Taking a break
Hey guys,
So, yeah, after a major recent meltdown, I’ve made a really difficult but important decision. I want to start by saying this site has been such a blessing. The weight training & diet changes I’ve made have absolutely changed my life. I’m sure that I can keep this up as a lifestyle change & I’m forever grateful for all of the encouragement, advice, & support.
Having said that, I realized after a major meltdown this morning, that things are getting a little bit too serious between me and my body. I’m a perfectionist & have somewhat of an addictive and obsessive personality & while most people can be on this site & have their body building and fitness be a hobby, I realized that I’ve brought it to a level that was just as unhealthy as starving myself or binge/purging. It happened gradually, but I found myself weighing & measuring myself every day, obsessively tracking calories, carbs (which I had reduced to a level that made me suffer mentally, emotionally & physically. I kept at this & considered it a failure when I collapsed because some of the articles on this site suggest reducing carbs by even half of what I was) , fats, etc. I’ve been doing 45 mins of cardio on an empty stomach 6 days a week & going crazy with weight training later in the day. I’ve isolated myself from my friends and family for the sake of achieving the "perfect" body and I just can’t afford to be without that support in my life.
Having said that, I still plan on continuing my workouts (though easing up on cardio a bit) & eating 6 times a day healthy and clean as possible, but I’m putting my scale & measuring equipment away. I’m not going to count my calories or carbs & I’m only going to weigh in once a week or once every two weeks to make sure I don’t put the weight I’ve worked so hard to take off right back on.
I realized this needed to happen when, despite my friends & family commenting on how fit & amazing I’ve been looking recently, I still looked in the mirror and saw the healthy body fat that remained over my muscles as a failure when compared to the %2 figure models I see on this site every day. I found myself trying cutting low-carb, almost starvation diets & then bingeing just like when I was in dance & I can’t go back down that road again. I’ve got to just eat & work out for my health, not my weight. This may mean that I won’t ever achieve less than the around %23 or 137lbs that I am now, but that’s just what it means then. Not that there’s ANYTHING wrong with achieving a perfect body or being such a low body fat %. I admire & give kudos to you all for working SO hard. I just have some issues that make this reality something that may just not be for me. I have to learn to like myself for me, not what I can make myself suffer enough to achieve. I love you all & will be checking in & updating periodically. Thank you again for all of your support.
