 2006. Once at the gym some people kept asking me why I wanted to lose weight. Comments like: “You look fine to me” & the classic one “Some junk in the trunk”. Yeah right! As I started losing weight, I got more compliments of how well I was doing and so on. One guy told me that it was a pity that I lost a great deal of my butt. Not sure if that was a compliment or not, but I was happy that my butt was getting smaller. Or less bigger, depending if you’re the half empty or half full glass kinda person. I mean, it’s never going to go away (don’t want to have a pancake-butt either) but smaller….won’t hurt.   

Now a female colleague tells me that my face is too thin, and she’s always asking me what I’m eating, if I’m eating enough. She looks at me like I have an eating disorder. The other day a guy tells me that I have to get rit of that tiny fat roll on my oblique. “Than you’d be perfect”.. HUH?? For heavens sake… I’m working on that. You can hardly see it, a few weeks of cardio and it’s gone….I hope. Later that same night my bf tells me that I’m my hip bones are starting to show and that he’s not to trilled about that. He ‘prefers’ me having a little fat roll…it’s more feminine.   

IS IT EVER GONNA BE GOOD ENOUGH??   I try really hard to stay focused on achieving my goals, but with everybody having a comment about how I should or shouldn’t look?! Okay the compliments I don’t mind…at all. (I can be vain…) But the negativity…maybe I’m not good on taking criticism. Or I just simply don’t get it.   

Just wanted to air my frustration!!