First the judge asked us if our marriage is broken beyond repair. You should know that this is a "YES" or "NO" type of question. The Puerto Rican lady that went up before us answered "Kind Of....". She was deported.

The judge asked me if I was pregnant to which I casually replied, "NO, I am not pregnant." The line of questioning should have been dropped there, with MY answer, but instead she turned to my ex and asked, "Would you agree with her, that she is not pregnant, to the best of your knowledge?"

He started shifting nervously at the podium. His reply was playful, though markedly inappropriate, "She might be pregnant for all I know, but I am telling you right now if she is it's not mine. I am fixed!!"

Laughter erupted from the back of the courtroom and for a small second I felt like trailer trash, no better than the chicks on Maurie being read the results of the paternity tests, "HE IS NOT THE FATHER!!!"

I flipped him off in my head and called the judge a c*nt, smiling without further comment. She frowned disapprovingly and said, "I didn't ask you to elaborate Mr. Garibay. To the best of your knowledge will suffice."

His revision was a short, "No, she is not pregnant"

CONTINUED

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