AndyaknowV’s BodyBlog

Well the weekend is over and it was pretty restful. Did some kettlebell exercises and some rope jumping and overall I cannot complain about the weekend. I am loving the working out and …..other aspects of my life: kids, job, school etc. But I feel like something is missing. I am not sure what it is and laying alone at night makes me think it is a man but then my freedoms make me think otherwise. I just feel as if I need someone to talk to. I used to have a very good bestfriend but then I ruined that by allowing a relationship to develop

 :-(

I think that a lot of my personal insecurities come from the fact that I am the one judging myself and I am wayyyy to harsh. I wish that I had my mom to talk to sometimes.

Sometimes it seems like u can have everything u have ever asked for and if u have no one to impress/make proud/share with then u have nothing at all. I am losing weight and getting stronger, faster, healthier everyday and I guess today is one of those days that it is bittersweet.

I was just thinking earlier today about my  2008 goals : getting my masters, matriculating into medical school, losing the fat and feeling confident enough to compete in a fitness competition next year….and then I think so what….who cares….other than me!!!   if I do those things…..Y not put it off until next year….Y do it at all. I remember how badly I want it everyday and all the things I am willing to sacrifice to attain my goals but then I question if those same things are willing to be sacrificed knowing that I am going it alone. I mean I was born alone and I will probably die alone (right?)but isnt the ultimate goal in life to live….live in harmony,,,,with thyself as well as others because technically I was born from someone….so not necessarily alone…..I mean I wasnt there by myself….lol! Who came up with that saying….because that is just dumb! U cant be born alone if u are born from someone…..even testtube babies are created from someone….but I guess that are not born so they dont count….ANYWAY!!!!!

Well, enough of that! I dont really feel any better nor any worse….

Tomorrow is a brand new day and I refuse to be alone amongst millions. I will be all that I am and know in my heart that there is someone who does care about that…dead (RIP mama!) or alive (Scooty booty).

V