AfteraDream’s blog

OK, I gained back the weight and I’m now back to where I started, at 54 kilos. Nice. I’ll keep gaining.

Found some good music for training - Rev Theory. Formerly known as Revelation theory. New album is great MY BDay is just round corner

I’m changing the direction of my life. I used to be a  guy with no goal, no drive, no real  passions in life. I had no real achievements just some successes. I can say I just slipped through life. Until some events in my life. I got a kick in the nuts. Big time. That’s when I realized why I wasn’t really happy in life and that I was living the wrong way. I was looking for something even without knowing. I tried a few hobbies. But lost interest after some time. I felt frustration rising…The last straw was almost a year ago… Since then I was trying my best to get to know myself, took up reading self-improvement books from great motivators and authors.

And looks like I found what I was looking for. One of the most important questions to ever bother my mind was - what’s the meaning of life??? And I read these words once: "Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of life is, he must rather recognize that it is he who i asked. In a word, each man is question by life. And he can only answer by answering for his own life. To life he can only respond by being responsible". It means that I am responsible for my own life. I create my own world, I decide what is the meaning of life. I create it and I have to fulfill my life.  The biggest secret of meaning of life is not something very complicated and hidden… it’s just the thing that you’ve got to realize that it all depends on you! It’s o simple that people (me included) don’t realize that for long time, if ever realize. Such a simple answer, but such a hard-to-find-one. Fulfillment comes from this, not from having a great girl with, bunch of money, a new shiny car and the the newest computer… No,those are secondary things. I want them too, like everybody else, but I won’t be fulfilled by them.
But I will be fulfilled by the journey. And the journey is striving to reach your dreams and goals. It’s the process of achieving and learning, improving itself.  For me the Ultimate goal is to become The Million Dollar Man.

The title sounds big. Sounds flashy. Sounds a bit superficial. But it’s not about million dollars…  I want to be somebody. I want to be special. I want people to say "He is something. He has something" or "He will be somebody, if he’s not already". Maybe you could call it a charm.. I want to develop myself. Improve myself and become this:

To have a million dollar body.

To have a million dollar mind.

To have a million dollar soul.

To have a million dollar bank account.
That’s my meaning of The Million Dollar Man. I wanna workout and get a body that looks worth a million (plus the health people get by training is priceless). I wanna become a great, smart, intelligent, cunning lawyer. And to be that you need to have great mind. Example, even though fictional comes to mind - Dr. House from the very popular show "House". He always fascinated my by his wit, ability to solve puzzles, knowledge and ability to use everything that happens to his benefit. The million dollar soul I want because I like helping people, I like reading inspirational books, learning and gaining wisdom. I will work and make myself a better man and others too. And finally, yes, I want a million dollars on my bank account. I want to have a great, successful, stable career which pays good and allows me to earn money, invest a lot of them (I like investing). Having that much of money, I will be able to get my family, myself out of the mediocrity, paycheck-to-paycheck living. I’m just sick and tired of that.

All of this I will achieve. I will have those by the time I’m 40. And that’s in 20 years time.

And if anyone else reads it, You must do it too. Decide what you want, dare to dream and take action. Don’t expect anyone else to make your life full and happy.
Adrian

Sometimes, people behave in a manner that appears strong, but when one considers the emotional motives and desires behind their actions, the person is revealed to be fundamentally weak. A good example is the use of violence. When someone engages in wanton violence, the pain he is capable of inflicting might fool one to conclude that the violent person is powerful. This is certainly not true, because the violent person is coming from a place of weakness. He engages in undue violence because he feels an emotional need to inflict pain, to prove himself significant or to establish dominance over others. All of these actions spring from a feeling of inadequacy; from a belief that one’s emotions depend on the impression left on others and one’s surroundings. Anyone who acts out of a feeling of inadequacy or emotional dependence is weak. He may have the power of force over others, but he is personally weak.

What defines strength? What kind of a person is strong? Strength is the ability to do things for one’s own reasons, and being able to hold oneself the highest judge for one’s actions.

A strong person has principles, he has a reason for living life and an understanding of how to live it. He adheres to the beliefs that give his life meaning, and lend definition to his existence. A strong person is driven by vision and self knowledge. He has a clear vision of the future and a knowledge of what he wants out of life. He lives up to his principles and defends them, even in the face of pain.

A strong person understands that life is a never- ending journey. He realizes that change is the only constant the external world has to offer, so he embraces and loves change and does not fear it.  A strong person feels internally fulfilled. He feels so because, while life may be ever changing, he takes responsibility for the present moment in time and realizes that he is complete as he is. He is responsible for his actions, his emotions and his future. He relies on nobody else to provide happiness, acceptance or validation for him. He does not rely on the world to provide the moments that make him happy, knowing that these moments depend on his personal perception.

While he knows that he will always evolve and improve further, he is always complete and whole in the present, and has to offer something to the world in his present state. His emotions do not hinge on the opinions of others, and he does not feel overly anxious of people’s opinions, because he has his own well developed values to answer to. He is the source of his own motivation, happiness and validation. He creates his circumstances. He knows what he has to offer to the world, and he knows that his contribution is valuable.

A strong person approaches the world in a manner of his choosing, which is adjustable to external circumstances but not determined by them. He looks for joy, happiness and beauty without, but he knows that everything he experiences is a matter of perception, and how he ultimately feels is largely determined by his inner attitude. He is complete. He has something to offer. The world is his to share with whom he chooses, however he chooses. He is not closed off to the outside world, and faces it with joy because he has an intimate knowledge of his being. He is in harmony with his inner attitude, and he is it’s loving guide.

Of course, physical strength is needed too, that’s one of the reasons why we are here, but in the end: "It’s not the size of a dog in a fight, it’s size of fight in the dog"…

Well, today I had another workout. I trained my back. Chest still a bit sore from yesterday.

Good news is  I have passed my last exam which  I thought I’d fail. So less work next year!
Ant the last but not least… I am thinking new goals or maybe old goals but different way. I’m starting a project soon. It will be called The Million Dollar Man Project.  I’ll update on it as soon as I’m finished going through my mind and knowing exactly what I want!

I Will!