Adina’s Cute & Perky Blog!

As I exited my car en route to the door at work yesterday morning, I knew something had gone awry.  You see, the back door was open.  I didn’t have to struggle to make it through the door with my gallon of water in one hand, cooler in the other, and my keys dangling from my teeth. It’s not pretty, but that’s how I roll.

My immediate thought was, “Oh, isn’t this nice?  Someone saw me coming, and they left the door open.  Yea for me!”

But as I got closer to the entrance, my nose started to tingle.  Then my eyes started to water.  And as I actually walked through the doorway, my thoughts changed to, “Good, Lord, who did that?”

It was the worst smell I have EVER smelled.  And I live with two pre-pubescent boys. I know bad smells when I smell them.  I am accustomed, if not numbed, to them by this point in my life.

When do boys start caring about hygiene?  Because apparently it’s not 12 nor is it at 15.

Yet, this smell was worse.  And we could not find the source.  It permeated the air coming from every vent.  And eventually we gave up trying to find the source.

We even got used to it after a while. 

But from time to time someone would come in from the outside world and remind us, “What is wrong in here?”

Or we would decide it wasn’t so bad, until we went outside to breathe the clean air and the smell of walking back inside would all but knock us down.

But over and over, we got used to the pungency that was our work area.

And then the thought occurred, “Do I really need to get used to a smell this bad?  Can it possibly be good for me to breath in air that foul for that many hours?”

I mean it’s OK at home, I can send the boys to the other room.  Here, it was inescapable.

So we searched yet again.  And one of my coworkers found some chemicals had spilled.  And while they had been wiped up, no one had lifted the door mat.  And the chemicals had sealed the mat to the floor.  And we all took turns trying to pry that sucker up.  And when we did manage to get it up, we let out a collective, “OHHHHH!”

Where a once clean spot of floor had been was now a yellow, gelatinous, disgustingly smelly pile of…..well…..stinky gooey stuff.

But once we found it, we could fix it.

And isn’t losing weight this way?

It stinks to be overweight.  Yet we sit in it long enough, and we don’t notice it anymore. 

We don’t notice till we are reminded of the smell when we can’t sit in a booth.  Can’t cross our legs.  Can’t play with our kids.  Can’t walk up a flight of stairs without feeling like a triple bypass can’t be too far away.

Don’t let yourself forget that it stinks.  Because once you forget, you become content.  Content to stay where you just don’t need to be.  Where it can’t be good for you.

Once we found the root of the problem, we cleaned it up.  And we were able to enjoy the rest of our day.  In fact, the afternoon was more enjoyable because we just appreciated the good, clean, breathable air.

Remind yourself that it stinks to be overweight and do something to get to some good, clean, breathable air into those lungs.

So I got stuck at my desk yesterday as meal number three was quickly approaching.  Meal number three being 1 ½ scoops of ISS Whey Power and 1 slice of Ezekiel Bread.

No matter what, I could not seem to break away from my desk.

Now, I know you all think I am Ms. Susie Sunshine, and, well, OK, I am…but there are some things I can get down right fanatical about.  One of those things being my diet.  Unless it has been designated as a cheat day far in advance by me, I don’t cheat.  I simply don’t allow it.  You see, I keep a running list of things I have to look my best for.  I always keep looking to the next big thing.  It keeps me clean!

While waiting for an answer yesterday, I come to the realization that I am going to be on hold for quite some time. And that this will push me past my three hour max.  I always start the next meal within three hours of the last.  But, all is not lost as I spy my DRY whey powder in the corner.

Being as I am tough as nails in the diet department (slash anal retentive), I think to myself, “What can it hurt?”

I take a small spoonful of the dry powder.  And you may not know this, but you take one small spoonful of ISS Chocolate Whey, and it makes a tootsie roll in your very mouth!  On the spot, y’all.  I made a Tootsie Roll!

So I say to myself while still on hold, “That was fun!”  And shouldn’t my food be fun?  People ask me that ALL the time, and I was thinking, “Herein lies the answer!”

So, STILL on hold, I decide to make another Tootsie Roll in one of those “Yea for me” moments I have so many of throughout my day!  I love this creativity thing I’ve got going on.  It’s kind of like making those recipes with Jelly Belly Jelly Beans.  Like Banana with Chocolate would make a chocolate covered banana…

But tragedy strikes.  Failing to account for the chocolaty remnants of goodness in my mouth from the first bite, the second bite didn’t make so much a Tootsie Roll as a small wad of gelatinous goo.

And at this point my thoughts become, “I hope nobody comes by.”  Because if I were to smile, each individual tooth is now coated in the chocolate concoction I have created in my mouth.  So, essentially I have created Whey Bubba Teeth.

And you would think that I wouldn’t try again…unless you REALLY know me, then you’re not surprised one bit that I go back for round three!  Tootsie Roll.  Bubba Teeth.  What was next?!

By the third bite, the remnants of the tootsie roll and the gelatinous goo join forces with the fresh powder I had thrown in the mix…and created a, well, let’s call it cement, so strong that not even the jaws of life could extract my bottom jaw from my top.

And, of course, at precisely this moment, the hold music that had been mindlessly drumming in my head stops, and I hear the voice I had been awaiting utter the magic phrase, “Can I help you?”

To which I reply, “Yeaoh alkt toiuer thoei.”

Which of course, she doesn’t understand.  She doesn’t speak stupid.  “Please speak up, I’m having trouble understanding you.”

Speak up?  Now there’s a phrase I don’t hear very often, I can assure you!  She didn’t know I WAS speaking up.  I was just speaking inside my mouth!

And in the end, I hung up.  Even if she does have Caller ID, she won’t know my extension!

But cheating on a diet is like this.  If I had stopped at one bite, I would have been left with the deliriously happy thought that one small bite of ISS Chocolate Whey = Tootsie Roll!  And that would have been enough.  I would eventually get to the break room.  And it would indeed have been enough to tide me over.

Just like that one bite of the cake you eat to “keep you from craving it all day” becomes a half slice.  Which becomes a whole slice.  When in reality, one bite would have killed the craving.

Stop at one bite, tootsie roll.  Keep going, cement.

Stop at one bite of what you are craving, or keep going and let it get out of control.

I choose the tootsie roll!